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| Moderated by: Saida.M, safetyblitz, Raven, Miss Brighter Days, LadyDay, Kunjufu, Kibibi, Happiness, Dillinger, Breadfruit, Backatya |
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TheDogon
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Posted: Friday May 18th, 2007 18:24 |
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Happiness wrote: Shemsi en Tehuti wrote: Question is simple, but consider the following...
We are very open, we tell each other just about everything.
She got out of a relationship last year and did not want a relationship for a while, although has her fun with guys.
She says she has not come across anyone that really does it for her.
She asked me to go on a cruise with her stating she just didn't want to go alone. I didn't feel right about it given it seems more romantic than friendly. She goes on the cruise by herself anyhow, but wants to plan another trip to Europe together in a few months, again as "friends". In my mind, this could be even more romantic than a cruise travelling on the other side of the world together, sleeping in the same room and such.
She told me that she finds me to be "sexy as hell."
We have never been intimate, although we both find each other to be physically attractive.
She tells me about other men (which I don't mind), and even the guys who she has deep infatuations for (none of which are myself). Literally, she would drop everything to be with a particular fellow, but he isn't paying her any attention. Knowing these details makes me think she can't possibly be interested in me.
At the same time, she said jokingly, "If you were a Christian [like myself], I would be all over you right now."
As friends, we definitely care about each other.
She tells me she values our friendship, as I do as well.
Does it seem like her outlook of our relationship as "friends" might be changing? I would hate to ask without already being pretty sure of the outcome. If I did so, it could possibly change our relationship forever if I am wrong.
At the same time if we are truly just friends then should we be able to go on cruises or travel over seas together without any issue?
Is my best friend starting to like me?
Shemsi...shemsi....shemsi....
LOL!
She most definately feels that same as you do but she is playing the same game that you are playing.
You should have gone on the cruise with her.
Right, she is trying to create the environment where he makes the first move. It's like when I had a lady friend. I would come over after work to hang out and she would turn all the lights off. We could never just tell each other how we felt. We had to have sex first.
I was stupid and so was she.
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blessingfromgod
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Posted: Saturday May 19th, 2007 14:39 |
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TheDogon wrote: blessingfromgod wrote: I hear you. I dont see any other feasible route because these are seamingly two adults who care about eachother. IMO, complicating things with sex at this delicate stage is unnecessary. It's a given, men and women view things differently...and I do know; like myself, you are only offering your opinion. However, I feel Shemsi should just simply approach this issue with maturity and the confidence of his experince with this woman. As I said before, all he has to do is ask her up front.
Understood. I am saying it isn't all that simple. Some women don't want to "talk" about it. They want you to sweep them off their feet. We have been "westernized" to a significant degree. Some women think that relationships should be based on "Gone with the Wind". Nothing wrong with this expectation as long as people are prepared to give what they expect! If you know you are worth it(and IMO) we all are,why not!
Some guys do too, btw.
But regardless, most likely what will happen is a cycle will begin. He will try to "talk" about this. She will claim no interest. Then she will immediately drop hints again. He will wander through limbo. Then IMO she is not fully ready to recieve what she states her desires are. It's funny, sometimes we desire something so much, only to find that when these things start to manifest, we find that these are the things we so greatly fear obtaining! It happens to the best of us, I know it happens to me, and without fully recognising it, you create the barriers to recieving your dreams.
Repeat.
Most of us complicate things with baggage and games...IMO, we know deep down when we have met the opposite sex who is on the same respectful level as ourselves...looking for the same things. I personally know it can be difficult not to be blinded by past relationship issues etc, but we owe it to ourselves to release these baggages and recieve someone as pure as they present themselves to us. No one can reject you, if you accept you, and if the other cannot see your worth then it's their loss, and probably a lucky escape for you too!
Understood, Madam. If only all of us could follow your example. Much of this is because of the way we typically view ourselves. If we could find a way to love and respect ourselves, we could eliminate much of this. When you arrive at a place of peace with yourself, it kind of shines. And it gives you direction.
But it's so hard, when you feel disconnected, like you are drifting. You just want someone to be with. Sometimes sex or that quick relationship can be a distraction.
I guess I am trying to say that sometimes doing the right thing is a much harder road. It becomes easier to just do what everyone else is doing.
Dogan, I agree with you 100%, but I also know that in-order to facilitate change we have to be tierd of ways which do not facilitate our growth - people, situations etc. You have to be really, really tired of the situations and people that do not demonstrate your grandest desires! If you always do what you always done, you are going to always get what you always got - fact! You have to have faith enough to know that what so ever you desire is within your grasp, so long as you are ready to say 'the buck stops here' and walk the good walk. I know I'm not telling you something you dont already know, but knowing and doing are two different things. I may sound like 'i'm alright', but I can assure you, I am still learning things about myself which do and dont facilitate my desires and growth, most of all I have faith which tells me, all that I pray for will be granted, and I know all of the false situations and people around me, which do not demonstrate these desires, will be eradicated as soon as I'm ready to say - i'm ready and willing to recieve more encouraging experiences in my life, which give room for the very people and situations which will bring forth fruit - a demonstration to self; you know your worth and the people around you know this as well. Relationships are difficult full stop, but we have the ability to experience the more encouraging relationships which are nourashing to our soul, as soon as you are ready for the change.
Peace
Last edited on Saturday May 19th, 2007 14:41 by blessingfromgod
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TheDogon
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Posted: Monday May 21st, 2007 16:20 |
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blessingfromgod wrote:
Nothing wrong with this expectation as long as people are prepared to give what they expect! If you know you are worth it(and IMO) we all are,why not!
I think I understand.
Then IMO she is not fully ready to recieve what she states her desires are. It's funny, sometimes we desire something so much, only to find that when these things start to manifest, we find that these are the things we so greatly fear obtaining! It happens to the best of us, I know it happens to me, and without fully recognising it, you create the barriers to recieving your
dreams.
That could be. But she isn't the only one facing a decision. Shemsi has to make one too. It's choice. Whether or not he stays with her in this capacity. If he can live with it, fine. It he can't, complaining about it won't do a thing. Better to go find a better friend or a decent mate.
Dogan, I agree with you 100%, but I also know that in-order to facilitate change we have to be tierd of ways which do not facilitate our growth - people, situations etc. You have to be really, really tired of the situations and people that do not demonstrate your grandest desires! If you always do what you always done, you are going to always get what you always got - fact! You have to have faith enough to know that what so ever you desire is within your grasp, so long as you are ready to say 'the buck stops here' and walk the good walk. I know I'm not telling you something you dont already know, but knowing and doing are two different things. I may sound like 'i'm alright', but I can assure you, I am still learning things about myself which do and dont facilitate my desires and growth, most of all I have faith which tells me, all that I pray for will be granted, and I know all of the false situations and people around me, which do not demonstrate these desires, will be eradicated as soon as I'm ready to say - i'm ready and willing to recieve more encouraging experiences in my life, which give room for the very people and situations which will bring forth fruit - a demonstration to self; you know your worth and the people around you know this as well. Relationships are difficult full stop, but we have the ability to experience the more encouraging relationships which are nourashing to our soul, as soon as you are ready for the change.
Peace
Blessings, that was a beautiful post. Thank you.
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“If there is no struggle, there is no progress. Those who profess to favor freedom, and deprecate agitation, are men who want crops without plowing up the ground, they want rain without thunder and lightning.
http://www.covenantwithblackamerica.com
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blessingfromgod
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Posted: Monday May 21st, 2007 17:14 |
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Hey Dogan. 
I meant people should not expect the world if they are not willing to give it, do unto others as you wish them to do unto you.
That could be. But she isn't the only one facing a decision. Shemsi has to make one too. It's choice. Whether or not he stays with her in this capacity. If he can live with it, fine. It he can't, complaining about it won't do a thing. Better to go find a better friend or a decent mate.  Exactly Shemsi... only you know what to do in this predicament you be facing! The story was a good case study though.
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eskay
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Posted: Thursday June 14th, 2007 19:03 |
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BLESSINGS FROM GOD... you sound uncannily like these 'self-help' women gurus..~(how do I know..cos I talk/think the sameway) that is in now way a diss.. start as you mean to go on!!
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