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bubz
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Posted: Wednesday June 28th, 2006 21:58 |
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what gave me the idea for this thread is the recent story about the young girl who murdered an old lady. her father (and whole family it is reported) have turned their backs on her now. what she did was horrendous there is no getting away from that, BUT isnt the love of a parent for a child meant to be unconditional?
i thought it was instinctive to want to comfort and protect your child and this man's reaction kind of shocked me, i must admit. even if you dont like your children dont you have a duty and responsibility to stand by them, support them, protect them as long as you live - come what may? if doing so puts your life or liberty at risk you may hesitate, but i mean would it kill this girls dad to reach out to his daughter, (maybe write her a letter) at this time instead of telling the press how she isnt his daughter and he "doesnt even like her"?
Murder manual girl gets 20 years
DNA from Adeyoola was found on Mrs Mendel
A millionaire's teenage daughter who wrote a murder manual before killing an elderly woman has been jailed for life.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/london/5123770.stm
Kemi Adeyoola was 17 when she stabbed 84-year-old Anne Mendel 14 times during a burglary in March 2005 at her home in Golders Green, north-west London.
"You are a remorseless and cold-blooded killer who is a danger to the public," said Judge Richard Hone.
Setting a minimum sentence of 20 years in jail, the judge said Adeyoola might have gone on to kill again.
Judge Hone said: "I think you actually wanted to experience what it felt like to kill someone in cold blood, possibly so you could write about it, but more probably so you could boast about it and possibly even do it again."
The judge said he had had the opportunity to observe Adeyoola's "performance" during the trial.
"You are intelligent, manipulative and skilled in deceit way beyond your years," he told her.
The Old Bailey heard Adeyoola hatched a blueprint on how she would kill an elderly victim after robbing them.
Mrs Mendel, who was a former neighbour of Adeyoola, was found by her husband covered in coats in the hallway of their home.
'Soft target'
Leonard Mendel, 81, told the court he tried to give his wife of 50 years the kiss of life when he returned from an errand to find the hall phone wires cut and blood on the walls.
The prosecution said Adeyoola had chosen Mrs Mendel as a "soft target" on which to practise before finding a "rich, elderly and defenceless" woman to kill for her money.
Anne Mendel's body was found by her husband
Adeyoola, now 18, had written plans for the killing while serving a sentence for shoplifting. Her aim was to make £3m.
But she claimed that the 18-page neatly-written murder manual found in a cell search at Bullwood Hall, Essex, was the draft of a crime thriller.
Adeyoola, who disposed of her bloody clothing, might have got away with murder but for a tiny speck of DNA found on Mrs Mendel's hand.
Henry Blaxland QC, defending, said: "The court has before it somebody who is, on the face of it, emotionally damaged.
"She finds herself utterly alone in the world given that her family have entirely washed their hands of her."
The teenager's father, Bola Adeyoola, who runs a property management company, said: "What she did was evil."
Millionaire father disowns killer
The millionaire father of Kemi Adeyoola, the teenager who killed 84-year-old Anne Mendel, says he has disowned her.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/london/5121110.stm
Bola Adeyoola, a property management tycoon, described what she did as "evil".
He said: "When I saw Mrs Mendel's picture, I started crying.
"If I was a member of that lady's family, I don't know what my reaction would be.
"As a Christian, I can't believe anyone would do that. What she did was evil. She is no longer my daughter. I don't even like her."
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Le Moor
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Posted: Wednesday June 28th, 2006 23:27 |
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Its about emotional management.
If the child has repeneted and is serving their punishment then the parents should support them through this time.
Easily said though, how would you cope if your son was a peadophile lets say?
Last edited on Thursday June 29th, 2006 00:46 by Le Moor
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liberiangirl
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Posted: Thursday June 29th, 2006 01:38 |
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| This is an african thing, I cant say Im the least bit surprised in fact I would have been amazed if he didnt disown her. If you are a part of a family then it is your duty to uphold the honor of your family, and if you do not fulfill that duty or do something horrendous to dishonor your family name, then you revoke your right to be a part of that family, simple as. I would refrain from calling someone who cut an old woman into peices my daughter too, LOL.
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Incognito
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Posted: Thursday June 29th, 2006 01:47 |
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I like to get into the minds of those who do things that go against the grain of normal social existence. I think after time children become like any relationship and for some people some things are not forgivable. Saying that if it is based on emotion then it's swings and roundabouts, you could disown them with conviction 'today' and be filled with 'remorse' tomorrow.
Personally I think if the child was no longer a child then I could see myself diowning them but then that would detract from the guilt I would feel when asking where did \i fail as a parent...regardless of fault I'd probably still blame myself somewhere down the line.
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lilsoulful1
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Posted: Thursday June 29th, 2006 02:59 |
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I hope that girl rots under the jail for life. Damn right her father should disown her, who wants to be around a little evil wretch like that.
One thing i'm sick of though, IS WHY do the stinking newspapers always put a BLACK PERSONS face in full view and very clear in a big picture on the front of these headlines and newspapers. Makes me so sick and I churn with embarresment eveytime I see this. Why don't they do this with white murderers who do some of the most worst sickiest crimes on this earth ?
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ChubbiChix
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Posted: Thursday June 29th, 2006 05:17 |
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My question is if she was the daughter of a millionaire, why did she feel the need to murder and rob an elderly woman? That's a terrible story and her sentence was fair especially since she went all out, writing about it and cutting phone wires. I wonder what kind of relationship she had with her parents before this since she was shoplifting and probably doing other illegal things as well. Was she that desperate for money or just a kleptomaniac?Last edited on Thursday June 29th, 2006 05:17 by ChubbiChix
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Backatya
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Posted: Thursday June 29th, 2006 07:39 |
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lilsoulful1 wrote:
One thing i'm sick of though, IS WHY do the stinking newspapers always put a BLACK PERSONS face in full view and very clear in a big picture on the front of these headlines and newspapers. Makes me so sick and I churn with embarresment eveytime I see this. Why don't they do this with white murderers who do some of the most worst sickiest crimes on this earth ?
What is there to be embarassed about? Unless she is your child.
Look, black people do commit crimes, murder and the like, and you know with this media it is going to highlight that stuff because it all feeds into the propaganda that "all black people are, are murders, pimps and drug dealers". That's the way it's going to be so getting embarassed only adds to your disquiet.
Try to put it in perspective, irrespective of how the media presents it, otherwise this sh*t would drive you insane. I would have read the story and felt about it the same regardless of the colour of the perpetrator. That's the point we have to get to for the sake of our sanity.
I sure ain't feeling guilt for the whole black race because of the misdeeds of the few. Especially since I know the 'bad stuff' is not a reflection of our nature, just down to the fact that 'being human', we will have good and bad among us. The burden of embarassment/guilt would do no more than drain my power keep my focus away from the real work I should be doing for the betterment of myself and my people.
This guilt and embarassment many of us feel because "The suspect/perpetrator was a black man/woman" continues to ensure that the 'system' does its job on us. Nah....not happening in my house.
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MarcusGarveyLives
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Posted: Thursday June 29th, 2006 07:43 |
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Can anyone remember ...
... did their parents disown them?
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ac9311
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Posted: Thursday June 29th, 2006 08:38 |
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What is the story behind this picture?
As far as disowning my child, if that was the custom of my culture as Liberiangirl mentioned then yes I would do it and not look back. But since I don't have that hard and fast rule to live by I'm not sure what I would do. I hope I never have to find out.
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Incognito
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Posted: Thursday June 29th, 2006 10:07 |
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MarcusGarveyLives wrote: Can anyone remember ...
... did their parents disown them? MGL - from what I remember they were representing their parents.
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Melissa
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Posted: Thursday June 29th, 2006 11:52 |
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The shame of it all must be trying for,the parents, especially in the 'high' circles they mix in.
Imagine going down to the country club and admitting that your daughter is a murderer. Can't be having that, what will the smythe-pierson's think.
Better to act like you have no daughter at all, then all your golf buddies will not reject you and see you as one of those criminal black people. You'll still be viewed as one of them.
The girls actions have more to do with her parents than anything. If they had brought her up with the same honour that disowning her is supposed to be protecting she would not have ended up like this.
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Vezz.
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Posted: Thursday June 29th, 2006 20:41 |
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Before we start jumping up and down maybe we should wait for the appeal.
I mean, haven't we all heard of Black people being convicted of crimes they never did?
Sorry, something smells fishy to me, and the father disowning her may be premature.
He said Adeyoola had not had a deprived childhood but that he had lost touch with her when, aged 11, she was taken away by her mother following a row over money.
Adeyoola was privately educated and her mother is said to have received a £4 million settlement on her divorce.
But he said he passed money and messages to her through her grandparents. He blamed his daughter's obsession with money and material goods on her mother.
"Kemi was very kind, very loving when she was young," said her father. "She has changed".
My jury's still out on this one.
That said, if it were my child I don't think I could disown them. Just because I dislike what they've done doesn't make them any less my child.
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MarcusGarveyLives
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Posted: Thursday June 29th, 2006 21:44 |
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Can anyone remember ...
 
... did their parents disown them?
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liberiangirl
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Posted: Thursday June 29th, 2006 22:36 |
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@ MGl
What the f**k does it matter what white people do? Just because whites folks will stand by and defend their murderer/rapist sons and daughters, doesnt mean we have to. Like i said before, the act of disowning a family member who has done something despicable is normal in many African cultures. I dont see why we have to change that in order to conform to European traditions.
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bubz
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Posted: Thursday June 29th, 2006 23:26 |
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a parents job is to prepare their children for adulthood. produce a fully functioning, productive member of society. that's obviously just the short version but i think most people accept that parenthood has many facets. primarily though, it is your job as a parent to get your child successfully from the state of childhood to adulthood. even though it can be seen as a lifelong commitment, no one really expects 70yr olds to be making sacrifices and running around catering for the needs of their 50yr old 'children'. I think it's fair to say that once a child becomes a responsible, capable adult, a parent's job is as good as done.
when children go bad people often say, "i blame the parents" or "where were the parents?"
what i would like to know is, when is it legitimate to shun your child as if you have nothing to do with what or who they are? to act like they don't have half your DNA?
where does a parent's responsibility for the outcome of their child end?
if by the age of 17 a child is clearly bad, is it okay to then disown that child?
how about age 15?
are some parents just glory hunters? only want to be associated with the child as long as the child is doing well, becoming a doctor or a lawyer...but should that child disappoint or hurt them enough through their bad behaviour - then its fine to just say they are not your child?
is it natural to only like/love your child if they are doing things with their life that you approve of?
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MarcusGarveyLives
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Posted: Thursday June 29th, 2006 23:59 |
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The title of the thread is "Is it ever right to disown your children?". No reference is made to any specific race, nor has any reason been given as to why the behaviour of Europeans, who comprise the majority of those within the UK (where the story referred to in the lead thread originates).
ac9311 Posted: Thursday June 29th, 2006 08:38
"What is the story behind this picture? ..."
... did their parents disown them?
For the benefit of those of you who have not been on planet earth since April 1993 ...
The mothers' defence: 'Saying silly things, that's all it was'
Part one of a radio interview (February 19) in which the mothers of the men acquitted of Stephen Lawrence's murder maintain their sons' innocence. The interview followed the TV screening of a video in which the young men make racist comments, one demonstrating how he would stab a black man ...
... read it here ... (please click)
The mothers' defence: 'They are sacrificial lambs for a political cause'
Part two of a radio interview (February 19) in which the mothers of the men acquitted of Stephen Lawrence's murder maintain their sons' innocence. The interview followed the TV screening of a video in which the young men make racist comments, one demonstrating how he would stab a black man ...
... read it here ... (please click)
Lawrence five: the mothers
... read about them here ... (please click)
'Saying silly things, that's all it was'
'They are sacrificial lambs for a political cause'
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ChubbiChix
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Posted: Friday June 30th, 2006 06:21 |
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| I wouldn't disown my kids if they killed someone, If they killed someone in my family like her grandmother or little sister then I would. I would be very disappointed but I wouldn't abandon them, I would be more likely to wonder where I went wrong raising them.
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Posted: Friday June 30th, 2006 09:57 |
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| Remember whoever we disown is picked up by our enemies and used against us. Look no further than the ostracised sodomites.
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Prince Hakeem
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Posted: Friday June 30th, 2006 14:27 |
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| It would have to be something very extreme to make me disown my child.
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Soulstarr
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Posted: Friday June 30th, 2006 14:40 |
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I don't know many people that would freey disown their kids, and I know som offspring in my own family that have done some pretty f**ked up things. In most cases, it would have to be extreme beyond comprehension for disowning to take place. I'm not talking things like homosexuality, interacial dating, etc etc
However, I could not blame sopmeone for wanting nothing to do with their child if they had done something like commit rape, or cold blooded mured or paedophillia or something. Just because thats their child, doesnt mean they have to be affiliated with them. Supposing they had raped one of their siblings or something? Would we still be expecting the whole family to sit around eating sunday dinner and playing charades together?
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interested 1
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Posted: Friday June 30th, 2006 15:14 |
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liberiangirl wrote: @ MGl
What the f**k does it matter what white people do? Just because whites folks will stand by and defend their murderer/rapist sons and daughters, doesnt mean we have to. Like i said before, the act of disowning a family member who has done something despicable is normal in many African cultures. I dont see why we have to change that in order to conform to European traditions.
What I think MGL is getting at is that when Europeans do horrendous (sp) crimes they don't need to justify their actions to the whole white race by showing to everyone that they have gotten 'rid' of them from their family.
But when Africans commit a crime there has to be an uproar.......
Thats why I think he posted the picstures of them...so stop hating!!!!
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liberiangirl
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Posted: Friday June 30th, 2006 16:37 |
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interested 1 wrote:
What I think MGL is getting at is that when Europeans do horrendous (sp) crimes they don't need to justify their actions to the whole white race by showing to everyone that they have gotten 'rid' of them from their family.
But when Africans commit a crime there has to be an uproar.......
Thats why I think he posted the picstures of them...so stop hating!!!!
Who says this man is disowning his daughter to appease white folks?? Are you suggesting that had she cut up an old black woman that this man would not disown her?? Or do you think he should stand by his daughter simply because the woman she is accused of murdering is white???
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Bengyblkm
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Posted: Friday June 30th, 2006 20:31 |
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If you have cultural values and norms, it is best to be contemptuous to the values, family, friends, relatives can ostracise you when you act against norms.
The family is right to disown her.
Again we are in he western society... the victim is easily forgotten, and th human rights of the evil perpetrator is champion.
Sad, if you do not appreciate the essence of cultural values and norms.
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MwemaJ
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Posted: Saturday July 1st, 2006 04:27 |
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ac9311 wrote: As far as disowning my child, if that was the custom of my culture as Liberiangirl mentioned then yes I would do it and not look back. But since I don't have that hard and fast rule to live by I'm not sure what I would do. I hope I never have to find out.
Word.
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