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Posted: Monday January 26th, 2004 07:26 |
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two years ago i was a foolish 15 year old who thought her new boyfriend was the sweetest meat and had the best social life.
one day me and this boy had a argument and i walked off not fimiliar with were i was i saw one of his friends and approached him crying and cussing , i went back to his flat and blazed a zote or 2 before i knew it dere were six boys in the room and i was gettin f**ked one after the other i said no but they carried on after they just sat done offered me a zote and played PS2.
as i was leaving the friend approached me again and said "we know where you live and we will hurt you and your family"
i told the boy i was seein and said i was just a f**king junge who deserved it if they had got so far. he said "no ones gonna belive you they've all got wifeys, no one believes black boys rape"
i was devastated and fell into depression for 2 yrs
now i have started seein someone who is serious about our relationship and i love him, should i tell him or is it true "wat he doesn't no wont hurt him"???????????
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Latisha_B
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Posted: Monday January 26th, 2004 15:08 |
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4 real gurl? damn u should have reported it 2yrs ago because of all the evidence like DNA might of been there, u must have been through a hard tyme and u need 2 tell ur boyfriend if he cares enough about u he wont leave u he will support u, and be there 4 u.
i hope dat u feelin betta now and i hope dat dem bres dat dis dat 2 u will get wots cumin 2 dem standards
just wanna ask wen dey were rapin u did u say neting, did u say no?
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Mr Blue
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Posted: Monday January 26th, 2004 17:34 |
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You have to judge when to tell you partner a thing like this has happen to you ,of couse everyone will tell you what to do , but if you judge it wrong it will break up your relationship with your love one
I think enjoy your relationship now , it may last a few months ,may be a few years , If you are going to have children or going to get married , find a way of testing the water to find out how he will react ,
If by telling him - you think it will inprove things ,then do so ,but it's at a risk ,you never know how he will react , he may look at you as damage goods
But this is eating away at you - Go down to your local hospital and ask them if you can get counceling or ask your own doctor ,
I don't think you should tell anyone close to ,not untill you can realy trust them , but you need to talk to some one or a special group of people who has had similar exprience to ease the pain .
Try to achive the best you can in life , the pain will allways be there , try to put it aside and be as happy as you can ,if you can achive this by not telling anyone close to you - for fear of how they will judge you -then don't tell them -
Good Luck - Mr Blue
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no name
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Posted: Monday January 26th, 2004 17:53 |
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to latisha_b i did say no but they carried on and i was so scared so i kept quiet like it was not happenin. i wanted to cry but the tears would'nt come out and i wanted to fight but 7 big boys to one little gal i knew they would hurt me more then they already have.
i didn't report this because i was scared of everything they could of done and the people it would of hurt around me. i thought things like this dont happen in south london especially to black girls but i was wrong.
to latisha_B & mr. blue thanks for your support i does mean alot.
I JUST WANT TO ADD TO ALL GIRLS OUT THERE, DONT BE FOOLED BY SWEET BOY LOOKS AND CHARMS COS THEY WILL HURT YOU LIKE THEY HURT ME, IF ANYONE HAS BEEN RAPED THEN PLZ BE STRONGER THAN ME AND APPROACH THE POLICE I DO REGRET NOT GOIN TO THEM EVERYDAY. IT WILL WORK OUT BETTER IN THE LONG RUN.
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Latisha_B
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Posted: Tuesday January 27th, 2004 00:12 |
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No probs gurl! i hope dat dis makes u and ur man closer
gud luck in ya relationship
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gazell
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Posted: Wednesday January 28th, 2004 19:32 |
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| I DONT NO WHAT U MEAN BY SAYIN I DIDNT THINK THIS HAPPENED IN SOUTH LONDON AND TO BLACK GIRLS IT HAPPENS ALL OVA THE WORLD TO EVERY RACE. ITS SHOCKIN TO HEAR THAT MEN CAN GO SO DAMN LOW MEN THAT HURT WOMEN R SCUM BUT I PERSONALLY THINK U SHOULD TELL YOUR PARTNER ITS NOTHING TO B ASHAMED OF THERES NOTHING U COULD HAVE DONE LIKE U SAID 7 BOYS N JUS U BUT NOW YOU'VE FOUND SOMEONE YOU LOVE ITS BEST TO GET EVERYTHING OF YOUR CHEST STAY SAFE YEAH BLESS X
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nubiaprincess
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Posted: Wednesday January 28th, 2004 20:06 |
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@no name
I really feel you should get some professional help,.... a counsellor who u can get talk 2 properly,...... the pain has'nt healed yet,...and if u was my daughter i would of liked you to come to me and tell me.
Right now u could do with a big cuddle,...bur unfortunately i don't know u.
I really hope u and ur boyfriend r happy and u can talk 2 him about this,....it won't be easy,... coz it's like relivin the ordeal all over again,...but it will be worth it.
take it easy and take care.
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NaughtyAngel7
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Posted: Tuesday February 3rd, 2004 01:37 |
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on a level to be honest i really think you should talk to someone because i have been in a similar situation and talking about it helped me alot. Trust me as you get older the things you try to block out will come back to haunt you. I was fortunate and i took the person to court and now they are in prison and sometimes it does play on mind.
I'm not gonna lie to you it does have an huge effect on ur future relationshsips and the only thing i can say is only tell ur partner if you feel you can really trust him. I told my ex-boyfriend who i was with for two years and it helped the relationship alot coz it helped him to understand me better. I believe that you should only tell ur partner if ur strong enough to face the consequences good or bad...
Good luck girl and i pray that it you will become a stong person because of your ordeal.........
Peace and love
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NaughtyAngel7
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Posted: Tuesday February 3rd, 2004 01:39 |
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| Personally talking about my ordeal made me mentally,emotionally and physically stronger... I hope you can do the same
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locsgirl
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Posted: Tuesday February 3rd, 2004 04:10 |
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@no name
I was horrified to read about your Terrible ordeal. My heart went out to you.
You have already been given some good advice by other posters. All I can add is please do get some professional help. I have counselled lots of women who have been through similar traumas as you have. It really does help to talk to someone who has been trained in dealing with cases like yours.
With counselling there is a process that enables you to open up in a way that people dont with friends and family. I would suggest strongly that talk to a counseller before you share this load with your boyfriend. Until you have dealt with this ordeal in the right way, you cant really judge if its right to tell him or not. There will be issues for you to deal with that you will have to talk out with your counseller first.
I have known some women be supported by a partner, and some have been sadly rejected. It would be a terrible thing if he rejected you, because that will cause you even more pain. Why should you have to experience any more than you already have?
Bless you no name. I hope and pray that you reach out and ask for help from the right people.
@All
I strongly urge any woman who is abused in this way to go to the police and report it. Even if you or your family are threatened as no-name was, it is highly unlikely that this threat will be carried out once the police have intervened.
A while ago a young woman came to see me who had recently been raped in a public convenience in town in the middle of the day. She refused to tell the police despite me pleading with her to. She is now pregnant as a result of the rape. She is now facing the added ordeal of a termination. A few weeks later a 13 year old girl was found raped and murdered in a bin at the back of a pizza restaurant. Yeah somebodys baby....
I have the strongest feeling that this was the same man who raped my client.
If you report these despicable assaults you may well be saving somebody else from something much worse!
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Fredblack
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Posted: Tuesday February 3rd, 2004 04:47 |
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@No name, not sure how to respond when I read stuff like that happening to one so young. But please seriously consider what Locsgirl and I hope others may say. Sis you need to speak to somone, prefably mature adults who know how to deal or respond to this nastiness.
Let me say something as a man, that you do yourself no good or your boyfriend who I suggest it is both unfair to him and simply too young to take on that kind of stuff. Having gone out with a woman with abuse issues, I would not wish it on someone unknowingly, if you really care for them now or in the future. That person is going to need help to help you and only you can start that process by talking to someone.
About the criminals in question, that is a policing and protection issues. My blood boils to know those who get away this type of thing, will do it again as there is no sanction, or anything to stop them and might even think they are cool or hard, to be able to use force to take what they want regardless of the human consequences.
These guys need to be brought to justice extremely hard. A rapist does not advertise his mentality or sickness until it is too late.
You have been extremely brave, along with the other sister to share this news, but need to be braver in taking action, first in caring for yourself and future and letting the forces of law and order do what they are paid to do. Fortunately they don't look charitable on these kind of characters, believe me.
Fred
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Sage
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Posted: Tuesday February 3rd, 2004 04:49 |
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@ NoName
Just to echo what has been said to you...Please get some professional help. It is the best thing you can do for yourself and your future.
I say that because my mom who is this field counsels people who carry around trauma from their pasts all through their adults lives and she sees the effects of them not dealing with it. And when a person doesn't adequately deal with that trauma, it tends to manifests itself into a drug or alcohol problem, etc.. and render them unable to function normally in their daily lives.
Don't think for one moment that just because you choose to not remember or shield yourself from the pain, that it isn't there or won't reveal itself in some other form.
As Locsgirl said, talk with a professional first before you unload this on anyone else. You have to take care of yourself first.
We will be praying for you.
All my best,
Ashanti
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locsgirl
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Posted: Tuesday February 3rd, 2004 06:46 |
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@Ashanti
Agree with that wisdom Sis 
Also some people who dont offload their traumas can believe that they;re ok and get through life relatively happily in denial.
Then one day, out of the blue they go Totally regress and some will experience a kind of psychotic breakdown. If the Spirit is So wounded and in denial of that pain, the psyche will sometimes just shut down completely in order to get the attention it desperately needs in order to Heal.
Better to face it willingly and so avoid it happening with such devastating results.
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bluehoney
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Posted: Tuesday February 3rd, 2004 07:26 |
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dear noname...
like some others have said ..seek help, some type of group therapy is good, just to get it out and work through the pain and memories, i think you should tell your new boyfriend, what happened but only when you are ready and stable mentally, and the thought of it does not make you hurt..
some people don't want to seek the help of some type of counselor, but in the long run ..you will be glad you did..they just help you to sort your feelings out and teach you how to really move on..
what ever happens..i wish you many blessings, and know that what ever happened in your past, is not your fault, just take it as a learning tool, someday you may be able to help other young girls with your story and your strength in overcoming this..
i have been encouraged just reading that you are willing to move on and you are opening up about this...that takes great strength
stay strong!!!
love,
bluehoney
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Sage
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Posted: Tuesday February 3rd, 2004 19:48 |
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@ Locsgirl
Thank you sis.
And I agree 100 percent with what you said about denial and how when we don't address our issues, they have a way of creeping back up on us.
You know most of us have had something traumatic to happen in our pasts but there is a huge difference between allowing it to shape us versus allowing it to define and or control us...so I would implore anyone who has had a devastating experience to talk with someone about it.
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LaDy AnGeL!
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Posted: Tuesday February 3rd, 2004 20:24 |
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Im so sorry 2 hear dat.In time dem b**tardz will get wotz cumin 2dem! I fink u shud tell ur boyfriend wot happened.Dat way he'll respect u more wen it cumz 2 intimacy between u2 and he'll understand u if u say no. If u still ave problemz den i fink u shud go c a counseller. If it helpz, ur boyfriend can go wid u 4 moral support. I fink any kind of boy no matta wot race dey r can do sumfin as heartless as dey did 2u! Hope ur relationship turnz out gud ur boyfriend and try 2 stay strong!!
Ble$$
LaDy AnGeL!!
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LaDy AnGeL
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Posted: Tuesday February 3rd, 2004 21:37 |
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LaDy AnGeL! wrote: Im so sorry 2 hear dat.In time dem b**tardz will get wotz cumin 2dem! I fink u shud tell ur boyfriend wot happened.Dat way he'll respect u more wen it cumz 2 intimacy between u2 and he'll understand u if u say no. If u still ave problemz den i fink u shud go c a counseller. If it helpz, ur boyfriend can go wid u 4 moral support. I fink any kind of boy no matta wot race dey r can do sumfin as heartless as dey did 2u! Hope ur relationship turnz out gud wid ur boyfriend and try 2 stay strong!!
Ble$$
LaDy AnGeL!!
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krista
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Posted: Friday February 6th, 2004 01:27 |
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| home girl i feel sorry for what happen to you but you have to tell him about what happened to you in your pass!!! And you might be able to get it off your back if you trust him with all your heart!!!what if you and the boy were soul mates you'll have to tell him. the best thing to do is to talk about to friends and family you trust. all i have to say know is good luck and i feel it for you so next time be careful!!!
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no name
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Posted: Monday February 9th, 2004 09:36 |
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thank you to all the people that have taken time to read my story and all i got is love 4 da people dat have responded.
THANKYOU! It means alot to know there are people there to support you.
i am thinking of goin to a rape crisis group but i am gonna tell my boyfriend after his birthday, i noticed how much i love him and he loves me
this sh*t dat happened has f**ked me up for ages and i really have issues with it cos i feel like an idiot 4 blazin and trustin boys i did not know, sometimes i jus wanna go far away from these troubles where no one no's me. i wish i could start again but dats jus the side of me dats still afraid dat it will happen again.
i does scare me to think i could see them in a club or on the bus, but dats a fear i will overcome.
the only thing i'm afraid of is if my boyfriend will see me in da same light he has seen me in. it might be 2 much 4 him to handle as we are havin our first baby(not planned!)but it true wat everyone says "if he loves me then he will stay".
i really hope he can deal with it cos i LOVE him so much .
thanks again for the support it really means the world to me.
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lil frenchy
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Posted: Monday February 23rd, 2004 21:23 |
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Girl, I understand how you feel for beeing touched when I was 7 and 14 by my cousin and brother... It wasn't a rape, but quite a traumatism for a 7 year-old little girl... I didn't tell nobody till I turned 15, now I tell my friends, and not the closest ones. I don't know if it really helps but at least they know... I used to tell my boyfriends, but I realized that when I told them, I got all stressed, frustrated and wasn't able to do anything with them. So far there's just one who doesn't know, and it felt much easier for me to be with him, and it's not for love ! Then you say "be careful to sweet looking guys", you're right !! Last year, I fell in love with the cutest, sweetest boy ever in States. I'm back in France now, and I heard he's been trying to rape a girl... I don't know if it's true, but it hurts me so bad, just to know I fell in love with him, and to realize love wont leave me...
I hope you'll find some way to get over this... To live happy with it. I know, as well as you do, that this sh*t wont go away with the time, so we gotta be strong... Good luck !...
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lil frenchy
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Posted: Monday February 23rd, 2004 21:29 |
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| Oh ! And I really don't think people would judge you if you tell them ! Why would they judge you ?? They don't have any reason to judge you !! IT WASN'T YOUR FALT !! I they judge you anyway, they're not worth being you friends. That's my opinion...
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QT
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Posted: Monday March 1st, 2004 16:47 |
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| hey gurl, jus a lil message cuz i believe i can really and truly help u wit tha situation-if u understand. ur man is in love wit u fa u not because he had no choice. ur so confident about his love and it seems ta me u trust him to say u love him so no matter wot it is u hav ta say ull no he'll be there. there is one thing u should keep in mind though which is that u need ta tel him in ur own time, things like this r neva easy n he won't hate on u fa it. NO ONE DESERVES ta get raped or mislead or treated tha way u were, it doesn't imply that u were stupid or easy. i'm a person who likes ta always think tha betta of people and have fell into the trap of trusting the wrong people, it's not entirely u, it's the people who don't know what it means to treat other peole with respect. Hearing what u had ta say is truly upsetting fa me ta hear but it's good dat u can be open with tha situation. not alot of people want ta face reality, u no ur in it and ur doing tha rite thing about it. u gotta keep ur head up lyk u hav bin and relise there are people all around whp hav bin subjected to what u hav, it's not a colour dat raped u but thugz and when they grow up believe me dey willl repent, especially if dey hav daughters-they'll see wot they've dun thru their babies eyez. i hav nuff love fa u fa keepin it real stil. loadsa love LIL QT. X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X XX X X X X
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no name
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Posted: Wednesday March 3rd, 2004 10:51 |
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i took everyones advice and i couldn't be happier, i told my boyfriend the whole story from start to beginning and he really understood.
it was so hard to say as the news of the pregnancy was a shock but he's got over it and now he says he loves me even more for being strong enough to tell him because he knows tellin somebody you love something so devastating shows your love and strength.
we went for a scan and everything seems to be goin fine but its only been 5 weeks so i gotta be careful, trust me this is scary. we've told everyone who matters and they are standin by us. considering im 18 now everyone says im a adult and its my decision.
i love him so much and he's really proved to be my rock through these hard times.
i can only thank everone that replied for giving me the strength to tell him.
THANKYOU
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Fernando
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Posted: Wednesday March 3rd, 2004 11:04 |
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no name wrote: i took everyones advice and i couldn't be happier, i told my boyfriend the whole story from start to beginning and he really understood.
it was so hard to say as the news of the pregnancy was a shock but he's got over it and now he says he loves me even more for being strong enough to tell him because he knows tellin somebody you love something so devastating shows your love and strength.
we went for a scan and everything seems to be goin fine but its only been 5 weeks so i gotta be careful, trust me this is scary. we've told everyone who matters and they are standin by us. considering im 18 now everyone says im a adult and its my decision.
i love him so much and he's really proved to be my rock through these hard times.
i can only thank everone that replied for giving me the strength to tell him.
THANKYOU
congratulations for gathering the strength to tell your boyfriend sister. i hope everything turns out wonderful for you. keep your head up!
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DO THE RIGHT THING
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Posted: Wednesday March 3rd, 2004 14:49 |
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 To the girl that said she was raped things like this happen all the time and boys like this think that they can do this and get away with it. What if it was their mother or their sister what comes around goes around and I do sincerely hope that you can one day go to the police with this and maybe help to protect the next girl God willing I hope there isn't a next time and put their ass behind bars and maybe some men might gang rape them. God forgive and pardon me.
Some thing to think about one day one day you might have a daughter of your own you will want to protect her from harm. These black hooligans will one day have boy children how will they raise them TO RESPECT WOMEN OR NOT. After they have raped you they will go home and have sex with the same wifey and pretend that nothing has happened life goes on.
Iam sick to death or black girls thinking that because the go out with a boy or sleep with a boy that the have earned the respect for a boy to call them wife what have they done for you are your generation so desperate that you need some hold over love please please tell me.
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