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Soulstarr
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Posted: Thursday June 7th, 2007 15:51 |
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The Scenario:
You work in a school with a tyrant for a head master you've never had an issue with him before but you know exactly what he's all about. He's the kind of person that everyone else tip toes around and most people just accept that he is the way he is so they take what he says with a pinch of salt. He's your typical white upper middle clases stiff upper lip type.
Then one day, he disrespects you. not only in front of a collegue, but in front of a considerabe amount of the children that you work with. You're made toi feel as if you yourself are one of these children.
What would you do? Would you say something or not? if you did say something, what would you do?
MODS: no need to put this in the advice section, I've already made my decision! Just wanted to know what the village thought. I've had a mixed reaction from others so far!
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Dada
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Posted: Thursday June 7th, 2007 16:31 |
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Buy this book, read it and pass it on to the person concerned:
Click on link:
Last edited on Thursday June 7th, 2007 16:35 by Dada
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Prince Hakeem
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Posted: Thursday June 7th, 2007 17:15 |
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| I'd pay a few of the kids to light stink bombs in his office.
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Kunjufu
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Posted: Thursday June 7th, 2007 17:34 |
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Soulstarr: honestly....
I'd consider logging/recording the incident with my union.
I'd ask to meet with him privately..you let him know that you felt underminded and deskilled by his actions... you inform him that you would appreciate it very much that if in future he has any concerns, that his addresses them in the appropriate time and place..
Now for effect you could let him know that you dis seek sought from the union on this matter, and then choose to deal with it informally.. [warning this will come across as an implied threat and you will get his back up, so this is a bit is risky to put it mildly, my advice don't unless necessary]
However if he is a bright man, he will get the gist of your actions without having to tell him that you sought advice on the matter... I would also stress that you do not seek an apology from him, nor do you seek any form of contrition from the man.. just tell him the facts of how you feel and then leave it... Whether he acknowledges his wrong doings or not is not important..what is important is that you mark his cards for the future...trust me he will get the point...
Ps...when or if you confront him.....be calm...be polite but be firm in your belief and how you express yourself...and dn't be diverted from your central point his behaviour towards you...
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Miss Nellia
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Posted: Thursday June 7th, 2007 17:55 |
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We have one too, and touch wood I haven’t felt his wrath yet, and hopefully never will. My tactic in this situation would be to make it known that I am nobody's piece of crap and ask to speak to him privately.
If he is anything like my HT he will take offence and then proceed to make your life a living hell till you have to leave. Covers after covers and so on.
Remember that depending on what you teach, teachers are in short supply, you can just about go to most schools (esp inner city schools) and command a high MPS salary these days. So don’t let anyone on a power trip be little you IN FRONT of students of all people, coz once they see you disrespected like that, they will then have none for you.
Snap it in the bud now.
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Apedemak
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Posted: Thursday June 7th, 2007 18:23 |
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Paint stripper works wonders on cars, thing is it eats into the bodywork after stripping the paint itself so you have to replace the whole panel. Have seen the stuff almost eat through the bonet of a merc.
Amazing stuff. 
KF has the right idea though.
Peace
A
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Soulstarr
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Posted: Thursday June 7th, 2007 19:05 |
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Princey and Makky: I know you two were a couple of bad breeds when you were at school!
Miss Nelia: Here';s the thing- I'm not yet a teacher, I'm an LSA and I truely believe that he would not have spoken to me in the way that he did if I WAS treaching staff. But you know us LSA's are at the bottom of the food chain so some of the teachers really to act as if you're one of the kids which is exactly what this idiot did.
K: I did pretty much what you said but in letter form. I'm someone who can articulate themselves much better if they write things down or i tend to forget what I really wanted to say. Plus that way, I've covered myself incase there is any kind of backlash so anyone can see that I was clear yet courteous. Since i'm planning to leave at the end of the term, as are most LSA's, one of my work friends said thaat I should leave it, another said i should "take it with a pinch of salt". I just COULDN'T! I know it would burn my heard till my dying day if I let it slide. I'm not even lookin apology from the uptight git and I stated as much in my letter, but i'll be damned if i let anyone thing that they can talk to me the way he did and think that i'm gonna just acccept it. I acknowledge that I was in the wrong, but it was also an extremely trivial situation so he did not need to react the way he did regardless!
I'll post up a copy of the letter in a second...
Last edited on Thursday June 7th, 2007 19:09 by Soulstarr
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Soulstarr
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Posted: Thursday June 7th, 2007 19:16 |
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"Dear Mr **********,
I am writing to you because I would like to address the way in which you spoke to me on the morning of Wednesday 6th of June. Whilst I appreciate that as a member of staff, it is my responsibility to have my card with me at all times in order to gain access into and around the school building, I was unhappy at the manner in which you approached me about not having it. As a member of staff, it was demeaning to be spoken to in this manner, especially in the presence of pupils, one of which was standing directly beside me at the time. I felt that I was being scolded as if I were one of the children, which you can imagine is not an ideal position to be put in, especially when so many of the children were witness to this. I would appreciate being taken to one side and spoken to discreetly, should I make any further mistakes.
Please be aware that this is not a call for an apology of any sort and I would hate for there to be any contention between us so no ill feeling is intended, but I am a firm believer in clear and open working relationships so I felt it necessary to be honest and air my feelings on the situation."
Thats what I wrote. It then goes on to say that I am withdrawing my GTP application at the school. I'm not withdrawing it just because of this- there are a lot of other reasons why but that really was the icing on the cake for me! I believe that eveything happens for a reason and considering that I FOUND THE STUPID ID CARD IN MY BAG AT THE END OF THE DAY, I'm sure that was my sign that it's not the right school for me regardless of how much I love the kids that I mentor.
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Madam Butterfly
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Posted: Thursday June 7th, 2007 22:18 |
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SoulStarr, i can both sympathise and empathise with being undermined in front of the students. On my first PGCE placement, i head the b**ch from hell as my teacher/mentor (and i use the term mentor extremely loosely) who would constantly undermine me in front of the children (just one of many of her spiteful tricks) One time she did it in front of her daughter (whom i had to teach). I just acted in a completly proffessional manner towards her and just walked out. I remained as civil as proffessionalism would allow but that was all.
I did not have to tell her she was out of order because she damn well knew. Even she acknowledged that she had crossed a line, and while no more was said about it she proceeded to walk on eggshells aound me for a week!! (God bless my south london stone face lol)
In my opinion, she was just waiting for me to blow so i could fail my whole course. But since my final grade was not based on that placement anyway, i was not about to give her the satisfaction. Plus she was on close and personal terms with my course leader. She would be all sweetness and light with everyone else, so i looked like i was over reacting or exaggerating when i told anybody what she was doing.
In the end she kept going on about how proffssional i was. Joker.
That being said, i feel you handled your situation in the right way. Please let us know of the outcome. (If any!!) Your head sems like the type who never acknowledges any wrong doing on his part as he has got away wih his BS for so long. But since you only have six weeks left anyway, just avoid the dude and ride it out.
Makes me really appreciate where i am working now.
It's funny, on my course my course leader said that people who work in primary schools are very rarely nasty. But i only really find it true of those who work in KS1 (infants) (But i think you are in secondary)
Just read the TES website, you will soon find out that some poor folks work for some real tyrants.
Good luck with the rest of your career, and may you find a school/head like mine!!
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Soulstarr
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Posted: Thursday June 7th, 2007 23:05 |
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Dada wrote:
Buy this book, read it and pass it on to the person concerned:
Click on link:
I like the look of this book Dada! might have to invest in a copy!
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Pele
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Posted: Friday June 8th, 2007 02:13 |
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Good for you, one valuable lesson is not to take sh*t like that...Never. He must live in a superficial pretense with no tangible substance life. I tell you this, U took the right course, but for me I would have went where earth meets heavens to give a reply he will ever regret he spoke to me like that....
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lilthuggy
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Posted: Friday June 8th, 2007 09:08 |
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People who speak to others in this way are lacking in some way. They feel the need to talk down to others to feel better about themselves.
I think you did the right thing. Unless people make a stand and let others know that what they did is wrong, then they will continue to behave in that way.
Last edited on Friday June 8th, 2007 09:08 by lilthuggy
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Oblivion
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Posted: Friday June 8th, 2007 09:57 |
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The solution is simple!
Just pour 200ml of laxatives in his tea - 5 minutes before he is going to do a presentation in morning assembly.
Warning - stand back at least 10 meters - results may cause instant explosions.
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Peacemaker
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Posted: Friday June 8th, 2007 14:35 |
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Soulstarr wrote: The Scenario:
You work in a school with a tyrant for a head master you've never had an issue with him before but you know exactly what he's all about. He's the kind of person that everyone else tip toes around and most people just accept that he is the way he is so they take what he says with a pinch of salt. He's your typical white upper middle clases stiff upper lip type.
Then one day, he disrespects you. not only in front of a collegue, but in front of a considerabe amount of the children that you work with. You're made toi feel as if you yourself are one of these children.
What would you do? Would you say something or not? if you did say something, what would you do?
MODS: no need to put this in the advice section, I've already made my decision! Just wanted to know what the village thought. I've had a mixed reaction from others so far!
What exactly did he say to you? I'm only seeing one side of the story here. Just because you say he was in the wrong doesn't mean he actually was.
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Soulstarr
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Posted: Friday June 8th, 2007 21:53 |
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Peacemaker wrote: Soulstarr wrote:
What exactly did he say to you? I'm only seeing one side of the story here. Just because you say he was in the wrong doesn't mean he actually was.
I "forgot" my card. In order to get the main doors to open, I need to swipe. If I dn't have it then someone need's to open it from the inside. A collegue saw me trying to get into the building so she went to open the door he stopped her, stormed over and in front of both this collegue and a bunch of kids, raised his voice at he when asking where my card was. When I told him I had left it at home, he said "oh for goodness sake", b4 stepping aside to let me into the building. He was visibly angry and used the exact same tone on me as he uses on the children.
The key here is the fact that he raised his voice to me. He was in the wrong from the second he decided to do that. He needs to learn to differenciate teacher mode from manager mode.
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Miss Nellia
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Posted: Friday June 8th, 2007 22:13 |
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Soulstarr wrote:
Miss Nelia: Here';s the thing- I'm not yet a teacher, I'm an LSA and I truely believe that he would not have spoken to me in the way that he did if I WAS treaching staff. But you know us LSA's are at the bottom of the food chain so some of the teachers really to act as if you're one of the kids which is exactly what this idiot did.
I actually don't care if you were grounds keeper willy, he had no right addressing another member of staff like that. It makes me angry only because I see it happen to staff everyday. You deserve better. We have that swipe card thing at our school as well.
I also read your letter. Though I would have ended before the last paragraph it is fine. Best of luck in your GTP placement. Find a good school and a HT that is not earning 100k and on a serious power trip, like alot are.
Last edited on Friday June 8th, 2007 22:14 by Miss Nellia
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Miss Nellia
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Posted: Friday June 8th, 2007 22:19 |
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Madam Butterfly wrote:
I did not have to tell her she was out of order because she damn well knew. Even she acknowledged that she had crossed a line, and while no more was said about it she proceeded to walk on eggshells aound me for a week!! (God bless my south london stone face lol)
LMAOOOOOO I have the same stone face that just tells these MFs to back up and don't even try it (especially senior teachers), dont even have to open my mouth to say a word. 
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Maat
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Posted: Friday June 8th, 2007 23:27 |
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 I like the way you put your letter and am so glad you did do it in writing.
I don't think I would have accepted what he did and I would have probably wanted to pull him to one side. It's hard keeping your cool when people do it so casually. Although sometimes you have to us the tools that are in place and keep it formal just incase.
A similar situation to this happened to one of my team in my previous job. My manager and her manger were asking him for something but were calling it by the wrong name (can't remember what it was). He didn't know what they were talking about but instead of saying so he was just quiet which irritated the two bossess. They then apparently started shouting at him and asking for this same wrong thing like he was stupid and he just sat there and took it!!
I only knew of it because other senior staff were disturbed by the way the managers treated him - in front of the public aswell. Alright the guy was a passive one but it sounds like they humiliated him that day.
Anyway I took the right opportunity to address it with my boss which ended up being over email! It turned out to be a bit of a battle because she didn't think it was my place to say that the way they treated him was disturbing. Maybe so but it was one I wasn't going to let go unnoticed. I wasn't rude I just made her aware that he wasn't happy about it and neither were the others that saw it.
You guys are right too much of this goes on. Some managers really need to go back and learn how to actually deal with PEOPLE.
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Soulstarr
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Posted: Monday June 11th, 2007 17:36 |
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Just to update you all, the git wrote back.
I won't bore you with the entire letter but his opening line was "I believe that I spoke to you entriely appropriately...".
He basically refuses any acknowledgement of his attitude towards me and even has the audasity to deny that that anyone else- adult or child- was present! He then goes on to blame the whole thing on me for forgeting my card and blah blah blahdy blah. And I know that I should have had my acess card. I get that. But for goodness sake, I'm human. It's not like I have a track record in forgetting my card and it's not like he's never forgotten anything in his life.
KMT- I'm so glad I only have 6 weeks left at that place!
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blessingfromgod
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Posted: Monday June 11th, 2007 17:47 |
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"refuses any acknowledgement of his attitude towards me and even has the audasity to deny that that anyone else- adult or child- was present!" Sounds like you're lucky to be leaving for real - he sounds schitzo (sp) [no offence to any one]
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Kunjufu
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Posted: Monday June 11th, 2007 17:57 |
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SoulStarr: honestly I'd be tempted to respond to his letter, and if i may this time make business like and leave out some of the other personal comments....
I would thank him for his reply and then add that you wish to clarify a few points as a matter of record.
In order..
1. I would point out that whilst you acknowledge his belief in the way he acted, you like to point out that as the recipient of that action, his actions made you feel uncomfortable and were undermining as it took place in front of others.
2. Whilst you acknowledge that you did not have your card on that day, you would like to highlight that forgetting your card is not something has occured consistently, and as such being verbally reprimanded in front of others, you felt was not an appropriate or reasonable response, regardless of he percieved the events of that day.
3. Finally the whole purpose of yourwritten response is to try aviod unecessary conflict in front of the pupils, and as such you wanted to advise him in the unlikely event of any future queries, how you prefered to be approached..
I would this time CC to my union that way he cannot spin the events as a capability issue on your part.
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Soulstarr
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Posted: Monday June 11th, 2007 18:15 |
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I'm tempted kunjufu. Believe me i'm tempted and if I were teaching staff or even planning to stay on at the school for the next time then without a shadow of a doubt, I would. But at this point i'm satisfied that regardless of however much he may want to gloss over the facts and deny whatever, he knows that I am not someone who will accept being spoken to that way and i leave the school with my dignity and pride in tact.
Also... don't think there IS a union for Learning Support Assistants.... I wonder who I would go to if i was planning to take it further...
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Miss Nellia
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Posted: Monday June 11th, 2007 18:32 |
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Soulstarr wrote:
Also... don't think there IS a union for Learning Support Assistants.... I wonder who I would go to if i was planning to take it further...
I'm sure some of our LSA's and TA's are with the NUT. But I will check it out for you tomorrow at work, you could go on the website, but I would rather speak to my friend at work who is a LSA and get first hand advice.
As for your boss I'm afraid two words come to mind for him and the second word is head.
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