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Fredblack
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Posted: Friday April 9th, 2004 23:38 |
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@All Blackbueaty excellent thread dealing with million dollar issues. A lot of excellent things been said by all parties to the degree where you could just collect all the poinst for an action plan.
1. Annubys we know this is a problem largely associated with us why and its consequences which to me is one of the primary factors which will guaretee our weakness and present situation.
2. I don't think the age of which we supply children or young people with information is really the critical issue, as information is information, culture norms and personal needs and stuff often is as important factors as pure ignorance. African traditional sex educational sytems taught people at a very early age, which did not mean that was permission to start banging away.
3. My concern is a strategic one, as I am not really sure that the school system is actually the right place to teach many of these things and most teachers I know do not see it as their jobs to do what family and secondary institutions should do and do for the majority of people in this country. We are in danger of asking the State of becoming the parents of our children. It is quite possible to set up organisations which work closely with Schools, or our own space to do a lot of that work, which involves professionals and parents.
The schools can teach mechanical issues about sex as I learnt it via I think our biology classes or something similar. But that is only the technical and easy part. Many lazy or incompetent parents want the State to handle these issues because they are uncomfortable about them and will not take the lead in ridding their discomfort for their children's sake. What is a little awkardness for your own flesh and blood?
4. We cannot and must not escape the fundamantals of parenting and the emphasis must ALWAYS BE THERE. Parents bring these chilldren into the world. If we need to create organisations and mechanisms to support them that to me is very appropriate. There is one word which black people shake when they hear the words bad, or substantard or dare I even go as far as say inferior, which will really get people vex. But the fact is if there is good there, must be bad or inferior and that goes for basic parenting. WE have a lot of very poor parents in key areas and that goes from a long time and not just now. In fact many young people I feel sorry for because they have been badly let down by their parents. Who often view material survival or their own needs as paramount, than quality time educating , being around and developing meaningful bonds with their children where they are best able to teach them what they need to know.
As Kunjufu said on the money, many of these young girls have not had the energy put into help them develop their self esteem or have very very important. The relationship between the mother and daugther is fundamental and I cannot express how important ,as I see it between my mother and her daughters and wife and her mother. They are very very tight and the mothers are the primary educators and guides to their daughters. All the issues not only about female self esteem but social position, respect and value, how it affects your children, how other men interpret these things are best coming from the mother.
This requires leadership amongst mothers at every level and support from fathers. The power of a father on his daughter if he is close is a very very powerful things. I see it with my wife and my sisters. Letting their dads down is serious business because there are strong expecatations. So all these things come together in creating a postive environment and safety net for young girls and boys for that matter.
I have two young ladies close to me 19/20 who have just dropped out of uni to have a child in the usual damanging circumstances. What do you think the mothers have said or did, blame their daughters. It is all about guilt management and pushing blame elsewhere, so they can hide behind "I told them not to get pregnant or take the pill, rather than spending time raising and empowering and building their daughters. Vexation and public acts of anger are bull and for public consumption rather than doing what they should be doing.
Everybody with one eye can see the very dominant mother and very weak father are responsible for these mess', but because we are very uncomfortable of speaking truth we collude in this game of silence, because we don't want to get cussed or for people to start acting bad etc.
So we need to tackle this million dollar do or die issue from a range of different angles not forgetting those who bring children into this world are ultimately responsible not the State for teaching, empowering and or forming the organisations and various support both parents and children need to start to turn this mess around.
Fred 
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Anubyss
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Posted: Saturday April 10th, 2004 00:29 |
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Fredblack wrote:
I have two young ladies close to me 19/20 who have just dropped out of uni to have a child in the usual damanging circumstances. What do you think the mothers have said or did, blame their daughters.
It is all about guilt management and pushing blame elsewhere, so they can hide behind "I told them not to get pregnant or take the pill, rather than spending time raising and empowering and building their daughters. Vexation and public acts of anger are bull and for public consumption rather than doing what they should be doing.
Everybody with one eye can see the very dominant mother and very weak father are responsible for these mess', but because we are very uncomfortable of speaking truth we collude in this game of silence, because we don't want to get cussed or for people to start acting bad etc.
Precisely, male input into this arena has vanished, what we have are policies determined by incompetent middle class feminists and their black female cheerleaders, who unquestioningly parrot their middleclass bosses. Being black I am only concerned to the extent that this nonsense may affect me and mine.
I do not want my daughters to be given sex education by people whose only aim is to use them as guinea pigs in some social experiment. A child has only one life. Let them experiment with their own daughters.
These are the sames one who introduced trendy teaching for children in state schools which leaves them unable to read at 16. But for their own children they want the best. Which is a traditional education where the three Rs are taught. (Dianne Abbot). So our children are being taught everything about sex but theirs are receiving a quality all round education.
Instead of condemning the irresponsibilty of women, who should not be having children they are ill equipped to raise, these feminists make non-sense excuses for them. They come up with gimmick policies that have no hope of stemming the tide of underage sex and teen pregancies, and are supported by women who have no real understanding of the dangers of what they're supporting.
I say to those who advocate sex ed, you send your children to schools were they are taught sex ed but not how to read and write properly. You let your children hold you hostage to their peer pressure.
Me, I'm not afraid to tell my children what I know to be right for them, but then I can think for myself and I don't need the State to think for me.
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urban_beauty
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Posted: Saturday April 10th, 2004 00:49 |
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I believe underaged sex is due to pair preasure- coming from me- a 16 year old i wud no - even though i'm now legal, i went through that same preasure b4 i turned 16 and still do now. TRUST ME these days, at my age, if ur 16 and still a virgin people automatically think there's sumtin wrong wit u, when the truth is, for many people, the individual just aint ready. The earliest time i can remember actually being preasurised into having sex was when i was 9, and i almost did it too. If i was preasurised at such a young age as 9, i really aint suprised bout the amount of underaged sex there is, considering that most of my friends' first time's were b4 they became legal.
My best friend and i often chat on this matter, like me, she's a virgin herself, and like me she got a man too, who like mine- is asking her for sex, which like me- she aint ready to give yet- therefore the both of us feel surrounded, and the fact that we both live seperate lives cos we live miles apart, mean we bearly ever see each other. Her friends where she lives lost theis virginity long ago- so she feels like she on her own, over here for me- its the same thing, so in our own seperate little worlds, we feel like we're the only virgins on the planet.
Though my best friends aint ready to have sex yet- she feels that if she don't give her man what he want's he'll leave her, and this bother's her alot cos he's the 'best boyfriend' she's ever had. For me i aint to bothered bout losin my man over sex- cos he wouldn't be the first i let go for the same matter. I often tell my best friend that if he loved her as much as he say's he does- he'll respect her wishes- which is what i say to my boyfriend- if he loved me he would wait and if he aint willin to wait he best find another girl that will suit he's needs.
My man often askes me when i'll be ready and my most honest answer is 'i don't no'. For this my other friends- who aint virgins often say that i'm being stupid - cos their aint nottin special bout it- it's just sex- so basically they make me feel like the dumb one; when personally to me only after a first time does it become just sex cos by then ur ballon's been popped and u can't get it back.
Peace out People
(the dancin banana seems to understand me) Attachment: Aint nottin but mammels.PNG (Downloaded 293 times)
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Saida.M
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Posted: Saturday April 10th, 2004 18:42 |
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I believe underaged sex is due to pair preasure- coming from me- a 16 year old i wud no - even though i'm now legal, i went through that same preasure b4 i turned 16 and still do now. TRUST ME these days, at my age, if ur 16 and still a virgin people automatically think there's sumtin wrong wit u, when the truth is, for many people, the individual just aint ready
@urban_beauty
 Trust me! - That type of pressure has been around, I'll say for at least the last 25 years or so! Although I have never heard of anyone being pressured at 9?! That's child abuse!
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BlackBeauty
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Posted: Saturday April 10th, 2004 18:50 |
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Anubyss wrote: . A child has only one life. Let them experiment with their own daughters.
These are the sames one who introduced trendy teaching for children in state schools which leaves them unable to read at 16. But for their own children they want the best. I say to those who advocate sex ed, you send your children to schools were they are taught sex ed but not how to read and write properly. You let your children hold you hostage to their peer pressure.
Me, I'm not afraid to tell my children what I know to be right for them, but then I can think for myself and I don't need the State to think for me.
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urban_beauty
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Posted: Saturday April 10th, 2004 20:07 |
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athaba wrote
Trust me! - That type of pressure has been around, I'll say for at least the last 25 years or so! Although I have never heard of anyone being pressured at 9?! That's child abuse!
-trust me it's true- at the time the boy who asked me saw it as an 'experiment'- to see what sex was like. He's 3 years older than me- which aint much of an age gap. I aint seen him since then.
Attachment: Grinding.PNG (Downloaded 262 times)
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BlackBeauty
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Posted: Saturday April 10th, 2004 21:15 |
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urban_beauty wrote: athaba wrote
Trust me! - That type of pressure has been around, I'll say for at least the last 25 years or so! Although I have never heard of anyone being pressured at 9?! That's child abuse!
-trust me it's true- at the time the boy who asked me saw it as an 'experiment'- to see what sex was like. He's 3 years older than me- which aint much of an age gap. I aint seen him since then.
As a few peeps stated b4 Sex is everywhere now. It's no longer taboo-it's a selling point. According to the media if u aint doing it, ur talking about it, thinking about it, writing about it, reading about it, watching it and for some ppl that is true.
I must admit when I first read ur post urban I was shocked @ the age of 9 being pressured, but then I got to thinking about our society and what it deems as valuable (i.e Jordan, Beyonce, Lil Kim&the likes)...so no I am no longer surprised.
Last edited on Saturday April 10th, 2004 21:16 by
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babyblue
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Posted: Sunday April 18th, 2004 13:56 |
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I have to agree with urban_beauty.
The amount of young people who are having under age sex isn't down to a lack of education, but is to the types of peer pressure that they are encountering within their social group.
Children (and thats what they need to remember they are) are becoming so caught up in trying to grow up quickly and become adults that they are on the verge of ruining their lives. They are robbing themselves of having a childhood.
Educating them about sex isn't making the situation any worst, if anything it's helping to keep the number of pregnancies down. The only way the levels can be curved is by educating them to know that they have plenty of time to go up. There's no rush!!
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urban_beauty
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Posted: Monday April 19th, 2004 21:52 |
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babyblue wrote: ...Educating them about sex isn't making the situation any worst, if anything it's helping to keep the number of pregnancies down. The only way the levels can be curved is by educating them to know that they have plenty of time to go up. There's no rush!!
Too True
Peace out People
Attachment: Bouncin Booty.PNG (Downloaded 217 times) Last edited on Monday April 19th, 2004 21:55 by urban_beauty
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Lexi
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Posted: Tuesday May 4th, 2004 16:06 |
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I know this might sound bad but one of the easiest ways to get a decent house from the council is to be pregnant and have a baby. It's either that or file for disability and it' much easier to become pregant
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Posted: Tuesday May 4th, 2004 16:30 |
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Lexi,
Another easier way is to work for it!
N e way who wants a council house - isn't that like lying and cheating your way to living on a rubbish heap?
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BlackBeauty
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Posted: Tuesday May 4th, 2004 17:01 |
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athaba wrote: Lexi,
Another easier way is to work for it!
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babyblue
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Posted: Monday May 10th, 2004 11:22 |
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I don't know if anybody's heard yet, but a pilot study was done where 13+'s have been taught about oral sex, and encouraged to do it instead of having sex. In a hope to reduce teenage pregnancy. In the places that they've tried it, it has worked!!! So what do you think?  Last edited on Monday May 10th, 2004 11:23 by babyblue
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Saida.M
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Posted: Monday May 10th, 2004 14:11 |
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I don't know if anybody's heard yet, but a pilot study was done where 13+'s have been taught about oral sex, and encouraged to do it instead of having sex. In a hope to reduce teenage pregnancy. In the places that they've tried it, it has worked!!! So what do you think?
O - M - G  Babyblue! Is above really true?
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Fernando
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Posted: Monday May 10th, 2004 14:36 |
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 that idea sucks, pardon the pun!
how can you do something like that!?
WHAT IS THE WORLD COMING TO?!
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babyblue
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Posted: Tuesday May 11th, 2004 10:58 |
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Yes, unfortunately it's true. They were talking about it on The Wright Stuff yesturday!!!
I don't agree with it, but i'm guessing they see it as they have to try someting!
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urban_beauty
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Posted: Saturday May 15th, 2004 03:32 |
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Most honestly- i think the only resolve this issue (or make it less of an issue) is to stop selling/handing contraception to youths, cos most honestly this seems to be the thing that aint stopping them from having sex at a young age; they no that with contraception- they are able to have sex as much as the want and not suffer much of a risk of conception. Without contraception being available to youths, i believe that the amount of underage sex will lower cos they'll no that that way if having sex- they'll stand a very high chance of concieving.
At my age (16) contraception is so easy to get hold of- i don't even have to pay. All your required to do is sign a few forms and u get them- alot of them- and they're reliable ones too. My point is the only reason why people my age and younger actually consider having sex is cos they no the protection against conception is easy to get. Of all things i can even get emergancy contraception for free (which is about £25)- and the parents never find out about these things; which is another reason why many kids go for it.
So not only are the youths preasured into having sex they are also encouraged to do so; cos u might jus as well considering that u aint paying for it.
Peace out People
Attachment: boyslie.gif (Downloaded 168 times)
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urban_beauty
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Posted: Saturday May 15th, 2004 03:42 |
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babyblue wrote: Yes, unfortunately it's true. They were talking about it on The Wright Stuff yesturday!!!
I don't agree with it, but i'm guessing they see it as they have to try someting!
- well then in that case- what the hell happened to masturbation??? - i don't agree to this either- but oral sex!?!
Attachment: Tatoo.png (Downloaded 183 times)
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