| Author | |
|---|
night nurse
Villager
| Joined: | Saturday November 6th, 2004 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 33 |
| Photo: | |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: |  |
Click here for your Black Profile
Search for Black Sites
|
Posted: Tuesday November 9th, 2004 21:40 |
|
A friend of mine is in this situation, she is a catholic so it is against her religion, she has not told her parents or anybody except me of this outcome, the police have been informed and she has been checked for other possibilities of infection, that wait is like forever, i have given my advice if it was me i could not carry it through, she dose not want this baby yet she can not go through with the abortion,
Any advice is much appreciated
____________________
Click here for your Black Profile
|
canerow
Villager
| Joined: | Thursday October 14th, 2004 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 99 |
| Photo: | |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: |   |
Click here for your Black Profile
Search for Black Sites
|
Posted: Tuesday November 9th, 2004 22:06 |
|
Hi i dont think you have given enough information here how old is this person ? It is also seems odd that the police have been involved cant help thinking theres more to this than meets the eye ????
Personally speaking only she can make the decision here ,either way ,its one that she will have to live with for a very long time. Theres adoption but that it is a major decision to make, it could also be as traumatic as an abortion but she would need to discuss that with her parents. Wheres the father what does he have to say on this ?
____________________
www.blacksearch.co.uk - Helping to promote Black African and Caribbean Websites
|
canerow
Villager
| Joined: | Thursday October 14th, 2004 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 99 |
| Photo: | |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
Click here for your Black Profile
Search for Black Sites
|
Posted: Tuesday November 9th, 2004 23:04 |
|
My apologies night nurse you have just stated the reason and cause of pregnancy of being rape therefore my previous comments do not apply. I misread it sorry !!!!!!
Well this is a hard one, to give advice on I do think that your friend should be encouraged to talk to her parents to help support her in her choices whatever that may be. There is also a range of counselling supports available for her to fully explore her options including adoption. I suggust that you support your friend to contact someone immediately.Also she must be very traumatized by the fact that she has had this done to her, and may want proffessional support with this.I can only recommend the above choices, i dont think many women would be able to keep a child under those circumstances nor do i think that anyone would judge her badly regardless of religious beliefs, she is a victim of circumstance and so is the child.I wish you and your friend the best of luck and deepest regards.
____________________
Click here for your Black Profile
|
Akosua
Villager
| Joined: | Monday June 28th, 2004 |
| Location: | SE4 |
| Posts: | 146 |
| Photo: | |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
Click here for your Black Profile
Search for Black Sites
|
Posted: Tuesday November 9th, 2004 23:11 |
|
She should keep the child it is still her child.
I think Abortion is out of the question NO MATTER WHAT the circumstances, I'd advise she not abort she'll regret it.
____________________
I'm Going To Live Forever Or Die Trying
____________________
www.blacksearch.co.uk - Helping to promote Black African and Caribbean Websites
|
Peacemaker
Villager
| Joined: | Saturday May 15th, 2004 |
| Location: | ><_>< |
| Posts: | 3892 |
| Photo: | |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
Click here for your Black Profile
Search for Black Sites
|
Posted: Tuesday November 9th, 2004 23:51 |
|
night nurse wrote: A friend of mine is in this situation, she is a catholic so it is against her religion, she has not told her parents or anybody except me of this outcome, the police have been informed and she has been checked for other possibilities of infection, that wait is like forever, i have given my advice if it was me i could not carry it through, she dose not want this baby yet she can not go through with the abortion,
Any advice is much appreciated
Tell her to abort the child. It will probably grow up with some of the father's characteristics anyway, like most do.. Either that or give it up for adoption. Which would really mess the kid up in the the long run.
"I want to find my real parents." "Sorry chap one of them is a rapist. But hey be thankful kid, because he your real father is a sick b**tard that goes around raping people, and you exist for only that reason. Isn't that wonderful?. And hey kid just imagine that moment you were conceived, with your mother screaming in terror." I bet she secretly hates you if you really but stop to think about it. You whole existence was against your mother's will, nothing about her wanted you too exist."
*Bang*
That was the sound of a 12 year old girl or boy killing themself.
If she doesn't want it tell her to get rid of it. That fact that she doesn't want it is part of her personal belief system, not the catholic belief system. I think hers is more important don't you think in this case.
Last edited on Wednesday November 10th, 2004 00:02 by Peacemaker
____________________
____________________
Click here for your Black Profile
|
kwela
Villager
| Joined: | Wednesday October 6th, 2004 |
| Location: | United Kingdom |
| Posts: | 65 |
| Photo: | |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
Click here for your Black Profile
Search for Black Sites
|
Posted: Wednesday November 10th, 2004 00:02 |
|
This is a tough one, i can't even imagine what this lady must be going through. If i was faced with this situation, i would no doubt have an abortion, I don't think the Good Lord would frown upon this, as she is a victim of circumstances. It is a decision only she can make. If she decides to go ahead and have the baby, and gives it up for adoption, this could prove equally traumatic for her, knowing she has a baby somewhere in the world, the memories may still haunt her, i agree it's not the unborn child's fault, however, its not the lady's fault either. I once saw a show on Kilroy a few years ago, the topic was survivor's of rape. It featured a black woman, who had been raped, kept the baby who was a boy, at the time the young man was 16yrs, he was with his mother, she said she loved him to bits, he was also aware of how he was concieved. I can't imagine how she was able to do this, but somehow she did. I would think this must have been an exceptional case. Just be there for your friend, hopefully whichever decision she makes, will be what she wants, and not what she feels is expected of her.
Peace.
____________________
Be strong and determined. Never doubt you are unique, as the power lies within you to gain all that you seek!
____________________
www.blacksearch.co.uk - Helping to promote Black African and Caribbean Websites
|
MsPnutt
Villager
Click here for your Black Profile
Search for Black Sites
|
Posted: Wednesday November 10th, 2004 00:38 |
|
personally speaking, my answer would be a resounding NO!
i wouldnt want to be reminded of one of the worst moments of my life, the children i will give birth to will come out of love, not a heinous act like rape.
but this is me speaking persoanlly... does not apply to anyone else, we are all different and have ways of dealing with and accepting certain circumstances.
____________________
Click here for your Black Profile
|
theblackestgirl
Villager
| Joined: | Tuesday February 24th, 2004 |
| Location: | Georgia USA |
| Posts: | 22 |
| Photo: | |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
Click here for your Black Profile
Search for Black Sites
|
Posted: Wednesday November 10th, 2004 06:53 |
|
Awww this is so sad. I honestly don't think I could put my body through an abortion or raise the child of a rapist, I think I'd probably just die.
I remember seeing a show about this young asian lady who was raped by a black dude. She kept the kid and had to live w/ her family, the child didn't not grow up in a loving environment. He was called black devil and such, the mother said apart of her hated him too. He wanted to fit in(china town) and be loved but that never happend and he grow up and started killing asian women. It was a very sad story.
I hope your friend makes the best decision for HER not the church, she was raped not the church. Anyway God forgives.
Last edited on Wednesday November 10th, 2004 06:55 by theblackestgirl
____________________
Black Unity Is The Solution!!!
____________________
www.blacksearch.co.uk - Helping to promote Black African and Caribbean Websites
|
free
Villager
| Joined: | Tuesday July 13th, 2004 |
| Location: | Dodge City, Tonga |
| Posts: | 1025 |
| Photo: | |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
Click here for your Black Profile
Search for Black Sites
|
Posted: Wednesday November 10th, 2004 08:04 |
|
| I would say she should not have the baby for all the reasons that the other posters so far have mentioned.
____________________
Blacknet Book Club coming soon...
____________________
Click here for your Black Profile
|
wotsits18
Villager
| Joined: | Thursday May 13th, 2004 |
| Location: | London, United Kingdom |
| Posts: | 1851 |
| Photo: | |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
Click here for your Black Profile
Search for Black Sites
|
Posted: Wednesday November 10th, 2004 08:12 |
|
NightNurse, sad & sorry to hear the news about your friend..If she believes she cannot go through with the abortion then as a friend just still be their for her & support her etc, as she will need alot of time/care/affection from those close to her..
Again the same will apply if she she chose to abort, she'll feel mixed up at a loss scared worried even wrong..Either way the emphasis must be on letting her know the situation which came about was NOT her fault..
Personally l would say abort, but as a man l cannot fully comprehend the maternal instincts of a woman & even after going through such a traumatic experience, she may still want to keep the baby & show/give the child love, even if tinged with a touch of saddness forever & a day..
Your friend will also have to come to terms with the notion of the child asking about the father & that is another issue to deal with & also some bad mind people rather than wanting to help/listen they would rather chastise laugh & mock..
What is right will hopefully be best for her, but the mental scars last & at the end of it all the poor & sad thing is that she is being made a victim again..
l hope she gets through this & that her peeps have her back etc..
Again sorry to hear this, good luck & best wishes & be strong..
Respecks 2u frm me..
____________________
Love is Life..
Life is Love..
..18..
____________________
www.blacksearch.co.uk - Helping to promote Black African and Caribbean Websites
|
Anni*
Villager
| Joined: | Tuesday March 2nd, 2004 |
| Location: | London, United Kingdom |
| Posts: | 205 |
| Photo: | |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
Click here for your Black Profile
Search for Black Sites
|
Posted: Wednesday November 10th, 2004 09:13 |
|
Peacemaker wrote : Either that or give it up for adoption. Which would really mess the kid up in the the long run.
Hey Im not messed up and I know who I am and I am adopted.
Personally I would say that this is a difficult situation but maybe if your friend has the baby and does give it up for adoption, Id say that would be the best thing. However when the child becomes 18 and wants to find out who his/ her biological mom and dad are that might be a difficult thing as he/her is not going to be pleased to find out that his/her dad raped his/her mom. I dont think an abortion is a good thing becasue your friend would be even mpre hurt in the long run eg constantly thinking about it and feeling guilty. Before I was born I was being considered to be aborted and yes my situation was very different to your friends but the child may turn out to be a really nice child. xx
____________________
Authenticity means a lot to me
____________________
Click here for your Black Profile
|
genaralf
Villager
| Joined: | Monday January 26th, 2004 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 17 |
| Photo: | |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
Click here for your Black Profile
Search for Black Sites
|
Posted: Wednesday November 10th, 2004 11:02 |
|
| i'm very sorry to hear about your friend,did she get pregnant or did she get raped and why wasn't the police told about it? and how old is she,cause she sounds young and i thinnk it's disgusting for some on to do that to a girl
____________________
www.blacksearch.co.uk - Helping to promote Black African and Caribbean Websites
|
free
Villager
| Joined: | Tuesday July 13th, 2004 |
| Location: | Dodge City, Tonga |
| Posts: | 1025 |
| Photo: | |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
Click here for your Black Profile
Search for Black Sites
|
Posted: Wednesday November 10th, 2004 11:13 |
|
Anni* wrote:
Peacemaker wrote : Either that or give it up for adoption. Which would really mess the kid up in the the long run.
Hey Im not messed up and I know who I am and I am adopted.
Personally I would say that this is a difficult situation but maybe if your friend has the baby and does give it up for adoption, Id say that would be the best thing. However when the child becomes 18 and wants to find out who his/ her biological mom and dad are that might be a difficult thing as he/her is not going to be pleased to find out that his/her dad raped his/her mom. I dont think an abortion is a good thing becasue your friend would be even mpre hurt in the long run eg constantly thinking about it and feeling guilty. Before I was born I was being considered to be aborted and yes my situation was very different to your friends but the child may turn out to be a really nice child. xx
Anni, you are very lucky to have good adoptive parents who love you...not everyone who is adopted or fostered is blessed enough to receive good care givers.
In addition this child is being born into a family who at some time or another are going to find out the exact circumstances in which this baby is conceived. Whatever happens their is no easy decision, but a baby in this case is a physical manifestation and daily reminder of the evil that happened. For the sake of being able to deal with the trauma that comes of being raped...I don't think that she should have the child. I have seen cases where rapists have asked the courts for access to the children, or the worst case is the life long psychological damage that this mother & child will live with for the rest of their life. Especially now that laws are being changed on adoption even if the baby is adopted they are reconsidering the privacy that the natural parents have...so the child that you have given up can find you at any time they wish...
____________________
Blacknet Book Club coming soon...
____________________
Click here for your Black Profile
|
shae
Villager
| Joined: | Thursday November 4th, 2004 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 1144 |
| Photo: | |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
Click here for your Black Profile
Search for Black Sites
|
Posted: Wednesday November 10th, 2004 11:30 |
|
@ nightnurse
I am more or less in agreement with most of the posters above - the only thing you can really do is be there for her 100% irrespective of your personal opinion. If she doesn't want the baby regardless of her faith (no disrepect) she has to do what SHE honestly thinks is for the best & not to concern herself with what ppl would say.
She should consider telling her parents...she may be surprised!!
I hope it all works out.
Peace & Blessings
Last edited on Wednesday November 10th, 2004 11:32 by shae
____________________
Never live in the past but always learn from it...
I'm going to speak my mind because I have nothing to lose...
____________________
www.blacksearch.co.uk - Helping to promote Black African and Caribbean Websites
|
Peacemaker
Villager
| Joined: | Saturday May 15th, 2004 |
| Location: | ><_>< |
| Posts: | 3892 |
| Photo: | |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
Click here for your Black Profile
Search for Black Sites
|
Posted: Wednesday November 10th, 2004 13:44 |
|
Anni* wrote: wrote
Hey Im not messed up and I know who I am and I am adopted.
You're messed up enough. My statement could mean anything taken out of context. For example It could mean ALL adopted people are messed up.
I hope you don't read everything in that way.
Did you read what I said afterwards or did your vanity chip only pick out the part that was relevant to you. Are you a product of rape for example?
____________________
____________________
Click here for your Black Profile
|
night nurse
Villager
| Joined: | Saturday November 6th, 2004 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 33 |
| Photo: | |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
Click here for your Black Profile
Search for Black Sites
|
Posted: Wednesday November 10th, 2004 20:04 |
|
| would you? everyday you look at that child knowing one day it may look like him
____________________
www.blacksearch.co.uk - Helping to promote Black African and Caribbean Websites
|
night nurse
Villager
| Joined: | Saturday November 6th, 2004 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 33 |
| Photo: | |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
Click here for your Black Profile
Search for Black Sites
|
Posted: Wednesday November 10th, 2004 20:12 |
|
| @peacemaker, i totally agree with you, as children grow up in loan parent situation they always ask where is my dad or is my dad. Look at this i am a single parent of 2 my youngest is 6 and is always asking me where is his dad, and if his dad loves him, he has never seen my son, that breaks my heart to tell him that his father dose not want to know, never mind telling a child, well your dad raped me and i don't really know who is, i thank you for your advice it was a true statement.
____________________
Click here for your Black Profile
|
night nurse
Villager
| Joined: | Saturday November 6th, 2004 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 33 |
| Photo: | |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
Click here for your Black Profile
Search for Black Sites
|
Posted: Wednesday November 10th, 2004 20:14 |
|
would you keep it @Akosua wrote: She should keep the child it is still her child.
I think Abortion is out of the question NO MATTER WHAT the circumstances, I'd advise she not abort she'll regret it.
____________________
www.blacksearch.co.uk - Helping to promote Black African and Caribbean Websites
|
night nurse
Villager
| Joined: | Saturday November 6th, 2004 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 33 |
| Photo: | |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
Click here for your Black Profile
Search for Black Sites
|
Posted: Wednesday November 10th, 2004 20:16 |
|
i agree with @Peacemaker wrote: night nurse wrote: A friend of mine is in this situation, she is a catholic so it is against her religion, she has not told her parents or anybody except me of this outcome, the police have been informed and she has been checked for other possibilities of infection, that wait is like forever, i have given my advice if it was me i could not carry it through, she dose not want this baby yet she can not go through with the abortion,
Any advice is much appreciated
Tell her to abort the child. It will probably grow up with some of the father's characteristics anyway, like most do.. Either that or give it up for adoption. Which would really mess the kid up in the the long run.
"I want to find my real parents." "Sorry chap one of them is a rapist. But hey be thankful kid, because he your real father is a sick b**tard that goes around raping people, and you exist for only that reason. Isn't that wonderful?. And hey kid just imagine that moment you were conceived, with your mother screaming in terror." I bet she secretly hates you if you really but stop to think about it. You whole existence was against your mother's will, nothing about her wanted you too exist."
*Bang*
That was the sound of a 12 year old girl or boy killing themself.
If she doesn't want it tell her to get rid of it. That fact that she doesn't want it is part of her personal belief system, not the catholic belief system. I think hers is more important don't you think in this case.
____________________
Click here for your Black Profile
|
night nurse
Villager
| Joined: | Saturday November 6th, 2004 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 33 |
| Photo: | |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
Click here for your Black Profile
Search for Black Sites
|
Posted: Wednesday November 10th, 2004 20:37 |
|
I want to thank all of you for your advice, and i agree with the majority of an abortion, time is running out for my friend if she is to go through with an abortion, it has to be done within 3 months, she is just 6 weeks. Am sorry i did not give much information, she is 38, and has a child 10 years old child already.
She is not in a relationship, we have already got some advice from clinics and doctors who have been very helpful, although we did come across some doctors that said she should have it and they refused to discuss and abortion.
No matter what happens i am sticking by her we have been through a lot together both from abusive relationships, i do feel that she may not have this baby, as it would make things complicated later in her life,
Next week we get the result of her HIV tests and any other infection that she may of got, i will keep you all informed. By the way she dose not know that i am sharing this with you all, i just thought it better to come to this room and ask for some advice that i can give her, that way i don't feel all alone, i can't ask anyone else can i ? , so until next week please pray that she has the all clear, thank you night nurse wrote: A friend of mine is in this situation, she is a catholic so it is against her religion, she has not told her parents or anybody except me of this outcome, the police have been informed and she has been checked for other possibilities of infection, that wait is like forever, i have given my advice if it was me i could not carry it through, she dose not want this baby yet she can not go through with the abortion,
Any advice is much appreciated
____________________
www.blacksearch.co.uk - Helping to promote Black African and Caribbean Websites
|
canerow
Villager
| Joined: | Thursday October 14th, 2004 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 99 |
| Photo: | |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
Click here for your Black Profile
Search for Black Sites
|
Posted: Wednesday November 10th, 2004 21:35 |
|
@ night nurse
I strongly recommend that should your friend not choose the abortion, that she discusses with a proffessional the RIGHTS OF THE CHILD TO ACCESS INFORMATION CONCERNING THEIR ADOPTION. As previously stated this area of law has undergone some change of late, as such on reaching a certain age i believe the law now supports the child to gain some information. However to be a child born of rape and having this knowledge is i believe physchologically damaging and abusive. Therefore it may pay to discuss this issue in order to protect the child, and gain knowledge of how the law works in this circumstance. The father although i'm loathed to call IT that, has VIOLATED one person, therefore what right should they have to subsequently do this again, via the child having knowledge of them.
There is also CHILD PROTECTION leglislation which would no doubt come into play in terms of contact ...as the law always states .."in the best interest of the child .." , i refuse to believe there's a court in this land that would grant a RAPIST ,ACCESS and CONTACT under this mitigating circumstances !!!!
____________________
Click here for your Black Profile
|
night nurse
Villager
| Joined: | Saturday November 6th, 2004 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 33 |
| Photo: | |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
Click here for your Black Profile
Search for Black Sites
|
Posted: Wednesday November 10th, 2004 21:43 |
|
@ canerow
i will look into that but i hope she dose have the abortion...canerow wrote: @ night nurse
I strongly recommend that should your friend not choose the abortion, that she discusses with a proffessional the RIGHTS OF THE CHILD TO ACCESS INFORMATION CONCERNING THEIR ADOPTION. As previously stated this area of law has undergone some change of late, as such on reaching a certain age i believe the law now supports the child to gain some information. However to be a child born of rape and having this knowledge is i believe physchologically damaging and abusive. Therefore it may pay to discuss this issue in order to protect the child, and gain knowledge of how the law works in this circumstance. The father although i'm loathed to call IT that, has VIOLATED one person, therefore what right should they have to subsequently do this again, via the child having knowledge of them.
There is also CHILD PROTECTION leglislation which would no doubt come into play in terms of contact ...as the law always states .."in the best interest of the child .." , i refuse to believe there's a court in this land that would grant a RAPIST ,ACCESS and CONTACT under this mitigating circumstances !!!!
____________________
www.blacksearch.co.uk - Helping to promote Black African and Caribbean Websites
|
Rainha
Villager
| Joined: | Friday January 16th, 2004 |
| Location: | Berkeley, California USA |
| Posts: | 30 |
| Photo: | |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
Click here for your Black Profile
Search for Black Sites
|
Posted: Wednesday November 10th, 2004 23:47 |
|
Wow, does this hit home! One of my boyfriends of 4 years has a sister who was a product of rapecase. Her mother was raped, while married to my boyfriend's father, they kept the baby and his father adopted the little girl and raised her as his own. My boyfriend's mother was very loving to her, never let her know about what happen. One day when his sister was 15, my boyfriend's grandmother who didn't like her daughter-in-law told the little girl that her mother was raped and that how she was conceived. It was very devasting to the girl and her mother and grandmother never spoked to each other again. No matter how much love that girl received from her mother and step-father, she was never right after learning that horrible news. She gotten hooked on Cracked-cocaine and had six children, three of them while on Cracked, (thank god they are okay) but she lived in some horrible places. Her family has always been there for her. I even took care of one of her children for two years while she was in rehab. Right now she is living with one of her children father, who tried to moleste one of her daughters. None of her children live with her, they are spreaded out in the family. They are doing really well! She's off the drugs, but she is just not well mentally.
So this is a person who was giving so much love and not treated any different then anyone else in the family, but when she heard that news and the way she heard and from whom, messed her up for life.
I know I couldn't do it! Even if I couldn't have children and that was my last chance. I mean if it was my last chance of having a child, and I did decide to keep it, I would never let that child know how it was conceive and I wouldn't tell anyone else. Just so it could have a good life. But knowing myself very well, I would have an abortion.
My ex's sister's children are all doing very well, but she isn't and she' 30 +.
I will advise for your friend to aborted and seek help spiritually(and I don't mean the church)and professionally!
May her ancestors and the creator take care of her!
____________________
Rainha
____________________
Click here for your Black Profile
|
Susee@
Villager
| Joined: | Thursday November 11th, 2004 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 5 |
| Photo: | |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
Click here for your Black Profile
Search for Black Sites
|
Posted: Thursday November 11th, 2004 16:02 |
|
| I don't think it is healthy to bring a person in the world who you might resent. I am pro-abortion and believe that if a person does not want to have a baby then they shouldn't......no matter the reason. I know most of you would disagree, but I feel bringing kids in the world that you have no intention on caring for is a very selfish act. I know there are people who can't have kids and adoption is the only way they will ever have a child. I'm all for adoption, but I could never bring a child into the world and not keep it. I would always wonder about the child and it would drive me nuts. Last edited on Friday November 12th, 2004 13:25 by Susee@
____________________
www.blacksearch.co.uk - Helping to promote Black African and Caribbean Websites
|
harmony2005
Villager
| Joined: | Thursday October 28th, 2004 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 18 |
| Photo: | |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | | |
