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Kunjufu
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Posted: Sunday April 16th, 2006 14:48 |
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Reuben's thread along a similar theme reminded me about an office debate that was raging on Thursday...
How do you know when you're in love, some people felt you felt instictively whilst in the relationship and that this could be lifelong... I disagreed, i felt you don't really know that you were 'in love' until after the relationship is finished..
My feeling is it is only when looking back and reflecting on the relationship, that you fully realise that you were in love... I think its hard to tell when you're in 'love' and not 'in lust'..
So when do you know when you're in love?
what are the signs/feeling/behaviours?
is it possible to be 'in love' with more than one person?
Can you love someone and only one person for the rest of you're life?
NO right or wrong answers just want to hear thoughts and perspectives....
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Reuben
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Posted: Sunday April 16th, 2006 18:17 |
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i think you should merge the threads, i intended that post for all types of discussion on love, cos how one determines if they are in love or not is dependent on how its defined.
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Incognito
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Posted: Sunday April 16th, 2006 18:21 |
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| I never really feel love as an emotion but i know there must be something there because when I hear certain music and certain songs then only certain people would come into my mind.
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Miss Nellia
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Posted: Sunday April 16th, 2006 18:26 |
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As we all agree there is a difference between loving someone and being in-love…. to say that a person only knows they are in love after the fact is true, but only happens when two people are not in tune with each other and each other’s feelings. When two people are on the same page and open about their feelings then they will quickly discover that they are in love, and can enjoy the relationship WHILE they are in the relationship.
Then there is the ‘grass is always greener’ syndrome…. People often never realise what they’ve got until it’s gone, and by this time it may be too late, what can be learnt from a situation like this is too appreciate the person you're with, look for the signs of a ‘good man’ or ‘good woman’, whatever that means to you. However a person should be careful that they are not confusing lust or infatuation with love, these two are short term and die away quickly.
Well that’s my take on it anyway…
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chi
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Posted: Sunday April 16th, 2006 18:39 |
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I think you can sometimes realise you love someone (as opposed to just liking them loads) after the relationship is gone. Sometimes, absence makes the heart grow fonder also............................
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BlackBeauty365/24/7
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Posted: Sunday April 16th, 2006 20:38 |
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Personally, love may be influenced by what we see in the media. Look at all the movies and programmes that try to tell us how to feel.
There are many interpretations of love.
Some people may not love a person. They probably just love the way they make them feel.
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Kunjufu
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Posted: Sunday April 16th, 2006 20:41 |
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Incognito wrote: I never really feel love as an emotion but i know there must be something there because when I hear certain music and certain songs then only certain people would come into my mind.
Incognito: i don't think that is love...I think most people associate link events of their lives to certain smells, music etc etc..
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Kunjufu
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Posted: Sunday April 16th, 2006 20:43 |
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BlackBeauty365/24/7 wrote: Personally, love may be influenced by what we see in the media. Look at all the movies and programmes that try to tell us how to feel.
There are many interpretations of love.
Some people may not love a person. They probably just love the way they make them feel.
BB365: I think there is a lot in what you say above.....I wonder how many of us use the Movies as a benchmark of what we think Love is about...
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BlackBeauty365/24/7
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Posted: Sunday April 16th, 2006 20:44 |
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| Probably most of us. But in a subconcious way. Just think about it...how we "make love" is already shown to us in books and television...its like...nothing else is left...its like it is cliche. Last edited on Sunday April 16th, 2006 20:46 by BlackBeauty365/24/7
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newstyle
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Posted: Monday April 17th, 2006 00:42 |
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Falling in lust is much more fun, this romantic love if it really does exist ( I know I've said this before, but hey) is a mental illness or like one.
Last edited on Monday April 17th, 2006 00:43 by newstyle
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Zerohero
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Posted: Monday April 17th, 2006 05:03 |
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You wont have to ask the question on a message board j/k 
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Incognito
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Posted: Monday April 17th, 2006 10:19 |
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Kunjufu I know I've never been into this romantic love that all these women seem to be on - sentimental love maybe and love out of respect definitely - probably explains why I've never eaten a woman and why I do not believe in unconditional love. Now I wouldn't say romantic love doesn't exist with me it's just not the decision maker when the crunch comes.
Last edited on Monday April 17th, 2006 10:21 by Incognito
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liberiangirl
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Posted: Monday April 17th, 2006 23:57 |
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Personally i think there are three kinds of people:
1) people who arent capable of falling in love. People whose hearts are so closed that love is nearly impossible.
2) people who can fall in love with someone to a certain extent but not completely and fully. I think that most people fit into this category. They love the person they are with, but dont attach themselves competely for fear of getting hurt.
3) people who fall in head-overheels i'll die for you, i"ll kill myself" type of love
These people who become so emotionally attached to their signifigant other that it creates the "romeo and juliet" syndrom. This is the type of love we often see displayed in movies and what people seem to believe is true love.
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Gmahogany
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Posted: Tuesday April 18th, 2006 01:52 |
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liberiangirl wrote: Personally i think there are three kinds of people:
1) people who arent capable of falling in love. People whose hearts are so closed that love is nearly impossible.
2) people who can fall in love with someone to a certain extent but not completely and fully. I think that most people fit into this category. They love the person they are with, but dont attach themselves competely for fear of getting hurt.
3) people who fall in head-overheels i'll die for you, i"ll kill myself" type of love
These people who become so emotionally attached to their signifigant other that it creates the "romeo and juliet" syndrom. This is the type of love we often see displayed in movies and what people seem to believe is true love.
I agree with these categories. I fall into category #2. Actually, people who fall into category 3 scare me. I don't think that's necessarily true love. I think that kind of "love" has more to do with need,deficits,control and obsession, than it does with any grand feelings for the supposed object of that person's affection. Typically, the "i'll kill myself types", will also consider killing u, if things go south,lol.
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Zerohero
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Posted: Tuesday April 18th, 2006 06:52 |
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Going off of those selections, I once fit into number 3, due to certain things/ events, now I fall into catagory 2. But I think there should be another catagory because I think through experience people learn what it REALLY means to love someone, and hopefully they get lucky, and find a person that shares the mutual feeling. Human beings can't stay in catagory 1 or 2 for long because it's unhealthy.
Last edited on Tuesday April 18th, 2006 06:53 by Zerohero
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Kunjufu
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Posted: Tuesday April 18th, 2006 07:24 |
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liberiangirl wrote: Personally i think there are three kinds of people:
1) people who arent capable of falling in love. People whose hearts are so closed that love is nearly impossible.
Aka: The emotionally damaged or people who have not developed sufficiently to handle relationships, ie people who have either been sexually, emotionally or physically abused.
2) people who can fall in love with someone to a certain extent but not completely and fully. I think that most people fit into this category. They love the person they are with, but dont attach themselves competely for fear of getting hurt.
Aka: The grass is greener individuals who are scared of committment, always looking for next big thing.
3) people who fall in head-overheels i'll die for you, i"ll kill myself" type of love
These people who become so emotionally attached to their signifigant other that it creates the "romeo and juliet" syndrom. This is the type of love we often see displayed in movies and what people seem to believe is true love.
AkA: Personality disorder, obessesional behaviours bordering on mental disorder.
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eskay
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Posted: Tuesday April 18th, 2006 09:54 |
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i think it's possible to have gone through all three types at one time or another..and still open your heart to another, in a way that is not all encompassing or fearful. I know of a few people myself that regardless of what life threw at them/have gone through... They are hopeful and give their level best in a relationship without getting lost in other person.
I'd like to think that I too am capable of that myself...I'm very much a type 2..but seeking not remain there...as it doesn't make sense to love half-heartedly!!
Last edited on Tuesday April 18th, 2006 09:55 by eskay
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Soulstarr
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Posted: Tuesday April 18th, 2006 10:00 |
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Kunjufu wrote: liberiangirl wrote: Personally i think there are three kinds of people:
1) people who arent capable of falling in love. People whose hearts are so closed that love is nearly impossible.
Aka: The emotionally damaged or people who have not developed sufficiently to handle relationships, ie people who have either been sexually, emotionally or physically abused.
2) people who can fall in love with someone to a certain extent but not completely and fully. I think that most people fit into this category. They love the person they are with, but dont attach themselves competely for fear of getting hurt.
Aka: The grass is greener individuals who are scared of committment, always looking for next big thing.
3) people who fall in head-overheels i'll die for you, i"ll kill myself" type of love
These people who become so emotionally attached to their signifigant other that it creates the "romeo and juliet" syndrom. This is the type of love we often see displayed in movies and what people seem to believe is true love.
AkA: Personality disorder, obessesional behaviours bordering on mental disorder.
I think i fit into the grey area between 2 and 3. But I'm forever coming under criticism for my relationship so what the hell do i know...
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Melissa
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Posted: Tuesday April 18th, 2006 13:26 |
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I have to agree with the greay area between 2 and 3.
I have been hurt before, more than once and i do fall in love deeply, yet i dont have the urge to die for or kill anyone!
How long does 'lust' last?
Right now i'm experiencing that head overheels type of thing, but its only been 5 months, am i over the lust honeymoon stage yet????
......and why do all men say 'i've never been in love before till i met you'???
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Maat
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Posted: Tuesday April 18th, 2006 21:54 |
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How do you know when you're in love, some people felt you felt instictively whilst in the relationship and that this could be lifelong... I disagreed, i felt you don't really know that you were 'in love' until after the relationship is finished.. I thought I was in love with my first partner and when he ended it I did want to get back with him because I thought it really was love...but then when he went all cold in the stage of "being friends" I realized that I wasting my time and snapped out of it. I guess it was more a case of not knowing any better so I mistook it for love
My feeling is it is only when looking back and reflecting on the relationship, that you fully realise that you were in love... I think its hard to tell when you're in 'love' and not 'in lust'..I suppose when you are young and are not prepared for the emotions that come with that kind of relationship it probably is more lust.
So when do you know when you're in love? hmmm I just went with my feelings and how they interracted with me. It was about the personality before the looks because I wasn't looking for a partner on both ocassions.
what are the signs/feeling/behaviours? It depends on what type of relationship you have with the person to begin with. Getting to know each other is very important and enjoying each others' company.
Some couples I know live very seperate lives. They're together but they don't do much together or even know much about each other. They have seperate money seperate friends seperate activites sperate ways of thinking and so on. Then they wonder why they keep clashing...The more you get to know someone the better...
It depends on who you are with and how compatable or open you are regardless of whether or not you've been hurt. One thing I don't hear people talk more openly about is relationships so I suppose everyone does their own thing the best they know how
is it possible to be 'in love' with more than one person? I don't know but I've heard it's possible. Must be hard work!
Can you love someone and only one person for the rest of you're life? If you're both prepared to put your all into it then it can work. It takes a lot of trust, patience and time to really learn and grow with the other person with the view not to always think that if things don't work out there's always someone else....
Last edited on Friday April 21st, 2006 08:51 by Maat
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Shemsi en Tehuti
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Posted: Thursday April 20th, 2006 13:15 |
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I may have to agree with Kunjufu in that you don't know if you are "in love" with someone until after the fact. To be honest, I have a hard time distinguishing between being "in love" or "infatuated" with a person. Some of you might say that infatuation is purely a physical thing, but I beg to differ. I have met women whom if I were involved with I could easily been infatuated/in-love with because of their mind and their mode of thinking. In my opinion, a woman's mind is just as beautiful and sexy as her body.
So could someone help me out (Kunjufu or anyone)? How can a person honestly distinguish between infatuation and love? Then maybe I could address when I may think I am (or was) in love.
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eskay
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Posted: Thursday April 20th, 2006 14:28 |
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Thoth3.. interesting reply.. I think being in love is over-rated. and like you I think most people get confused and are actually 'infatuated' with person. I am incredibly picky ..and can like someone, some things about them, and confuse for them for meaning far more than they actually are ..then in a blink of an eye-lid, change my mind! it's a shame.. if we weren't so obsessed with defining ourselves and where we're at with person, I think we'd be happier just enjoying the journey with whoever we're with for however long it's meant to be for..
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Gmahogany
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Posted: Thursday April 20th, 2006 16:08 |
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| Good point on the infatuation thing, Thoth and Eskay. The infatuation thing is almost like a fog. You come out of it after REALLY getting to know the person, not your idea of them, and not" their representative", as Chris Rock says, and you may be like "what the hell was I thinking, how did I ever find this person attractive?",lol. I think that the love part is more enduring. Even after you see the real person, and the worst of the person, you STILL can't shake the feeling. I'd say that's true love, or something close to it.
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eskay
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Posted: Thursday April 20th, 2006 17:05 |
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| thats key point there @ G Mahogany .. when you can't shake what you feel after you gone thru your trails and tribulations.. if love had to be measured then I'd say anyone that can still 'love' after DRAMA well.. it makes you/both stronger !!
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Shemsi en Tehuti
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Posted: Thursday April 20th, 2006 17:10 |
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Gmahogany wrote: Good point on the infatuation thing, Thoth and Eskay. The infatuation thing is almost like a fog. You come out of it after REALLY getting to know the person, not your idea of them, and not" their representative", as Chris Rock says, and you may be like "what the hell was I thinking, how did I ever find this person attractive?",lol. I think that the love part is more enduring. Even after you see the real person, and the worst of the person, you STILL can't shake the feeling. I'd say that's true love, or something close to it.
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