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Shemsi en Tehuti
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Posted: Monday May 7th, 2007 13:02 |
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Question is simple, but consider the following...
We are very open, we tell each other just about everything.
She got out of a relationship last year and did not want a relationship for a while, although has her fun with guys.
She says she has not come across anyone that really does it for her.
She asked me to go on a cruise with her stating she just didn't want to go alone. I didn't feel right about it given it seems more romantic than friendly. She goes on the cruise by herself anyhow, but wants to plan another trip to Europe together in a few months, again as "friends". In my mind, this could be even more romantic than a cruise travelling on the other side of the world together, sleeping in the same room and such.
She told me that she finds me to be "sexy as hell."
We have never been intimate, although we both find each other to be physically attractive.
She tells me about other men (which I don't mind), and even the guys who she has deep infatuations for (none of which are myself). Literally, she would drop everything to be with a particular fellow, but he isn't paying her any attention. Knowing these details makes me think she can't possibly be interested in me.
At the same time, she said jokingly, "If you were a Christian [like myself], I would be all over you right now."
As friends, we definitely care about each other.
She tells me she values our friendship, as I do as well.
Does it seem like her outlook of our relationship as "friends" might be changing? I would hate to ask without already being pretty sure of the outcome. If I did so, it could possibly change our relationship forever if I am wrong.
At the same time if we are truly just friends then should we be able to go on cruises or travel over seas together without any issue?
Is my best friend starting to like me?
Last edited on Monday May 7th, 2007 13:08 by Shemsi en Tehuti
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blackbutterfly182
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Posted: Monday May 7th, 2007 13:23 |
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| What is she like with the females in your life?? If she is funny with them/b**chy/slags them off at every given chance/ dissuades you from pursuing things further with a girl you like. Then you have your answer. lthough she could still have feelings for you and be nice to the other females in your life. Simply because she likes you and doesnt want to come across as a jealous female. Most mature women know men cannot stand the b**chy cattiness that happens between women.
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Shemsi en Tehuti
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Posted: Monday May 7th, 2007 13:41 |
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blackbutterfly182 wrote: What is she like with the females in your life?? If she is funny with them/b**chy/slags them off at every given chance/ dissuades you from pursuing things further with a girl you like. Then you have your answer. lthough she could still have feelings for you and be nice to the other females in your life. Simply because she likes you and doesnt want to come across as a jealous female. Most mature women know men cannot stand the b**chy cattiness that happens between women.
I tell her everything, even when it comes to the women I may see or become involved with. The only thing she may say something about is whether or not the sister is pretty enough and if she is doing something with her life. I see it as genuine though, because I don't want her to end up with a loser either.
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blackbutterfly182
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Posted: Monday May 7th, 2007 13:47 |
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Ok if your current/future partner had a close relationship with a male friend. Like how close your relationship is with your best friend would you be happy?
I think most people can tell when someone likes them really likes them. So just go with yur gut instincts. If you think she does like you are you going to lock the friendship off?? Asking cos not really sure why you have posed the first question??
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Shemsi en Tehuti
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Posted: Monday May 7th, 2007 13:58 |
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blackbutterfly182 wrote: Ok if your current/future partner had a close relationship with a male friend. Like how close your relationship is with your best friend would you be happy?
(sorry I edited this in later)...I might make me a bit uncomfortable.
I think most people can tell when someone likes them really likes them. So just go with yur gut instincts. If you think she does like you are you going to lock the friendship off?? Asking cos not really sure why you have posed the first question??
Don't know what I'm going to do if she likes me. You see, I also know who she reeaaallly likes. The whole time I may be thinking well, I am not her first choice. Plus, if the dude she really likes actually comes around, then will she drop me? Would it all be worth it then just for a piece of fine azz. To some men, it may be worth it, but I'm not so sure.
Last edited on Monday May 7th, 2007 18:24 by Shemsi en Tehuti
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blessingfromgod
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Posted: Monday May 7th, 2007 16:30 |
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| Shemsi... are you romantically interested in your friend? I think you need to be real about this first and foremost!
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Shemsi en Tehuti
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Posted: Monday May 7th, 2007 17:52 |
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blessingfromgod wrote: Shemsi... are you romantically interested in your friend? I think you need to be real about this first and foremost!
Not going to lie...when we first met, I was definitely interested in her then although it wasn't expressed. We just developed almost immediately into friends. There has always been satire about what if or hypothetical circumstances, but it was always in a joking manner.
I have to be real, I am a man and she is a smoking-hot sister. I ain't getting any younger, and we are both about that age where people find their life partners. If I was sure that she wanted to try it out then I probably would pursue it. However, I wouldn't propose it blindly because I value our friendship as well and it would forever change things if she wasn't feeling the same way.
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lilthuggy
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Posted: Monday May 7th, 2007 17:56 |
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Seems to me that she has dropped major hints...
Shes probably been waiting for you to make the move...yet to no avail.
I dunno, only you truly know how it is between the two of you, but from how you describe it, it seems pretty obvious to me. 
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Shemsi en Tehuti
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Posted: Monday May 7th, 2007 18:25 |
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lilthuggy wrote: Seems to me that she has dropped major hints...
Shes probably been waiting for you to make the move...yet to no avail.
I dunno, only you truly know how it is between the two of you, but from how you describe it, it seems pretty obvious to me.
This is what's confusing to me. How can she be dropping major hints to me one moment, and then talk about the dude she's screwing or the guy she really wants to be with in the next breath?
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blessingfromgod
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Posted: Monday May 7th, 2007 20:10 |
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From your explanations, it's sounds as though you friend MAY want you to show some discomfort from her chatting about these guys, however you dont because of the kind of frienship you have. I can understand why you are confused due to the friendship you both have.
I think it could be the start of something really great.
Does it seem like her outlook of our relationship as "friends" might be changing? Yes I think so
I would hate to ask without already being pretty sure of the outcome. If I did so, it could possibly change our relationship forever if I am wrong. This may be the one time when you relax your need to know the outcome first, further, how much more sledge hammer hints do you want? The mentioning of other guys are her barriers - IMO
At the same time if we are truly just friends then should we be able to go on cruises or travel over seas together without any issue? Yes, and if she suggest's it again - please go!
Is my best friend starting to like me? YES. When should I buy my hat?
On the other hand, as Lil thuggy said, only you know the dynamics between you and your friend. Is she the type to just flirt regardless, make suggestions etc without there being anything behind it. Has she informed you that she is wanting to settle/has she expressed an interest in just having fun? You decide.
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lilthuggy
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Posted: Wednesday May 9th, 2007 16:18 |
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Shemsi en Tehuti wrote:
This is what's confusing to me. How can she be dropping major hints to me one moment, and then talk about the dude she's screwing or the guy she really wants to be with in the next breath?
Like BFG said, the others guys are her barriers or defence mechanisms, so to speak. Maybe like you, she is afraid of rejection as well, and does not want to ruin the friendship if her feelings are not reciprocated?
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Maat
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Posted: Thursday May 10th, 2007 17:42 |
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Hey Shemsi,
Not too sure about this one but "proceed with caution" comes to mind.
It seems like your friend may be expecting a reaction from you by telling you how much she likes this other guy. If the only thing stopping her from wanting to have a relationship with you is because you aren't a Christian then she definitely has more than just friendship feelings for you.
The question then is that if you do get together and it doesn't work out, could you still maintain the friendship you have now? You never know, if it does work out you could well have an even stronger friendship.
Good luck with whatever you decide to do about it.
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bluehoney
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Posted: Sunday May 13th, 2007 03:35 |
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u know u want her for more than just a friend...stop being a fraidy cat...lol
i was in a simliar situation...after the lust wore off...i spent some real time with him and found out that i did not like him in a romantic way...
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Posted: Sunday May 13th, 2007 09:40 |
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Remember two things...to a woman a good man is simply someone different to the one she currently has.
Prevention is better than cure. People are people and good vibes are good vibes. Had a sista who is in a bit of turmoil so had to make a conscious decision to hold back to avoid complicating the situation anymore. Got a brotha who thought he was only going for a quick dip with this whitey only now she sees him as her best friend an confidant and can't exist without him. From the outside he just looks like another grey boy but it's a lot more deeper than that...basically he shouldn't have went there in the first place
The one or two women I've associated myself with since the divorce really has got me thinking do you enter these relationships/friendships wary of when these women are going to turn mad on you. In that sense unless you intend to go all the way then the hassle can be too much.
My friend had this woman who said they can just make each other happy until such time...she totally lost the plot and turned into a headcase...he nearly ended up in jail and nearly lost his main squeeze babymother.
Women have at least two faces. The dating wine & dine lovey dovey forever courteous can't do anything wrong face and the face with an opposite opinion which usually comes as soon they get a bit of security like your baby, your marriage or a better bloke
Relationships are well weird. One village's ho is another mans wife
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Dada
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Posted: Monday May 14th, 2007 19:50 |
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Sound to me like she is an old fashion prick teaser. Some women simply wish to be surrounded by admirers to boost their own ego.
If nothing has happened as yet then it's obvioously for a reason. The two favourite options would be:
1. Be up front and tell her you want her. If a yes bless. If a no, at least clarity has now been achieved, go straight to option two.
2. Find a woman who clearly likes you and finds you attractive and develop a relationship with her and maintain your "friendship" with your "Sole Mate". That way you will not be drawn into her games.
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TheDogon
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Posted: Monday May 14th, 2007 20:16 |
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Shemsi, first of all, let me thank you. Thanks for having the courage to share this. The reason why we don't generally do it is because of the mocking that normally takes place.
I really wish that folk could be a little more understanding in these situations. Its one of the reasons why we have so many brothas mistreating women. We as men, are ashamed to admit confusion or problems in the dating realm.
Anyways, Shemsi she definitely likes you for much more than a friend. But you know this already, even if on the surface you haven't admitted to yourself. The issue is simple. How do two grown "Black" adults admit their feelings for each other and come together? Unfortunately, the solution is complicated.
I can't tell you why it is complicated. I don't know the answer. I don't know why we waste our lives knowing the right choice and wasting all kinds of time with the wrong ones. But we do.
Unfortunately Shemsi, your relationship with the woman probably won't begin until you have had sex. Which is a messed up way to begin a relationship. But I don't know. Maybe she doesn't think it would be a big deal. Who knows?
Let me now, try to be optimistic. Mayhap this woman is deep and beautiful. Mayhap you can sit her down and talk to her honestily. Tell her about your feelings, if you have them. Tell her about the confusion and the fear.
Maybe she will giggle at you. Or maybe she will open up and be honest with you.
All I can do is wish you the best of luck.
But we both know the deal. She is definitely into you and is "waiting" for you to make a move.
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kissmylayoff
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Posted: Tuesday May 15th, 2007 17:01 |
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Incognito wrote: Remember two things...to a woman a good man is simply someone different to the one she currently has.
KISSmylayoff agree's and laughs her azz off!!! Lovin' it!!! I'm saving that one!
Prevention is better than cure. LMAO--Oh, yeah!
One village's ho is another mans wife Cryiiiiing laughing but oh so true!!
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kissmylayoff
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Posted: Tuesday May 15th, 2007 17:14 |
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Unfortunately Shemsi, your relationship with the woman probably won't begin until you have had sex. Which is a messed up way to begin a relationship. But I don't know. Maybe she doesn't think it would be a big deal. Who knows?
As an older woman, let me get my 2 cents in here. What an awful way to begin a relationship! I don't know too many sexual relationships that lasted beyond or turned into something worthwhile or more after the lust was gone! I mean, for what it looks like to me, Shemsi acts confused at this mating ritual and will be even more confused if say, you find out this female has *given* you something or she winds up pregnant? I mean, what exactly are you looking for from all this? Do you know her sexual history? Diseases she may have or carried? What or how much do you actually know about this chick--except for all of the sexual innuendo's and escapades she's been dropping on you? Is this some you could be proud to bring home to your momma? Or is she simply someone willing to sexually pass the time with and be done with when it's over? I think what's thrillng to her about you is...you're not quick to bust a sexual move and because you haven't...she's testing you to see if you will. I've said this many, many times to others...you want to know the quickest way into a females panties without a fight?!? Don't try--and watch her go nuts trying to get you in 'em!
I dunno...I'd tread very lightly on this my dear brotha. Sounds like issues just waiting to happen!
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Shemsi en Tehuti
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Posted: Tuesday May 15th, 2007 19:19 |
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kissmylayoff wrote: Unfortunately Shemsi, your relationship with the woman probably won't begin until you have had sex. Which is a messed up way to begin a relationship. But I don't know. Maybe she doesn't think it would be a big deal. Who knows?
As an older woman, let me get my 2 cents in here. What an awful way to begin a relationship! I don't know too many sexual relationships that lasted beyond or turned into something worthwhile or more after the lust was gone! I mean, for what it looks like to me, Shemsi acts confused at this mating ritual and will be even more confused if say, you find out this female has *given* you something or she winds up pregnant? I mean, what exactly are you looking for from all this? Do you know her sexual history? Diseases she may have or carried? What or how much do you actually know about this chick--except for all of the sexual innuendo's and escapades she's been dropping on you? Is this some you could be proud to bring home to your momma? Or is she simply someone willing to sexually pass the time with and be done with when it's over? I think what's thrillng to her about you is...you're not quick to bust a sexual move and because you haven't...she's testing you to see if you will. I've said this many, many times to others...you want to know the quickest way into a females panties without a fight?!? Don't try--and watch her go nuts trying to get you in 'em!
I dunno...I'd tread very lightly on this my dear brotha. Sounds like issues just waiting to happen!
Do you really know anyone's sexual history that you end up with? I don't think that is a reasonable question to ask; it is rather rhetorical.
As for how much I know about her, I did say she is one of my best friends. From what I know, she is very respectable and dignified. Definitely someone my family would like if I brought her home.
And why do you say I'm "confused at this mating ritual"? I am not talking about just some "chick" as you put it. This is a good friend of mine who I don't want to sabotage a good friendship with it being nearly worth it.
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kissmylayoff
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Posted: Tuesday May 15th, 2007 19:55 |
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Do you really know anyone's sexual history that you end up with? You damn skippy, I do!
I don't think that is a reasonable question to ask; it is rather rhetorical. End up with AIDS or Gonnorhia and see how retorical it is!
As for how much I know about her, I did say she is one of my best friends. From what I know, she is very respectable and dignified. CDFU! You call a female who has no problem talking about her sexual liasons respectable and dignified?!? Yeah, you must be young! Lmmfao! Sounds more like a non chalant slut to me....
Definitely someone my family would like if I brought her home. Okay, so if you know so much about her and know her so well, then why are so defensive and asking perfect strangers about what they think? Wait--you mean to tell me you have NEVER brought your dignified and respectable *best friend* home? Why not?!?
And why do you say I'm "confused at this mating ritual"? I am not talking about just some "chick" as you put it. Read my answer above.
This is a good friend of mine who I don't want to sabotage a good friendship with it being nearly worth it. ???? What's so good about her? Her head job? Oh and wait! What do you mean being NEARLY worth it?!? She sounds like a real winner! Yeah, take your bootycall buddy
home to momma and pappa and have a wonderful sit down meal! Then come back and tell us what they really thought once she leaves! CDFU! You are too funny!!!! Thanks for the laughs, bruh!
Last edited on Wednesday May 16th, 2007 01:28 by kissmylayoff
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blessingfromgod
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Posted: Tuesday May 15th, 2007 21:21 |
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^ DANG.
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Posted: Wednesday May 16th, 2007 01:27 |
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Shemsi en Tehuti wrote
This is what's confusing to me. How can she be dropping major hints to me one moment, and then talk about the dude she's screwing or the guy she really wants to be with in the next breath?"
Hmm i am in a similar situation with a lady friend,its very confusing for me but now im at the stage where im gonna just flat out ask her or make a move. Because the not knowing is bothering me.
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TheDogon
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Posted: Wednesday May 16th, 2007 02:24 |
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kissmylayoff wrote: Do you really know anyone's sexual history that you end up with? You damn skippy, I do!
I don't think that is a reasonable question to ask; it is rather rhetorical. End up with AIDS or Gonnorhia and see how retorical it is!
As for how much I know about her, I did say she is one of my best friends. From what I know, she is very respectable and dignified. CDFU! You call a female who has no problem talking about her sexual liasons respectable and dignified?!? Yeah, you must be young! Lmmfao! Sounds more like a non chalant slut to me....
Definitely someone my family would like if I brought her home. Okay, so if you know so much about her and know her so well, then why are so defensive and asking perfect strangers about what they think? Wait--you mean to tell me you have NEVER brought your dignified and respectable *best friend* home? Why not?!?
And why do you say I'm "confused at this mating ritual"? I a |
