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jett Black
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Posted: Sunday February 27th, 2005 07:31 |
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Last night I received the news ive been fearing my whole adult life, I received a call from a New York police officer at 4.30 am, he said may I speak to ... and I immediately made him stop because by that time my knees had turned to jelly,I pleaded with him to speak no more and call me back in 10 minutes I just thought I could more readily handle the news then.
In that time I phoned my Mothers next door neighbour because I felt she would know what was happening as it turned out the police officer was with her ,so my neighbour told me and although I knew what was coming it was better hearing it from her because the impersonal voice of that police officer would have haunted me for the rest of my life.
She collapsed in the street apparently,she was only 62. I always feared that when I ever got news like this that I would die from the shock, I am shocked , I am numb but somehow im finding strength and I can only imagine it must be coming from her, she wouldnt want me to let her down as there is much to do, what makes it sadder is that I received a lovely letter from her just yesterday and also I spent some time picking out a nice Mothers day card for her, now I know that kind of correspondance will be for the last time.
Im an only child so I have noone to share the grief with me with the same intensity, the friends I have told so far have all rallied around me and I am greatful.
I am also greatful for the fact my Mother always knew that I loved her and I showed her and told her in many different ways.
Her name was EBUJAH she was a hugely talented and gifted woman, she was generous, with a killer smile and a rapier wit and she managed to raise and deal with a "personality" like me, she often said she was the only possible person that could have been my Mother and I know exactly what she meant.
I will miss her desperately but I always felt the spirit lived on but now that I have experienced this I KNOW IT DOES because she is the only thing keepin me afloat.
Im also greatful to have this forum to express some of my grief on because it gives me an idea of some of the things I may say at her funeral.
Rest in peace Mum, you were loved.
Ebujah
August 7th 1942-Feb 27th 2005
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african_princess83
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Posted: Sunday February 27th, 2005 07:39 |
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Jettblack...this is such terrible news...my heart hurts for you
words can't express my sorrow for you..I'll pray for you and your mother
may her gentle soul rest in peace
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NativeTongue
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Posted: Sunday February 27th, 2005 07:44 |
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oh sh*t babe, i am so sorry to hear that.
if theres anything we can do for you just say the word.
Last edited on Sunday February 27th, 2005 07:45 by NativeTongue
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cockneybouy
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Posted: Sunday February 27th, 2005 08:03 |
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Jett Black....I'm sorry for your loss...I am also an only child.I hope the following Blacknet correspondence may ease the pain a little....
"Thank you cocknybouy, I'd like to say that I am sorry for your loss.
I have a question, if you would honor me with your own personal experience...
...after 8 years.....does the the pain get any better? "
PaRrIs ..............Yes it does considerably but the sadness and other emotions don't follow a straight line......obviously its the most difficult initially and then it eases with the passage of time until.....something happens/U hear something that brings back a Personal memory of her.......then U deal with that in your own way(period of quiet reflection for me).....U eventually Smile at her memory and U move on.....the Emotional Graph is definitely not a straight line........for example My Mums favourite Song was The Last Waltz by Engelbert Humperdinck....feel sad whenever I hear that particularly as that Song accompanied my Mums Coffin disappearing from view at her funeral..........but I,although only going to Church for Weddings/Funerals etc..DO believe and when I go to the Cemetary on my own I look upwards and say some words to her and Thank Her for everything she was and also what she did for me....On her Gravestone it says...."To My Darling Angel"..and she was and will always be.......One last,very important point.....when she was lying in the mortuary and her "body" was effectively a Cold Slab it really brought home to me how her Spirit,Heart,Soul..her whole essence had obviously simply left that outer shell and gone to a better place.......a place(MANY years from now I hope ) that the Whole Family will be re-united for eternity.............
Last edited on Sunday February 27th, 2005 08:05 by cockneybouy
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Saida.M
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Posted: Sunday February 27th, 2005 08:59 |
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So sorry to hear about the loss of your mother jett black.
My deepest sympathy is with you and all the other people around you.
God bless.
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"One of the heads of the beast seemed to have been fatally wounded, but the wound had healed. The whole earth was amazed and followed the beast".
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CashMoney
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Posted: Sunday February 27th, 2005 09:00 |
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| I'm very sorry for your loss
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Posted: Sunday February 27th, 2005 09:04 |
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| I'm sorry to hear about your loss jett black. I send my condolences out to you and your family. May the Almighty God help you to endure through this troublesome time.
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Posted: Sunday February 27th, 2005 09:06 |
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| My condolences to you, friend. I am sorry for your loss. I do not know if words can be of any help now, but it is good for you that you know that your mother knew your love for her as you knew hers for you. That is what matters the most.
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The Watcher
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Posted: Sunday February 27th, 2005 09:10 |
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Sorry to hear that JB
You wont never forget it but in time the pain will lessen and you will remember her well. The best thing to do is think of the things you think you can do that would make her proud of you... Try to live up to her.
Rest in peace Ebujah
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chantel7
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Posted: Sunday February 27th, 2005 09:14 |
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@ Jett Black
My deepest condolences goes out to you,...i am so sorry to hear this,.. i commend you for sharing this tragic news with us,...it could'nt of been easy,... i hope we can give you as much support as we can ,...i don't know what i can do but please talk to whoever is around you,...you need a lot of cuddles right now and freinds and family to pull together.
I really do hope you get through this,..it will take time,.. but i am thinking of you.
R.I.P Ebuja!!
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Posted: Sunday February 27th, 2005 09:59 |
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Death is always a harsh mistress to bear especially when it comes unexpectedly.
Sorry to hear the bad news bout you mother she sounds like she was a lovely lady and I hope she lived a full and happy life.
Feeling for you at the moment, cant begin to imagine what your going through as Im to cross that bridge but try to stay as strong as possible afterall Im sure shes in a better place than this earth now.
R.I.P and blesses
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Agape
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Posted: Sunday February 27th, 2005 10:24 |
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@ Jett Black
real sorry to hear of your mother passing babe my condolences, baby girl you will be alright, will pray for you darling.
R.I.P Ebujah
Agape
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Le Moor
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Posted: Sunday February 27th, 2005 10:58 |
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My deepest sympathies and heart goes out to you.
What i identify with is your words "Last night I received the news ive been fearing my whole adult life" We all share that fear.
I really admire the fact youve come on here to help ease the pain and im sure that it will for you.
Be strong and remember you will one day re-unite with your mother in a better place. Until then shes watching over you
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Sit al-Banal
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Posted: Sunday February 27th, 2005 11:03 |
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Ebujah
August 7th 1942-Feb 27th 2005
R.I.P
Last edited on Sunday February 27th, 2005 11:05 by Sit al-Banal
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jazztalking
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Posted: Sunday February 27th, 2005 11:10 |
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Your grief would pass Jett Black. Just be true to your moms memory and give all the final respects and love she would have hoped to receive at this time from you.
Peace
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BlackMatta
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Posted: Sunday February 27th, 2005 11:10 |
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Last edited on Monday February 27th, 2006 20:31 by
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BLACK CAT
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Posted: Sunday February 27th, 2005 11:51 |
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Jett Black
I am so sorry to hear of your sad loss. I am an only child too and lost my mother in1990. The pain does ease in time, but her memory will always be with you, and this will bring comfort in the difficult times.
You are in my thoughts, take care of yourself
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BLACK CAT
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Posted: Sunday February 27th, 2005 11:59 |
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Jett Black
I am so sorry to hear about your sad loss. Your mother sounds like an amazing and inspirationl person. I'm an only child too and lost my mother in 1990.
The pain will ease in time, and the beautiful memories you have of her will comfort you in difficult times.
You are in my thoughts, take care of yourself.
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Kennedy
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Posted: Sunday February 27th, 2005 12:03 |
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Hi JettBlack, I wish to send my condolences, please keep your chin up and be positive, I am sure that is what your mother would want, she now watches over you and she will guide you, time is the healer, time is the master.
Kennedy
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Posted: Sunday February 27th, 2005 12:12 |
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@ Jetblack
Please accept my heart felt sympathy and deepest condolances. The love that you have expressed for your mother leads me to believe that she will always be with you and therefore lives through you.
If we can help in anyway please let us know.
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Mafdet
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Posted: Sunday February 27th, 2005 12:17 |
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@Jett Black
When I saw the title of this thread I immediately looked to see if it was in the poetry forum but it wasn't to be.....I am sorry for your loss and my heart is with you at this time. Anytime you feel you want to talk and express please do so because amongst the daily endless bickering that may go on here in the village that will always come last place to the love and support that we all will share and support you with. I speak from experience due to the support I received from the village when my brother passed over.
Always remember that your mother Ebujah has only passed over she is always with you because without her there would be no you and the important thing is you both knew of your unconditional endless love for each other.
Remember this you may be an only child but here you are a member of one big family so I am here for you sister anytime you need me.
As the picture below is called I am sure your mother is at peace with God/The Most High.
At Peace with God
Last edited on Sunday February 27th, 2005 12:24 by Mafdet
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Breadfruit
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Posted: Sunday February 27th, 2005 12:22 |
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my condolences
the great and good people in our lives, always stay with us
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Mafdet
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Posted: Sunday February 27th, 2005 12:40 |
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Jett Black
The following poems were given to me by a friend and he told me he is sure this is what my brother would say to us his family ......I feel you can adopt this to the feelings senitments and characteristics you told us about your mother and you are experiencing at this time I hope you enjoy it and they help ease some of your hurt.
Do Not Cry
Do not cry for this warrior when I am gone
I will be running in fields without fences
I will be drinking water that is not polluted
The strength that I lost here will be found
The flesh and bone lost will return in spirit
I will be young and strong again
Do not cry for this warrior when I am gone
I will be visiting our ancestors
Knowledge lost will be found anew
I will truly learn the ways of the old ones
I will learn the language of our fathers
I will help to prepare a hearth for you
Do not cry for this warrior when I am gone
I will be with our brothers, the winged
Our brothers, the four legged and in the sea
The Great Spirit will guide my steps
My path will be true , I wait for you there
Do not cry for this warrior when I am gone
Remember me in laughter
Remember me in the song of the flute
Remember me in the beat of the drum
Dance for me with all your heart
Fore I will be dancing with you
Look in your heart and I will be there
Do not cry for this Warrior I am still here
In your dreams, your heart and memory
I will see you again
Until then.
Until then
*****************
Don't Cry for me
I have lived my life with no regrets
Please remember me with the best of intents
If you want to talk to me just look up high and there I'll be
I'm not gone, just in a different place
I am always around you surrounding with grace
Remember to laugh and keep my memory alive
I know that it will be hard, but I know you will survive
My love is always with you, in your heart and soul.
Please don't cry for me, as I am alive in your heart always.
**********************
Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there, I do not sleep
I am a 1,000 winds that blow
I am the diamond glints on snow
I am the sun on ripened grain
I am the gentle autumn rain
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled light
I am the soft star that shines at night
Do not stand at my grave and cry
I am not there; I did not die.
**********************
All Is Well
Death is nothing at all,
I have only slipped into the next room
I am I and you are you
Whatever we were to each other, that we are still.
Call me by my old familiar name,
Speak to me in the easy way which you always used
Put no difference in your tone,
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow
Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household world that it always was,
Let it be spoken without effect, without the trace of shadow on it.
Life means all that it ever meant.
It it the same as it ever was, there is unbroken continuity.
Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?
I am waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near,
Just around the corner.
All is well.
*****************
If I should go tomorrow
It would never be goodbye,
For I have left my heart with you,
So don't you ever cry.
The love that's deep within me,
Shall reach you from the stars,
You'll feel it from the heavens,
And it will heal the scars.
These helped me very much Jett Black and I hope they help you too in your time of need.....stay strong sister.
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jett Black
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Posted: Sunday February 27th, 2005 14:53 |
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I would like to thank you all for kind words, they have TRULY helped, thank you Maf for the poetry that was right on time.
I m still in a state of shock and am in a bit of a Zombie like state but again I marvel at my clarity and strength, I marvel because I never thought I could cope, I marvel because I know its her supremely strong energy that is enabling me to be like this, I know the meltdown will happen but shes not gonna let it happen til everything is in order-she remains the same force in passing.
So now the grim business begins of claiming her body and funeral arrangememts,I have to book a flight pretty sharpish, my friends have been great and I am blessed to have them, one of them is here right now, im not doing much talking but having her presence is helping me process what is going on.
Thank you so much once again for your words its nice to know that even in with Villlage when there are mad differences and gripes, people rally round in true African style-yeah even you CB.
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Mafdet
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Posted: Sunday February 27th, 2005 15:05 |
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@JB
Your welcome 
Hope you find a flight at a good price and with a good airline.
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