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graduate
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Posted: Wednesday June 14th, 2006 22:49 |
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hi all,
i am a mother of a 6 year and am sister to a severely moody and folla fashion pre-teen brother (13 yrs) . As we all kno the issue of knives, guns, and gangs is getting out of control. My Q is, is our parenting going to be enough to counteract or balance out what the streets is teaching them? i do all i can to instill discipline, guidance and support and shower him with affection, his dad is a v material person and his boy has to be in the latest wear  i kno this doesnt help but who doesnt spoil there only child to some degree! im the positive role model tho, got my degree and a good £ J.O.B, iv always worked and done adventurous things with him.
my 4'7 inch 8st bro now is a diff story, he thinks hes a lil G, the hoodies, caps, baggie pants, jewlery, gloves the lot. bearin in mind he is not my child and my mom is parenting him in her own way, one which i think is contributing to the message the streets are
sending. 
wot r yur thorts?
Attachment: the family.jpg (Downloaded 224 times) Last edited on Wednesday June 14th, 2006 22:57 by graduate
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MwemaJ
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Posted: Tuesday June 20th, 2006 23:28 |
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Moderators: can you put this one in the parenting thread in order to get the responses it deserves?
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MwemaJ
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Posted: Saturday July 1st, 2006 04:15 |
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Graduate, I hear ya. I am an auntie to a fourteen year old. Just last week he had his feet up in such a weird position and when I asked about it, do you know he told me that he was trying not to let his sneakers crease. (!!!???)
I'm the "fun auntie"--but I never let my fun with my nieces and nephews be dependent on money. We can go out and "splurge" sometimes, but more times than not, we will go to free concerts or cram ourselves up with the crowds in the cold at the (free!) parade or pack a lunch and sit in the park and listen to (free!) music on the radio, etc. For Christmas, the oldest kids know that they are going to in some way serve someone who is less fortunate than they are. And gifts are never toys or games, but savings bonds and/or books. I am not certain how we always manage to have fun, but we do.
I don't know the answers--and I'm not a mom yet, so I really don't know the answers. But I agree with you, it is important to try to offset some of the materialistic messages that children get when they are away from you. Sounds like you are a really good role model. Just through all the positive things that you do, your brother is probably taking note of it more than you think. He will probably surprise you real soon.
Peace
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Auset
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Posted: Sunday September 3rd, 2006 18:10 |
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@ graduate,
it good that you have acknowledged the difficulty in parenting.
I am currently training to become psychologist and have worked with children and adults, even a prison.
I would say you have to conreate firm boundaries so that your child knows where they stand, try to get them involved with the type of children that u think are suitable who appear to have been raised well, also try to limit the amount of television and inappropriate media that they are exposed to. Talk to them , spend time with them, lead by example you have to practice watch u preach, teach them about their histtory and culture even the basics, have debates with them try to get them involved in critical thinking, if they are watching something that u think is inappropriate tell them why, hear their opinions.
You also have to be consistent, the materialistic worship is not gd if u have a problem with this talk to ur partner because ur child will adopt thoes values. Also be in close contact with the school be aware of what she is being taught , and how she is in school, take an interest in her life.
Let her know in your worlds and actions that u love her and have high expectations for her, that you believe in her abilities to achieve whats she wants and that she should aim for the best, always encourage with some slight pressure. Have high but realistic standards for behaviour and achievement, let her learn about responsibility e.g. get a pet, teach to set short and long term goals, teach how to problem solve and overcome challenges.
I will mention the history thing again she need to 'know her self' be proud of who she is , positive knowledge about her people, this will help counter the bs she will come across.
If u can honestly say you have done ur best then thats all u can do, hopefully she will have enough of a strong foundation to make the right decisions.
All the things i have stated apply to your brother, if u have a problem with his attitude try and talk to him to see whats going on, check the friends he is hanging out with, and if worse comes to worse throw him on a plane to the home land of your parents with a one-way ticket.
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blackguru
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Posted: Monday September 4th, 2006 13:07 |
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Research Findings 154. [url=http://uk.sitestat.com/homeoffice/homeoffice/s?rds.r154pdf&ns_type=pdf&ns_url=[http://www.homeoffice.gov.uk/rds/pdfs/r154.pdf]]The prison population in 2000: a statistical review [/url]
website address http://www.homeoffice.gov.uk/rds/prisons1.html will clarify some of the information he gets from rap music (about crime) particularly the dispropotate amount of black people in prison compare to the general population. secondly take him on visit to http://www.abolishthenword.com to help him understand what the N word really means.
Boys are different to girls and go weird at puberty in a way women dont fully understand. They usually grow out of it. And with your continual encouragement he will do well. Continue to show an interest in him. Stressful though it may be. You are doing good, believe me.
mostly dont give up on him. Give him positive praise when he does well, postive encouragement and give him manly tasks, when they arise, as an opportunity to earn. Continue to show an interest in him.
Even if he appear to be ignoring what you say he will have heard. they sometimes surpise you.
the main thing is continue.
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Incognito
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Posted: Monday September 11th, 2006 04:16 |
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graduate - that almost sounded like an excuse to say you have a degree ..
Well I know a six year old whose mother put a tv and a dvd player in the childs room when just 4 years old. She's there now talking about the child being behind...and there's not a single educational dvd in site....yet fails to see any conflict of interest while this bright kid is turning obese while being dumbed down by the box.
Babyfathe objects from day one, (along with many other things) but keeps getting met with babymother resistance as a means of her showing him who is in control....some independant woman girl power bull. In this case the answer is get rid of the mother...before the streets take over!
Some dare I say many women are too superficial to raise boys....and they're too superficial to know it!! Last edited on Monday September 11th, 2006 08:17 by Incognito
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blackguru
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Posted: Monday September 11th, 2006 10:18 |
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I agree some people are ill equipt to be parents. Some people have been misinformed about the roles of parenthood. some people had ignorant parents as role models. poor examples have been set and total reliance on the educational systems misplaced.
However graudate is not the parent of the child in question but appears to about the future of the child, seems to be showing genuine concern and is not alone on this matter. (The future of black boys)
As for mentioning that she has a degree. this is good. more black people should speak about their educational achievements. And the opportunities that follow becasue of it.
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Posted: Monday September 11th, 2006 11:49 |
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| blackguru - agreed..seems to be a thin line these days in the perception of bragging and modesty.....
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Kibibi
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Posted: Monday September 11th, 2006 12:04 |
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graduate wrote: hi all,
i am a mother of a 6 year and am sister to a severely moody and folla fashion pre-teen brother (13 yrs). As we all kno the issue of knives, guns, and gangs is getting out of control. My Q is, is our parenting going to be enough to counteract or balance out what the streets is teaching them? i do all i can to instill discipline, guidance and support and shower him with affection, his dad is a v material person and his boy has to be in the latest wear i kno this doesnt help but who doesnt spoil there only child to some degree! im the positive role model tho, got my degree and a good £ J.O.B, iv always worked and done adventurous things with him.
my 4'7 inch 8st bro now is a diff story, he thinks hes a lil G, the hoodies, caps, baggie pants, jewlery, gloves the lot. bearin in mind he is not my child and my mom is parenting him in her own way, one which i think is contributing to the message the streets are
sending.
wot r yur thorts?
What I highlighted is the problem. If his own father (and mother) are not willing to set an example for their son, then I'm not sure what you do will have the effect you desire.
There is nothing wrong with spoiling your child, but when that child only focuses on the material things and has no concept of value, then there is a problem with spoiling that child.
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blackguru
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Posted: Monday September 11th, 2006 12:05 |
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on second look I can see what you saying. But the point is that there is concerned about the boy and seems to be asking for input in order to support him in the right way or view points on the current situation with black youth. She doesnt appear to be in any trouble herself but the brother appears to be heading that way.
Focus should be put on helping the boy and others like him. You being a male (I ASSUME,COULD BE WRONG), what positive action can be taken by single parent mothers to prevent further problems with their sons?
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Incognito
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Posted: Monday September 11th, 2006 12:11 |
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BB - think my eldest is becoming aware...talking about adidas and Nike et all. Kind of believe cheap costs twice in the long run but in general like to mix and match it in that can buy him a jumper for 12pounds one day and buy him one for 45 on another...or even better, buy his clothes in bulk when on holiday in the USA.
If there is one thing that really riles me is seeing our toddlers draped in jewellery..
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Kibibi
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Posted: Monday September 11th, 2006 12:21 |
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Incognito wrote: BB - think my eldest is becoming aware...talking about adidas and Nike et all. Kind of believe cheap costs twice in the long run but in general like to mix and match it in that can buy him a jumper for 12pounds one day and buy him one for 45 on another...or even better, buy his clothes in bulk when on holiday in the USA.
If there is one thing that really riles me is seeing our toddlers draped in jewellery..
Who said anything about cheap? Being sensible with money and being aware of value does not equate sticking to cheapness all the time
I agree with your logic. I myself don't buy 'cheap' trainers, mainly because the style I like is made by a 'name brand' and I don't change my trainers every few months. I make them last.
My point was if the parents aren't bothering to teach their child, then I do not see the sibling making a great impact.
Last edited on Monday September 11th, 2006 12:24 by Kibibi
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Posted: Monday September 11th, 2006 12:22 |
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Incognito wrote: BB - think my eldest is becoming aware...talking about adidas and Nike et all. Kind of believe cheap costs twice in the long run but in general like to mix and match it in that can buy him a jumper for 12pounds one day and buy him one for 45 on another...or even better, buy his clothes in bulk when on holiday in the USA.
If there is one thing that really riles me is seeing our toddlers draped in jewellery..
youre a joker!
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Posted: Monday September 11th, 2006 13:33 |
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BB - yeah that was really just my take on what is perceived by some as materialisim. For the most part if it's affordable I'm kool with it but then there are some things which are unjust regardless of whether it's affordable or sensible or not....but in my experience it's others who can't afford it who look on it as materialism...those who can have a different perspective.
Values are exactly the same, depending on the ones you hold determine the perspective you see and indeed the angle of your argument. For example, going by some of the debates I've had, I know many people will not be teaching their children the value of marriage and being born in wedlock.
Got children with tv's, dvd's, computers and playstations in their rooms who do not even know their times tables or long division.
Last edited on Monday September 11th, 2006 13:37 by Incognito
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Posted: Monday September 11th, 2006 13:52 |
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blackguru - some people don't know te difference between teaching a child and making the child learn. I work at the concept level myself..if the child has that he/she can apply it to anything....
...You may find schools teach in too much of a blanket fashion and have your child sectioned off as special needs ecause he/she can't get it. The parents should have taken care of that long before it gets to that stage.
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Posted: Monday September 11th, 2006 13:59 |
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Good parenting doesnt come naturally to all parents. but when problems arise most parents want to solve them despite their ignorance. What do you suggest in this regard.
Do you think it is too late to try and help children when they are in their teens?
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Posted: Monday September 11th, 2006 14:14 |
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I think it's about knowing the system and not putting your trust in it. If your child is not cut out for their curriculum do not force it on them..I know people going back to college at 30...not because they were thick...just weren't cut out for it the way the system wanted them to be....and in many cases simply intimidated by it all.
Many parents think the school system and their curriculum is God...sell your children to them and it's likely the streets will end up teaching them. just have the childs and not massas (i.e. appeasing school teachers) best interest at heart and you'll find a way....even if it means having your own comapny or family business for them to join and/or inherit.
Last edited on Monday September 11th, 2006 14:25 by Incognito
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Posted: Monday September 11th, 2006 14:28 |
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I think you may want to consider taking the young men on a field trip to a prison, to the emergancy room and possibly a ridealong with a police officer.
Children glamorize the "street" lifesyle when they have not see the true effects it can have on their lives. By showing them the real outcomes it will soon be obvious that far more people are getting a very negative outcome from streetlife than are benefiting over the long haul.
You may also want to explore some of the teaching tools available to help your children with "media literacy" or the ability to really understand what the media is for and whats its doing to people who are unaware.
Check this link:
graduate wrote: hi all,
i am a mother of a 6 year and am sister to a severely moody and folla fashion pre-teen brother (13 yrs). As we all kno the issue of knives, guns, and gangs is getting out of control. My Q is, is our parenting going to be enough to counteract or balance out what the streets is teaching them? i do all i can to instill discipline, guidance and support and shower him with affection, his dad is a v material person and his boy has to be in the latest wear i kno this doesnt help but who doesnt spoil there only child to some degree! im the positive role model tho, got my degree and a good £ J.O.B, iv always worked and done adventurous things with him.
my 4'7 inch 8st bro now is a diff story, he thinks hes a lil G, the hoodies, caps, baggie pants, jewlery, gloves the lot. bearin in mind he is not my child and my mom is parenting him in her own way, one which i think is contributing to the message the streets are
sending.
wot r yur thorts?
Last edited on Monday September 11th, 2006 14:42 by Bacoo
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Posted: Monday September 11th, 2006 14:28 |
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incg-thank you for that I agree totally with the point you have just made.
We should help our children see that education is an aid to the child achieving thire goals and it is the parents job to help the child discover what that goal is and how to achieve it.
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Posted: Monday September 11th, 2006 15:00 |
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Bacoo - this visit to prison is one thing that gets on my nerves. In one hand it's like I can see it but in the other I'm in denial that we need any such drastic measures. I kind of put it in the same category as sending children to church.....most of the career criminal people I grew up ith all went to the same church as me. If I can help it, my children are never seeing a prison...even as a visit.
blackguru - as parents we tend to raise our children by the standards defined by our own failures. I know people now going hell for leather signing up on school governing boards pulling all the strings as a means to prevent their own children ending up like them....too right, no way they're letting their own children bleach their lives out on weed, sex and booze the way they did...though you could argue they have seen a light which their own parents failed to see.
Me I've been through it and it really doesn't phase me. The last thing I'd want my children to do is graft the way I've had to if they do not want to. And I don't believe everybody was made for 9-5. A cohesive community will have alternatives, a strength in depth. Witnessed this when sparring with my asian friends. One habit I picked up is everytime I'm in a fast food shop and see two or three school youths buying their food or their lunch...I ask them what they want and I pay for it for them. When they say thanks I tell them just promise me you'll learn your history and learn your books. Little gestures like that can go a long way.
When I left college I still didn't know what I wanted to be. had parents talking about being lawyers, accountants and doctors but still couldn't relate in real terms what that was. Could relate to hustling, mini cabbing, security guard, London transport and BT but nothing white collar..it just wasn't in the immediate circle.
So even this early on, I ask my eldest what he wants to be when he grows up.....it doesn't have to bee no big bucks job just something to keep him cerebrally challenged. And I'll try to be the example of what I'm trying to teach him. Nothing more embarassing than preaching to your yoot for them to turn around and say 'well how comes you never do it'.
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Posted: Monday September 11th, 2006 15:14 |
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Of course you could alway just wait until the situation in the UK is as bad as it is in the states, then deceide that drastic measures need to be taken. My HS sponsored trips to two prisons as part of the criminal and civil law class and it was pretty informative. Any hood who tried to glamorize prison life could be seen through like glass.
I dont see anything drastic about such a field trip, its a part of ones life education.
Damn sure beats the hell out of them spending a few hour watching some rap videos or more blaxploitation/John SIngleton movies??
Incognito wrote: Bacoo - this visit to prison is one thing that gets on my nerves. In one hand it's like I can see it but in the other I'm in denial that we need any such drastic measures. I kind of put it in the same category as sending children to church.....most of the career criminal people I grew up ith all went to the same church as me. If I can help it, my children are never seeing a prison...even as a visit.
blackguru - as parents we tend to raise our children by the standards defined by our own failures. I know people now going hell for leather signing up on school governing boards pulling all the strings as a means to prevent their own children ending up like them....too right, no way they're letting their own children bleach their lives out on weed, sex and booze the way they did...though you could argue they have seen a light which their own parents failed to see.
Me I've been through it and it really doesn't phase me. The last thing I'd want my children to do is graft the way I've had to if they do not want to. And I don't believe everybody was made for 9-5. A cohesive community will have alternatives, a strength in depth. Witnessed this when sparring with my asian friends. One habit I picked up is everytime I'm in a fast food shop and see two or three school youths buying their food or their lunch...I ask them what they want and I pay for it for them. When they say thanks I tell them just promise me you'll learn your history and learn your books. Little gestures like that can go a long way.
When I left college I still didn't know what I wanted to be. had parents talking about being lawyers, accountants and doctors but still couldn't relate in real terms what that was. Could relate to hustling, mini cabbing, security guard, London transport and BT but nothing white collar..it just wasn't in the immediate circle.
So even this early on, I ask my eldest what he wants to be when he grows up.....it doesn't have to bee no big bucks job just something to keep him cerebrally challenged. And I'll try to be the example of what I'm trying to teach him. Nothing more embarassing than preaching to your yoot for them to turn around and say 'well how comes you never do it'.
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Posted: Monday September 11th, 2006 15:25 |
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Bacoo - wouldn't say it is unnecessary but with no values prison for many will be a glamorous place. Fundamentally, I don't believe children need to be scared into not going there...but as you say, maybe it's already gone too far.
 Here's a question for a brotha. What would you be doing if it wasn't IT
Last edited on Monday September 11th, 2006 15:32 by Incognito
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Posted: Monday September 11th, 2006 15:30 |
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| for some thats true
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Posted: Tuesday September 12th, 2006 11:59 |
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Junk culture 'killing childhood'
10.43, Tue Sep 12 2006
A "junk culture" of processed food, computer games and over-competitive education is poisoning Britain's children, it has been claimed.
More than a 100 teachers, psychologists and children's authors have warned that modern life is causing the death of traditional childhood.
Author Phillip Pullman, children's laureate Jacqueline Wilson and Doctor Penelope Leach are just some of the experts who have called on the Government to act.
They are concerned about a rise in depression in school pupils and believe youngsters find it impossible to cope with the fast pace of modern life.
In an open letter they wrote that children, forced "to act and dress like mini-adults", were of behavioural and developmental problems.
"Since children's brains are still developing, they cannot adjust as full-grown adults can, to the effects of ever more rapid technological and cultural change," the letter said.
"They need what developing human beings have always needed, including real food (as opposed to processed 'junk'), real play (as opposed to sedentary, screen-based entertainment), first hand experience of the world they live in and regular interaction with the real-life significant adults in their lives."
The letter was circulated by Sue Palmer, an ex-head teacher and author of a book entitled "Toxic Childhood", and Dr Richard House, a senior lecturer at the Research Centre for Therapeutic Education at Roehampton University in London.
"Children's development is being drastically affected by the kind of world they are brought up in. It is shocking," said Ms Palmer.
"A child's physical and psychological growth cannot be accelerated. It changes in biological time, not at electrical speed. Childhood is not a race."
Don't get caught in babylon's disaster!!
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I live satisfied that my enemies know I am right!
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