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Kunjufu
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Posted: Thursday February 2nd, 2006 23:18 |
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Stylish wrote: i lost my verginity 2 months ago, i was 15, still am. The guy i had slept with was my boyfriend, and he still is. The first time we had sex he was my boyfriend for almost one month. I did it because I love him, he is sweet, we were ready and we liked it. I think its just sex, whats the big deal bout it when you be doin it safe?
Stylish; I'm glad that you lost your viginity in a loving relationship...however if i'm honest I think 15 is too young...and I would wager a bet that in 5 years you will think that too...
Its not just about being SAFE in the physical act, its about the emotional attachments and feelings that comes with the act...That is the bit that most young people including myself when I was 15 do not get...you might be ready physically..but emotionally is a totally different matter..you just don't have enough life experience yet to know what you want, to make valid comparisons.. or to know your potential..
The big deal is that in some cases, maybe not yours, but in a significant number of other cases I've come across...the time both parties realise their potential..they are burdened with parenthood, a sexual trannsmitted desease or worse they are an emotional wreck...
Example: I once worked in what we called in the Uk..looked after care..with a girl of the same age....She was also dating a man 34 if memory serves me correct, and she was so in love.. and he was sooo wonderful.. and he cared for her.. and nothing we said to her made a difference..Twos, two this girl got pregnant at 15, oh she say's he's gonna do this and that..again not listening..
Well i'm sure you guess by now, that it wasn't long after that, this man was gone quicker than a flash..leaving this dreary eyed girl to go through the pregancy by herself, and to raise the child by herself....now she might have turned things around for the better in later life.. but the fact is trying to achieve anything from that point will be doubly hard..and when her peers are darting off on gaps years to this place and that..this girl was pushing buggy..around London.. struggling emotionally as a mother at 16, and emotionally by herself...
I often wonder how she explains her situation to subsequent boyfriends, or wonder if she is more likely to meet a decent man to love her..or a man looking for a place to crash..the one thing is for sure...he chances are significantly reduced when she is minding a child isn't it?
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Stylish
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Posted: Thursday February 2nd, 2006 23:26 |
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| @ Kunjufu;; I undastand what youre saying, and I agree. I think that ten pregnancies are something teens should be careful with. How fun sex may be, having a baby child at the age of 16 doesnt seem nice to me. Taking care of a kid is so much work. What about the money they coust you? Girls often say 'well Ill get a job then'.. But when yo 16 years old all you have had is high school.. who would take some young ass babys moma to work for them? So, I understand what youre saying, but if youre absolutaly sure about doin it, and you make sure you wont get pragnant, its ok I guess..
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Kunjufu
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Posted: Thursday February 2nd, 2006 23:43 |
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Stylish: Hmmm I'm not a hypocrite..so yes it is fine to a point, if you're safe by that i mean barrier protection from sexual disease's.. But if you want me to be perfectly honest, I think being bogged down in serious emotional relationships..and all the drama that brings is too much at 16...
My view is that at 16, you ought to be exploring the world, and your opportunities and finding out about you..not commiting yourself to heavy emotional ties...don't make sense..there's no hurry and you have a whole lifetime to get things right later...
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Stylish
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Posted: Thursday February 2nd, 2006 23:46 |
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| @ Kunjufu. Ok, being hurt that bad at the age of 16 is to much drama, especially for a babys moma. And its true whatchu say bout having a whole life in front of ya, but why wait if youve found mista right? Getting hurt that bad you be talking about also is drama at the age of lets say 26? Aint it
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Kunjufu
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Posted: Thursday February 2nd, 2006 23:55 |
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Stylish wrote: @ Kunjufu. Ok, being hurt that bad at the age of 16 is to much drama, especially for a babys moma. And its true whatchu say bout having a whole life in front of ya, but why wait if youve found mista right? Getting hurt that bad you be talking about also is drama at the age of lets say 26? Aint it
Two points Stylish....
1. how can you possibly know with 15 years on this earth, that you have found MR right? Thats like me rolling up on a car for the first time EVER, seeing its a skoda, and calling that the BEST car in the world.. Well what about Bentleys, Rolls Royce, Lexus, Mercedes, BTW etc... if I don't know about these makes..I will naturally think that a Skoda is the best thing since slice bread..but ask yourself is that a sensible assessment?
2. Getting hurt or involved at 16 is totally different than 26... because at 26..you have 10 crucial years more experience than at 16.. at 26 you wil have wider view of the world and your options than you do at 16.. so being crushed at 16 will appear life or death..whilst at 26, will be a disappointment..thats the difference...
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Stylish
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Posted: Friday February 3rd, 2006 08:22 |
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@ Kunjufu. Ok.. than my point is
1. How can you ever be sure if youve found mr right? When you meet a man at the age of 45, spend 7 wondaful years with him, and then brake up, you cant say he was mr right, was he? There are so many people on this earth, you'll neva be sure if yuove found "the'' right one.
2. Yes, and when you are 36 years old there are anotha 10 years of experience? So if its a dissepointmet at the age of 26, then its a pity at the age of 36? That doesnt sounds logical to me..
And what about boys? Do you hink its the same for them? Do they get hurt when they brake up after theyve lost their verginity? That still isnt clear to me. And should boys also wait till theyre somewehre around 20 years? Cuz I dunno
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Kunjufu
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Posted: Friday February 3rd, 2006 08:36 |
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Stylish wrote: @ Kunjufu. Ok.. than my point is
1. How can you ever be sure if youve found mr right? When you meet a man at the age of 45, spend 7 wondaful years with him, and then brake up, you cant say he was mr right, was he? There are so many people on this earth, you'll neva be sure if yuove found "the'' right one.
Answer: you can't..why because there is simply no such thing as Mr right or wrong..what life tells you is that we find and meet the person most compatible with the least about of compromises to be made... The truth is all relationship will end at some point, so the only thing we can control is the type of relations and how it ends..so when you say you met Mr right at 16, i think that you met a boy/man who feels right at THAT time, but will be right at 26/36/46 chances are not, unless you're very lucky..extremely lucky..lucky like lotto type lucky..
2. Yes, and when you are 36 years old there are anotha 10 years of experience? So if its a dissepointmet at the age of 26, then its a pity at the age of 36? That doesnt sounds logical to me..
Actually its very logical..the truth the more years you have behind you, the better supoposedly you get at adjustments and working through disappointments... however the truth is at 36 you will have had some experience behind you..so that any break up does not appear BLACK or White...
And what about boys? Do you hink its the same for them? Do they get hurt when they brake up after theyve lost their verginity? That still isnt clear to me. And should boys also wait till theyre somewehre around 20 years? Cuz I dunno
As a former boy and now a man..I would say yes, yes And yes..this applied equally to boys... For me there is a wide world to enjoy and explore... Havingthat life experience means and count for everything... But you tell me who would have the broader knowledge..the child whose life is limited to the bounderies Amsterdam.. or the Child whose experiences included different cultures, countries and experience on which he or she can compare and xontrast their own life against?
BUt stylish can i make something clear I'm NOT trying to force you to believe me, I can only tell you what I know from personal experince and proffesional experience and say hey..take it or leave it...If you choose to leave it...I will tell you what i told my daughter....don't bleat, moan or blame anyone ELSE for your choices..suck it up and live with it..because you made them...
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Stylish
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Posted: Friday February 3rd, 2006 08:40 |
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@Kunjufu. Ok, I think we've had al nice discussion. I know your opinion now and I do can relate to it. THe conclusion Im getting is, you shouldnt have sex when you first meet someone. When you know someone and have a loving relationship with that person, and you feel the time is right, you can have sex, the age shouldnt matter that much.
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Kunjufu
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Posted: Friday February 3rd, 2006 08:41 |
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One final point....the one constant with teenagers..(myself included), is that they always think they know BETTER, with less experience, less knowledge than anyone else.. and whilst its good to learn from your mistakes... Some lesson's should not be learnt the hard way... For example...do i really need to stand in front of a car to know that it will bloody hurt if it hits me....?
You asked about logic, I'll ask you to think is it logical to discount the advice of someone who has three times the experience in favour of someone who hasn't? For me it would be like needed open heart surgery and deciding who would be the best person to do the job...a 16 year old inexperienced novice or an experienced 30 year old expert.. this is a no brainer non?
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Stylish
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Posted: Friday February 3rd, 2006 08:46 |
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| @ Kunjufu. Its not only about the experience, its also about who you are, how youve ben raised and what your princis are. Nobody is the same. We cant all do the same, just becuz someone with that so called experience told you to. Cuz there are also 30 years olds who do think its ok to have sex at the age of 16. So who should we believe then? And what if someone who is 40 says he thinks its ok to have sex at a young age, cuz he does have more experience then a 30 years old person.
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Kunjufu
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Posted: Friday February 3rd, 2006 08:53 |
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Stylish wrote: @Kunjufu. Ok, I think we've had al nice discussion. I know your opinion now and I do can relate to it. THe conclusion Im getting is, you shouldnt have sex when you first meet someone. When you know someone and have a loving relationship with that person, and you feel the time is right, you can have sex, the age shouldnt matter that much.
Ok very last point..what i'm saying is this..I wished as a man that i had waited before rushing into the first experience..because I THOUGHT i was in love.. What i'm saying is that I had more time than i realise to find out just that little bit more about myself before rushing in....and the fact is if it is love then you'll find people will wait because its about being with you and not in you..
But crucially when I met someone i did really like, I found myself fudging the question of how many partners and my first experiences..because like it or not as a man or woman..you are judged on how you conduct yourself...
so if you had met me for argument sake next week, and i say that at 20 i've had nuff girls..how secure are YOU going to feel about my lastiblity, about how i'm likely to treat you..about whether i've got children elsewhere, about the likelihood of my carrying std...aren't all these factors significantly increased?
I will tell you honestly as a man, that no decent man i know is likely to take seriously or commit to a woman..they think is easy..they think has been around the block more times than a taxi from the age of 15...whether you are a man or woman..it says to me that there are issues and do it want to be a part of that long term?
thats my final point...
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Posted: Friday February 3rd, 2006 13:46 |
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| Virginity of course was not meant to last forever like the other parts of the body but still the gals have to keep it for the right man.Girls should not just loose it for the sake of loosing it.I encourage all dem gals to keep it and reserve it for the right man and they will not regret.
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Posted: Friday February 3rd, 2006 14:44 |
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| Omg, I cant seem to convience you, but all I say is.. when time is right youll eventually have sex if you want ancd feel to. And the age doesnt matter, just do it safe! And losing your verginity at an older age is just the same because the first time is very special, it always is. The first time of everyhing is special. And even though the one you slept with will brake up with you a few months later, then you at least had have sex with someone who loved you, and not someone who was tryna use you. But if youre used youre just unfortunate, just as when you get an accident, a bite from a dog, a slep in tyoure face.. bad luck, you can find it everywhere. Life's hard, some even call it a b**ch.
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Posted: Friday February 3rd, 2006 18:33 |
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Stylish wrote: Omg, I cant seem to convience you, but all I say is.. when time is right youll eventually have sex if you want ancd feel to. And the age doesnt matter, just do it safe! And losing your verginity at an older age is just the same because the first time is very special, it always is. The first time of everyhing is special. And even though the one you slept with will brake up with you a few months later, then you at least had have sex with someone who loved you, and not someone who was tryna use you. But if youre used youre just unfortunate, just as when you get an accident, a bite from a dog, a slep in tyoure face.. bad luck, you can find it everywhere. Life's hard, some even call it a b**ch.
ight babez i get what ur sayin and im glad you lost virginity to someone you love and you dont regret it butt it is a very special thing and alot of people (especially younger ppl of our ages) so in a way it is to do with age coz as u get older you get more sure about things and your feelings coz the way i see it i dont think you can fall in love at 15. But then maybe you can your an exception so therefore you cant really generalise that age don't matter for everyone just because it didnt matter for you.
xxxxxx
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Posted: Friday February 3rd, 2006 19:30 |
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| I get tha point.
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COLTRANE
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Posted: Saturday February 11th, 2006 19:51 |
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| Blokes don't lose their virginity, they get shot of the bloody thing.
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Posted: Sunday February 12th, 2006 01:07 |
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COLTRANE wrote: Blokes don't lose their virginity, they get shot of the bloody thing.
tell me about it, coltrane.
if i had my time again, i tells yer.... i would have guarded it with all my heart, you just end up regretting it.
take note of grandad aviator, youngsters. (now wheres me pipe n slippers?)
Attachment: Image_262_Old_man__PipeB.jpg (Downloaded 148 times)
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Posted: Wednesday October 18th, 2006 00:11 |
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I waited.. then i became stupid and lost it to the wrong person. THat would have happened regradless of what age. Some people learn from there mistakes and some are lucky/smart enough not to make the mistakes in the first place.
Marriage !? I was proposed to at 14... marriage aint nothing put a piece of paper and 2 rings. Everyone who gets married are happy... i dont think so.
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Kunjufu
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Posted: Wednesday October 18th, 2006 00:13 |
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cupid_888 wrote: I waited.. then i became stupid and lost it to the wrong person. THat would have happened regradless of what age. Some people learn from there mistakes and some are lucky/smart enough not to make the mistakes in the first place.
Marriage !? I was proposed to at 14... marriage aint nothing put a piece of paper and 2 rings. Everyone who gets married are happy... i dont think so.
Hmmm interesting..and the Alternative is what exactly...a succession of meaningless relationships?
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Posted: Wednesday October 18th, 2006 13:49 |
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| A succession of meaningless relationships includes getting married and divorced.
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Kunjufu
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Posted: Wednesday October 18th, 2006 14:13 |
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cupid_888 wrote:
A succession of meaningless relationships includes getting married and divorced.
Rubbish..we're not talking Elizabeth Taylor here, at most people get married twice....not several times so come......what is the alternative to marriage should one just be involved in Casual meaningless relationships?
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Posted: Wednesday October 18th, 2006 21:23 |
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I dont know how old you are but im 17 and these days kids my age aint waiting for marriage 2 have sex. Infact i dont have one friend who says she(or he) will wait until marriage. Christians ... i have yet to met a young person my age from church who hasnt already had sex, if not done everything else apart from sex. Must be the 'what what you cant have' thing.
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Kunjufu
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Posted: Wednesday October 18th, 2006 21:27 |
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cupid_888 wrote: I dont know how old you are but im 17 and these days kids my age aint waiting for marriage 2 have sex. Infact i dont have one friend who says she(or he) will wait until marriage. Christians ... i have yet to met a young person my age from church who hasnt already had sex, if not done everything else apart from sex. Must be the 'what what you cant have' thing.
Agreed..cupid you are right that is not the mindset of teenagers and it wasn't my mindset to be honest when i was 17... However I would beg to wager that when you are ten years older you views on relationship, marriage will alter..and you will see the point i'm making...
Sex is great I love sex..however is relationship only aboutr sex..is this all that you expect from your partner you tell me?
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Posted: Wednesday October 18th, 2006 22:20 |
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No i dont and when i lost it i did really regret it..yes if i waited until marriage then it never would have happened. But i just belive in doing what feels right. Its like arranged marriages. Im in a 2 year relationship now and it isnt all about sex even though where young... but he hasnt proposed to me lol.
Not all young people who have sex are mindless kids you kno. Jus like all people married aint happy etc...
( but yes acutally i decided if things dont work out in the future with my bf, im going to TRY and abstain until i find the one for me !! )
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