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es0_puka
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Posted: Wednesday June 9th, 2004 21:04 |
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Last edited on Friday August 27th, 2004 11:56 by es0_puka
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es0_puka
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Posted: Wednesday June 9th, 2004 21:06 |
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Last edited on Friday August 27th, 2004 12:44 by es0_puka
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The Watcher
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Posted: Wednesday June 9th, 2004 21:19 |
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I hate people that stop bombs from exploding with 1 second left. People who escape from buildings just as it collapses or explodes.
Why was everyone sacred of Chuckie? Fair enough he had voodoo magic but he was only a friggin dolly!! Just burn him or throw him innit? People running away from a doll!
My pet peeve about Hollywood movies is that they always have to put romance in a movie wether its appropriate or not. An action movie with a hero and evil baddies or monsters sounds heavy (dumb fun for men and Im not sorry LOL) but then they always make the hero fall in love. WHY? and why with the dumbest most stupid woman who inevitably has to be rescued? It vexes me. Ladies imagine if you were watching one of you rom coms with Meg Ryan or some such nonsense....There you are getting busy crying into your tissues and eating tubs of Hagen Daz while the man on Telly is crying over some silly mare. Sounds like a perferct movie for some women right? Imagine now if Jackie Chan jumps on to the screen and starts busting up the sweet guy and kungFu slaps Meg Ryan outta there? You would be vexed innit? Thats how I feel when action films have unnecesaary romance....urgh!
Oh and another one! Why does every story have to have a part where the lead characters tell each other their sad life storys to a backdrop of cheesy violins? The VIOLINS stop it hollywood! when Im watching a movie with my mum and violins come on we look t each other and burst out laughing (were too cynical) for that nonsense.
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CashMoney
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Posted: Wednesday March 2nd, 2005 21:57 |
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In a buddy movie, the Chief of Police is always black, always loud. The cop(s) always get suspended and solves the case while suspended
In Action movies, man will kill whole army of professional fighters by himself without even a scratch on his face( i.e Commando)
In black movies, the lead is always a doctor/lawyer. As if thats the only profession black people can do
Every teenager, and i mean every teenager is a V reg and waiting for that 'special one'. urgh
I have more, but would like to hear your cliches......
Any replies will be appreciated
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The Watcher
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Posted: Wednesday March 2nd, 2005 22:09 |
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Black dude dies first, heroically saving the white guy. His death is usually over dramatic and tragic with lots of violins and give our hero (white) further cause to defeat the bad guys.
something meaningful he said may come back to the hero in the last fight as a flashback or a voice in his head.
**yawn**
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Saida.M
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Posted: Wednesday March 2nd, 2005 22:12 |
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cliche or stereotype are they the same? anyway ...
black people always solving white (wo)mans problems as if black people don't have any
Dark black woman rarely seen
black people in jail
black people in comedy
black people NEVER in historical dramas
black people as the SUPPORT act
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abi1
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Posted: Wednesday March 2nd, 2005 22:43 |
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The Three Most Annoying Movie Cliches To Me
-Movies where blacks fight and struggle for what's right, only to have a white person/people come in at the last moment to save the day. I actually appreciated it when the opposite happened in the first "Die Hard" movie. After spending two hours seeing Bruce Willis shoot guns and jump out of windows, it's Reginald Veljohnson who kills the final and most dangeous thief/terrorist.
-Action movies where the male lead character and his female companion are "running for their lives" from the bad guys and have "no time to spare", yet seem to have time for a long, drawn out sex scene.
-Movies scenes that depict a woman's bath time as some sort of soft-porn self-abuse session. I guess showing us sanding off foot-calluses and farting in the tub just isn't sexy enough.
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CashMoney
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Posted: Wednesday March 2nd, 2005 23:00 |
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| All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off. ( lethal weapon, etc)
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The Watcher
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Posted: Wednesday March 2nd, 2005 23:07 |
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Well since Im a kung fu flick addict....
Two students learn together from same master. One good one bad. Some ill fate befalls the master, the two students seperate and become rivals.
The good one gets a student who he teaches to a good standard but doesnt teach the "secret technique" (depends on which movie as to what technique this is). The bad one returns after years to challenge and beat the good one. He has by this time aquired many skills.
He beats the good one badly and either kills or wounds him.
The student defies his good master ignoring the advice that he isnt good enough and seeks revenge. He gets busted up good and proper usually with some heavy dialouge LOL.
He returns home. If his master was killed in the battle then he studies his masters secret book, if his master is alove but wounded then he teaches him himself (reluctantly, it has to be reluctantly). A third option is that the youth is sent to a relative who also knows the secret style or has a better one.
Anyway the youth now learns the new secret style, with a very long drawn out training scene. A montage which plays cheesy music and shows him learning over some months or years.
He is ready and goes to challenge the bad guy and wins. The end.
Predictable as hell but I still love em so much ha ha ha
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The Watcher
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Posted: Wednesday March 2nd, 2005 23:08 |
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@ Cash
Those timing devices dont go past 0:00:01 either LOL they get stuck there no matter how long you the viewer are counting down the time too.
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CashMoney
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Posted: Wednesday March 2nd, 2005 23:37 |
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This one really makes me laugh. Remember this in My Cousin Vinny
A new law school graduate or burnt-out has-been will be asked to take on a career-making case and will flounder around at first due to lack of skill and training. But adrenaline and inspiration will kick in (generally accompanied by music from a swelling orchestra), which beats skill, training, and experience any day.
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iam_smartypants
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Posted: Wednesday March 2nd, 2005 23:41 |
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Comedies with the "black guy" has to teach the "white guy" how to be cool! For example how to dance and "chill out"
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CashMoney
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Posted: Thursday March 3rd, 2005 20:31 |
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True that @ iam
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Seabiscuit
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Posted: Thursday March 3rd, 2005 23:03 |
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Arghhhh... So true,
The nerdy white guy and cool black guy routine - see Hitch as a matter of fact!
A rather attractive girl enters the film... YOU KNOW SHES GONNA END UP WITH THE GOOD GUY IN THE END. Thats her sole purpose to flirt with the lead role, be a general hindrance to the mission, get herself into trouble and be saved again...
The "I'll never let your hand go routine, when they are hanging off a cliff" - come onnnn...
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Mafdet
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Posted: Thursday March 3rd, 2005 23:12 |
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Action packed movies involving the man saving the women where they are fighting for survival got all sorts after them and just before they reach their saftey the man and women stop to have a passionate kiss.
I would like to see a movie where this happens and one enemy they didn't account for creeps up on them and kills them.
....oops sorry abi1 I see you already mentioned something like this.
Horror moives where the actor usually dumb blond hears a noise and goes to the basement (with no weapon) and asks whose there 
Daughters by Bernard Stanley Hoyes
Last edited on Thursday March 3rd, 2005 23:15 by Mafdet
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Hitman2005
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Posted: Thursday March 3rd, 2005 23:17 |
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Just thought of:
Those movies where yer East end villians are yer salt of the earth cheeky cockney guv'nors (despite being murderous sadistic bast*rds)..
Those movies where white guy and black guy both falls for attractive black/latino girl (or said girl is already in relationship with black guy)...but as the movie progress (suprise, suprise), she sees "hidden qualities"in the white guy, and starts to fall for him. Now we have a romantic triangle - AND WE KNOW that the black guy will either:
- die saving the white guy or girl or
- turn out to be a "bad guy", who will get beaten up by the white guy (or humiliated by the girl in front of his mates/neighbourhood).
Last edited on Thursday March 3rd, 2005 23:29 by Hitman2005
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The Watcher
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Posted: Friday August 26th, 2005 02:26 |
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I guess you guys have seen this before but Im bored so I thought you might enjoy it.
1. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises wearing their most revealing underwear, preferably carrying candles which will be blown out by the slightest draft.
2. If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year.
3. All beds have special L-shaped top sheets that reach up to armpit level on a woman but only waist level on the man lying beside her.
4. All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.
5. It's easy for anyone to land a plane, providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.
6. Once applied, lipstick and any other make-up will never rub off - even while scuba diving and sleeping.
7. The ventilation system of any building is a perfect hiding place and leads to any location in the building, including the safe. No one will ever think of looking for you in there.
8. You're likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
9. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. English with a German accent will do, provided you are blonde.
10. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window of any building in Paris.
11. People never finish their drinks.
12. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds afterwards. This generally leads to a sex scene.
13. The chief of police is always wrong.
14. When paying for a taxi, just grab a note from your pocket and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.
15. If you lose a hand, it will cause the stump of your arm to grow by 15 cm.
16. Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night, you should open the fridge door and use that light instead.
17. During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.
18. Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family every morning, even though the husband and children never have time to eat them.
19. Any American movie will contain a car chase, unless it was made by Walt Disney. Cars and trucks that crash will always burst into flames after they have come to a standstill and the hero is running away from it at 5 to 10 meters distance.
20. Wearing a vest or stripping to the waist makes a man invulnerable to bullets, provided he is the main character. Unimportant bad guys are killed instantaneously with one bullet or punch. Important bad guys nearly kill the hero savagely before they are killed.
21. A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of a football stadium.
22. If a killer is lurking in your house, it's easy to find him. Just relax and run a bath - even if it's the middle of the afternoon.
23. Medieval peasants had perfect teeth, were well-fed, wore clean clothes and make-up.
24. Although in the 20th century it is possible to fire weapons at an object out of visual range, people of the 23rd century will have lost this technology.
25. All single women have a cat.
26. Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.
27. Even when driving down a completely straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments. Similarly, when driving a curvy road, the slightest movement of the steering wheel will do the job.
28. One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them all than 20 men firing at one.
29. Creepy music coming from a graveyard should always be closely investigated.
30. If a phone line is broken, communication can be restored by frantically beating the cradle and saying, "Hello? Hello?"
31. Most people keep a scrapbook of newspaper clippings - especially if any of their family or friends has died in a strange boating accident.
32. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessor. If two men attack at the same time, the one behind you will firmly hold you up, so you can free your legs to kick the one coming from the front. If two men simultaneously attack from left and right, just a step backwards is sufficient to have them knock each other out.
33. During a very emotional confrontation, instead of facing the person you are speaking to, one stands behind them and talk to their back.
34. When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your room will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.
35. Dogs always know who's bad and will naturally bark at them.
36. Police departments give their officers undergo personality tests to make sure they are assigned a partner who is their total opposite.
37. Action heroes never eat and drink when chased for weeks, do not go to the toilet or need more than 5 minutes of sleep per day.
38. Action heroes never face charges for manslaughter or criminal damage, despite laying entire cities to waste.
39. No matter how badly a spaceship is attacked, its internal gravity system is never damaged.
40. If there is a deranged killer on the loose, this will coincide with a heavy thunderstorm that has brought down all the power and phone lines in the vicinity.
41. You can always find a chainsaw whenever you're likely to need one.
42. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their arch-enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gases, lasers and man eating sharks that will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.
43. There are three types of criminals: megalomaniacs, Italian mafiosi and brain-dead muscle packs.
44. Many musical instruments - especially wind instruments and accordions - can be played with moving the fingers randomly.
45. All bombs are camouflaged using electronic timing devices with large red displays, showing exactly when the device will detonate. They are always disarmed by clipping one of two wires when the clock displays 3 seconds or less.
46. It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting, cars need not be locked, nor keys taken out. If keys ere taken out of the ignitiuon, they should be left on top of the sunshade.
47. Guns are like disposable razors - if you run out of bullets, they should be thrown away. You can always find a new one which is loaded.
48. The weather always indicates what will happen next: rain will bring sadness (unless the film is called 'Singing in the rain'), thunder will bring fear and accidents.
49. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty and continues the case in his own time.
50. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.
Some more
* Whenever in a car in San Francisco you will at some point get airbourne off the cross roads.
* You can ring anyone in the world by dialing 4 numbers (sometimes less).
* Your last bullet will always kill the bad guy, or never misses you target.
* A squad of soldiers will wipe out a regiment of the enemy in a single battle.
* During car chases there is always a jump or some form of ramp to launch your car off, The good guys always land it while the guy thats following doesn't
* A pistol is a remarkably accurate weapon and no matter how much you roll round in the dirt it never has a round go off in the chamber.
* If an person is shot while standing on a balcony they will fall forward (in real life the inpact will more likely make you fall back) over or through the rail.
* In war/westerns any semi-main character that has to die will die heroicly doing something to help the main character.
* In fight scenes involving weapons (steel rods, nunchucks, staffs, ect, ect) people can amazingly take multiple blows and walk away virtually unharmed, whereas in real life these sort of weapons are for breaking bones.
* The biggest guy always has the biggest weapon (battle axe, club, mace, two handed sword, minigun, M60, you get the point).
* A car will alway run out of fuel in the middle of no-where never in town.
* The heroes pet will somehow survive the explosion that just took out his house.
* In sniper movies a sniper is always killed by a bullet through the scope.
* The good guys car is virtually indestructable, it will survive numerous accidents and fender benders while getting all shot up, while the bad guys cars regularly explode and get whiped out after one accident.
here are some more
http://www.filmcliches.com/
Here are my favourites
* A hysterical, screaming woman can always be immediately calmed down by a slap across the face from a man. Often the woman will then thank the man for slapping her.
* A good chase ain't a good chase unless they run through a busy kitchen.
* A female lead with feminist leanings will always despise a macho hero--until the first time he rescues her from certain death. She will then become totally conventional and dependent. Once she does this, the hero will become vulnerable and tell her about some tragic loss that will explain his belligerent attitude.
* A bullet that has the power to blast the recipient six feet into the air does not have the power upon discharge to make the shooter even flinch.
* A beautiful woman appears very interested in a very ugly man. Of course the man sees nothing wrong with this, but the whole female audience knows that she is up to no good and she is only using him as a means to an end.
* An "ugly" woman becomes really hot after she removes her glasses and takes her hair out of a bun.
* As soon as a beautiful actress makes herself ugly, plain, fatter or into a
man, she will win an Oscar.
* A pudgy older star who's visibly falling behind his partner during a chase scene will catch up with him while the camera's looking away.
* A serial killer will cover the walls of his room with evidence (newspaper clippings, photos, etc.) of his crimes, even if he still lives at home with his mother. His mother will have no idea what is going on.
* All female reporters are gutsy and idealistic but all male reporters are cynical hacks and will lie cheat and steal to get a story.
* At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.
Now add some
Last edited on Friday August 26th, 2005 04:25 by The Watcher
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Posted: Friday August 26th, 2005 03:08 |
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The Watcher
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Posted: Friday August 26th, 2005 05:05 |
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At some point in the film--a quiet moment which will happen at least after the first action scene but before the final big one--one of the romantic leads will reveal the single incident in their past which explains their whole motivation and personality.
Bad guys will always listen to classical music. When planning fiendish crimes or even taunting the hero in their sinister clutches they will always take a break to offer a critical or emotional review of their fave music. No henchmen will have knowledge of his fave music, making said master villain very irritable.
British people in movies are always posh, rich snobs and use the phrase bloody hell in every sentence.
Clones will always have the same memories as the original, but due to a glitch or flaw in the cloning process, the clone's moral base will be different than the original's. Also, clones will invariably hate or envy the original and will either try to kill him or will screw up their lives by pretending to be the original and publicly engaging in illegal and/or immoral behavior. The will also somehow be the same age (?)
Every family has at least one home video of a young son or daughter blowing out candles on a birthday cake. This is usually viewed in darkness by a sobbing parent after the child has been abducted or has died.
Everybody in authority will ignore the pleadings of the scientific expert. The mountain is about to blow, The river is infested with man eaters, etc. Often times the authority has brought the expert in, but they choose to ignore them anyway. In many cases, the authority is corrupt, tied to a lucrative land deal or such.
Glasses: Glasses are a handicap. Men in glasses are, heaven forbid, "Philosophers", "Scientists", "Teachers", "Intellectuals". When a man becomes an active hero, his eyesight becomes 20-20 and he doesn't need glasses any more. Women who wear glasses are sexually repressed. When they loosen up the glasses disappear. If they wear contacts, one will fall to the ground and everyone will drop to the floor to look for it.
Having a job of any kind will make all fathers forget their son's eighth birthday.
Helicopters can sneak up on people. They won't hear the deafening roar of a helicopter's engine until it is literally above their heads.
If a power line is down in a film, it will always dance around like a snake and shoot sparks even though power lines do not do this in real life.
If a supercomputer is made too powerful, it will eventually become self-conscious and want to destroy all life in the universe.
If you are blonde and pretty, it is possible to be a world-famous expert on nuclear fission, dinosaurs, hieroglyphics, or anything else, at the age of 22.
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Posted: Friday August 26th, 2005 06:12 |
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DrunkMonkey wrote: At some point in the film--a quiet moment which will happen at least after the first action scene but before the final big one--one of the romantic leads will reveal the single incident in their past which explains their whole motivation and personality.
British people in movies are always posh, rich snobs and use the phrase bloody hell in every sentence.
Every family has at least one home video of a young son or daughter blowing out candles on a birthday cake. This is usually viewed in darkness by a sobbing parent after the child has been abducted or has died.
Everybody in authority will ignore the pleadings of the scientific expert. The mountain is about to blow, The river is infested with man eaters, etc. Often times the authority has brought the expert in, but they choose to ignore them anyway. In many cases, the authority is corrupt, tied to a lucrative land deal or such.
Glasses: Glasses are a handicap. Men in glasses are, heaven forbid, "Philosophers", "Scientists", "Teachers", "Intellectuals". When a man becomes an active hero, his eyesight becomes 20-20 and he doesn't need glasses any more. Women who wear glasses are sexually repressed. When they loosen up the glasses disappear. If they wear contacts, one will fall to the ground and everyone will drop to the floor to look for it.
Having a job of any kind will make all fathers forget their son's eighth birthday.
Helicopters can sneak up on people. They won't hear the deafening roar of a helicopter's engine until it is literally above their heads.
If a power line is down in a film, it will always dance around like a snake and shoot sparks even though power lines do not do this in real life.
If a supercomputer is made too powerful, it will eventually become self-conscious and want to destroy all life in the universe.
If you are blonde and pretty, it is possible to be a world-famous expert on nuclear fission, dinosaurs, hieroglyphics, or anything else, at the age of 22.
Wow! Are you creating these like right now? Or did you get them from somewhere else? If this is your creation then you are pretty observant when it comes to film.
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CashMoney
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Posted: Friday August 26th, 2005 07:37 |
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I noticed that military bad gys have tremendously poor aim but a novice who has never used a gun before can hit you between the eyes 10 out of 10 times( e.g Nick of Time)
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You ever heard of the Golden Rule. He who has the gold makes the rules!
He who asks is a fool for five minutes. He who never asks remains a fool for ever.
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CashMoney
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Posted: Friday August 26th, 2005 07:43 |
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DrunkMonkey wrote:
If you are blonde and pretty, it is possible to be a world-famous expert on nuclear fission, dinosaurs, hieroglyphics, or anything else, at the age of 22.
LOL !!!! Example: Jessica Alba in Fantastic Four.
____________________
You ever heard of the Golden Rule. He who has the gold makes the rules!
He who asks is a fool for five minutes. He who never asks remains a fool for ever.
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The Watcher
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