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Aryek wrote:Perhaps because we are not white and therefore do not care what kind of white woman white men prefer.  But if you've ever been close to white girls, you'd know that many of them complain about there being too many blonds on t.v.  And a lot will talk about how stupid blond women are.   

Also perhaps the problem could be that no matter what hair colour the white woman has, she's still fully white.  While many of these lightskinned women are mixed and as much as people like to talk about how black, mixed people are, the fact still stands that many of them are not fully black.  This is where the problem essentially lies not so much with the skin colour, but the fact that the person is mixed with another race.  If Alicia Keys did not have a white mother, I bet people wouldn't give you a hard time for calling her your image of perfection.

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@Aryek

Agreed. Also another difference with white woman is that most white women know white men prefer a certain hair color and they can easily change their hair color in accordance to what is seen as the most desirable. How many white woman do you see walking around with dyed blond hair? Other than dangerous bleaching creams, black woman cannot lighten their skin nor can they make their hair softer and/or longer to appease black men or to transform themselves into what is considered beautiful by the black community. And even if they did try, they are condemned as "self haters" by black men and women. Even Fredblack a while back pointed out this hyprocrisy, how we as a black race will condemn women for frying/dying their hair, lightening skin, and all the while be worshipping women who look almost nothing like the woman we are condeming. So yes this is different from white men preffering blonds or redheads, for black woman, unless born with these attributes, are some of the only woman who are held to beauty standards nearly impossible to achieve.

But pertaining to the questions, do I think that have preferences for skins tones been tied to styles and trends? To that i answer, yes. To give an example, today you will see many woman walking around who will only date dark skinned men, or who love "chocolate men" but funny thing about it is that,some years back, this wasnt the case in fact it was the exact opposite . In the US before actors like Wesley Snipes came out, it was all about light skinned men, and they were as much in style as mixed woman are today.  Even My aunt and Uncles used to talk about how dark skinned brothas back in their day werent as appreciated as light skinned men, and remark on how this seems to be some sort of trend. Listen to Kanye West's lyrics when he says: " Im a gonna get on the tv momma, Imma, Imma break sh*t dowwwn, Imma, make sure the light skin ni**as never ever ever come back in style" I was reading an article in Essence magazing a while back where a dark skinned man talks about the difficulties of growing up with his skin tone. He talks about how he was made fun of and how he could only date certain woman because  many sistas wouldnt go for him because he was too dark. He even went as far as purchasing and applying skin bleaching creams(This is the reason why I think posters are full of crap when they say only men have perputrated colorism in our community)But if you look around today a see how chocolate men are drooled over, you would never even have known that dark skinned men at one point in time were pushed to the side(and to some extend still are today) One of the main reason why dark skinned men are so appreciated today is because of their recent promotion in the media. This is why I laugh at dark skinned brothas who think their the sh*t who know this and comment on this with pride, who dont realize that simply "being in style" is a bit of an insult. 

 And to add to that, just the other day there was a light skinned woman on Tyra's show who was talking about why she didnt like her current boyfriend. One of the reasons she mentioned was because she preffered dark skinned men as they were "more manly" while her boyfriend was light skinned and more or less the pretty type. I not even going to mention the fact that her boyfriend was no where near the pretty type, but come on. It was obvious this woman equated "dark skin" with masculinity and "light skin" with being pretty. And to that i say WTF? Are light skinned men supposed to be more feminine than dark men? So going by that reasoning, are woman who are dark skinned supposed to be more masculine than light skinned woman and in essence less prettier? The black community blasts men who prefer mixed or light skinned woman, but prefering someone who is darker for the same wrong reasons is supposed to be ok?

Now while i may be suspicious of preferences in general I must say I do not find anything wrong with those who simply have a preference for those of their own skin tone. There are light skinned folks who prefer other light skinned people and dark and brown skinned who prefer mates their own skin tone, so cant honestly say this is irrational. Only when we have dark skinned women sleeping with men so they can have a light baby or dark men going for woman simply because their mixed with this or that, is there a serious problem. Never should you date anyone else simply because of your own insecurities. For its not the fact that anyone has preferences, its reasons behind these preferences that is often times wrong. 

  But besides that, everyone want to keep going back to slavery as the origins of this dilemma which is to some extent true, but seriously I doubt that preferences for certain skin tones or racial mixes would be so prevalent if this image was not promoted in the black community, especially in Rap/R&B videos. Look on black entertainment, movies, magazines etc, what is most common type of black couple we will see?  An ebony black male with a pretty most likely mixed race black woman and if not mixed race, then she will definetely be light.  On tv if they ever show interacial relationships we will more or less see a black male with a woman of a different race more so than a black woman(and even if we do, more often this relationship is merely on a sexual level, but that is another matter i will not get into). Not only does give the message that the 'ideal" black couple as only being a dark male with a light female but in many ways our community encourage black males to go for these type of woman. In alot music videos we see alot women  who are are not even black, but rather hispanic or some mystery race girl.  Not only Black woman are forced to look at music videos and see black men openly worship, show off some woman of a different race, but black men get the idea that top notch females are only these type of woman. Today i think that it is little wonder that many black males are going for woman of different races, or woman whose racial background is not fully black because this is the image of beauty embedded in their minds. Because looking at black entertainment and music its obvious to they are told, "this is what you should think is beautiful" and many men follow suit.  For we must not forget that men will not just date a woman simply because shes pretty, they must go for woman who other men find attractive and desire, all  to satisfy their male ego.

And I think that in many respects we must analyze this uniformity view of beauty we have, that is a part of our western culture as a whole. Why do so many men only go for a certain type of woman? Is it because these woman are really the most beautiful, or is it in part because they must have what others will see as attractive?? As for woman preffering a certain type of man, I think this is true to an extent but the beauty standard were never as strict for men. 
 


 

Last edited on Sunday June 18th, 2006 01:56 by liberiangirl

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Last edited on Sunday June 18th, 2006 04:30 by Aryek

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I've also known light skinned men who only date dark skinned women. Sometimes it's just a straight up preference(which is cool), sometimes it's with an agenda. I knew a light skinned dude that was on this Pro Black/NOI/5 Percent discovery, and all he would date is the most chocolate sisters, felt their African blood was "pure" less tampered with by cracker blood....blah blah blah, wanted his children to be darker etc... Actually, I find that as offensive as dark skinned bros who date light skinned sister because of an agenda. The kind that want light skinned sisters to serve as a substitute for white women, or who go on and on about their light skin and having other than Black blood. I know light skinned sisters who are intelligent enough to send those fools packin,lol,too. Being someon'es fetish/psychological hangup is definitely not cool.

And as for me skin tone preferences have always been irrelevant to me. Growing up in a 95% white neighborhood I was never really exposed to the issues of colorism in the black community. When I was a little girl I remember being playmates with this ebony dark girl in my neighborhood. I remember thinking how rich and pretty her skin was and believe it or not, I was actually jealous of this girl. Being a plain brown I remember wanting skin that was as smooth and pretty as hers. So it amazed me when I heard celebrities like Gabrielle Union and black woman talk about how growing up they wanted to look like video girls, because when I was a girl thoughts like that never crossed my mind, in fact it was the exact opposite. Even the times when I thought I wasn't pretty, it was never because I thought I was too dark, LOL.   It was only in my late teens when I was exposed to more black folks and going to black sites and forums was I ever truly aware of just how deep the skin issues in our community were. Hell, I never really watched rap and r&b videos all that much and even when I did, I never noticed how all the woman have a certain look until black females I knew pointed it out.  So in many ways I am grateful I grew up in a household where those issues were irrelavent, where my parent didn't make ignorant comments, because whenever my aunt tells of the treatment her darker sisters received from their own grandmother, I can only imagine.

Honey, don't even get me started on the preferential treatment, or opposite thereof, that goes on WITHIN  Black families around light skin/dark skin. I've seen it with my own eyes. Thankfully, my parents never promoted that foolishness, but I saw/see it in other parts of my extended family. Malcolm X talks about in his Autobiography how he believes that his dark skinned Garveyite father, never physically disciplined him as harshly as  he did his darker skinned siblings, BECAUSE of his light skin tone....ain't that some sh*t? Mental illness, I tell u.....

So I think I owe it to my upbringing as to the reasons why I even today I have never had any skin tone preferences. Light, brown or dark, good looking is good looking to me.  I have dated all kinds of men and it puzzles me how some people can only go for a certain type because by limiting yourself like that, I honestly think those are the ones who are missing out. 

I concur wholeheartedly.


 

Last edited on Monday June 19th, 2006 15:13 by Gmahogany

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