|
|
|
|
 |
|
|
| Moderated by: Saida.M, safetyblitz, Raven, Miss Brighter Days, LadyDay, Kunjufu, Kibibi, Happiness, Dillinger, Breadfruit, Backatya |
|
|
| Author | |
|---|
bubz
Villager
| Joined: | Saturday January 29th, 2005 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 752 |
| Photo: | |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: |    |
Click here for your Black Profile
Search for Black Sites
|
Posted: Monday July 3rd, 2006 18:56 |
|
@ Melissa: so do you see the act of disowning your child as the act of a bad parent rather than a good parent then?
would you say that a parent does have a duty to try to help their child change for the better, if thats possible - no matter what they have done?
if you accept that some people's offspring are just beyond help (dunno if you do accept that) by what age do you think it is acceptable for a parent to say: enough is enough, i want nothing more to do with this person i have created?
____________________
Click here for your Black Profile
|
Kunjufu
Villager
Click here for your Black Profile
Search for Black Sites
|
Posted: Monday July 3rd, 2006 19:28 |
|
Melissa wrote: As a parent you have to take responsibility for how you child turns out.
It seems to me that this girl didn't get much 'parenting' in her house, but if she turned out to be a high flying doctor or lawyer i bet her father would take all the credit.
You can't just say - "Oh well my daughters a murderer, i don't like it so she ain't my daughter no more" and send her off into society for the rest of us to put up with!
You supposed to love your children unconditionally, and if your child turns out to be a murderer, crackhead, paedophile whatever then you must recognise that you failed as a parent and try to make up for it by 'fixing' your child, be there for them and help them recover from what ever emotional distress led them to commiting these crimes in the first place. What ever happened to second chances or rehabilitation?
If the child comes out of prison, and becomes successfully intergrated into society are you then going to become a parent again - or do you disown them for good? What if they get married, have children and put all this behind them, do you disown your grandchildren too?
Melissa: you made some excellent points..however if i may to focus in on just one bit of what you wrote... I completely disagree with the uncontionally bit... It seems to be that is EXACTLY what the problem is today.. Too many parents backing their children's behaviour UNCONDITIONALLY without thinking about the long term consequences.. I'm sure if there is any Teachers reading this thread..that they would agree with me, that Parents do this way too often.. to the detriment of their childrens personal development.
We know that Children need proper bounderies and those bounderies must be consistent inside and outside of the home, for me that is the role of the parent, to equip your child for life....not to shield him or her from it, or make excuses for their mistakes.. Disowning a child as a tactic, that should be used in my opinion only as a last resort and only if you have done your job as a parent properly..
IMO its our role as parent to always speak the truth to the child and ensure that they deal with the consequences of their behaviour at all times, when we don't we eventually get children young people like those in the recent Murder blues programme on the BBC, who will think nothing of destroying lives at the drop of a hat.... For me the consequences of NOT parenting properly are huge...potentially my child could do something that ruins two lives, two families..
so I personally believe we owe it to society to ensure that the children we turn out of our homes will not detract either from from themselves or from the wider community... Imagine that?
____________________
African heart, African mind
____________________
www.blacksearch.co.uk - Helping to promote Black African and Caribbean Websites
|
bubz
Villager
| Joined: | Saturday January 29th, 2005 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 752 |
| Photo: | |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
Click here for your Black Profile
Search for Black Sites
|
Posted: Monday July 3rd, 2006 19:50 |
|
Kunjufu wrote: Melissa: ... I completely disagree with the uncontionally bit... It seems to be that is EXACTLY what the problem is today.. Too many parents backing their children's behaviour UNCONDITIONALLY without thinking about the long term consequences..
unconditionally loving your child, is not the same thing as backing anything they do imo.
____________________
Click here for your Black Profile
|
Kunjufu
Villager
Click here for your Black Profile
Search for Black Sites
|
Posted: Monday July 3rd, 2006 20:23 |
|
bubz wrote: Kunjufu wrote: Melissa: ... I completely disagree with the uncontionally bit... It seems to be that is EXACTLY what the problem is today.. Too many parents backing their children's behaviour UNCONDITIONALLY without thinking about the long term consequences..
unconditionally loving your child, is not the same thing as backing anything they do imo.
Bubz: totally agree, however i think the problem is that some people somethings get confused on that issue...
____________________
African heart, African mind
____________________
www.blacksearch.co.uk - Helping to promote Black African and Caribbean Websites
|
Melissa
Villager
| Joined: | Tuesday May 18th, 2004 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 1052 |
| Photo: | |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
Click here for your Black Profile
Search for Black Sites
|
Posted: Tuesday July 4th, 2006 10:49 |
|
bubz wrote: Kunjufu wrote: Melissa: ... I completely disagree with the uncontionally bit... It seems to be that is EXACTLY what the problem is today.. Too many parents backing their children's behaviour UNCONDITIONALLY without thinking about the long term consequences..
unconditionally loving your child, is not the same thing as backing anything they do imo.
No it isnt, and im not getting the two confused either.
Its that unconditional love which should make you want to help in the rehabilitation of your child, no matter what they have done. I don't believe that you can say you've done your job properly as a parent if you have produced someone who commits a heinous crime.
I think it's too easy, and out off order, to say, thats it i've done my job, f*ck what they get up to now, if they are getting up to murdering old ladies. Right now i can leave my 11 year old to get himself up in the morning and get his breakfast and get himself to school on time, why? because i taught him to do all these things from a young age. If he is 14 and still can't do all these things then i would have no choice but to do it for him, or continue to try to teach him to do it for himself. IMO You can only say your job as a parent is 'done' when you are satisfied that that child, whether 13 or 30 can fend for themselves. and if they are stealing, taking drugs or killing people, then something went wrong, and its your job, not society's, to fix it.
____________________
Click here for your Black Profile
|
cupid_888
Villager
| Joined: | Tuesday October 17th, 2006 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 33 |
| Photo: | |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
Click here for your Black Profile
Search for Black Sites
|
Posted: Monday October 23rd, 2006 21:26 |
|
FIrst of all im a kid, not a parent, but i thought id comment.
If i killed someone in cold blood calculating it and all that my mother wouldnt disown me... i mean i would never be able to do that, but if i was pushed so far and wanted revenge so bad then, my mother would stand by me i know she would. Same if i had a child.
Even though shes totally against homosexuality if i turned gay she would stick by me no matter how much it hurt.
However if i killed one of my sisters in cold blood she wouldnt. If started f**king sheep she wouldnt either, i mean theres some thing that go without saying, and if a parent stood by something really terrible it proberbly means there twisted themselves.
But anyway before i do anything these days im always thinking, 'W.W.M.T' ( thats what would mommy think lol) I crave respect from my mother and the more she give the better person i become....of course there are parents and kids who aint that close so its totally different
____________________
www.blacksearch.co.uk - Helping to promote Black African and Caribbean Websites
|
cupid_888
Villager
| Joined: | Tuesday October 17th, 2006 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 33 |
| Photo: | |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
Click here for your Black Profile
Search for Black Sites
|
Posted: Monday October 23rd, 2006 21:29 |
|
First of all im a kid, not a parent, but i thought id comment.
If i killed someone in cold blood, calculating it and all that my mother wouldnt disown me... i mean i would never be able to do that, but if i was pushed so far and wanted revenge so bad then, my mother would stand by me i know she would. Same if i had a child.
Even though shes totally against homosexuality if i turned gay she would stick by me no matter how much it hurt.
However if i killed one of my sisters in cold blood she wouldnt. If started f**king sheep she wouldnt either, i mean theres some things that go without saying, and if a parent stood by something really terrible and sick it proberbly means there twisted themselves.
But anyway before i do anything these days im always thinking, 'W.W.M.T' ( thats what would mommy think lol) I crave respect from my mother and the more she gives the better person i become....of course there are parents and kids who aint that close so its totally different
____________________
Click here for your Black Profile
|
AmeriJamCan
Villager
| Joined: | Tuesday March 29th, 2005 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 531 |
| Photo: | |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
Click here for your Black Profile
Search for Black Sites
|
Posted: Tuesday October 24th, 2006 14:30 |
|
| Love may be unconditional, but supporting a cold blooded murderer is out of the question for me. I would have nothing more to do with her either. She obviously chose to engage in horrific behavior - going so far as to write a "manual"!! Why should the father support her unless she shows remorse for what she has done?
____________________
www.blacksearch.co.uk - Helping to promote Black African and Caribbean Websites
|
Diamond Mum
Villager
| Joined: | Tuesday October 3rd, 2006 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 28 |
| Photo: | |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
Click here for your Black Profile
Search for Black Sites
|
Posted: Thursday October 26th, 2006 21:20 |
|
as a parent and a daughter,
i know that children will not turn out the way you want or hope! the key is not to look at the parent and say they were right or wrong, but to know they did what they thought was best or appropriate for the situation.
I know a peadophile, he locked up thank the lord, but his mother nor father raised him that way, that was a choice that he made. Parents do have a knock on effect on how their children turn out, but you cann never blame fully the parent nor the child, for the actions one so decides to take.
Life is not that simple. its is faith versus children, its is what theparent wants versus the childs wants...
Step outside the box... and really think if your child was to commit murder do you think you could tell them it was going to be ok and that you still love them if you didnt believe it yourself!
Do you think you could accept that your child done such and act, even though that is not how you thought you raised them!
i really wouldnt want to be put in such a situation, and would hope i would be able to raise my child as well as my child to learn for them self to appreciate life, and the justifications for there actions. but one can only hope... (i hate to think that that is a possiblity, but everyone knows that, murders, rappists, molesters, all have parents)... rah this topic, is a little overwhelming...
why did i come in here... i will never know
____________________
Click here for your Black Profile
|
theonethatstands
Villager
| Joined: | Thursday October 19th, 2006 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 150 |
| Photo: | |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
Click here for your Black Profile
Search for Black Sites
|
Posted: Sunday October 29th, 2006 18:33 |
|
What the f**k was wrong with her?
I remember this story
Not only did she go to the most expensive private school in England, but she also had her rent paid for her and she lived in a nice yard in Belsize park. And her dad had a Rolls Royce.
It's too easy to say she is 'crazy' - I would say like a lot of white middle class people I have met, she became inspired by the nihilism in some hip hop and decided to live it herself. There's probably a lot more to her childhood than meets the eye. sh*t her dad must have done something wrong to have a kid like that
____________________
www.blacksearch.co.uk - Helping to promote Black African and Caribbean Websites
|
|
|
Current time is 09:12 | Page:   1 2 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Join the
Blacknet
mailing list
|
|
