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Cassava Leaves
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Posted: Tuesday October 21st, 2003 21:46 |
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This is a terrible phobia preventing me having a successful relationship, I am totally scared of pain and my fear of losing control.. i.e not being able to say CUT..I need a break. Boy I'm breaking out in a sweat already. I mean constipation is painful enough and I had to call out an ambulance for the last one. last relationship ended because I did'nt want to have children because of my fear, it's easier to abort than to birth 
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chique
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Posted: Wednesday October 22nd, 2003 00:28 |
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U either need to find a man who don't want children or u need to over come ur fears. Remember the human mind is the most powerfull thing u own so utilise it in the way u need it. U can get over ur fear. U have to make ur mind up and do it. What about hypnosis or some sort of siritual healing?
And anyway if u wanted to bad enough I'm sure you could organise a cessarian and def an epidural to numb the pain. When I first read ur comments I was very unsympathetic but then I thought about my phobia of spiders and how silly it is and how out of my immediate control it is! See I am thinking about being a garder and cant really start screaming down the place and asking 4 someone to move it when I enevatably see a spider!! Its the same with you.
If u want to be a mother bad enough then u WILL overcome ur fears. Make the decision to change, choose the path to take to achieve this and go go go!!!
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Hesaid
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Posted: Wednesday October 22nd, 2003 01:24 |
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You really need some deep therapy because from what you
say its not just child birth. My advice is Tai chi and
qigong. This will help you overstand the essence of your
being and teach you to relax.
I have a bit of a phobia for blood but it aint that bad.
Tai chi will set you straight,
poor thing.
*
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locsgirl
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Posted: Wednesday October 22nd, 2003 07:00 |
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@Cassava Leaves
Yes I reckon Chique and Hesaid gave very good advice. I believe the roots of most phobias go very deep. Usually a reason there somewhere to explain it. Its worth checking out how your Mother felt having you. It may have even been a particularly dramatic Labour scene you saw on TV as a child that;s caused this.
I think a combination of the exercises Hesaid advised and Hypnosis would be an excellent way for you to begin to help yourself. Hypnosis has performed miracles for me in the past, transforming a negative trait into a workable one. I have done a lot of work myself using past life regression on people, and I have witnessed phobias dissapear once the root of them was realised. This, of course, has to be done by a trained Hypnotherapist.
Wish you good luck!
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Cassava Leaves
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Posted: Wednesday October 22nd, 2003 17:25 |
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Thank my people,
I think I need to see a therapist, the pain and the scream I have seen countless of times on TV my sister going into labour and the labour period, gosh some women are damn strong, my mother had 12 of us am the last one. May god bless that women I don't know how she managed, but she did.
My two greatest phobias are childbirth and snakes. How does one overcome, I love children I have countless nephews and nieces and they look up to me. My family keep pestering me about having my own.
I think it might be layers of fears, my current partner lost his mother during child birth, She died giving birth to him and his birthdays are awkward. He would like children with me though, I find my old phobia controlling me and I feel sick just thinking about it.
I love children but I'm terrified of actually having them, I find most black men are very unsympathetic and they feel I am rejecting them or being aloof about carrying their seeds.
Thank you for understanding
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locsgirl
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Posted: Wednesday October 22nd, 2003 20:01 |
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@Cassava Leaves
What came first...the fear of childbirth or the fear of snakes?
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Philgreg
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Posted: Thursday October 23rd, 2003 19:30 |
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In April, I will become a father for the 1st time...I'm really looking forward to the experience and challence.
Althought I wont have to go through the pain of childbirth...I have totally changed my opinions about being a father since i learned it was to be.
My advice is take things slow find the right man first...use contraception...Relax and fall in love..eventually if you should fall pregnant you will welcome the news..
My girlfriend didnt want any babies...but after she got used to the idea ...she is taking it all in her stride!! we have made massive progress....take you time i think is the key.
all the best
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Cuban Gyal
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Posted: Thursday October 23rd, 2003 19:53 |
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| Cassava - I completely understand how u feel. I feel the same way, i don't want children because i have a fear of the pain although i know this sounds selfish i can't help the way i feel. I absolutely adore children. I babysit all the time plus my old job was a nursery nurse but when it comes to giving birth to my own i just can't. who knows our feelings might change but none the less i still refer to have a cessarian.
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AQ
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Posted: Thursday October 23rd, 2003 21:54 |
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Cassava Leaves wrote:
This is a terrible phobia preventing me having a successful relationship, I am totally scared of pain and my fear of losing control.. i.e not being able to say CUT..I need a break. Boy I'm breaking out in a sweat already. I mean constipation is painful enough and I had to call out an ambulance for the last one. last relationship ended because I did'nt want to have children because of my fear, it's easier to abort than to birth
Well the only thing I can tell you from my experience was.....I couldn't see what the fuss was all about!!! I'm serious, you know what really got my goat during labour, the tiredness, I was just plain tired for most of the time and seriously, I couldn't understand why I wasn't screaming down the place, well yes I can....I had loads and loads of drugs and when the Gyn walked in an hour and a half before delivery and threatened forceps 'cos the kid got stuck on the s-bend, the mid-wife held my hand and said "Come on girl, this is it" and out popped the little beauty. And believe me, you do forget the "pain" once you see life before you. It really is a spiritual experience, its as if you and God/Creater/Higher Power are in a tune and you know that you have to bring forth this life and use every ounce of strength you have to get the job done.
Trust me, when the time comes, you'll be so focussed on bringing forth your bundle, the pain is really going to be secondary. I wish you all the luck when your time comes. And as others have said, you have options, you can have a ceasarian, personally I think that's more painful than the birth as I've heard tell. For natural childbirth, make love with your partner at every opportunity and exercise, it does cut down on the time length of the birth.
I bet you'll be one of those lucky mares who will only be in labour for an hour 
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NuAmerican
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Posted: Friday October 24th, 2003 02:28 |
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I was also fearful of childbirth... but there is so much going on around the time of delivery until you hardly have time to be focused on bad things or what might go wrong plus all of that anxiety went out the window for me the moment the nurse placed my little precious daughter next to my face, she felt as warm as fresh baked bread, sorry the only analogy I can think of at the moment, LOL!
I had a c-section because my baby was breech, meaning she didn't turn while inside me. I got through it, hardly felt anything only slight pressure. I can't imagine my life without her.
Remember CL, everybody's experience is not the same. I too wish you well!
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Camille
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Posted: Sunday February 22nd, 2004 22:53 |
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I was talking with a female friend of mine who gave birth to a beautiful baby girl on Friday - She told me that the labour was terrible, she was strapped to a machine and left alone for long periods. Her partner tried to get information from the midwives but he couldn't find one that wasn't busy! It is their first child, so they didn't know what to expect. Their experience took me back to the birth of my daughter under two years ago, when I felt quite isolated. What is it with the medical profession? I understand that there is a crisis in the NHS but surely this is getting ridiculous.
During my labour I satisfied myself with the thought that very few women in richer countries die in childbirth(!) - However, I now know that women's wellbeing should not be over-estimated. A recent survey found that 77% of women were dissatisfied with some aspect of the care they recieved, from the ante natal clinics through to the labour.
In most developed countries births have been removed from the home. 98% of British women give birth in hospitals. Despite the lack of compelling evidence that says it is safer than home births. Women seem to be left alone at crucial moments. Most of us feel relieved to have given birth to a healthy baby, so feel reluctant to complain. However it would seem that we are not given emtional support and crucial information. So many of us feel alone or in some cases frightened! Childbirth is now designed as a 'Doctor's business' Doctors consider patients to be 'at risk' unless proven otherwise, leading them to intervene even though unnecessary. Women are now passive recipients of medical ministrations. My friend's labour was induced (although she was against it) and she was not warned that the risk of this could be rupturing of the uterus, damaging the cervix or causing severe foetal distress Even after she was induced she was left under the tender gaze of a bank of machines!
Hospitals, in my opinion have become depersonalised for women in labour. Although machines may be assisting doctors in 'reading' a woman's labour, they do nothing for the woman. Instead of standing back and only coming in when needed doctors are denying women the opportunity to deliver their babies in the place and way they choose.
what do you think ladies (or men) am I being biased based on my own personal experience, or have you other such stories to tell?
Last edited on Monday February 23rd, 2004 10:27 by Camille
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locsgirl
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Posted: Monday February 23rd, 2004 13:23 |
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@Camille
You are Right...Dead on! The NHS stinks and a hospital birth is a very impersonal experience.
When I had my son I experienced a similar experience to yourself. I was in labour for 25 hours on machines and feeling like a slab of meat. My partner got in a row with a midwife who was rude and ungracious, but that made it much worse for me. I actually complained in writing to the hospital authorities after I returned home, and I did get an apology.
Thirteen years later when I was expecting my daughter I decided I would have a home birth. No doctor agreed with me but I got my own way despite them. I had my best friend with me and another friend who is also a Healer and Reflexologist. I insisted on no drugs or even gas and air, just Gods herb to see me through. I delivered my daughter 4 hours after the onset of labour, in candlelight to the dulcet tones of Maxwell. The midwife said she had never attended a birth where the mother was laughing right up to the crowning! An hour later I was drinking champagne and eating strawberries. It was a Magical experience.
If possible I would recommend a home birth to any woman. Labour was never a surgical experience, many women had home births when I was a young girl. Most women do not need to go into hospital and its also true that babies born at home are more peaceful and content.
Some people may say I took a risk but I think hospital is a much riskier place to be. Especially now where unsanitary conditions have led to these Superbugs, which could easily kill a vulnerable new born baby. Last time I visited a maternity ward I went to the loo. There was blood, sh*t and sanitary towels laying around on the floor. It was a total disgrace. Hospitals dont even smell like they used to, now they smell more like hotels.
All these learned men who sit around pondering why we have these superbugs and what can be done. I;d say it simply....clean the place properly and use disinfectant!
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Saida.M
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Posted: Monday February 23rd, 2004 13:23 |
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...what do you think ladies (or men) am I being biased based on my own personal experience, or have you other such stories to tell?
No you are certainly not biased Camille. One of my sisters' gave birth in a hospital about three years ago and she could not wait to get out of the place. Many, many people I know feel and felt this way, (because this problem has been going on for such a long while now in my area), that its almost become a joke. All of us said that if ever we were ever to give birth again, we would all have our babies at home. The hospital experiences were that bad.
The midwives were impersonal as you said, (at the end of the day - we felt - they were only there to collect a pay cheque). To be fair though, some of these midwives feel the same way. They say that they are under so much presure to meet targets and follow guidelines which involves paperwork, that there is too little time for actual nursing!
Then when it comes to doing the job, the thought of reducing the risks of malpractice to avoid being sued, is sadly in the forefront of thier minds.
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Posted: Monday February 23rd, 2004 19:02 |
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| this is all quite scary im due in just under 3 months and after reading all this feel even more worried than before.....kind of put off now
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Saida.M
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Posted: Monday February 23rd, 2004 19:29 |
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@just ask
The main thing to remember is try to stand up for yourself! Read as much as you can about what you are entitled to and don't get bamboozled by all the 'experts' - medical staff.
Learn as much as you can from others who has been through it. Know what you want and be sure to get it!
Good luck!
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locsgirl
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Posted: Monday February 23rd, 2004 19:56 |
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@just ask
Sorry. Did not want to cause any alarm. Athaba gave some good advice back there, so go with what she said.
My best friend has six children and has had them all in hospital. Even though she was with me throughout my home birth she actually said it would not be her choice of experience. Personally she feels more secure and safe in the hospital. If anything was to go wrong then being in the hospital is safer for the baby. I took the risk because of my experience, and cos I;m older and more able to stick up for myself now. Also I had lots of Alternative Healing whilst pregnant, and was very fit prior to getting pregnant.
So dont stand for any nonsense, and if you're not getting listened to by any medical staff ask for someone more competent to tend to you. We all have more power than we think so use it confidently. If you dont understand what someone is saying (or the accent they speak with) ask to speak to someone else.
I wish you good luck with your baby and remember.....five seconds after the birth you;ll be on cloud nine anyway
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Camille
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Posted: Monday February 23rd, 2004 22:09 |
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Sorry about that Just Ask - but as they say fore-mentioned is fore-warned (or something like that!) You are actually in a fortunate position. Athaba and Locsgirl are correct - don't let the meds bamboozle you into making any decsions that you are not sure about or do not feel comfortable with. Be sure you understand everything. Read as much as you can in order to prepare yourself for a birth that You want, and not one that the meds foist upon you. Have a clear birthing plan, ensure your birthing partner is aware of it so he/she can speak up for you if you are not 'of sound mind' (lol)
But more importantly, enjoy it, despite all that I have said. it is an experience you will never forget (hopefully it will come close to the experience described by Locsgirl during the birth of her daughter, with the dulcet tones of Maxwell to boot!)
Last edited on Monday February 23rd, 2004 22:20 by Camille
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LadyDay
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Posted: Tuesday February 24th, 2004 07:58 |
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| i wonder if that is why alot o peeps i know only stay for the min 6hr time. others 24hrs.
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locsgirl
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Posted: Tuesday February 24th, 2004 19:51 |
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@Ladyday
I think they only stay for a few hours because they know they;ll get more rest and relaxation at home. Hospital is a busy and noisy place. Its hard to settle a baby down when there are several others making noise. Most women long for their home comfort and the space to prepare their own routine.
The drawback is that once at home, most women cannot resist doing far too much around the house. Even if well meaning friends and family are helping, a lot of women are just not used to being waited on and so they dive back in to their familiar domestic chores. This often leads to depression and physical exhaustion.
When I had my son, my Grandmother was appalled at how quickly new mothers are expected to get up and walk about....six hours after the birth. When she was young all women had a fourteen day lying in period. In the hospital maternity units there is a nursrey where the nurses will put the baby for a while if the mother needs extra rest. But the team are often so busy and short staffed that they dont have time for nursrey care.
I think the future will see more specialist teams of midwives who will be able to offer women more home births than they currently do....It often seems that we have to go Back to go forward!
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Camille
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Posted: Tuesday February 24th, 2004 21:49 |
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My mum said that when she had us - some 30 years ago, All first time mothers were in hospital for 14 days, during that time they attended post natal classes, which taught them simple things like how to change a nappy, how to feed a baby, how to burp a baby, etc...mothers that had gone through it before were usually out after a week unless they had a caesarian. There was also a nursery and the midwives would take the babies away for certain periods throughout the day so the mothers could sleep. I would love the care to go back to something like this, so much money is spent on fancy machines that the resources are so stretched and they cannot spend it on the real 'care'
I was a first time mother, no-one showed me anything about changing, bathing, feeding or burping my baby I was pushed out after 24 hrs! No-one questioned whether or not I was mentally ready to care for my baby, Thankfully I have a family which supported me. But what if I didn't have this support?
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locsgirl
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Posted: Tuesday February 24th, 2004 21:56 |
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@Camille
Agree with you totally there. There does need to be more "hands on care" before and after the baby;s born.
It was different back in the day when the extended family was the Norm. There would never have been any lack of many female members of the clan to guide the new mother with her baby.
And some young girls have no young babies in their families, so how are they supposed to know how to deal with a new born.
I;ve always listened avidly to the wisdom of the female elders. Those women are worth their weight in gold.
I read in the paper today that the School Nurse is being reinststated into schools. "Nitty Nora Come Back All Is Forgiven"
So obviously things are beginning to look up...
And the penny is starting to drop.....
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Camille
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Posted: Wednesday February 25th, 2004 10:50 |
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| Yeah I read that too about Nurses in schools - but once again the big problem of funding has also raised its ugly head!
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locsgirl
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Posted: Wednesday February 25th, 2004 16:58 |
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@Camille
The situation in Primary schools regarding young children is a joke. I have a little girl of five in class 1 and my Sister is a teacher to reception school children.
Considering these children are only 4-5 years old, if they mess themselves in school the parents have to be called in to change their own children. The Teachers are not allowed to even give them a hug now if they are upset or hurt themselves in the playground. Also the Teachers are not allowed to administer any antiseptic or even give them a plaster if they fall and graze themselves. I provided my daughter with some antiseptic wipes and plasters, and told her to keep them in her book bag. But when she did need them one day she was not allowed to use them.
System stinks dont it 
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Posted: Wednesday February 25th, 2004 22:18 |
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That is terrible Locsgirl! Poor thing, what did your daughter do then?
I went to school at a time when there were nurses there on hand. I remember going to the Nurse and having orange stuff (?) put on the wound. I didn't even realise that nurses were taken out of schools! In the same way I remember that if a kid messed themselves they were sent to the Nurse where they were cleaned up and provided with a clean underwear. (I don't want to think too much about where the under wear came from - but it was clean, I know cos had few couple of accidents in my time!)
It's really sad the way institutional care has changed so much over the years, Who do we blame? We unfortunately have to turn to these institutions at some time or other in our lives, and yet the care we expect is not the care we seem to be getting by a long way. Politicians are corrupt liars and we are all porns in their game of one-upmanship. They don't give a damb about society and the mess they have made of it. You are right the system does stink.
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locsgirl
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Posted: Thursday February 26th, 2004 20:04 |
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@Camille
She was taken to the loo by her Teacher and given a wet paper towel and told to clean the wound herself! When I collected her I was suprised how large the graze was, and how dirty it still was!
Yes I too remember the "yellow stuff" they put on your wounds at school. I think it was called Iodine. I remember it smelt strong and it STUNG! But no bacteria remained after having that stuff used on ya!
I can understand the paranoia now about paedophiles etc. But people who work in schools are |
