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Maggs
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Posted: Monday September 19th, 2005 01:44 |
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I've placed a bit more. See what you think. 23/9/05
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Hi y'all! I placed this extract elsewhere on this website(in the Book review) sometime last year but after staying away I've recently come back and realise there is a creative writing section and feel that placing my piece here is more appropriate.
Here is a small sample of what I've written. Excuse the the typos. I look forward to the feed back. Just as Eryka Badu says in the lead-up before she sings 'Tyrone', she says - 'I'm sensitive abou' ma sh*t. So please, be gentle with me'.
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‘Hey! I know who you are. You’re that so-called investigator who tried to get that black woman arrested!’
My body instantly seized as I faced a face whose anger made it drag into various poses. The man hovered over me keeping his balance as the train jogged up and down.
‘I read about you in The Black Tribune. I hope you’re friggin’ well proud of yourself selling us out like that!’
I placed my detective novel flat on my lap and glanced around at the bland faces ignited by curiosity. Quality newspapers were shaken then stiffened into shields behind which their owners could hide. I looked up at my accuser, a dark-skinned man wearing a Kente cloth shirt over a pair of faded jeans and wondered how I was going to get out of this. The train eased into Finsbury Park station. Seven Sisters was the next stop and it would be a good eight minutes before the train arrived there. As the doors slid open impatient passengers rushed on and grabbed the nearest seats. The man stood with his feet apart, waiting for a response, as people struggled past; his determined eyes refusing to leave. I made up my mind. I wasn’t going to take this. I closed my book, chucked it into my bag and got up.
‘Hey! I’m talking to you…’
‘…Not anymore you’re not.’
Our shoulders collided as I passed, standing for a moment while we eyeballed each other then got off before the doors closed. The man pushed amongst the standing passengers as he pressed the palms of his hands against the window. His face shaped into an ugly sneer as he watched. I waved, smiling. My smiled took a fall as I watched the train disappear into the barren darkness. It wasn’t funny I thought, alone, surrounded by silence. The board indicated that the next train would be along in five minutes. 4:50pm. My watch said and that meant rush hour. I took out my book and tried to read but the images of that scowling face glaring into mine refused to go away.
‘…so called investigator… tried to get that black woman arrested.’ He had said. Mrs. Kwalu was the woman he was talking about. It’s near enough a year ago I finished the case. It had to do with the death of a white woman – Kate Capes. Her father, Mr. Capes was not satisfied with the outcome of the investigation done by Police so he hired me and my investigation pinpointed a member of his family........Last edited on Friday September 23rd, 2005 10:59 by Maggs
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Precious Stone
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Posted: Thursday September 22nd, 2005 18:02 |
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I read your piece earlier in the week and was meant to give some feedback.
I enjoyed reading it and think it is very good. You have a nice writing style, it reminds me of another author, but at the moment I cannot place the name.
Is it completed? If not I think you should continue with it because it will make for very good reading.
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Maggs
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Posted: Thursday September 22nd, 2005 20:58 |
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Thanks Precious for your response. Yes, this is part of ten chapters plus I have done a sequel that is made up of about three chapters but its disjointed: the prose, pace, structure etc needs working on. But the reason why I uploaded this is because I uploaded it on a another website where you can display your writing for crits and few of the feedbacks I received was that they didnt consider it feasible to have a novel about a Black female PI who had her own agency, as it didnt exist in real life!!
So, even if 'she' doesn't exist in real life, can the idea still stand up in a story format?
Thanks.
Magg
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Saida.M
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Posted: Saturday October 1st, 2005 13:49 |
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Sorry for not replying sooner.
My immediate thoughts were that what you wrote was readable and I liked it!
The only criticism I have, (and this goes for most 'black' fiction books I've read), is precisely the use of the word 'black'. It always seem to come across to me as though we are virtually explaining ourselves; as though our presence in the world is not normal hence we have to tell our audience that we are black.
When last have you read a book that had the word 'white' in, even though it would be obvious the character is that, from the other description a good author would undoubtedly give.
To use the word 'black' always seem to come across as unecessary.
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People readily believe lies before they believe the truth
"One of the heads of the beast seemed to have been fatally wounded, but the wound had healed. The whole earth was amazed and followed the beast".
Good News Bible. Rev. Ch.13 V.3
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Maggs
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Posted: Saturday October 1st, 2005 19:49 |
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Athaba, thanks for taking the time.
Yes, it's fair point to make. I probably feel that I have to make an issue about the fact Marcia is Black as it would be a bit pretentious to create a character who is Black and not say anything about her colour, or more to the point, anything about race. Since I read a bit of crime fiction and post-colonial literature, the former is always concerned about solving the crime and latter, about racism and coping with duality (or identity). I decided to see if I could merge the two i.e, a crime solved by a black female protagonist who is politically dis-associated from her skin colour.
You are right that in white fiction/crime fiction, white characters never mention about their skin colour; and if they do, it is only when the white character comes into contact with a non-white character. And let's face it, whites don't have to go on about who they are and what they are! And I don't know if we've gotten to a point where we can write stories where 'Black' is never mentioned.
So Athaba, it is difficult to know how to respond to your comments as I feel in my current writing, race/colour/racism acts like an un-invited presence in my stories. I hope one day to be published writer. I feel that I have a lot to offer in terms of my experience and ideas that I hope would appeal to the black community. I also hope that one day to write stories where I don't have to go about the business of being 'Black' and that what I write appeals to anyone and everyone.
Thanx!!
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Precious Stone
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Posted: Saturday October 1st, 2005 20:57 |
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| I don't see anything wrong in using the word Black to describe a character at all. Bestselling authors such as Walter Mosley and Brandon Massey to name a few, always describe their characters using the word Black. I think it depends on the environment you are writing about. Most of the white authors works are based on a white environment but occasionally when they are portraying a Black environment they would use the word Black.
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Saida.M
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Posted: Saturday October 1st, 2005 23:09 |
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Precious Stone, Maggs I understand why you think mentioning it is ok, but I'm sort of questioning why?
Don't you both think that by doing that we are perpetuating the point in a way, that somehow we are not normal in society, therefore we have to explain our presence?
This is honestly the impression I get. Just because all our books seem to have to mention colour. We could describe ourselves in ways that we don't have to, but still leave the reader in no uncertain terms that we are 'black'.
Precious Stone you made my point - every 'black' book seem to want to make an issue of stating our colour.
I genuinely think it's time we stopped.
Maggs: By saying that you don't think it's time we could stop mentioning colour, is implying that it is up to someone else to decide when. Surely the time is now - when we say so?
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People readily believe lies before they believe the truth
"One of the heads of the beast seemed to have been fatally wounded, but the wound had healed. The whole earth was amazed and followed the beast".
Good News Bible. Rev. Ch.13 V.3
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Maggs
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Posted: Sunday October 2nd, 2005 15:15 |
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Yes, I could stop by simply writing my story and not mention the B word, and maybe not deal with race issues but the problem is - is that I want to. Believe or not, I really don't have much choice. Born in this country (UK)and raised in a environment that constantly forces you to always but always explain yourself, I feel that somehow this conditioning is now a part of my writing. Like I said previously I hope that a time will come when I've exorcised the demon of race and racism from within and focus on other human things that everyone can relate to but we have not got to that post-racial state yet. As you say, someone needs to start first by writing a book that features characters without mentioning what colour they are but I don't think I am the person to do so.
However, I would like to know from visitors to the site such as Precious Stone - when you buy/read books by black authors, would you like to read a story that features black characters but no mention should be made of race/colour or should it be stated?
Thanx for the food of thought
Maggie
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Saida.M
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Posted: Sunday October 2nd, 2005 17:06 |
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Maggs wrote: Yes, I could stop by simply writing my story and not mention the B word, and maybe not deal with race issues but the problem is - is that I want to. Believe or not, I really don't have much choice. Born in this country (UK)and raised in a environment that constantly forces you to always but always explain yourself, I feel that somehow this conditioning is now a part of my writing. Like I said previously I hope that a time will come when I've exorcised the demon of race and racism from within and focus on other human things that everyone can relate to but we have not got to that post-racial state yet. As you say, someone needs to start first by writing a book that features characters without mentioning what colour they are but I don't think I am the person to do so.
Fair enough.
However, I would like to know from visitors to the site such as Precious Stone - when you buy/read books by black authors, would you like to read a story that features black characters but no mention should be made of race/colour or should it be stated?
Personally I think there is room for both.
Sometimes though, if I'm reading pure fiction, I just want to escape and not deal with the "'woe is me' - or even the 'look at me' - I'm black", sentiment, that to me, seem run deep in 'black' books.
It's NOT to say that our books should NEVER contain points about our troubles though.
I just think that the balance right now, is weighed too much in favour of above.
Just my cent and a dime.
____________________
People readily believe lies before they believe the truth
"One of the heads of the beast seemed to have been fatally wounded, but the wound had healed. The whole earth was amazed and followed the beast".
Good News Bible. Rev. Ch.13 V.3
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Precious Stone
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Posted: Monday October 3rd, 2005 15:46 |
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athaba wrote:
Fair enough.
However, I would like to know from visitors to the site such as Precious Stone - when you buy/read books by black authors, would you like to read a story that features black characters but no mention should be made of race/colour or should it be stated?
Personally I think there is room for both.
Sometimes though, if I'm reading pure fiction, I just want to escape and not deal with the "'woe is me' - or even the 'look at me' - I'm black", sentiment, that to me, seem run deep in 'black' books.
It's NOT to say that our books should NEVER contain points about our troubles though.
I just think that the balance right now, is weighed too much in favour of above.
Just my cent and a dime.
I see what you mean, nevertheless, that is an interesting point.
I would love to hear how others feel as well.
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Taysense
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Posted: Sunday October 9th, 2005 03:40 |
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What's the problem with mentioning the race of the character, or describing someone as black, does the word itself induce negative images for some people?
It's no different then mentioning someone's height, weight, or type of clothing they're wearing
a full description of the character is needed to give the reader a picture in her mind. I can't imagine reading a book and not having some idea of how the main character or auxiliary characters looked like.
of course it good not to make it bland, I think most good authors let you know the ethnicity of the character without having to just describe them as "black" or "white", the only way this will work is if it's in dialog and one character is describing another.
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emra9
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Posted: Monday October 10th, 2005 12:18 |
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hi maggs,
I'm loving your writingstyle already, I seriously think you have potential.
Please keep writing! Cant wait to read more 
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Maggs
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Posted: Monday October 10th, 2005 22:04 |
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Thanks amra9! I'm glad you liked it. I will upload some more as soon as it's ready. My protag. has a lot of obstacles and she has to figure out an intelligent way to overcome them. Thx!
Taysense: Thanks for your comments. Yes I think's its important if I'm describing any of my Black characters, I have to be creative in describing their colour without using the word 'Black' all the time. Most of the characters in Walter Mosely's books are Black but Mosely never runs out on different descriptions of the word brown.
Maggs
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