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locsgirl
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Posted: Tuesday October 7th, 2003 08:16 |
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Do you remember the Baby Girl
Who seemed to make your cold heart swell
With raven hair and chocolate eyes
And tiny hands and Baby sighs.
Do you remember the words you said
You held her tightly in our bed
And whispered, Yes I;m here for you
Were all your promises untrue.
When Xmas lights that shine and glow
Remember the girl you hardly know
And is she happy, maybe sad
Without the man she calls her Dad.
And if you wake at night in bed
Do thoughts of her invade your head
Do words you said cut like a knife
"I have a girl, she changed my life".
Or were you always insincere
Afraid to love what you held dear
The man I knew wore such disguise
And like a fool I believed the lies.
Though days are short and nights are long
My love for her will keep her strong
And though it may be sad, its true
You lost a sacred part of you.
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Fredblack
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Posted: Wednesday October 8th, 2003 08:57 |
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 Been thinking on and off most of day how to respond to this. Could be very long or short. Go with the latter. Very warm, very human, very feminine and powerful. Especially when you think, how many different ways I have seen the same, or similar issues dealt with. 
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Fatimah
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Posted: Wednesday October 8th, 2003 15:17 |
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@ locsgrl :
OUTSTANDING POEM MY SISTA !
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locsgirl
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Posted: Wednesday October 8th, 2003 20:05 |
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@Fredblack.
Thank you for that, it means a lot to me to know that you recceived it in the way it was meant. I could never be a Bitter person because I see that there are reasons and lessons to be learned in Everything. I could not be bitter towards this man because, in the long run he has given me a precious gift of my daughter. But one night, when I wrote that poem, I was sitting watching her sleep and I felt such an incredible sadness. I wondered how a person goes on in life knowing they have this little girl, and never seeing her or being part of her life. If you start contemplating that issue, then more emotion rises to the surface and before you know it....you have a poem in your head. "Better out than in" my old Gran used to say!
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locsgirl
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Posted: Wednesday October 8th, 2003 20:07 |
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@Fatimah
Thank you very much! Your appreciation is much appreciated!
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Hesaid
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Posted: Friday October 10th, 2003 06:49 |
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That was touching!
People always will respond possitively
to poetry but that was obviously written
from the heart.
LOVELY!
*
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locsgirl
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Posted: Friday October 10th, 2003 21:06 |
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HESAID!
Thank you. xx
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Ayousha
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Posted: Thursday November 27th, 2003 07:50 |
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I agree with the previous comments, this is a loving poem. Objectively, you deal with a personal topic to which many people can relate. With warmth, not anger you show how the absent father is the one who has lost out
"And though it may be sad, its true
You lost a sacred part of you."
You also seek to understand the father's absence, suggesting that he might be scared to assume his fatherly duties. This makes the separation of father from his beautiful daughter all the more poignant.
As Fredblack said it's powerful.
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locsgirl
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Posted: Thursday November 27th, 2003 22:03 |
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@Ayousha
Thank you for your comments on my poem. I;m glad you liked it.
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Sage
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Posted: Thursday November 27th, 2003 23:18 |
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@ Locsgirl,
I don't see how I could have missed this. This is beautiful, heartfelt and touching.
As a woman who's father was never in her life, I can certainly relate. One of my favorite lines....
And is she happy, maybe sad
Without the man she calls her Dad.
It was a struggle for me personally (even though there were other male models in my life, my late-grandfather, my uncles...) but I made it through. Some people say you don't miss what you never had but in a case like this one does. Girls need their fathers as do boys, I just wish men who walk away from their responsibility really understood that.
I give you a big thumbs up for this piece. Wow!
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locsgirl
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Posted: Friday November 28th, 2003 02:23 |
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@Ashanti
Thank you very much for your appreciation. Hope you dont mind me asking you this but did you ever meet your Dad in adult life? Also do you feel not having a Dad has changed the way you relate to men as an adult? I;m asking this because this is the sort of thing that worries me for the future. I;m not idealistic though, I know that no Dad is better than a bad one.
Thanks Ashanti
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Mafdet
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Posted: Friday November 28th, 2003 02:33 |
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@Locsy
Wouldn't expect anything else from a sensitive person as yourself........very touching...nearly missed it as well.
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Sage
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Posted: Friday November 28th, 2003 04:45 |
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locsgirl wrote:
@Ashanti
Thank you very much for your appreciation. Hope you dont mind me asking you this but did you ever meet your Dad in adult life? Also do you feel not having a Dad has changed the way you relate to men as an adult? I;m asking this because this is the sort of thing that worries me for the future. I;m not idealistic though, I know that no Dad is better than a bad one.
Thanks Ashanti
I have no problem at all answering your question especially if it can be of some assistance. I never met him in adult life and that will never happen now. He died 5 years ago, the same year I lost my grand-father who was more like a dad to me. That year was unforgettable and very ironic.
You know in all honesty I harbored a deep resentment for him for many years especially when I learned that he was living just across town for us...and there we were struggling big time, barely making ends meet and what not. He had many issues though, alcoholism, was among them plus he was a vietnam vet. For many years I didn't even know his full name even though I knew what he looked like because I saw him a few times as a child.
The sad thing about it Locsgirl is that my mother is such a wonderful, intelligent, woman, who left the door wide open for him to visit me and my sister...there was none of the drama you see and hear about now-a-days with restraining orders and such, plus she never said an un-kind word to us about him...he just flat out refused to have anything to do with us. That cuts to the core of a child's soul. And I am and always will be forever wounded. That area will always be void and never filled. I can live with that. I realize that now but when I was younger I couldn't see it.
The difficult thing is balancing what the first man in my life did to me and making sure I don't transfer that unto other males in my life because as we all know not everyone is the same.
For a while I had trust issues. No one was allowed to get close to me because I feared being hurt again. But it took me a very long time to come to terms with that, years in fact. I let the bitterness over take me and although I was successful as a adult, very driven, career-oriented, the one place (emotionally), I long to progress in didn't happen for a while.
Some female children who don't have fathers take the other route of being promiscuous, trying to feel the void of never having a man's love. For me everyone was off limits, LOL!
But I agree with you totally when you say that no dad is better than a bad one. You are so on the money with that because I see so many single mothers make the mistake of letting their children be anywhere near a man who has no redeeming value or qualities let alone any business reproducing. A young, impressionable child doesn't need a person with drama and serious issues around them. Your act definitely has to be together when you are raising a child.
But even after saying all of that, I would implore anyone who is not in their children's life to at the very minimum, write them a letter to be opened when they can comprehend it, stating why you chose to leave or be absent...this can help eleviate some of the wondering why, the pining for your acceptance, your love, your acknowledgement and last but certainly not least the excrutiating pain of being rejected at such an early age.
To this day, I still don't know why, because he took the answer to the grave with him but now that I look back...it isn't so much as what I missed out on as much as what he missed.
He missed seeing two hurt little girls grow up to be smart, strong, successful, compassionate, married women...He missed our graduations from high school and college, He missed our weddings, He missed my sister becoming a government worker, he missed my becoming a journalist as well as giving birth to his first and only grand-child.
So all in all, it was his loss but you know it can only be a loss if the person ever cared and I don't know that and I never will.
When I learned of his death, I cried. I cried because I felt I had been robbed all over again. You see I had always dreamt of confronting him to get an answer. But now that wasn't going to ever happen.
The things we unnecessarily endured as children were unforgivable but in order for me to get on with my life, I had to let the hatred go. They say forgiveness is the gift we give ourselves and that is so true.
So when I finally forgave him, it was more about me than it was about him because afterwards I suddenly felt this burden, this weight lifted from my heart. Too bad he couldn't be here physically to see the moment in which it happened but hey, I only played the hand I was dealt.
Sorry to be so long winded, LOL! I hope that helps.
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locsgirl
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Posted: Friday November 28th, 2003 08:09 |
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@Ashanti
Thank you for such an eloquent and honest reply. It does help hearing your story because obviously I worry about these same issues.
I know a young woman whose Father died of a heroin overdose when she was eight months old. I knew her then and still know her now, and she;s twenty years old. She is amazing and very close to her Mother who she adores. But she is Fuming about her Father! How could he be so selfish as to just go off and score heroin, knowing he had a young baby to love and live for? Not many people remember him, so she talks to me about him a lot. She will Not take on board any positive thing I can say about him, and I do try. They say there is a lesson in everything we go through in life. This young woman is So anti-drugs...alcohol and all chemical abuse. She is very independant and responsible and always has been. Maybe this is the spiritual lesson she came here to learn...maybe he was her Teacher.
And maybe you will be exactly the right person to help someone else who has been in your shoes, but is not handling the situation very well.
My daughter, like yourself has a wonderful Grandfather to love her. She also has a Big brother of nineteen to tease and play with her. She has loads of attention from his friends too. There are So many children in her position now that she doesn;t feel so different at school. In fact(and I know this sounds bad) at school last year they didn;t make Fathers Day cards because so many children dont have one. Sad but true!
Thanks Ashanti for being so open and honest...You;re a Great Sista
@Mafdet
And Thank you too Sista for your appreciation
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Sage
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Posted: Friday November 28th, 2003 12:39 |
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Locsgirl, you are more than welcome.
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Mafdet
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Posted: Friday November 28th, 2003 12:42 |
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Ashanti wrote:
locsgirl wrote:
@Ashanti
Thank you very much for your appreciation. Hope you dont mind me asking you this but did you ever meet your Dad in adult life? Also do you feel not having a Dad has changed the way you relate to men as an adult? I;m asking this because this is the sort of thing that worries me for the future. I;m not idealistic though, I know that no Dad is better than a bad one.
Thanks Ashanti
I have no problem at all answering your question especially if it can be of some assistance. I never met him in adult life and that will never happen now. He died 5 years ago, the same year I lost my grand-father who was more like a dad to me. That year was unforgettable and very ironic.
You know in all honesty I harbored a deep resentment for him for many years especially when I learned that he was living just across town for us...and there we were struggling big time, barely making ends meet and what not. He had many issues though, alcoholism, was among them plus he was a vietnam vet. For many years I didn't even know his full name even though I knew what he looked like because I saw him a few times as a child.
The sad thing about it Locsgirl is that my mother is such a wonderful, intelligent, woman, who left the door wide open for him to visit me and my sister...there was none of the drama you see and hear about now-a-days with restraining orders and such, plus she never said an un-kind word to us about him...he just flat out refused to have anything to do with us. That cuts to the core of a child's soul. And I am and always will be forever wounded. That area will always be void and never filled. I can live with that. I realize that now but when I was younger I couldn't see it.
The difficult thing is balancing what the first man in my life did to me and making sure I don't transfer that unto other males in my life because as we all know not everyone is the same.
For a while I had trust issues. No one was allowed to get close to me because I feared being hurt again. But it took me a very long time to come to terms with that, years in fact. I let the bitterness over take me and although I was successful as a adult, very driven, career-oriented, the one place (emotionally), I long to progress in didn't happen for a while.
Some female children who don't have fathers take the other route of being promiscuous, trying to feel the void of never having a man's love. For me everyone was off limits, LOL!
But I agree with you totally when you say that no dad is better than a bad one. You are so on the money with that because I see so many single mothers make the mistake of letting their children be anywhere near a man who has no redeeming value or qualities let alone any business reproducing. A young, impressionable child doesn't need a person with drama and serious issues around them. Your act definitely has to be together when you are raising a child.
But even after saying all of that, I would implore anyone who is not in their children's life to at the very minimum, write them a letter to be opened when they can comprehend it, stating why you chose to leave or be absent...this can help eleviate some of the wondering why, the pining for your acceptance, your love, your acknowledgement and last but certainly not least the excrutiating pain of being rejected at such an early age.
To this day, I still don't know why, because he took the answer to the grave with him but now that I look back...it isn't so much as what I missed out on as much as what he missed.
He missed seeing two hurt little girls grow up to be smart, strong, successful, compassionate, married women...He missed our graduations from high school and college, He missed our weddings, He missed my sister becoming a government worker, he missed my becoming a journalist as well as giving birth to his first and only grand-child.
So all in all, it was his loss but you know it can only be a loss if the person ever cared and I don't know that and I never will.
When I learned of his death, I cried. I cried because I felt I had been robbed all over again. You see I had always dreamt of confronting him to get an answer. But now that wasn't going to ever happen.
The things we unnecessarily endured as children were unforgivable but in order for me to get on with my life, I had to let the hatred go. They say forgiveness is the gift we give ourselves and that is so true.
So when I finally forgave him, it was more about me than it was about him because afterwards I suddenly felt this burden, this weight lifted from my heart. Too bad he couldn't be here physically to see the moment in which it happened but hey, I only played the hand I was dealt.
Sorry to be so long winded, LOL! I hope that helps.
@Ashanti
 You brought tears to my eyes with what you wrote up there I felt your emotions ...I really did.
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Mafdet
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Posted: Friday November 28th, 2003 12:45 |
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locsgirl wrote:
In fact(and I know this sounds bad) at school last year they didn;t make Fathers Day cards because so many children dont have one. Sad but true!
@Locsgirl
That is so sad it hurts 
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Sage
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Posted: Friday November 28th, 2003 13:16 |
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Mafdet wrote:
@Ashanti
You brought tears to my eyes with what you wrote up there I felt your emotions ...I really did.
Mafdet, It's a tough subject to revisit but I don't mind doing if I get asked and if it can be of some good. I got emotional writing it. I am glad that you and Locsgirl were able to take something from it. Thank you.
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Posted: Wednesday December 3rd, 2003 20:41 |
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VERY NICE - I AM THE DAUGHTER IN THAT SCENARIO, AND I HAVE FELT IT.
NOW THINGS ARE SORTED WITH MY DAD I REALISED THAT NOT EVERY DEADBEAT DAD FORGETS AND DOES NOT CARE, SOME ARE JUST NOT MAN ENOUGH TO DEAL WITH THE RESPONSIBILITY THEY HAVE AND IT APPEARS AS NOT CARING WHEN IN FACT IT IS JUST NOT DOING.
PEACE XX
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Posted: Wednesday December 3rd, 2003 21:26 |
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I HATE MORE THAN ANYTHING WHEN I TAKE MY TIME AND WRITE SOMETHING FROM THE HEART AND THIS DAMNED COMPUTER CRASHES AND MAKES ME LOSE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2ND ATTEMPT:
TO ALL THE PEOPLE WHO HAVE GROWN UP WITHOUT THEIR DADS I FEEL YOU.
I ONLY GREW UP WITH MY MUM WHO WAS ALSO A MUM WILLING TO LET MY DAD SEE ME. I MET MY DAD FOR THE SECOND TIME WHEN I WAS 24 AND I AM GLAD I DID BECAUSE IT MADE ME REALISE A LOT OF THINGS.
GIRLS NEED FATHERS MORE THAN YOU MAY THINK, MY RELATIONSHIPS HAVE BEEN EFFECTED BECAUSE OF THIS BUT I DID NOT REALISE UNTIL I WAS ABOUT 22 THAT IT WAS A 'PROBLEM' AS SUCH. I FIND I WAS ALWAYS LOOKING FOR LOVE AND BEING PROMISCUOUS IN THE HOPE THAT I WOULD RECEIVE MALE LOVE. I KNOW THIS MIGHT NOT BE THE CASE FOR ALL GIRLS IN MY SITUATION THOUGH. MY SELF ESTEEM WAS MASHED AND BECAUSE I WENT THROUGH SO MANY BAD THINGS EVENTUALLY I THOUGHT I COULD NOT BE LOVED. I WANTED TO BE SOMEBODIES PRINCESS, AND I AM MY FATHERS ONLY CHILD SO IF IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN ANYONE IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN HIM. I FELT THAT IF MY OWN DAD DIDN'T WANT ME WHY WOULD ANYONE ELSE.
MY DAD WOULD CALL MAYBE ONCE EVERY 2-3 YEARS AND SAY THAT HE WILL PAY FOR ME TO COME TO AFRICA TO SEE HIM AND NEVER CAME THROUGH, SO THIS WAS LIKE ADDING SALT TO THE WOUND, BECAUSE EVEN ALL THESE YEARS LATER HE WAS STILL MAKING ME FEEL LIKE I WAS NOT GOOD ENOUGH TO MAKE AN EFFORT FOR / BOTHER WITH (WHICH WAS THE SAME WAY I FELT ABOUT MEN I HAD BEEN WITH AT THAT TIME).
I STARTED GOING TO CHURCH AND LEARNT ABOUT FORGIVENESS AND I THOUGHT I WOULD TRY AND CONTACT HIM SO HE COULD NEVER HAVE THE EXCUSE THAT HE THOUGHT I WOULD RUN HIM IF HE MADE CONTACT. I GOT IN CONTACT AND HE SAID HE WANTED ME TO COME AND MEET MY FAMILY ETC, BUT I THOUGHT IT WAS ANOTHER FAKE PROMISE. LET ME TELL YOU HOW GOD WORKS.
THIS TIME SEEMED DIFFERENT THOUGH, HE WAS ASKING WHAT DATES I WOULD BE FREE TO COME TO AFRICA ETC, BUT I WAS STILL DUBIOUS AS I WAS NOT ALLOWING HIM TO LET ME DOWN AGAIN. WE ARRANGED THE DATES AND I GOT A VISA,BOOKED TIME OFF WORK AND UP UNTIL THE DAY BEFORE I WAS DUE TO FLY THE AIRLINE COMPANY SAID THAT THE TICKET HAD NOT BEEN PAID FOR AND I COULD NOT GET THROUGH TO HIM, AND I THOUGHT THERE IS NOWAY I AM GOING BACK TO WORK ON MONDAY WHEN I DONE BOOK MY 2 WEEKS OFF TO GO AWAY, IF HE DON'T CALL ME BY 4PM I WAS READY TO BOOK A FLIGHT TO GRENADA FOR AS SOON AS POSSIBLE INSTEAD.
AT 3.40PM I AM ON THE NET SEARCHING FOR CHEAP FLIGHTS TO GRENADA AND THEN THE AIRLINE CALLS ME AND TELLS ME HE HAS PAID FOR THE TICKET AND EVERYTHING WAS OK. 20 MINS AND I WOULD HAVE BEEN GOING TO GRENADA INSTEAD!!
AT ABOUT 7PM HE CALLED ME AND SAID THAT HE HAD JUST PAID FOR THE TICKET, I TOLD HIM THE AIRLINE HAD CALLED ME ALREADY AND TOLD ME, HE SAID "ALREADY, I ONLY JUST PAID FOR IT NOW", I EXPLAINED THEY HAD CALLED ME A FEW HOURS EARLIER AND CONFIRMED HE HAD PAID. SO HE WENT TO CHECK IT OUT JUST IN CASE THERE WAS A MISHAP AND WHAT HAD HAPPENED IS HE HAD CALLED PREVIOUSLY AND ASKED FOR A QUOTE AND THE AIRLINE HAD MADE A MISTAKE AND BOOKED THE TICKET AND FOR SOME UNKNOWN REASON IT CAME UP AS PAID, WHEN IT WAS NOT. THAT WAS GOD AS FAR AS I AM CONCERNED ENABLING ME TO GET THAT PHONE CALL BEFORE 4PM SO I WOULD NOT GO TO GRENADA.
THE TRIP WAS SO WICKED AND I FELT LIKE HE HAD BEEN WITH ME ALL MY LIFE, AND I FOUND OUT SH*T I REALLY NEEDED TO KNOW AND I FELT WHOLE FINALLY. I GO EVERY YEAR NOW AND WE HAVE A GOOD RELATIONSHIP (EVEN THOUGH IT COULD NEVER TEST THE ONE I HAVE WITH MY MOTHER) BUT IT IS BETTER THAN WHAT I HAD BEFORE.
REGARDING MY PREVIOUS POST ABOUT DEADBEATS DADS MAY STILL CARE JUST NOT DO MUCH ABOUT IT, THAT WAS MY DAD. ALL THE TIME I THOUGHT HE DID NOT CARE ABOUT ME, HIS WIFE TOLD ME HE USED TO DRINK HEAVILY (I HAD THE SAME PROBLEM!!) AND WHEN HE SOBERED UP HE WOULD KEEP CRYING BECASUE HE HAD A DAUGHTER (ME) AND HE WASN'T SEEING HER / LOOKING AFTER HER / DOING AS HE SHOULD. HE WAS UPSET THAT HE HAD LEFT MY MUM TO IT AND IT DID EFFECT HIM. I FORGIVE HIM THOUGH AND ALL I CAN HOPE FOR IS THAT I WILL NEVER HAVE TO FEEL THAT WAY TOWARDS MY OWN CHILDREN.
FOR THOSE OF YOU THAT DON'T KNOW YOUR DADS OR IF THEY HAVE PASSED AWAY WITHOUT YOU SORTING IT OUT - KEEP YOUR HEAD UP AND TRY PRAYING FOR STRENGTH, UNDERSTANDING AND FORGIVENESS (WHICH IS HARD) BUT WORTH IT FOR YOU TO GET ON.
PEACE XX
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locsgirl
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Posted: Wednesday December 3rd, 2003 21:44 |
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@Iyallah
Thanks for that lovely open and honest post. It is amazing how the powerof God operates isn;t it? I;m glad you resolved things with your Dad in the end.
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iyallah
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Posted: Wednesday December 3rd, 2003 21:48 |
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@ locsgirl
Sorry i find this topic so interesting i am going to start a thread about it in the Black woman / black man forum, because i want some feeback on how it has effected people.
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locsgirl
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Posted: Wednesday December 3rd, 2003 21:53 |
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@Iyallah
Good idea. I;ll be there
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Posted: Friday February 6th, 2004 06:44 |
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Hey haven't really checked out this board but so glad I did now. You have real talent Locsgirl. This is one awesome piece of work.
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Sticks and stones may break my bones but names..........will always get YOU a thump in ya dyaamn 'ead.
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www.blacksearch.co.uk - Helping to promote Black African and Caribbean Websites
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soulsista
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