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Blackthought
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Posted: Wednesday May 3rd, 2006 13:54 |
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I was chatting to a friend of mine, and he told me that his little sister is out of control.. she does what she wants, she's rude.. doesn't listen, has no respect for anyone, goes out anytime etc.. you pretty much get the picture..
I was mad when he told me some of the things that she had done, because I can feel his pain and gladly happy that I am not in his shoes because I wouldn't know what to do myself except be as furstrated as he his now..
The father can't do nothing much becuase she just doesn't listen to him, so discipline is out of the question, my friend said she threatens to call the POLICE if any of them ever try to lay there hands on her.. she is going to 18 soon..
Pretty much everybody has abandoned her becuase they are just tired.
This is not the only case, I have come across different people with this type of siblins in their family.. where they can only watch the distruction of there sis/bro..
I didn't want to be blunt with my friend, about the possibility of her coming home pregnant, which is a high chance with the state of mind she seems to be in...
As parents how do you deal with this kind of situation, I can understand some of you may not have that type of children but would I am sure have heard of it..
What do you think the problem is... do you think that the LAW that is intent to protect children, is now been used by the children against adults.
I mean how many times, I have heard of kids saying if you touch me I will call the police..
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The Watcher
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Posted: Thursday May 4th, 2006 09:56 |
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| Pretty much past being a "kid" now, even given my intense dislike of all teenagers... I think she should be kicked out of yard and made to learn life her damn self.
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Blackthought
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Posted: Thursday May 4th, 2006 10:05 |
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| I think that would be her 18th bday present.. its just sad when you hear this thing, she was an annoying lil brat when we where younger.. but u would think it was just a phase...
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The Watcher
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Posted: Thursday May 4th, 2006 10:14 |
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| nothing is just a phase. everything means something. spoilt kids don't always grow out of it, they sometimes become ghastly adults too. needs putting in her place. since she threatening the law she isn't appreciating her home enough and taking it for granted. getting dash out would soon fix that sh*t up and bring her arse back to earth but that hardly EVER happens. parents way too indulgent these days.
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Saida.M
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Posted: Thursday May 4th, 2006 14:39 |
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Nah something else is gong on here. I can't believe that an 18 year old is acting this way. If I'd a read 15, then I'd see, but 18???
That's way too old to be having tantrums like this. Are you absolutely sure you have the whole picture?
How is it that HE turned out alright but SHE has not?
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Rastawoman
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Posted: Thursday May 4th, 2006 14:57 |
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Sometimes you have to look at the bigger picture, I had a cousin who was so out of control, the girl used to disrespect evryone including her mother and father. She used to be real slack aswell, just letting men do what they wanted with her, and she used to get licks of people on a weekly basis.
But it turned out that she was abused by a neighboor from a young age, and all that aggression and anger was her way of handling the situation.
I'm not saying that your friends sister was abused, but maybe someone needs to sit down and talk to her, see what it is thats at the route of this behaviour, most people have a reason for behaving the way she is.
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Blackthought
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Posted: Thursday May 4th, 2006 15:01 |
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athaba wrote: Nah something else is gong on here. I can't believe that an 18 year old is acting this way. If I'd a read 15, then I'd see, but 18???
That's way too old to be having tantrums like this. Are you absolutely sure you have the whole picture?
How is it that HE turned out alright but SHE has not?
Long story... one which I can get into on public forum, as you can understand... but I think it boils down to the fact that she was spoilt as kid...
BTW she is 17
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Saida.M
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Posted: Friday May 5th, 2006 15:35 |
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Blackthought wrote: athaba wrote: Nah something else is gong on here. I can't believe that an 18 year old is acting this way. If I'd a read 15, then I'd see, but 18???
That's way too old to be having tantrums like this. Are you absolutely sure you have the whole picture?
How is it that HE turned out alright but SHE has not?
Long story... one which I can get into on public forum, as you can understand... but I think it boils down to the fact that she was spoilt as kid...
BTW she is 17
BTW she is 17 - Still far away from fifiteen and very near eighteen. Anyway, if she was spoilt as a child, then I think the only way out for her now, (bearing in mind we don't know the full story of course so I may say anything that's already been tried), is for someone to sit her down and talk . It'll be better to come from someone whom she respects or a complete outsider like a councellor.
What do you think?
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Blackthought
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Posted: Friday May 5th, 2006 21:47 |
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athaba wrote: Blackthought wrote: athaba wrote: Nah something else is gong on here. I can't believe that an 18 year old is acting this way. If I'd a read 15, then I'd see, but 18???
That's way too old to be having tantrums like this. Are you absolutely sure you have the whole picture?
How is it that HE turned out alright but SHE has not?
Long story... one which I can get into on public forum, as you can understand... but I think it boils down to the fact that she was spoilt as kid...
BTW she is 17
BTW she is 17 - Still far away from fifiteen and very near eighteen. Anyway, if she was spoilt as a child, then I think the only way out for her now, (bearing in mind we don't know the full story of course so I may say anything that's already been tried), is for someone to sit her down and talk . It'll be better to come from someone whom she respects or a complete outsider like a councellor.
What do you think?
Thats already been done to death
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Kunjufu
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Posted: Friday May 5th, 2006 21:55 |
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Blackthought: you know there is a point when the talking stops and the parents just have to risk letting go...and hope that the lessons aren't too hard..some people only learn this way..
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The Watcher
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Posted: Friday May 5th, 2006 21:58 |
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| But BT, there isn't anything anybody here can say that will give you the power to do anything. She ain't your daughter... or ever your sister. Are you asking in case *crosses fingers* you have a daughter like that some day?
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Blackthought
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Posted: Friday May 5th, 2006 22:06 |
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Nah bro.. I just used her as a mere example of teenagers nowadays getting out of control, the last two paragraph of my initial post was the real topic I wanted people's opinion on... not so much about the girl itself.
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stick-upKid
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Posted: Friday May 5th, 2006 22:26 |
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Blackthought wrote:
What do you think the problem is... do you think that the LAW that is intent to protect children, is now been used by the children against adults.
I mean how many times, I have heard of kids saying if you touch me I will call the police..
--
The thing is, "touching" or violence isnt the answer anyways. Not these days. I know most ppl in our generation were beaten with everything that was close at hand (me included) but that cannot stand today--and neither should it.
I hated being hit so much that when I became big enough (early teens), I would have hit my mother back, and magically from the day she saw that look in my eye she stopped trying to hit me lol.
Violence is not the answer. And yes the Law is there for a good reason--check out some threads in the news section to enlighten yourself on the horrors some children are subjected to.
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The Watcher
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Posted: Friday May 5th, 2006 22:33 |
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I agree, violence is often counter productive in that it teaches violence as a solution. It doesn't always work.
In prison the most powerful punishment they can give an inmate is solitary confinement. Obviously you can't lock somebody up but you can give them the cold shoulder and your obvious dissaproval. Cut yourself off from them and make them prove themselves.
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Saida.M
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Posted: Saturday May 6th, 2006 12:50 |
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| I'm interested Blackthought in how the professional councelling failed.
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nadisco1
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Posted: Monday May 8th, 2006 00:01 |
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Whether this young girl is 18 or 8 it makes no difference. Yes, while she might have been spoilt into believing that she can do whatever she likes, the parents are also to blame to some extent. There should have been boundaries put in place a long time ago. Furthermore, what is the relationship between the parents and the child, have the parents always given the young woman her independance and has there been a major change to the family or her social life for the teen to have had a reaction to.
As a one time tear away teenager, I can only say that through all this young womans struggles and strife, there is hope and she can only learn from her experiences. I just hope that she will learn to value and appreciate what she has in herself and her family. Just because at 18 some people are "grounded" or have found "themselves" doesnt mean that this is an empirical fact. Damn it took me almost the same time before I could stop think and listen and even then I had to make a few mistakes. I just wish this young woman alot of good luck and hope that some positive things happen to her through her experiences. Hopefully she will find something that she enjoys or takes pride in, that puts her in a postive light.
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Posted: Monday May 8th, 2006 12:34 |
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nadisco1 wrote: Whether this young girl is 18 or 8 it makes no difference. Yes, while she might have been spoilt into believing that she can do whatever she likes, the parents are also to blame to some extent. There should have been boundaries put in place a long time ago. Furthermore, what is the relationship between the parents and the child, have the parents always given the young woman her independance and has there been a major change to the family or her social life for the teen to have had a reaction to.
As a one time tear away teenager, I can only say that through all this young womans struggles and strife, there is hope and she can only learn from her experiences. I just hope that she will learn to value and appreciate what she has in herself and her family. Just because at 18 some people are "grounded" or have found "themselves" doesnt mean that this is an empirical fact. Damn it took me almost the same time before I could stop think and listen and even then I had to make a few mistakes. I just wish this young woman alot of good luck and hope that some positive things happen to her through her experiences. Hopefully she will find something that she enjoys or takes pride in, that puts her in a postive light.
I take it from your experiences you came out 'alright'. But what to do as a concerned adult? What did your parents do - just watched? That must be hard for a parent to do, even if they are to blame. What would you say to yourself now if you met yourself today as you were then?
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Posted: Monday May 8th, 2006 13:59 |
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Blackthought wrote: I was chatting to a friend of mine, and he told me that his little sister is out of control.. she does what she wants, she's rude.. doesn't listen, has no respect for anyone, goes out anytime etc.. you pretty much get the picture..
I was mad when he told me some of the things that she had done, because I can feel his pain and gladly happy that I am not in his shoes because I wouldn't know what to do myself except be as furstrated as he his now..
The father can't do nothing much becuase she just doesn't listen to him, so discipline is out of the question, my friend said she threatens to call the POLICE if any of them ever try to lay there hands on her.. she is going to 18 soon..
Pretty much everybody has abandoned her becuase they are just tired.
This is not the only case, I have come across different people with this type of siblins in their family.. where they can only watch the distruction of there sis/bro..
I didn't want to be blunt with my friend, about the possibility of her coming home pregnant, which is a high chance with the state of mind she seems to be in...
As parents how do you deal with this kind of situation, I can understand some of you may not have that type of children but would I am sure have heard of it..
What do you think the problem is... do you think that the LAW that is intent to protect children, is now been used by the children against adults.
I mean how many times, I have heard of kids saying if you touch me I will call the police..
Blackthought, when I heard people talk about these concerns there were soem who said they would encourage their children to go to the police if they thought they were bad so to speak. I didn't gather that the parents were abusing the children but could be wrong, it sounded more like the parents and their children were having power struggle and the children were trying to use the law as a threat in a away to undermine the parents authority. Telling the police is probably the last thing the child would want in reality but it must be some kind of cry for help.
I'd like to think that talking to the child to try and overstand what's really up may help but the only thing is how much can a parent take before they let the child go and learn the hard way. I'm dreading the days my children get to their teens mainly because I keep hearing people say that parenting gets harder as the childern get older. Great!
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locsgirl
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Posted: Tuesday June 6th, 2006 21:46 |
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There are so many Mad and Bad kids out there now and there are so many reasons for it...but mainly they just dont dont have any boundaries anymore. No-one is allowed to discipline them and they all have too much Power over adults. When I was at school caning was legal and we didn;t have many Bad kids. I can only remember 2 boys who were so bad in school that they were excluded.
When birching was practised on the Isle of Man there crime rate was minimal. When the doo-gooders stepped in and it was banned, their crime rate rose to same level as everywhere else.
Most children are spoiled rotten now. They have far too much of Everything and are not happy as a result. Lots of parents let them alone too much with computers and game consoles for company instead of putting themselves out to do stuff with them. They let them stay out too late and amuse themselves too much.
I have brought up two children. My son is 22 tomorrow and my daughter is 8. I have had no trouble with either of them and they treat their parents with respect. I and their Father never had to beat them either. I dont believe teenagers have to be hard work, you just have to start as you mean to go on with them. I do believe children need strong role models and it helps if Black children do have a strong Black father as a good role model. My childrens Father is often called on to help with friends children who do not have a Father figure. The difference he has made in lots of instances has been predictable.
Also a lot of childrens diet is apalling.There is a definite link between nutrition and childrens behaviour. Just look at the obesity and lack of fitness in a lot of young people now. Kids were definitely fitter back in the Sixties and Seventies.
Another factor is the way a lot of parents behave themselves. Many kids see their parents seperate and get involved in different relationships. This is all very confusing and unsettling for young minds. I never heard my Mother swear and I never see her in bed with anyone but my Father. Not many kids can say that these days.
All these factors and more are making todays kids impossible to cope with.
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obal85
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Posted: Monday June 26th, 2006 00:31 |
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Out of control children?
Personally, i believe they should be given up to social services in the event they continue their misdemeanour ways. They could only learn via the easy way or the hard way.
Last edited on Monday June 26th, 2006 00:33 by obal85
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obal85
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Posted: Monday June 26th, 2006 00:31 |
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Last edited on Monday June 26th, 2006 00:33 by obal85
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Posted: Wednesday June 28th, 2006 01:20 |
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| Firstly, this story is too one-sided for me to make a reasonable judgement on this. But from what I can say in regards to my own family, I had a cousin who just tore up every single good thing about himself and has ruined is ruining his future from his bad ways. It's sad to see someone take sucha bad route in life at such a young age, but even though he's my cousin, I completely have no association with him as I don't what that negativity in my life or asscociate with it. ENDLESS days of the family worrying about him and his nasty ways, and his violent ways are all to much, so the years are trying to persuade and guide have come to an end as he's now 20 AND APPARENTLY is a BIG MAN as he says. The family HAVE focused and tried to help him but then we all just realised that we have OUR OWN lives to get on with and that's his choice. Honestly, his mother was not much help either as she contributed to much of his bad ways but helping her to realise that too was an issue in itself. My advice is do what you can but eventually you will grow tired and old of that sh*t unless THEY learn for themselves. Just get on with your own life and don't waste time. They act like they have it REAL HARD but have never once stepped foot in a full time or even part time job or held down good grades and even accomplished anything remoteful that requires hard work, and they want to tell you 'You don't know nothing' ! It's all BS and I don't stand around for that sh*t.
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AmeriJamCan
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Posted: Wednesday June 28th, 2006 14:47 |
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What do you mean by "discipline is out of the question"? Discipline is NEVER out of the question when it comes to children (and even adults). Society is not going to spoil the little girl that you wrote about. If she is not trained to behave by her parents, then there are places where she will be deposited by society so that she can be controlled - i.e., prison. By not disciplining this child, her parents are actually destroying her life as she will be unable to interact appropriately with those in authority outside of her home.
The bottom line is that children do not raise themselves and parents are responsible for the behavior of their children (until they reach the age of majority). I don't have any children, but my friends and family who do don't seem to have a hard time raising decent, well-behaved individuals. It is not an impossible task, even in liberal societies where the police can be called by headstrong children.
Last edited on Wednesday June 28th, 2006 14:49 by AmeriJamCan
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Posted: Monday July 3rd, 2006 13:54 |
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I believe in giving my children total freedom but this goes hand in hand with the discipline required to handle that freedom - freedom without the discipline to control it is detrimental.
I can say since I was old enough to know myself everyting I have done has been for my children. From the career I chose against the jobs I chose not to do, from the exams I take, from them being born in wedlock, to the house they live in to their education, I've been planning way before they were even born. Indeed while I was planning many of my peers were gaining status by sleeping with greys an |
