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Le Moor
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Posted: Wednesday March 1st, 2006 18:16 |
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| Is this no smacking poilcy a white lefty foolishness or do you refrain from smacking your children as well?
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Bredder Tukoma
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Posted: Wednesday March 1st, 2006 18:44 |
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About 5 times.. luckily Ive never had real cause to. I used to pretend that my child would get a hard smack and tap her hand at the last minute. But daddy licks like what our generation got? I aint got the heart. But IMO for very young children who you cant reason with/ and their behaviour poses serious risk to themselves or others then its the only option. B/c if you cant hear you must feel.
The carrot and the stick are used equally by the wise man. Its a thin line though. But I know many a 'bad bwoy' who got serious licks as youths and still went buck wild as teenagers.
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tuckerreed
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Posted: Wednesday March 1st, 2006 19:29 |
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| i am black and rightie but i dont unless it is a real bad thing and I dont smack, i spank
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Aryek
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Posted: Wednesday March 1st, 2006 20:28 |
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I don't have kids but I would never smack them. My parents never beat me nor my sisters and we turned out just fine, thank you. I did get smacked once or twice back in school in Ghana and it didn't change my behaviour. I just learned ways to hide it from the teachers and headmasters.
There are better ways to handle your children, other than beating them. My parents usually talked to me or made me write long essays in which I had to argue why what I did was wrong and propose ways that I could correct it. Lol, I have very unconventional parents. But I guess their tactics worked.
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Miss LegZ
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Posted: Wednesday March 1st, 2006 23:16 |
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Oh yes, i'll beat my kids, it gives you a bit of character if u know what i mean. But I will know the difference between discpline and abuse.
Plus I believe beating set boundaries, it gives you the "FEAR"
I got beaten, and it helped me, cos there were just some things I knew i couldnt do with my mum. Plus there was also a very clear distinction between my friends who got beaten and those of them who didn't.
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ChubbiChix
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Posted: Wednesday March 1st, 2006 23:57 |
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| Yes I think you must smack your kids adleast once in their lifetime, really more. You shouldn't abuse them of course but if you have kids you will understand that words and timeouts don't always work. I had a good friend that adopted the no hitting policy and said she will never hit her son. That lasted for a little while because she had a son that use to act up too, so all that no hitting went out the window.
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nadisco1
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Posted: Thursday March 2nd, 2006 00:15 |
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| I hate having to resort to smacking. However, I find that at the end of repeating myself and speaking louder than normal, I have to smack. I suppose the feeling that I get after smacking is that "I am boss" or that I will get the response or action thaty I desire. The sad thing is that I usually feel guilty that I smacked my son. A wise woman (My Mother) always reminds me not to feel guilty for smacking my son as I am a parent who has to enforce rules and if I let down my gurad there would be no boundaries.
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ac9311
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Posted: Thursday March 2nd, 2006 03:50 |
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I have 3 boys and when my teen was younger I would spank him. With our middle son 10 spankings have no effect on him, so I have to use other methods on him to get his attention. Our 7 year old will get in line with a simple threat of a spanking. Spankings don't work for all children.
But there are times when you have too to get there attention and let them know that you mean business. Now, having said that if a I had a daughter, I don't know if I would have the heart to spank her. Since I am a man I understand the way boys think and what will redirect them.
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Vezz.
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Posted: Thursday March 2nd, 2006 14:33 |
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I used to smack my son until I realised it made absolutely no difference at all!
When he was suspended last week, out of sheer frustation I hit him. When he was eventually let back into school the headmistress called me in as he'd told them all! Luckily she knows me (I've been to that school so many times I should be on the payroll!) and knows my son, so she knows I don't abuse him, & I freely admitted to hitting him on that occasion. He was suspended again yesterday and I just couldn't be bothered to hit him, so I just took his telly and xbox from his room.
It only hurts my hand (could never use the belt!) and I'm not sure if it doesn't encourage the child to use violence themselves.
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ac9311
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Posted: Friday March 3rd, 2006 03:41 |
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Lady Vee wrote: I used to smack my son until I realised it made absolutely no difference at all!
When he was suspended last week, out of sheer frustation I hit him. When he was eventually let back into school the headmistress called me in as he'd told them all! Luckily she knows me (I've been to that school so many times I should be on the payroll!) and knows my son, so she knows I don't abuse him, & I freely admitted to hitting him on that occasion. He was suspended again yesterday and I just couldn't be bothered to hit him, so I just took his telly and xbox from his room.
It only hurts my hand (could never use the belt!) and I'm not sure if it doesn't encourage the child to use violence themselves.
Been there. In addition to the TV and video games I have given them only water to drink with all meals no sweets and an earlier bedtime. I took all the priviledges I could think of, my wife thought I was being hard on my son but I was tired of getting called by the teacher and going up to the school. I have done that for two weeks at a time and it made a difference.
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CeeCee
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Posted: Friday March 3rd, 2006 13:01 |
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Le Moor,
I believe in whatever punishment works best. When I was a kid I was whipped and sometimes punished. I don't have kids of my own, but if my kids were to act up, I would do the same way I was when I was young. I'm not against punishment or whippings whatsoever. It's frightening how these child abuse laws have gotten out of control. It's funny my sister has three boys( My nephews) and she spanks/punishes them ( depending on which one is effective for them) and people look at her like she committed a crime. She doesn't react to their reactions. She tell them "And.....?" in a saracstic way and she'll say let's talk about your" perfect" children then they'' be quiet with her.
If they child isn't being abused, the government should get involved. They'll blame whippings for the aggresive behavior, but if you ask me , children were a lot better when I was young then they are today. There are millions of rules in favor for chilldren, but yet nothing is getting better and our supposed child welfare system is killing them, instead of doing the right thing. When you think about, what is the difference between parents wanting to spank/punish their kids and them( child welfare killing them?
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blackneck
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Posted: Sunday March 26th, 2006 05:08 |
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Le Moor wrote: Is this no smacking poilcy a white lefty foolishness or do you refrain from smacking your children as well?
If the offense warrents it i would not hesitate in giving them a two peice along with the biscuit. I will not tolorate disrespect in any fashion. And as far as what white folks do and say well that
poppycock...
Last edited on Sunday March 26th, 2006 05:09 by blackneck
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Vezz.
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Posted: Sunday March 26th, 2006 06:33 |
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Two weeks ago I told my son I wouldn't be hitting him again. The relief on his face.....
I thought that his would make him worse, but he's had the best fornight at school - so much so that, if he continues, he will be the "Student of the Week" next week. I'd never have believed it a fortnight ago!
Of course he's still pushing the boundaries, but I think being without his xbox & confined to his room with nothing but books for company had more of an effect on him than smacking.
Now, if he's rude, I ban him from the xbox for an hour at a time.
Let's hope this continues....
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blackneck
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Posted: Sunday March 26th, 2006 06:39 |
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Lady Vee wrote: Two weeks ago I told my son I wouldn't be hitting him again. The relief on his face.....
I thought that his would make him worse, but he's had the best fornight at school - so much so that, if he continues, he will be the "Student of the Week" next week. I'd never have believed it a fortnight ago!
Of course he's still pushing the boundaries, but I think being without his xbox & confined to his room with nothing but books for company had more of an effect on him than smacking.
Now, if he's rude, I ban him from the xbox for an hour at a time.
Let's hope this continues
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Kibibi
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Posted: Sunday March 26th, 2006 10:28 |
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Aryek wrote: I don't have kids but I would never smack them. My parents never beat me nor my sisters and we turned out just fine, thank you. I did get smacked once or twice back in school in Ghana and it didn't change my behaviour. I just learned ways to hide it from the teachers and headmasters.
There are better ways to handle your children, other than beating them. My parents usually talked to me or made me write long essays in which I had to argue why what I did was wrong and propose ways that I could correct it. Lol, I have very unconventional parents. But I guess their tactics worked.
LOL I like that. I dont have children yet, but I plan on raising them without smacking them. My sister and I did get beats when we were younger until my mother realised revoking privile ges had more of an effect
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HatHaruhotep
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Posted: Sunday March 26th, 2006 13:32 |
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Im Hotep,
Maybe I ought to keep my fat mouth shut, since I don't have any children. But I abhor the idea of smacking a child. I've never even considered spanking when I have a family. Just my opinion.
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Blackthought
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Posted: Wednesday March 29th, 2006 09:58 |
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Lady Vee wrote: I used to smack my son until I realised it made absolutely no difference at all!
When he was suspended last week, out of sheer frustation I hit him. When he was eventually let back into school the headmistress called me in as he'd told them all! Luckily she knows me (I've been to that school so many times I should be on the payroll!) and knows my son, so she knows I don't abuse him, & I freely admitted to hitting him on that occasion. He was suspended again yesterday and I just couldn't be bothered to hit him, so I just took his telly and xbox from his room.
It only hurts my hand (could never use the belt!) and I'm not sure if it doesn't encourage the child to use violence themselves.
Sorry whilst I hate into getting into parent's and childs business, but taken what you mentioned above to me is not discipline at all... in facts its luxury..
Hooray you took his X-Box and TV away from his ROOM... wow I wish I had parents like that.
Straight as whooping kept my mind straight on books, knowing that if I do well I will be able to play my Good OL Sega Master System..
I just never understand when I hear parents using this type of things as discipline, oh an the other on is "You are grounded", whats that about..
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Vezz.
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Posted: Wednesday March 29th, 2006 10:37 |
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Blackthought wrote: Lady Vee wrote: I used to smack my son until I realised it made absolutely no difference at all!
When he was suspended last week, out of sheer frustation I hit him. When he was eventually let back into school the headmistress called me in as he'd told them all! Luckily she knows me (I've been to that school so many times I should be on the payroll!) and knows my son, so she knows I don't abuse him, & I freely admitted to hitting him on that occasion. He was suspended again yesterday and I just couldn't be bothered to hit him, so I just took his telly and xbox from his room.
It only hurts my hand (could never use the belt!) and I'm not sure if it doesn't encourage the child to use violence themselves.
Sorry whilst I hate into getting into parent's and childs business, but taken what you mentioned above to me is not discipline at all... in facts its luxury..
Hooray you took his X-Box and TV away from his ROOM... wow I wish I had parents like that.
Straight as whooping kept my mind straight on books, knowing that if I do well I will be able to play my Good OL Sega Master System..
I just never understand when I hear parents using this type of things as discipline, oh an the other on is "You are grounded", whats that about..
BT,
With respect I ask, do you have kids yet?
If yes, then I can't understand your reasoning. Sometimes beating doesn't work. When you hit a child and they still misbehave, don't you think you're defeating the object? By taking away something they enjoy you're telling them that if they can't behave then they can't enjoy themselves.
Or, by your reasoning, is hitting a child to make yourself feel better, as opposed to controlling the child's behaviour?
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Blackthought
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Posted: Wednesday March 29th, 2006 10:51 |
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Lady Vee wrote: Blackthought wrote: Lady Vee wrote: I used to smack my son until I realised it made absolutely no difference at all!
When he was suspended last week, out of sheer frustation I hit him. When he was eventually let back into school the headmistress called me in as he'd told them all! Luckily she knows me (I've been to that school so many times I should be on the payroll!) and knows my son, so she knows I don't abuse him, & I freely admitted to hitting him on that occasion. He was suspended again yesterday and I just couldn't be bothered to hit him, so I just took his telly and xbox from his room.
It only hurts my hand (could never use the belt!) and I'm not sure if it doesn't encourage the child to use violence themselves.
Sorry whilst I hate into getting into parent's and childs business, but taken what you mentioned above to me is not discipline at all... in facts its luxury..
Hooray you took his X-Box and TV away from his ROOM... wow I wish I had parents like that.
Straight as whooping kept my mind straight on books, knowing that if I do well I will be able to play my Good OL Sega Master System..
I just never understand when I hear parents using this type of things as discipline, oh an the other on is "You are grounded", whats that about..
BT,
With respect I ask, do you have kids yet?
If yes, then I can't understand your reasoning. Sometimes beating doesn't work. When you hit a child and they still misbehave, don't you think you're defeating the object? By taking away something they enjoy you're telling them that if they can't behave then they can't enjoy themselves.
Or, by your reasoning, is hitting a child to make yourself feel better, as opposed to controlling the child's behaviour?
No I don't have my kid yet..
But its not hitting the child to make them feel better, my parents never hit me to make themself feel better, thast getting the complete end of the stick.. they do if for a reason.. if I do something bad... and the beating kept me straight.
But hey the aim of it is to discipline your child and to get them to behave, but for me growing up playing my console was luxury.. not playing it is normal... so IF my mum said you are not going to play your master sytem, I doubt very much that I will view it has I am been disciplined.
You feel me...
Aformention I don't have a child as you so asked, so maybe my points are not valid...
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Vezz.
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Posted: Wednesday March 29th, 2006 10:59 |
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I hear you BT but, as someone else said on this thread, they knew of people who were beaten as children who still turned out bad...
Hell, I was proper beaten as a child, but it didn't make me behave any better - I just tried not to get caught the next time!
In this day and age kids are a lot more clued up than we were. I didn't stop hitting my son because of this left-wing crap. It just seemed a total waste of time. Also, as a father one day, how would you like it if your child flinched when you came near him?
And hitting him still didn't make him behave!!!
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Backatya
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Posted: Wednesday March 29th, 2006 11:42 |
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It seems that every time this subject is tackled it comes down to an argument of whether 'smacking makes a child behave better'. Then we get the 'Well I got beat as a child and I turned out alright'...or the 'My parents never beat me and I turned out alright' or a some other spin on the same theme.
What we should bear in mind is that there is no single system of discipline and behaviour modification (which after all is what we are really trying to achieve) that is a 'Works-everytime-and-guaranteed-for-success-in-all-situations-for-all-children' method.
Therefore, 'personal' experiences and 'what works with my children' is never going to be the 'utopia of child discipline', but little more than a 'guide' of 'what could work in particular circumstances with particular children of particular parents at particular periods in their lives.
We can tend to get too embroiled in the 'for' and 'against' argument and loose sight of the fact that when it comes to child discipline and behaviour modification it is the whole system of practices and techniques we bring to bear in the raising of our children (also taking into account the character/spirit of the child itself) which determines 'success'. And dare I add, "Not to mention the impact of uncontrollable elements such as 'outside influences'?"
The main thing with parenting is that it is done from a foundation of love and a strong desire and determination to help the child to be the best he/she can be in life and able to achieve the things she/he needs for a happy and successful life. This could well mean that you may find yourself in a situation having to dish out a form of punishment/discipline which you personally don't subscribe to (normally) but which the situation demands or seems most appropriate given the overall goal.
Just be sure that you don't do things out of sheer desperation and frustration (not easy, as any parent would tell you) but more because it fits with your overall objective of moulding that child in the 'right' way.
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Fizzy B
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Posted: Wednesday March 29th, 2006 12:28 |
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| I agree that different methods of parenting work for different people at different times and that all children are different. But I can't get my head around the fact that people genuinley believe that the best way to discipline a child is to smack them??? Its not ok to smack an adult so why is it ok to smack a child. My parents always used to say spare the rod spoil the child, I believe and know that my mum and dad loved me very much but times change and we are able to alter our ideas and be influenced by more contructive child care methods.
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Blackthought
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Posted: Wednesday March 29th, 2006 12:47 |
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Fizzy B wrote: I agree that different methods of parenting work for different people at different times and that all children are different. But I can't get my head around the fact that people genuinley believe that the best way to discipline a child is to smack them??? Its not ok to smack an adult so why is it ok to smack a child. My parents always used to say spare the rod spoil the child, I believe and know that my mum and dad loved me very much but times change and we are able to alter our ideas and be influenced by more contructive child care methods.
You can't agree on something then go off the rail again, one hand you just agreed that different parenting method works for different children, beause each child differs, hence you have already agreed that whilst smacking works for one children it may not work for the others....
Then you go off the rail mentioning that you CAN'T get your head around the fact thet that people believe in smacking... you see my point..
That's like me saying I can't believe ppl don't smack there children, which will then lead into the same spiral argument.. as the Backatya mentioned, whilst we can all safely say that it MAY or MAY not work...
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