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Le Moor
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Posted: Wednesday March 15th, 2006 23:08 |
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Some people send their children to Drama School and they turn out to be Hollywood Superstars. Others shout at their kids on the football pitch until they make them cry, but they end up playing at proffesional level for Liverpool FC.
Could we assume that those parents nutured those children with the correct format.
Then theres those same children who parents did exactly the same as the above examples but without the success. These group of kids probably account for the vast majority. They may never even find their true potential like the majority of people dont.
Is it right to push your kids into a discipline you want them to be in? Can you rear Superstar kids? Should it always be the childs choice as to where their talents may lie.
Last edited on Wednesday March 15th, 2006 23:09 by Le Moor
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bubz
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Posted: Wednesday March 15th, 2006 23:42 |
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| it seemed to work for the Williams sisters. but equally that kind of pushing can be cruel, bad for a child and can go wrong too.
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nadisco1
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Posted: Thursday March 16th, 2006 03:19 |
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I dont think it is fair for parents to impose thier choices of careers in their childrens lives. However, I believe in encouraging children to take advantage of topportunities which can have influences over the child's life.
As a parent, by taking my son to karate, I made him aware of what was available. I respected his wishes when he told me that he didnt want to go to Karate and although I had paid for him to go, I accepted that it was his choice. I have introduced Drama and football to him and when he decides that he has had enough, I will accept that it wasnt for him.
I think that so long as the child enjoys what they are doing then the parents should encourage and support and not enforce it as a must. So long as the kids are happy !
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zaghawa
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Posted: Thursday March 16th, 2006 05:32 |
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Le Moor wrote: Some people send their children to Drama School and they turn out to be Hollywood Superstars. Others shout at their kids on the football pitch until they make them cry, but they end up playing at proffesional level for Liverpool FC.
Could we assume that those parents nutured those children with the correct format.
Then theres those same children who parents did exactly the same as the above examples but without the success. These group of kids probably account for the vast majority. They may never even find their true potential like the majority of people dont.
Is it right to push your kids into a discipline you want them to be in? Can you rear Superstar kids? Should it always be the childs choice as to where their talents may lie.
There are a lot of worse things than parents who try to expose their children to a wide variety of things. Dance, acting, sports, music etc. etc.
A little bit of discipline is a good thing.
The one thing that parents need to learn is to pay attention … if their child is miserable or unhappy or obviously untalented they shouldn’t push too hard.
Rearing a child to a successful adulthood is no small task. Only a few very talented people will ever be a superstar athlete, a world class pianist, or a first rate actor ... but that doesn't mean kids should not be exposed to these things and it doesn't mean these things will not enrich their lives.
The kids I would be more concerned about are the ones who are not involved in anything.
Last edited on Thursday March 16th, 2006 05:38 by zaghawa
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Le Moor
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Posted: Thursday March 16th, 2006 06:59 |
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@all........ you have all made valid, relevant and accurate points, however can i put this you.
I believe when i was younger i was good enough to be a proffessinal football player. I was spotted as a youth and then invited to train with a proffessinal club for one year. (Gillingham FC)
After the one year you're either invited to train again, offerred a proffessinal contract or released.
Unfortuanetly mine was the latter.
This has happened to millions of Proffessionals however they have persevered with the discipline and succeeded.
After being released i drifted for a while and continued playing at an ordinary park football level. Although i am not blaming my parents as they acted the same as the majority of parents would have, I believe had they insisted and forced me to continue my football seriously, i would have stood a chance of being signed eventually.
At that age(13-16) very few children i believe have a strong vision of where their futures lie so herein lies the question....Is this the difference between failure and success when nuturing a talent through to its true potential? i.e. that timely intervention from the parents.
In my case i can tell you it wouldnt have been wrong as in hindsight i would have preffered to be a pro player.
Last edited on Thursday March 16th, 2006 07:26 by Le Moor
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ChubbiChix
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Posted: Thursday March 16th, 2006 07:13 |
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| The choice of career should be ultimately up to the child but its up tp the parents to push them in the right direction. If you see your kid has a natural talent, you should push them to perfect it because kids will say they want to do something today and then quit next week. You shouldn't be too hard like joe jackson but some encouragement never hurt anyone. Personally, I really don't want my children being superstar entertainers or basketball players. Its up tp them but I would rather see them as doctors, engineers, entreprenuers or something that requires education. I don't want my children in that corrupt industry of sports or music.
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Vezz.
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Posted: Thursday March 16th, 2006 08:24 |
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Just because a child has a natural talent doesn't mean they'd want to pursue it.
When younger I wanted to be a doctor and studied at home hard to achieve it. My reports said I could easily do it and my parents actively encouraged me. However I decided I didn't want to while at college and no matter what my parents said I stubbornly refused to do medicine.
I'm not disappointed as that wasn't what I wanted.
My son's father is desparate for our son to follow in his footsteps and become a footballer, but he's just not interested. He is interested in basketball and cricket though, so if he wants to pursue it I shall let him.
Le Moor,
I believe your parents didn't want to subject you to more rejection by not forcing you to continue after you were released by Gillingham and I have to agree with them. No parent likes their child to feel they have failed.
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HatHaruhotep
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Posted: Thursday March 16th, 2006 13:25 |
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Im Hotep,
Venus and Serena's parents had them specifically for the purpose of making them into millionaires and tennis stars. Their other daughters showed no interest in the game, so they decided to have two more. Their father, Richard, learned how to play tennis so he could coach the girls. And they certainly accomplished what their parents envisioned for them. So I guess it can be done.
But child stars, especially if they start out very young, seem to have a lot of problems. Remember the cast of Diff'rent Strokes? The dude who played the Beaver? The Home Alone boy?
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Saida.M
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Posted: Thursday March 16th, 2006 15:29 |
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I think it's ok to expose a child to variety of stuff.
Not everyone can afford to do that.
How many times have you heard from 'celebs' that they realised their talents at very early ages?
And how would anyone know that they have a 'natural' talent for anything, woodworking, for example, if they are never introduced to wood!!??
 Unfortunately Le Moor, (not being disrepectful to our peeps), we cannot choose our parents; we are at their mercy until we are grown.
*Incidentally this highlight imho, how important talking is for our children.
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Mezmerized
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Posted: Thursday March 16th, 2006 16:07 |
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| For a lack of a better word, some African parents can be just plain lazy when it comes to providing children with extras curiculum(sp) activities and following it up. One of my cousin used to be so GOOD at Tennis, yet her parents never really did much to push or encourage her........the girl was obviously talented, and when her teenage hormones started playing her up, what she really needed was something to keep her focused.....but all they wanted was for her to be home every night. Imagine where she'll be now...
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Le Moor
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Posted: Thursday March 16th, 2006 23:28 |
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ChubbiChix wrote: The choice of career should be ultimately up to the child but its up tp the parents to push them in the right direction. If you see your kid has a natural talent, you should push them to perfect it because kids will say they want to do something today and then quit next week. You shouldn't be too hard like joe jackson but some encouragement never hurt anyone. Personally, I really don't want my children being superstar entertainers or basketball players. Its up tp them but I would rather see them as doctors, engineers, entreprenuers or something that requires education. I don't want my children in that corrupt industry of sports or music.
I think you're right CC. You cant be too hard but kids need encouragement and pushing in the right direction at times.,
@ Lady Vee
Le Moor,
I believe your parents didn't want to subject you to more rejection by not forcing you to continue after you were released by Gillingham and I have to agree with them. No parent likes their child to feel they have failed.
LV but this is what i mean. I wasnt hurt with rejection, i was just too young to fully understand the laws of success. I was too young to understand that it was vital at this stage of rejection to persevere in order to achieve the heights. Its at this crucial stage that parents need to support, guide and push their children.
I do agree you cannont force children to do what they dont enjoy, however it needs to be determind whether its them not enjoying the discipline or whether they are just simply losing their way through difficult and challenging times.
I think they need to draw on our life experiences in order to develop.
Last edited on Friday March 17th, 2006 06:13 by Le Moor
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CashMoney
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Posted: Sunday March 19th, 2006 07:33 |
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I have to agree with Mesmerized and Le Moor on this subject
Parental involvement is 1000000% important.
However in defence of the parents, alot of Africans only know about Degrees as a means of success. All this other stuff is frivolous to them
We have grown up differently and we know that there are plenty more ways to make paper
This is a timely subject cos I had a 45 minute conversation with one of my friends on thursday about this very subject
He was talking about his cousin who could have been a big footballer, but like in mesmerized example, the parents showed NO encouragement. Apparently he still feels a bit of resentmant
@ Le Moor
Knowing what I know now, if that was me I woud have had you in the park every other day( at least) after homework is done for you to practice whatever it was that Gillingham felt wasnt good enough
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Kibibi
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Posted: Sunday March 19th, 2006 10:33 |
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There is a fine line between encouragement and force and sometimes what the parent wants can become muddled up with what the childs wants.
I am in agreement with Athaba, there is nothing wrong with exposing your child to a wide range of activities, but I think it unfair for a parent to actively seek out a particular profession for his/her child despite the protests of the child.
My sister used to dance when she was about 5 and was in a lot of shows, but she didnt want to do it anymore and my mother never forced her. At the age of about 16 my sister became interested in dance again and was a little annoyed at my mum for not encouraging and/or forcing her to stick to it. Now at 26 my sister's ambitions and dreams are completely different and she is very happy.
The parent just has to get the balance right-that is the tricky part.
***I have watched clips of that show ''pushy parents'' (or whatever it is called) and some parents take it too damn far in my opinion.
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Posted: Sunday March 19th, 2006 12:48 |
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Let's not forget the parents that make their child become a success of themselves by becoming a GREAT LAWYER OR DOCTOR...mainly for their own bragging rights but u know how Nigerian parents do....LOL
Sticking with an activity does not mean you have to become a professional in that field, it shows discipline and effort into perfecting or reaching a certain level of accomplishment in an art even if at one point you struggled. Especially as in many cases the child chooses their own hobbies and when the going gets tough they want to quit.
I wanted a guitar on my 10th B'day...parents bought me one and to this day I still don't know how to play...I should've been pushed. I hammered strings for two weeks, wasn't any good and the next decade that dusty piece of wood and string is up in the attic not worth a penny.
That is an invaluable lesson to learn as a child, and to bring into your teenage years and adulthood.
We don't want a whole generation of flaky children who quit when the going gets tough. Because that same behaviour more time will be evident when they are adults.
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Le Moor
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Posted: Monday March 20th, 2006 23:49 |
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CashMoney wrote: I have to agree with Mesmerized and Le Moor on this subject
Parental involvement is 1000000% important.
However in defence of the parents, alot of Africans only know about Degrees as a means of success. All this other stuff is frivolous to them
We have grown up differently and we know that there are plenty more ways to make paper
This is a timely subject cos I had a 45 minute conversation with one of my friends on thursday about this very subject
He was talking about his cousin who could have been a big footballer, but like in mesmerized example, the parents showed NO encouragement. Apparently he still feels a bit of resentmant
@ Le Moor
Knowing what I know now, if that was me I woud have had you in the park every other day( at least) after homework is done for you to practice whatever it was that Gillingham felt wasnt good enough
Cash,
It wasnt any skill in particular. It was the transformation from boys to mens football. Within boys football i had enjoyed twissing up guys week in and week out. Suddenly when thrown into mens football where the game was more physical and i could no longer easily out pace guys, i couldnt have it my own way anymore.
Its probably a common stumbling block. One which given time, patience and dedication can easily be overcome. However i did the worst thing anyone could do. I quit and went and played at a level where i could once again be the shinning star. I will never forget the look on my team managers face when i told him i was leaving the team to go to a lesser league team. He had a look of total disgust and disappoitment as he knew i was giving in too soon. He was the one who spotted me at a tournament as a younster and approached me for his team, much to the envy of all my school mates who knew of this team.
I needed support at this stage, sat down and told what was going on, why i had to face the challenge ahead and how to tackle it. I dont have regrets but i hope i can one day let someone else gain from that experience.
@mythoughts
You reminded me. I started playing Saxophone at school and started picking it up really quick. My teacher had singled me out as a natural.
Wanna know the reason i quit. Cos the case in which the Sax was held didnt look cool. It was also too heavy to carry and i had a half hour walk to and from school each day.
Break your neck to make sure your kid gets a lift to school on days of practice, is what i think should happen. Insist he continues playing if its established its because he doesnt think the case is cool. Take them somewhere they can see black Saxophonists in what they consider to be a cool environment. If its a boy tell them all the girls love a Sax man. Anything just as long as they're supported and encouraged to continue.
Its one big regret that i never continued playing. Yes i know its not too late to start again but thats just lip service, i could of been enjoying the fruits now.
Last edited on Sunday March 26th, 2006 21:44 by Le Moor
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Posted: Wednesday April 5th, 2006 15:48 |
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Le Moor,
No ,it isn't right to force your kids into it. Children should be children. If they are naturally talented and if they want to be in it let them. I remembered how my oldest nephew said he wanted to be a soccer player, a boy scout and an artist( of course not at the same time and we're just letting him sample his goods for the time being). Intially, we all thought that he was going through a childhood phase and was going to switch to something else in five minutes. That was four years ago. He's been expressing his desire for a several months, he's been a boy scout for two years and he's beeing drawing since he was 3 and he'll be 8 this month and still wants to be an artist. We try to keep his mind open and he try to keep him interested in what he likes doing to see if that is what he'll be doing years down the line.
I was reading Dr. Ben Carson's book about his life being a neurosurgeon. It was meant for him to be that. He said that every since he was a kid , he was always intrigued by doctors and hosptials( eck!) andhow he would pretend that he was a doctor. He contintued to keep this up until now.That is how I see my eldest nephew.He likes to play soccer, he likes being a boy scout andmore than anything he likes art. he loves art so much that he'll tell you about Anime Art. I'm not god and I don't know his future, but it could be possible that he could be an artist , a chef( Oh I forgot. he's so eager to learn how to cook), a video game designer( he like video games)anything that is assocaited with art. We'' never know, but or strong interest in an area can help us predict what somebody may be in the future.My sister and her husnabd didn't force him into it and neither did we. He just picked up on something he like and were just enhancing on his current interest.
I remebred looking at a case about a father who raised his son to be a " genius". He was super smart as a kid and he was skipped from grade to grade, but no by process of naturalization or by choice. his father forced him into it. News reporters would interview him boasting about his intelligence and he would tell them how happy he was when in actuality he wasn't. he's now a 19 year old and he's back down to earth. He's now telling people hwo his father forced him ito it, how he used drugs to cope with his pain and how he regrets missing out on his childhood. Another boy with a similar story wasn't as fortunate. He couldn't cope with his pain and he committed suicide. They may not have been superstars, but my point in bringing them up is that they were forced in to doing something that they didn't want to do. I wouldn't force my kids to become superstars because I wouldn't want to see them unhappy with me or moreso with themselves.
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