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Versographer
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Posted: Wednesday December 3rd, 2003 13:20 |
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[font="" Roman? New Times? ? ????????]
The Loudest Silence
The silence in my ears is so loud
I fear the drums might burst
And disperse all the moments
And memories that I have suppressed.
Forcing amnesia to act as anaesthesia
To the wounds from the violation
When I said “no� but meant yes
Because that’s what women do.
The oral trade is like the sex trade
Less is definitely more and more
For you meant lying against my nakedness
And trying to penetrate my vulnerability.
But you thought you were harder
Than you ever were
So soft inside
You couldn’t stand
What you did.
Was it fun? Or were you ashamed
That you could not perform the role
You allocated to yourself
And your prop
Didn’t it support your actions?
A dictator before the revolution
You stood alone, or didn’t stand.
Before the revolution in which you fell,
But I’m the fallen woman
Who must bow my head in shame
Bow my head in shame
Utter the Divine name and beg for forgiveness.
No let your knees bend and lower yourself
For I only carry food on my head.
Like women of colour in warmer countries
In brighter hues. Black women.
Food for thought I bear
And think you are a victim
Of your attempts to victimize.
Your guilt once gnawed at you
Before you suppressed the memories
Forcing amnesia to act as anaesthesia
To the wounds you inflicted in me
And on your conscience
The silence in your ears
Is so loud I fear the drums will burst
But listen, before they do…
Versographer |
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Passin thru
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Posted: Thursday December 4th, 2003 08:40 |
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I have to say I liked that. It was kinda like slam poetry. I can imagine it performed.
Well done.
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Ayousha
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| Joined: | Wednesday November 26th, 2003 |
| Location: | London, United Kingdom |
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Posted: Thursday December 4th, 2003 16:58 |
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I think this is very lyrical and like Passin thru says, it would sound good if it were performed. I particularly like the images "I only carry fruit on my head" "food for thought I bear". I wonder if you over use repetition, however:
"A dictator before the revolution
You stood alone, or didn’t stand.
Before the revolution in which you fell,
But I’m the fallen woman
Who must bow my head in shame
Bow my head in shame
Utter the Divine name and beg for forgiveness"
I am not sure that you need to repeat "bowing my head in shame" or "revolution". In addition, often themes of "revolution" are over-used in this form of poetry, if you want to use this idea, make sure that it serves a purpose in the poem.
I enjoyed reading this though, and I would like to see more.
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Versographer
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Posted: Thursday December 4th, 2003 17:38 |
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Thanks a lot for your comments Passin thru and Ayosha . I have changed the poem, let me know what you think.
The Loudest Silence
The silence in my ears is so loud
I fear the drums will burst
And disperse all the moments
And memories that I have suppressed.
Forcing amnesia to act as anaesthesia
To the wounds from the violation
When I said “no� but meant yes
Because that’s what women do.
The oral trade is like the trade of sex
Less is definitely more and more
For you meant lying against my nakedness
And trying to penetrate my vulnerability.
But you thought you were harder
Than you ever were
So soft inside
You couldn’t stand
Yourself.
Was it fun? Or were you ashamed
That you could not perform the role
You self-allocated
And your prop
Didn’t it support your actions?
A dictator on the stage of revulsion
You stood alone, or didn’t stand. But fell,
And I’m the fallen woman
Who must Bow my head in shame
And beg for forgiveness. No
Let your knees bend and lower yourself
For I only carry food on my head.
Like women of colour in warmer climes
And brighter hues. Black women.
Food for thought I bear
And think you are a victim
Of your attempts to victimize.
Guilt once gnawed at you
Before you suppressed the memories
Forcing amnesia to act as anaesthesia
To the wounds you inflicted on us,
On your conscience
The silence in your ears
Is so loud I fear the drums will burst
But listen, before they do… |
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DonJeremy
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Posted: Wednesday January 7th, 2004 10:30 |
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| Versographer, your words are like an open letter. Your expressions are much more than the subject you tackle. I find myself strangely drawn to the person who wrote these words not just in solidarity but kinship. Some words thrill me your words move me.
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ANKHEMIST
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Posted: Saturday January 10th, 2004 00:14 |
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| HOTEP=PEACE Verbographer i liked your piece it had me gripped till the end good stuff keep up the good work
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ANKEMIST
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Posted: Saturday January 10th, 2004 00:16 |
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| sorry versographer wrong spelling
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Versographer
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Posted: Thursday January 15th, 2004 23:37 |
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Thank you for the powerful feeback DonJeremy. I am really glad that you liked the piece. What did you get from it? What did you feel it addressed/how did it touch you?
Versograhper
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Versographer
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Posted: Thursday January 15th, 2004 23:41 |
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Thank you for responding to my post ANKHEMIST or ANKEMIST. I am glad that the poem/spoken word piece was riveting. It came out in one long stream 
and then I tidied it up a bit.
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powertooldude@aol.com
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Posted: Monday April 11th, 2005 16:40 |
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you loved it didnt you, dirty girl
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soulfulpen
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Posted: Tuesday April 26th, 2005 06:52 |
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Standing Ovation.... Your flow.. your choice of words.
masterpeice....
Poetic respect....
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� keep in mind that I’m an artist, and I’m sensitive about my shit.�
Eryka Badu……….
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