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NeuronFrequency
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Posted: Saturday June 9th, 2007 23:03 |
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Exactly what is your purpose of calling me neuronfreak, Incognito? And please do not respond with you made a mistake, because the k is far from the q on the keyboard. What is with all this name calling on this forum anyway? I'll agree that some unattractive people, not uglies do indeed have a harder time finding a mate. I do not know what exactly makes someone beautiful, but it seems everyone has different views on the subject. I just find it amusing that you feel the need to put me down by mispelling my name purposely, and then referring to unattractive people as uglies. I see the insensitive really do dwell here. Can't say I mind much though since I have been called much worse anyway.
My whole point was maybe women in general have a harder time finding a mate due to more emphasis being put on their looks. Not saying this is not the same problem for men, but it seems to me women generally have to be highly attractive for a man to even look at her. Whereas a man can look like a caveman, and still be able to find a mate. Also you have stated that unattractive people push away potential mates that they do not deem acceptable to them. This can be true, but have you ever thought some unattractive people push away those same ones because the unattractive didn't feel attractive enough to be with the attractive? Lets say that person approaching me is unattractive to everyone else, but I think he is amazingly handsome. If I don't feel or look attractive I may push that person away, because said person is more than likely out of my league. Again some people can be just crude and blow off people no matter how nice, attractive etc. Who knows. Assuming so much about "uglies" and their behaviors, you should really publish a book Incognito. I'd love to read your findings. According to your logic though not directly implied, us "uglies" should even be happy someone more aesthetically pleasing gives us the time of day. 
Peace
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Soulstarr
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Posted: Saturday June 9th, 2007 23:19 |
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Welcome to the board NeuronFrequency
Don't be put of my incog's misdemeanours- I can see you know how to handle yourself already so it's all good And we're not all insensitive either! I promise!
Last edited on Saturday June 9th, 2007 23:24 by Soulstarr
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Incognito
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Posted: Sunday June 10th, 2007 10:06 |
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CashMoney wrote: I remember watching Chris Rock's 'Never Scared' and he said
''The number one reason why you girl is angry at you......... You AIN'T her first choice!!!
Fellas, do you ever see your girl looking at you and not saying nothing
She is thinking 'how the f**k did I end up with this ugly motherf**ker' ''
Cashmoney - this is another perfect example of women saving face to make it look like they are the innocent parties. The woman is angry because she was NOT the first choce of her first choice so had to settle for the ugly MOFO
Neuronfreq' - sorry sis, I have a way with words and mixed with my cinical sense of humour the pun was too irresistable to resist. We've had a few females recently post an opinion then disappear never to be seen again..I guess I was hoping you were one of them so wouldn't be around long enough to take offence.
Still, I hope I've said enough in my previous posts to demonstrate my logic and my genuine love for my people - ugly or not...beauty starts with black skin
Last edited on Sunday June 10th, 2007 10:19 by Incognito
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Madam Butterfly
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Posted: Sunday June 10th, 2007 10:28 |
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NeuroFequency, in addition to your arguement i would like to add that unattractive people are expected to accept "attention" from anyone and should be grateful they are even getting it in the first place. Its as though unattractive folks are supposed to be so desperate they are guaranteed not to reject anyone.
It's like on an episode of the Tyra Banks show (which i know most folks on here hate, but bare with me because i am illustrating a point!!) where an oveweight girl said guys expected her to be easy, because she must be so desperate for male attention that she will sleep with anyone who offers.
Personally i am another one who doesn;t consider herself to be particularly attractive, but some have disagreed. So i agree with your point about pushing someone away because you don't think you are "good enough". And i know guys go for looks before they go for anything else, so if a guy shows an interest in me, i do tend to cynically wonder what his motives are ("maybe he thinks i'd be "easier to get" than a more attractive girl" etc) when in the guys opinion he may find me attractive.
PS welcome to the board and we do tend to shorten folks names on here or just use the inititials, so incognito may have meant no harm, but i will not presume to speak for him.
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Incognito
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Posted: Sunday June 10th, 2007 10:34 |
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MB - I read of a recent rape case where the female legal representative of the accused, in trying to defend them, said the victim was unattractive so probably loved the attention.
When your ugliness dictates the things you stand for it's got to be a crime. But I guess it keeps the cosmetic industry and the sale of false hair rolling.
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Madam Butterfly
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Posted: Sunday June 10th, 2007 10:45 |
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Incognito wrote: MB - I read of a recent rape case where the female legal representative of the accused, in trying to defend them, said the victim was unattractive so probably loved the attention. Hence why I made this point: "It's like on an episode of the Tyra Banks show (which I know most folks on here hate, but bare with me because I am illustrating a point!!) where an oveweight girl said guys expected her to be easy, because she must be so desperate for male attention that she will sleep with anyone who offers."
When your ugliness dictates the things you stand for it's got to be a crime. See, now I would take the opposite standpoint and say when judgung people on their looks dictates what you stand for it's a "crime" (though I wouldn't say "crime"!!) "Ugly" folks wouldn't need to base their self worth/self esteem on their looks if there were not some who judged people on the basis of their attractiveness. I think I made a point in a long ago thread (I forget what it was about. I think it was somehing to do with men and women in the workplace and how they relate to each other) and I made the point that some men are only nice/polite to women they think they have a shot of getting with. If they don't view you in that way, then good luck getting any level of respect. There was more to it, but that was my basic point. The fact that you choose to use the terms "ugly" and "uglies" kind of goes to show that you may also be one to judge somone negativly based on their looks. And God forbid if you are an unattractive person with a self esteem and a sense of self worth. People want to look at you as if to say "who do you think you are?" It's all well and good to say it shouldn't be something that dictates your life, but maybe others shouldn't let it dictate theirs either. But as my sig says (in the old BNVillage anyway!!) you are not defined by other peoples opinion of you. So I think (or would like to think) I have matured to the point where I really don't give a f**k, but like everyone, I still have my "bad" days. **edited because of the poor display of typos!!!
Last edited on Sunday June 10th, 2007 11:18 by Madam Butterfly
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Incognito
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Posted: Sunday June 10th, 2007 12:12 |
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MB - I don't judge myself by how others judge me but if I'm ugly I won't be telling myself I'm pretty. I appreciate how you look and how you interpret the world are not necessarily intricately related...just ask the mac himself Mark Morrison. I believe the boxer Herbie Hyde thought himself a catch as well.....but who says these people are ugly, me? You can be physically unattractive but have a beautiful soul that shines through. Guess it's just a little beit harder for that to be discovered based on initial physical attraction.
I heard one dude say the same ugly features are uglier when seen on black people where for me beauty starts with black skin as it signifies more than attractiveness.
The effects of ugly and pretty are mgnified generally because we live in a society of image and our standards for beauty have been defined by white people. Saw a documentary about some tribe who file down their teeth making them look like piranha's and another tribe who singe their skin and scar their face as a means of making themself more pretty/attarctive/beautiful.
Others may have their own definition of what defines beauty but just like praying to a blonde haired blue eyed Jesus, with no depth many simply interpret beauty with being pretty. At the same time, when you look at someone with deformities and disfigured faces, no one in their right mind is going to say they are pretty.
On the rape case I mentioned, I think I was more disturbed with the fact that thie female legal rep was willing to use this as a way of getting her client off the hook. To see being fat/ugly used against you in this way has to be one of the biggest sins.
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Madam Butterfly
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Posted: Sunday June 10th, 2007 13:47 |
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Incognito wrote: MB - I don't judge myself by how others judge me but if I'm ugly I won't be telling myself I'm pretty. I appreciate how you look and how you interpret the world are not necessarily intricately related...just ask the mac himself Mark Morrison. I believe the boxer Herbie Hyde thought himself a catch as well.....but who says these people are ugly, me? You can be physically unattractive but have a beautiful soul that shines through. Guess it's just a little beit harder for that to be discovered based on initial physical attraction. Exactly. And in my own personal opinion, women are better at moving past the "initial" phase.
I heard one dude say the same ugly features are uglier when seen on black people And that man would automatially discount a dark skinned sister before he knew anything about her. And they say men don't have "lists"...!
The effects of ugly and pretty are mgnified generally because we live in a society of image and our standards for beauty have been defined by white people. Saw a documentary about some tribe who file down their teeth making them look like piranha's and another tribe who singe their skin and scar their face as a means of making themself more pretty/attarctive/beautiful. Every culture has it's own standard of beauty and every culture will have those who right others off for not fitting into that standard. This is why Black folks need to stop looking to white run media for standards of Black beauty.
Others may have their own definition of what defines beauty but just like praying to a blonde haired blue eyed Jesus, with no depth many simply interpret beauty with being pretty. At the same time, when you look at someone with deformities and disfigured faces, no one in their right mind is going to say they are pretty. Agreed. I am all about being realisitc. But people generally think of "beauty" in terms of physical attractivenss. When it comes to personality/character people will specifically refer to that as "inner" beauty. But like Tamera once said on an old ass episode of "sister sister", the only people who care about "inner beauty " are the outer uglies!!
On the rape case I mentioned, I think I was more disturbed with the fact that thie female legal rep was willing to use this as a way of getting her client off the hook. To see being fat/ugly used against you in this way has to be one of the biggest sins. Again, agreed. To imply that a rape vicitim was grateful for being raped due to being physically unatractive is disgusting.
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Bredder Tukoma
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Posted: Sunday June 10th, 2007 14:19 |
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woman a woman and all di women dem come ya fi di man..
yu see di meagre foot one deh
must get a man..
and di slim body one deh
must get a man..
should could a build like a Rambo..
must get a man...
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Incognito
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Posted: Sunday June 10th, 2007 14:53 |
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MB - my ex friend without a CV dated more light/red skinned sistas than any other yet he would say it was those types who saw him as attractive...but those close enough know better. Now he's a dark skinned black man and went to Ghana to get married. To the local natives his woman looked white, I wonder who 'felt' the ugliest then?
On top of that this bods sister was there renewing her vows to the whiteman she is married to. And when I say white, it's that scandanavian white blonde haired ill looking white. So you had a brother and sister getting married in Ghana to what the natives saw as two white people....to the degree when I was talking to some of the native women, the first thing they asked me was is my wife back in England white as well?
Now as people, (their soul), everyone was beautiful. So ugly plays it's part but that can be relative. Go to another part of the world and you could be seen as an angel.
But yeah, a man isn't necessarily good just because he's willing to look past your looks. The dynamics are endless, you even get people seen as ugly by the major of their own people but get admiration from someone from another race...but that race is seen as ugly by the subject.
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blackbutterfly182
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Posted: Sunday June 10th, 2007 16:14 |
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Madam Butterfly wrote: NeuroFequency, in addition to your arguement i would like to add that unattractive people are expected to accept "attention" from anyone and should be grateful they are even getting it in the first place. Its as though unattractive folks are supposed to be so desperate they are guaranteed not to reject anyone.
It's like on an episode of the Tyra Banks show (which i know most folks on here hate, but bare with me because i am illustrating a point!!) where an oveweight girl said guys expected her to be easy, because she must be so desperate for male attention that she will sleep with anyone who offers.
Personally i am another one who doesn;t consider herself to be particularly attractive, but some have disagreed. So i agree with your point about pushing someone away because you don't think you are "good enough". And i know guys go for looks before they go for anything else, so if a guy shows an interest in me, i do tend to cynically wonder what his motives are ("maybe he thinks i'd be "easier to get" than a more attractive girl" etc) when in the guys opinion he may find me attractive.
PS welcome to the board and we do tend to shorten folks names on here or just use the inititials, so incognito may have meant no harm, but i will not presume to speak for him.
I feel you on that. I do to wonder why guys approach me and if they feel Im easier to get because I would somehow feel "grateful" or even should feel grateful because of the attention. Many men do simply go for girls they feel are easier to get, a guy once admitted this to me although he was'nt trying to get me because thats not a really good chat-up line!lol. It was a friend
The knock back from a Beyonce type of girl is too much for some men to handle so they set their sights lower on a girl they think is maybe beneath them in terms of looks. Although all this says more about them than you.
Also some men like to play up on your insecurities ie going on about how they really like your "fuller" figure, darkskin tone etc, especially if they are things that are normally seen as "unattractive" or less attractive to the rest of the world. The amount of times I have had men approach me with the lines of they like my darkskin or how Im a natural sister and should stay that way blah blah. Sometimes it sounds fake so sometimes you think they are saying it because you gonna be grateful for the attention, therefore let them get in your knickers quicker
Incognito, voice of reason and blatant truth do I lie my brother??
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Prince Hakeem
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Posted: Sunday June 10th, 2007 16:20 |
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blackbutterfly182 wrote:
Also some men like to play up on your insecurities ie going on about how they really like your "fuller" figure, darkskin tone etc, especially if they are things that are normally seen as "unattractive" or less attractive to the rest of the world. The amount of times I have had men approach me with the lines of they like my darkskin or how Im a natural sister and should stay that way blah blah. Sometimes it sounds fake so sometimes you think they are saying it because you gonna be grateful for the attention, therefore let them get in your knickers quicker
You reckon?
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blackbutterfly182
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Posted: Sunday June 10th, 2007 16:31 |
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@PH.Yeah I do. When you hear it time and time again I feel like can I not just be pretty or beautiful does it have to be related to my skintone or natural hair?? Maybe its my issues but I cant help how I feel. Some men are clever at this kinda thing and really do play on woman's insecurities, thereby having her right were he wants her especially if she has low self esteem. Making her feel like she should be grateful because he has deemed her "attractive".
Anyway I was asking Incognito cos I know he dont sugar coats things! But your honest opinion is welcome
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Madam Butterfly
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Posted: Sunday June 10th, 2007 19:04 |
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So far, Neurofrequency, Blackbutterfly and myself are of one mind on this issue, and Blackbutterfly has had a male friend confirm it Trust us, we would love to be proven wrong!! It's down to women being able to trust that men have genuine intentions and are honest. I would much rather a man complimented me on something other than an aspect of my physicality as it shows he has a real interest in me. In my opinion the best compliments i get are on my sense of humour or my "wisdom" (or whatever you call being able to talk crap and have it make sense!!).
I am not one of these stush girls who thinks she is all that. I know i am not perfect and i am aware of my physical imperfections, so if a guy compliments me on it, then yes call me "difficult" or paranoid, but i do question it.
now facially i think i am OK. IMO i have nice eyes/nose/lips and everything lines up symetrically(!) but i am also short and overweight . So when a guy can compliment me on, say my eyes, but chooses to mention my "thickness" or the "cuteness" of my height, then like BB, i question it.
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Incognito
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Posted: Sunday June 10th, 2007 21:24 |
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BB182 - well I walked past this dark skinned sista at a bus stop once..she kind of had a posture suggesting 'this man coming, is going to try a ting'....I walked past and she had her head in a book so in my stride I said 'I do like your hair'.....by the time she looked up I was already a few paces gone when she said thank you. While I carried on walking it dawned on me that complimenting her hair may be interpreted as I think the rest of her was ugly so I quickly shouted back 'the rest of you isn't bad either'...she got the joke and that was it.
As for dark skin, for me it signifies more than attraction. It's beauty belies culture, ancestry and Africa. Not to say brown skin doesn't but as far as west africa goes dark skin reinforces Africa for me. There are white people I find attractive, some have beautiful souls but I don't see beauty in their skin in the same way I do with dark skin.
But don't get me wrong, I've bigged up a dark skin sista at work and got a negative response then I saw her with her grey some time after...it all made sense. A girlfriend of mine from Swaziland once told me my problem is I love black people too much and it will probably be my downfall.
Last edited on Sunday June 10th, 2007 21:27 by Incognito
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NeuronFrequency
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Posted: Sunday June 10th, 2007 21:26 |
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Thanks for welcoming me to the board you all. I'll admit that I was a bit wrong in assuming too much about this board, having checked out some of the more negative threads. But I have to say from what I've read in this thread this place seems pretty cool. This was a great discussion and I hope to have many more like it on this forum. Peace for now everyone.
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stick-upKid
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Posted: Monday June 11th, 2007 10:08 |
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Its nice to read some frank, honest writing by the ladies of BN.
You guys are putting yourselves out there by talking about yourselves in a negative sense. I would honestly say though, unless you got buck teeth, rimmed glasses, and you weigh 20stone, you're not unattractive.
A lot of guys find different kind of ladies attractive. Some dudes honestly can't be bothered with so called 'hot gyal' because they don't need the aggro that goes with it. Whilst on the other hand, some dudes only ever date 'trophy' women.
I do like fine chicks (who doesn't!) and like the challenge of trying to pull one, but in the back of my mind I always think that she's gonna get off any second. You see, i'm not the competitive type... Lol. Sometimes I'm more at ease when I'm dating a more 'plain' chick, cos at least those types come with better personalities....and cooking skills...and can actually hold a post-coital conversation
Its all good, though, there are six billion people on earth, after all.
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Uncle Sam
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Posted: Monday June 11th, 2007 18:04 |
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Women put so much importance on the things that don't that matter (Looks, Status) but they pass on things that do matter (Kindness, Honesty) etc . You can't see these things by just looking at a man but women can see it at an instance if the man happens to rich,have a good job and handsome.
If a woman wants a black man then looks will be at the top of their list, if she wants a white man then looks will be nearer the bottom. If a woman looks at brother and she doesn't like the look of him, that it's she does not care about him at all.....not at all. They see going out with someone who is below their looks level as beneath them, their pride make me sick
Essentially when women say they can not find a good man what they are saying is that they cannot find a 6ft tall, male model looking man who earns over a 100k a year ...oh...and who happens to be a good man.
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Soulstarr
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Posted: Monday June 11th, 2007 18:38 |
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Uncle Sam wrote: Women put so much importance on the things that don't that matter (Looks, Status) but they pass on things that do matter (Kindness, Honesty) etc . You can't see these things by just looking at a man but women can see it at an instance if the man happens to rich,have a good job and handsome.
If a woman wants a black man then looks will be at the top of their list, if she wants a white man then looks will be nearer the bottom. If a woman looks at brother and she doesn't like the look of him, that it's she does not care about him at all.....not at all. They see going out with someone who is below their looks level as beneath them, their pride make me sick
Essentially when women say they can not find a good man what they are saying is that they cannot find a 6ft tall, male model looking man who earns over a 100k a year ...oh...and who happens to be a good man.
This is the most cliche thing I've ever read in my entire life!
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Posted: Monday June 11th, 2007 18:41 |
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U.Sam....
as they say in my country..."na kindness and honesty dem go chop?" meaning is it kindness and honesty that they're gonna eat or make their juices start running? mother nature does not give a damn about kindness and honesty, its all about finding the best mate to reproduce with 
women say all the time, there're no good men around, what they mean is they havnt found the ones that tick their boxes, so you are there being "all nice and kind, submissive, yes boy, Im ready to please you and do anything for you"...and you think that turns them on?
I'll be honest, if a woman's kind and honest but doesnt do anything for me physically, then, adios senorita, hasta luego!!!!!! my ideal is both, no compromises, ie kind, honest and good looking/body.
count yourself lucky, as a man you can do something to gain status/wealth if you're not good looking, but an ugly woman cant really do much but hope
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Posted: Monday June 11th, 2007 20:24 |
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Uncle Sam wrote: Women put so much importance on the things that don't that matter (Looks, Status) but they pass on things that do matter (Kindness, Honesty) etc . You can't see these things by just looking at a man but women can see it at an instance if the man happens to rich,have a good job and handsome.
If a woman wants a black man then looks will be at the top of their list, if she wants a white man then looks will be nearer the bottom. If a woman looks at brother and she doesn't like the look of him, that it's she does not care about him at all.....not at all. They see going out with someone who is below their looks level as beneath them, their pride make me sick
Essentially when women say they can not find a good man what they are saying is that they cannot find a 6ft tall, male model looking man who earns over a 100k a year ...oh...and who happens to be a good man.
Uncle Sam, I am a lazy, lazy woman. So i will simply copy and paste my response to a similarly ridiculous post. Enjoy.
Da_Main_Man wrote: If your a decent but average looking blk guy who just get's on with businees and doesn;t profile and front and doesn't know all man then you ain't sh*t to sister.
Yes, and Black men ALWAYS approach the "decent but average looking (read "unattractive") blk girl who just get's on with businees and doesn;t profile and front".
Brother, please.
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blackbutterfly182
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