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The Leading Cause of Divorce
 Moderated by: Saida.M, safetyblitz, Raven, Miss Brighter Days, LadyDay, Kunjufu, Kibibi, Happiness, Dillinger, Breadfruit, Backatya  

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DSP
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 Posted: Thursday February 1st, 2007 16:49

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...is marraige






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 Posted: Thursday February 1st, 2007 19:27

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Good lawd this site is depressin'

is the sword in your icon for people to slit their wrists?

DSP wrote:
...is marraige







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 Posted: Thursday February 1st, 2007 21:30

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DSP...I was brought up to and quite excited about getting married and being old enough to be...

Married men live far more happier lives, are more healthy look better and you can tell the difference between most married men and non married men in older age usually in seconds. One looks much better and cared for and healthier than the other. Married men have far more sex and usually more quality than none married men. They usually have far more money than single men...Their chidlren tend to do better in most of the key educational and social indicators...

A man obtains leadership or can do via marriage which can transform to social and other forms of power. Check the Kennedy clan and the role of the old man Jack Kennedy..

Oh they live longer and are less loney share more laughter and jokes with their wives etc...They tend to command more social status than non married men and suffer less negative stereotyping than non married black men in places of work etc..

Oh by the way marriage is the most stable forms of relatonships in modern society. More married people stay togeher than those who casually cohabit who have the fastest and largest break down rate than any other in the UK...

Why get married. Smart men get married. Why elseconfused3

FB



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 Posted: Thursday February 1st, 2007 22:37

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I have absolutely no faith in fidelity, married or unmarried. The hearts of man and woman can be beautiful, but its alo a DARK place, pulled in every which way by lust, insecurities, unsatiable need. No one is innocent, everyone is guilty or wanting to make themselves guilty. Marriage I now believe is just an anchor that temporarily keep us from floating away towards our inevitable moral destruction. LOL

any man or woman who disagrees with me is a liad.



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 Posted: Thursday February 1st, 2007 22:57

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Check check said 'I  have absolutely no faith in fidelity, married or unmarried. The hearts of man and woman can be beautiful, but its alo a DARK place, pulled in every which way by lust, insecurities, unsatiable need:shock:.

Boy you man can really depress a man. Jesus lord me god...

Yes so true the hearts of man and woman can be bueatiful and also dark pulled by lust etc etc. Can be but not necessarily. You can fancy a whole heap of woman but not persue them. Man is not ruled by his passions no. He can just beat his chicken and think pleasant thoughts and leave it right there noconfused3

 



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 Posted: Friday February 2nd, 2007 08:00

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man or woman or  who just beats  their fowl and just leaves it   is the man or  woman who hasnt had the opps to do it and get away with it -literally or conscience like lol



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 Posted: Friday February 2nd, 2007 10:41

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CC man you give me nuff joke okay then. What happens when desire and practicallity are at odds and beating the fowl is all things considered the most cost effective and rational interest bearing strategy. Given if opportunity presents itself cha me no feel for the woman at that time...The moment has goneconfused3



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 Posted: Friday February 2nd, 2007 13:46

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mba wrote: Good lawd this site is depressin'

is the sword in your icon for people to slit their wrists?

DSP wrote:
...is marraige






Actually for peeling oranges




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 Posted: Friday February 2nd, 2007 13:49

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FredB wrote: DSP...I was brought up to and quite excited about getting married and being old enough to be...

Married men live far more happier lives, are more healthy look better and you can tell the difference between most married men and non married men in older age usually in seconds. One looks much better and cared for and healthier than the other. Married men have far more sex and usually more quality than none married men. They usually have far more money than single men...Their chidlren tend to do better in most of the key educational and social indicators...

A man obtains leadership or can do via marriage which can transform to social and other forms of power. Check the Kennedy clan and the role of the old man Jack Kennedy..

Oh they live longer and are less loney share more laughter and jokes with their wives etc...They tend to command more social status than non married men and suffer less negative stereotyping than non married black men in places of work etc..

Oh by the way marriage is the most stable forms of relatonships in modern society. More married people stay togeher than those who casually cohabit who have the fastest and largest break down rate than any other in the UK...

Why get married. Smart men get married. Why elseconfused3

FB



That forwarded email/article you got 70% of your post from, is it still going around?

You might have a point Fred, but check out this forwarded email...


http://msn.match.com/msn/article.asp...uid=7&GT1=8953




Originally Posted by MSN Are you better off single? By Dawn Yanek Attention, unmarried people of America: You can splurge on a fancy new wristwatch without having to explain yourself. You can stay out till 3 a.m. without having to phone home. You can leave the toilet seat up. In fact, there are many, many ways that single life rocks, though you may forget that fact when your relatives are grilling you about settling down. Not only do you have the freedom to do anything you want—it’s also the best time in history to be flying solo. The marriage rate has declined nearly 50 percent since 1970, according to the National Marriage Project at Rutgers University, and right now, there are approximately 100 million singles in the U.S. And there’s strength in those numbers: “Today’s choose-to-be singles differ from the poor-me singles of past generations; there’s less of a stigma attached to being single, � says Jerusha Stewart, author of The Single Girl’s Manifesta. “Singles are traveling, buying homes and doing everything they want to—you don’t have to get married anymore to live your life with style.� Want more specifics on why you should celebrate being single? Here, 10 fascinating benefits to being unmarried: Reason #1: You have a better body. We’ve all been there—you get into a relationship, and suddenly you’re trying out new recipes all the time and cuddling instead of exercising. Well, things tend to get worse with marriage. A recent Cornell University study found that women generally gain five to eight pounds in the first few years of marriage and unhappily married women gain an average of 54 pounds in the first 10 years. For the unmarried, though, the motivation to stay slim remains: “Singles look at themselves through the eyes of others and want to be attractive to potential partners,� says Susan Davis, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist in New York City, “so they’re still ‘working on themselves.’� In short, being single is way better than any New Year’s resolution or exercise DVD to motivate you to stay in shape. Reason #2: You’re more likely to achieve great things. It’s amazing what you can accomplish when you have the time, the quiet and the lack of familial responsibilities. In fact, your premarital motivation to excel in life may be biologically programmed. According to a study conducted at the London School of Economics and Political Scientists, male scientists who stay single longer peak in their careers later in life and tend to be more productive than their married counterparts. Researchers theorize that men, in general, may show off their talents to win the interest of women and then, once they’ve won a wife, get comfortable and do less. In fact, studies have shown that testosterone levels, which boost action, decrease after a man gets married and has children. So single folk should know they are primed to achieve — whether that means turbo-charging their careers or honing their rock-climbing skills — and get out there and work it! Reason #3: You do less housework. You know that saying about a tree falling in a forest and there’s no one there to hear it? Well, if you leave a sock on the floor but there’s no one else there to see it, does it really need to be picked up? If you’re a single woman, you can contemplate deep questions like this one because you have more free time. According to one study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family, women do less housework when single than when married. Men, on the other hand, do more housework when unmarried (that’s probably because there’s someone picking up after them once they’re wed…). So the message here is for unmarried women to enjoy their less chore-filled life; fill those free hours with classes, good books, blabbing with friends—whatever makes you happy. Reason #4: You can do what you want with your money—including keep it. Go ahead: Splurge on that pricey moisturizer or that obscenely large plasma TV you’ve been lusting after. You don’t have to justify your purchase to anyone but yourself. Once you mix money with marriage, though, things change—and fast. According to a survey by SmartMoney magazine, 40 percent of women and 36 percent of men have lied to their spouses about a purchase. “When you’re single, your finances are your own,� explains Phyllis Chase, a Los Angeles–based psychologist and co-host of the radio show Shrink Rap. “When you’re married, you have to deal with different styles of spending and saving, and you may take on your partner’s debt.� And a marriage that doesn’t make it for the long haul can also have a major negative effect on one’s wealth. According to researchers at Ohio State University’s Center for Human Resource Research, during a divorce, men and women generally lose three-fourths of their personal net worth. Double ouch.



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 Posted: Friday February 2nd, 2007 17:11

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DSP on a scientific/academic tip the research is based on a combination of Amerircan and British stuff neither which are conclusive and tentative. Moreover being a social researcher I know these are the headline findings and not the full findings which usually are far more qualified etc. Also this seems targettted to young whites essentially and their values and dare I say needs.

But let me respond to the key points:

1. Who says marriage makes you a prisoner. I have a whole heap of free time which I choose to use working but there is nothing I cannot do now which I could not do then. Alright did not play cricket for a whole season because I was injured but my family comes to the game and my wife loves it being the cricket wife for the day and get dressed up and bring pack lunch and all that. My son loves it and plays with other kids. I meet with my bredrins and close buddies once a week to talk sh*t and business in equal measure. Hey i get usually two days a week at home a week on pay to work. So time aint no issue for me. And both my wife and my ex have to force or pressure me to go out to stop working...

2. Women have caused me to travel and see the world more than I would ever have as a single man. My ex took me around the world because being so focused I always made excuses except going back home which is about business/poliitcs. My girl would just book holidays sort out everything. Pencil it in my diary and to be honest I would nothing. Open my eyes to the world and went places I would not go and enjoyed them too.

Going away for four days for Valentines Day staying in some nice country hotel and our anniversary is in a few months and we are going to paint the Caribbean red...Who says you travel more as a single person. All my women hate this country and any excuse to go somewhere warm and they know you aint pauper broke..We out of here...Plus nothing more sexier than a black woman in a warm country....That is when you really see what you have or married trust me. Take off all that armour they have to wear in babylon...

You can always rediscover your woman's bueaty and sexiness, if you have a short memory which I do not..But a single man always has to go looking and work harder. Furthermore. I am a solider I don't frequent or would never frequent fancy hotels and sh*t outside of work. My principles would not allow it. But your woman whether you like it or not will force your arse to spend money in nice places and I have to say I have really enjoyed it and see how the other half live and why not it is f**king nice. Still an infantry man though who can pull out his sleeping bag and rough it but you woman gives you that balance and exposure.

Plus married men have far more fun. Let me give you an example of something which happened about 10 minutes ago for real. My wife has got a day off and she was doing something behind me. Picking something up or whatever. I am sitting at my desk editing some paper and swivelled around to see my woman's arse right in my face while she picked something off the floor. I couldn't help myself and do it all the time and I stuck the pencil in her backside and let go and it stayed right inbetween her cheeks tightly. As usual she starts to say why don't you leave me alone or you too troublesome etc while I said to her that may well be but notice the pencil is still stuck in your arse. She starts to deny it about I am exaggerating and while we argue about 30 seconds later the pencil drops onto the floor and we are both cracking up....As I say typical black woman lie like raas about the pencil is not still stuck in your backside.

Now I know no gentleman on this board is going to comment on my wive's physical assetts and let me get dark up in here. But what I am showing you is this married life can be fun and fun at any time. And do you know how long I have known my wife and fancy her like raasa and fire...Long time..I have an uncle who loves my aunt like nothing you have seen and they are just comedians and old folk. The man always busting Joke and said Fred if it wasn't for this postrate cancer I was going to be dying in that woman tonight..Tell me she is not still hot and bueatiful and I would say youre not wrong uncs..because she is..

These are old folk whose kids are my age but love each others company and always fun and laugh with them..You can have that fun by yourself...confused3. The internet bro is no substitute to a black woman and will never be.

3. Health and Weight. Well no disrespect bro given the US diet no wonder. Man those folks can eat. Make Caribbean people look like children and we can eat trust me. Caribbean people are the only folks who I know who can eat out all the food in the island on Christmas and we have food. But then perhaps that is why after the Nigerians and other Africans and Caribbeans finish in Tesco around my way if you can by a carton of milk you are lucky.

Nah that is about diet, but I do think it is true for white males. The marriage cycle for white boys is different. They marry much younger and physically deterioate earlier from about the age of 18 white boys  are going down hill. Trust me bro. Got some young white boys in my cricket team who are juniors and half my age and they look f**ked already. All that booze and sh*t food they eat. But seen some round belly lazy brothers too, who are too use to the regular and look like little Buddahs..

The women in my life are the ones more than anyone who make sure my plate has all the right things on it and sometime me and my wife is like a mother and child, when I ask her why she has to put spinage with this meal. Messing up my flow man. But she don't care all meals must be healthy. Also I am vain and so is she, so know way she going to allow me to get fat. Plus i have spent my life from a child in a gym and been an athlete all my life. Football, martial arts for almost 20 years, then back to my cricket. So aint gonna happen no time plus got good metabolism.

Hear a joke a young girl flattered me the other day at the petrol station. Was in my tracksuit and just going to pay the man and saw her and being a gentleman let her go first. Start talk sister said to me are you an athlete or something you must be. I said sis I am too old to be an athelete..probably a coach or an ex athlete and doesn' everyone wear tracksuits. Sister said nope look like an athlete to me. Was nice. But my wife is tigth on my health and diet and supplements game. She wants me to live long so we can sex longer. Man women are vain with and for their men. Trust me.

Those wives of those fat white boys probably aint feeling them anymore and wondering why the f**k did I marry this prickconfused3.

4. Career Implications...Rubbish again. Even though I would agree with the findings, but they are based on white male/female norms. My daddy advised me to marry late and have children late because a man in good health can have children at any time in his life within decent limits. Time gives a man time to do what he has to do which is to build an economic foundation..Plus my culture gives us a let out clause which the white man does not have. So culturally our life patterns are not the same and in my case my be even different still.

Most white and black guys actually fall into their own cultural patterns. White guys fall into the 2.5 kids and woman and mortgage early. This is their world no probs. Most brothers or too many I know f**k themselves up early by having kids far too early. Trying to catch up when you are late 30's is a joke in the competitve reality of a white man's country. If you think like this solider you use guerilla tactics or those which elite forces use. Travel light and fast with little baggage. If I had three kids I woud be f**ked and simply would never ever achieve the things I set out to. You see if you have no ambition a house and a car and complying to what the enemy has allowed us will suffice. You get old fat, pay taxes raise kids and at some point have an affair. If lucky retire with some money somewhere nice and the end.

Two key tests or aspects of effective leadership. a) knowing how to manage external pressure eg family and what they want or expect or need, b) internal pressure what your troops or woman wants or needs, c) meeting the needs or requirements of the tasks or objective. If I was a no hoper mediocrity which the system wants and produces I like most guys would be doing our 2.5 black middle class sh*t and supporting the enemy and his system. In fact my life would have little meaning or any serious challenges at my age other than my next promotion.

I am a leader and been one long time of a crew. We have no compromies long term objectives which we will achieve and are achieving of that there is no question. That requries my life being a certain way. So one child keeps the baying mob and the wife happy and plus we have a son which in my culture takes the pressure of as much as we love and spoil our girls and want them to be the most educated and successful and boats and celebrate their achievements. We need sons, because they have a special job to do. So the only man who allows family and children to frustrate his career potential is one who has no serious influence on fertility decisions or where a woman fears no serious conseqences if she goes against agreements in this area. I know married brothers who have been chopped down from behind from their own wives whose needs are theirs were not one in this area.  Worse still everybody knew what was going on execpt him.

Nothing more pathetic in life than a bright and talented black man stuck in nowhere job given what he has. Avoid them like the plague at social gathering because they will depress the f**k out of you of tails of gloom and work life. Like in prison bro just serving time..

I could never do the things I do which is like having three jobs simultaneously but all enjoyable and streching and motivating and challenging if I feel into that sh*t. Got a big promotion last year again could not do that if I was in that sh*t. Of course the extra money made there goes elsewhere and everyone is happy.

5. Housework is good for you. Again coming back to home training and basic security drilling ethos and how we run sh*t. Pride in your living space, equipment and all aspects of your sh*t is the sign of high performers. What do you think any black woman could come into my crib as a young man and for me to hide dirty underwear lying around. Seen some women try to but thats another story. No about pride in what and who you are.

Equally back to leadership. Regardless of the operation or training excercise I would always get of my high horse, Black shiny stallion and help the troops pack up, lift up or clean up. Its what a good leader does. You were a footsoldier doing sh*t work and never to proud to do it when it has to be done. Furthermore, troops respect a leader who does not have to live off a past reputation and can pull his sleeves up and muck in or can show he hasnt forgotten the basic solidiring work which got him to where he presently is.

Same principle with home life. We are a team. Simple as and washing my girls draws means jack to me. This is ultimately my home as man of this house and it must be organised and clean etc and I take the lead where I have to to make sure that is the case and my child understands that. Cleaning and moving home and other chores is what makes a man and woman tight just like a unit of solidiers. The mundane is the thing which is profound and lasting. Been on security training courses where we had three toilets and about fifty troops a cohort and the toilets kept f**king up. sh*t everywhere and would not go down. You get to know your brothers truly when you are part of the sh*t cleaning rota trying to unblock other man's sh*t from some useless toilet.

Never killed nobody.

6. Being able to keep your money. Well two people's money well managed is better than one's persons money no matter how much they have. Black people need all the collective money they have and can get their hands on not only for the quality of our individual lives and partnerships but for our business and political matters.

Furthemore if you study the income and earnings structure of black people in this country you would be a damn idiot to accept that notion. Only a very very small elite of black people and I am not talking about entertainers or media people are in high income earnings brackets. Black folks want to yam media images if they want. But I am an academic trained in dealing with facts. We work very hard for very little generally. The small number of us who are keeping up to the white boy and girl is small.

My wife is financial manager in the city and been there long time and the amount of black women or men there she tell you. Small recent improvements but nothing compared to the time she has been there. Regardless how much my wife earns. Do you think she is going to come with selfish sh*t where her money is concerned. Where I earn more being Senior in my sh*t and I have a strong property business and other financial and investments long time both here and abroad. Nope we are better off as a team no way around it. People who cannot trust each other in financial matters are doomed to be poor and dependent. For example we don't have to pay seperate private medical cover and a whole heap of other things. One policy covers both and we pocket save or blast the difference depending on what is what..

Inheriting debt don't mean jack. I am a business man and know money we inherit debt all the time. I have bailed out brothers and they have bailed me out or will. Don't mean jack. You can buy property and inherit a debt in the deal but know you are going to cane profit out of it ten times over. So what?

I have not inherited any of my wives debt or anything serious. What I have done is made her manage her sh*t tight because I am hard core with money and on that credit card sh*t hard. So she will tell you left to her own devices she will spend because single professional women often when they have little outgoings can spend money for joke and not really check it eg interest rates on cards or how much that extra holiday costs.

So not a serious argument. Leadership is about getting your systems and procedure and practices of your unit in shape or make them fit for purpose. If your woman is a spender. You need to ween her off that sh*t or bring it under control.

Ooops threre is a final and probably the most important reason and benefit to being married which I did not want to start off with and cause uncessary offence. It's called being a man and culturally been seen as one. Where I come from you aint married and you have no reasonble reaons not to be, there is a question marke over your head.  That has serious ramification if you are involved in serious political or financial or other forms of business. Trust me. Better to be a husband who fools around on his wife, than a single man at the wrong age in particular types of culture. That goes if they are white Europeans, Asians or the Caribbean and amongst continental Africans.

Peace.. 

 

 

 

 

 

.

Last edited on Saturday February 3rd, 2007 00:43 by FredB



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 Posted: Friday February 2nd, 2007 18:31

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Feminism ruined mariage in America.  Its so pathetic to the point where marriage is amost a joke.



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 Posted: Friday February 2nd, 2007 21:26

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Floridakid. Not wishing to contradict you because you are where you are and I am here in the UK, but the same thing can be said here in differing degrees.

But is not the case the greater the challenge or constraints the better men must be and probably no better time to be married and actually get maximum benefit.  White men make all the laws they want or what policies they want for whatever reasons good or bad. No problem. Cultural atttitudes may have changed for good or bad.

But that don't mean jack does it? If you think about it really. The way I check it black men who are really up to the task have never had it so good and not in any negative or exploitative way. Just mean black men have to operate at a far more superior level than they have had to at any point of time in the conditions least conducive to what they want. Now those are the types of challenges and personal tests I love.clp)clp)clp)

First, unless you are a committed woman beater I wouldn't give a f**k about laws. Man is far more smarter than any law or policy. White man aint made a law or policy or strategy that black men on their game can't work around. Secondly, I have been to the US enough to know that no way are the majority of African-American women are hard core anti-men or feminists. There are plenty conservative or very modern but traditional sisters around. Not possible for there not to be simply based on statistical probability. I mean not all black folks like rap right and nobobdy is telling me a wise sister in the US don't see and know a good solid and caring brother when they see one.

One of my key crew an outstanding brother who worked in Juvenile justice here and very talented, got whipped up by one fine and mouth dropping sister. Really talented runs her own succesful business, bright and wicked conversationalist and damn that woman is hot. She is a modern black woman and my man is a very traditional but progressive Caribbean man who aint taking certain sh*t. She aint got no big ego and the way my girl was in the kitchen and around my man you can see she is not only very traditional but comfortably so. Not one of those women in ego battles trying to outshine or compete with her man. Really together and knows who she is.

I noted when he had a social function how my girl just naturally and with ease dropped into the hostess role and my wife clocked in like yesterday.

My man is flying in the US right now because his woman or wife shall I say is with her man and backing him down the line. She knows how talented that man is wasting time in Britaiin going nowhere fast in babymama drama.

So feminism may had an impact but not that strong.



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 Posted: Saturday February 24th, 2007 14:30

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FredB wrote: Trust me. Better to be a husband who fools around on his wife, than a single man at the wrong age in particular types of culture


I read with approval everything that you wrote up until this point;  this last statement just plain and simply cannot stand as so without challenge. 

It is not better to be a husband who fools around on his wife in any circumstances.  However, if what you are saying is that in some cultures, i.e. european, that that would be their view
Better to be a husband who fools around on his wife, than a single man at the wrong age in particular types of culture, then I feel that that would have provided a better understanding of your statement.  If however, you are saying that this is your advice, then I can't condone it or stand by you on this.   It just doesn't sound FredB confused3

Pce

Fem'



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 Posted: Saturday February 24th, 2007 16:00

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The leading cause of divorce is that too many people are getting married for the wrong reasons. Be it the flashy wedding or to have some company on lonely nights.



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 Posted: Saturday February 24th, 2007 19:40

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Yeah young men complain about marriage.

But when you're fifty, with most of your looks gone and no strong family support in the form of a loyal wife and loyal loving kids, you'll look like a lonely, stupid fool.

Trust me, your kids will despise you if you ever leave their mum. For that reason alone its worth sticking at it. You don't want to be a lonely old man with children who hate your guts...




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 Posted: Saturday February 24th, 2007 19:45

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yep..marriage makes sense. Singledom is bullshyte



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 Posted: Saturday February 24th, 2007 20:43

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the replacement of family values with money.



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 Posted: Wednesday February 28th, 2007 18:18

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Divorce can be good, I think even my IBS has cleared up:)



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 Posted: Wednesday February 28th, 2007 20:38

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The Leading Cause of Divorce is..............................

 

The wanton misspelling of marriage in this thread.



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 Posted: Thursday March 1st, 2007 18:39

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marriage is an agreement that both the husband & wife to be, agree upon without outside interference. And i for one cannot wait to get married.

offtopic.gif@ peacemaker

that sig is a hella funny!



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 Posted: Thursday March 1st, 2007 19:20

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Fundamentally divorce is for greys. It was quite startling how the legal bods took it for granted I was after money. I had to tell them if it was a money thing I would never have got married likewise I would never get married based on English law.

All I want is my legal freedom. It was such a pity and sad to know i had to go to babylon to get it when all my life I prided myself on not asking them for anything.

The leading cause of divorce is having a European influenced concept of marriage. indeed theirs evidence to suggest you get married to get divorced, it's no longer something sacred.



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 Posted: Saturday March 3rd, 2007 17:42