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CistaC
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Posted: Wednesday February 9th, 2005 00:21 |
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This book is being passed around at work:
Making Work Work for the Highly Sensitve Person by Barrie Jaeger
Sensitive is used here to mean perceptive and deep.
Is there anybody who can relate to preferring a quite working environment as opposed to big open plan noisy offices?
An excerpt at Amazon:
http://www.amazon.com/gp/reader/007140810X/ref=sib_rdr_ex/102-6603420-6072146?%5Fencoding=UTF8&p=S00V#reader-page
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african_princess83
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Posted: Wednesday February 9th, 2005 08:09 |
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Yes, I definitely prefer a quite working environment, as I'm a Highly Sensitive Person. I've read the book "The Highly Sensitive Person" by Elain Aron.
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CistaC
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Posted: Thursday February 10th, 2005 07:12 |
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African Princess, there are some interesting posts on this forum which give some more understanding:
http://www.aimoo.com/forum/freeboard.cfm?id=319094&NoCaches=Yes
Evidently HSP's (abbreviation) make up 20% of the population in America. Don't know what the percentage is like for the UK.
Think I would include myself as one.
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CistaC
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Posted: Thursday February 10th, 2005 09:04 |
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If you find you are a highly sensitive person, or your child is, then you need to be aware of the following points:
- This trait is normal--it is inherited by 15 to 20% of the population, and indeed the same percentage seems to be present in all higher animals.
- Being an HSP means your nervous system is more sensitive to subtleties. Your sight, hearing, and sense of smell are not necessarily keener (although they may be). But your brain processes information and reflects on it more deeply.
- Being an HSP also means, necessarily, that you are more easily overstimulated, stressed out, overwhelmed.
- This trait is not something new I discovered--it has been mislabeled as shyness (not an inherited trait), introversion (30% of HSPs are actually extraverts), inhibitedness, fearfulness, and the like. HSPs can be these, but none of these are the fundamental trait they have inherited.
- The reason for these negative misnomers and general lack of research on the subject is that in this culture being tough and outgoing is the preferred or ideal personality--not high sensitivity. (Therefore in the past the research focus has been on sensitivity's potential negative impact on sociability and boldness, not the phenomenon itself or its purpose.) This cultural bias affects HSPs as much as their trait affects them, as I am sure you realize. Even those who loved you probably told you, "don't be so sensitive," making you feel abnormal when in fact you could do nothing about it and it is not abnormal at all.
The book The Highly Sensitive Person is a general introduction to the topic.
The Highly Sensitive Person's Workbook can be used alone, without the first book, although its chapters parallel those in the first book. Its purpose is to help HSPs integrate their understanding of their trait into their lives. I have found that HSPs need to spend time reframing their past, getting used to how to think and talk about themselves, and planning for a life based on a deeper understanding of their basic nervous system. The Workbook is designed for that. At the request of many, it also has a long section on how to run a discussion group for HSPs.
pasted from:
http://www.hsperson.com/
CD/tape .....might get this as I can find more time to listen than read a book:
http://www.hsperson.com/pages/store.htm
Ignore the fact that she is trying to sell her books...still some food for thought.
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african_princess83
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Posted: Friday February 11th, 2005 09:39 |
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Yes, it was really helpfull and such a relief to read her books. When I read her book I had alot of "aha moments". I could definitely relate to the real-life patient scenarios she was describing.
I don't live in the Uk, but in Holland. I've read somewhere on a Dutch site that approximatly 15 % of the Dutch population is a HSP.
I always felt like I should be tougher and that I shouldn't be affected by peoples emotions. Especially now I'm in uni and attending class with sometimes 200 people at the same time. It can be very stressfull not to be affected by other people's moods, noises etc. People think I'm confident (on the surface that is), so I feel like I have to hide the fact that I'm very sensitive.
However, I do feel there are alot of postive points of being a HSP. I can easily sense how other people feel and empathize , I notice these little sublte things that other people miss, I can intensly enjoy beauty, art, music etc. , I can be very passionate about things, people in my life and I have a strong intuition. But I think I have to learn to trust my intuition. I really feel like whatever I'm experiencing(good or bad) it's deeply.
There is a test based on the Carl Jungs typology. If you take the test you will find out to what type you belong.
http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes2.asp
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Madam Butterfly
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Posted: Thursday February 17th, 2005 18:00 |
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| It feels good to not be alone!! and after i read her book last year it felt good to finally feel'normal' instead of like some sad weirdo. i have yet to find the perfect career/work environment though.
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CistaC
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Posted: Thursday February 17th, 2005 18:58 |
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@African Princess, Madame Butterfly:
Yeh, totally agree. What a relief to know I'm not the only one!
I would encourage people to 'come out' it is really empowering. It beats hiding a part of yourself away for the sake of fitting in. But its not always safe to admit that we have traits which are not encourage in the society we live in.
Being spiritual (not religious), creative are what makes us able to feel stuff which goes over the heads of others; and because they don't see it they think it isn't so, and think we must be the odd ones!
But nobody is odd, we just have different traits. Traits which make living in the fast paced, competitive, 'me, me, me' world hard.
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Madam Butterfly
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Posted: Thursday February 17th, 2005 20:58 |
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| in a weird way its almost like having super power (!) because i pick up on all the little subtlties and vibes that other people easily miss. It is not always a good thing as i pick up on a lot of negativity. But some things would seem so glaringly obvious to me and i would be like "I can't believe others havn't noticed this" or feel like maybe i was imagining things and being paranoid. Now i know to trust my instincts.
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CistaC
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Posted: Thursday February 17th, 2005 23:16 |
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OOOOOOOOOOOOOOps .....It has just come to my notice that I should have posted this on 'Book Review'.
Oh well nobody's perfect!
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Madam Butterfly
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Posted: Thursday February 17th, 2005 23:31 |
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| nobody except us highly sensitive people lol. i'm sure a mod will shift it.
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CistaC
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Posted: Thursday February 17th, 2005 23:48 |
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lol@madame butterfly
'Spirituality
Once HSPs stop trying to become strong and tough extroverts, they often develop a keen interest in and gratitude for their consciousness, which benevolently takes them into unexplored realms. These complex inner realms, largely avoided by others, become their individuated paths to wholeness and happiness.'
This is our reward if we are brave enough!
or
Your mission should you choose to accept it.....
Last edited on Friday February 18th, 2005 00:02 by CistaC
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african_princess83
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Posted: Friday February 18th, 2005 06:20 |
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I also reccomand the book"Are you really too sensitive?" by Marcy Calhoun. She gets into the deeper meanings of being Highly Sensitive(spiritual and metaphysical)
"The introverts advantage" by Marti Olsen. But it depends on if you're a introvert or an extrovert, as you can still be an extrovert and a HSP at the same time.
@ Madam Butterfly, I know what you mean by picking things up others don't see. Sometimes I comment on something and people will ask in a sceptical way "how do you know?"and I just say"I just have that feeling..I don't know". It sometimes makes me look like a fool lol. But it's good to trust your instincts, as you're usually right(not always obviously).
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Posted: Friday February 18th, 2005 07:06 |
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Yay!!! So now I know that there are others like me...
I looked at that whole page and a lot of it rang true...
HSP Extrovert... that's me...
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CistaC
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Posted: Friday February 18th, 2005 09:54 |
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@african princess: I just did that test. As usual I find it hard to answer when I have have two choices as in different circumstances I behave differently (I suppose we learn from this our environment to survive). So I found it hard to know what I would do given no social constraints.
Anyway, I gave it a go......result ...INFJ
Introverted Intuitive Feeling Judging....hmmmm I'll have to read the blurb to see how well it fits me.
Thanks for the book recommendations!
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african_princess83
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Posted: Sunday February 20th, 2005 09:37 |
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| You're welcome and I had the same result ^_^
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ChubbiChix
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Posted: Wednesday February 23rd, 2005 07:02 |
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This is a little weird story so dont think its fake or freaky, but I've been told Im to sensative many times and it made me angry because I knew the hurt emotions I was feeling wasen't made up, it was how I felt.
Once I was watching a porno flick with my man, and it was a white couple about to have sex. The white dude came out of nowhere and was asking the girl if she liked his "private area" and she said yes, he said its not big enough though, God gave big "private parts" to the black man because he had to give them something right?!!" they both started laughing like it was funny and I put my hand on my hip and was very offended. To me it was like they were saying black men had no brains or nothing eles to offer but sex and thats a lie. When I started to speak my mind, my man tells me "your too sensative, you should let it roll off your back and just accept it. Thats when I started breaking, like you as a black man should be even more angry then me, but he wasen't. He just replied " you can't get mad, you say racist stuff about white people when you talk about slavery and history." I say " Well those things really happened, what I'm I not allowed to discuss white people or europe because I'm black and I don't say things like there the devil or I hate them, I just state the facts like racism. needless to say it went on and on and the mood was destroyed but I'm still mad about that dumb sh*t he said today. I know I wasent wrong for being mad at what the white guy said. He shouldn't have said something so mean, was he feeling insecure about his little pink "private area"? So it wasnt me being a HSP, even a person that wasen't that sensitive would feel rubbed the wrong way by the mans comment, especially since it was so unexpected.
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ChubbiChix
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Posted: Wednesday February 23rd, 2005 07:21 |
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| I got another funny situation that made me mad. A few years back I had just started a job as a secretary at a place my bestfriend works at also. I had been at the company for like 3 weeks and they hired a puerto rican older lady (very conservative lady) as the other new secretary since my friend had been promoted. My friend wears her head wrapped everyday and long skirts because shes an Israelite, dont really matter, thought i'd just mention it. We all in the office working and my friend is training the new lady and its the other 3 normal workers there too that are white. One of the Exterminators who worked there came into the office, looked around and said "what is this the UN"? I was definitly tight because what was he trying to imply, that we were forigners? Nobody said anything and just continued working. My white boss of course saw nothing wrong with the comment but later on, even my homegirl said she was mad about what the guy said also. I didn't know how the older lady felt that day, but over time she saw for her self, how people there be making direct and indirect comments that are racist, they even said something about mexicans and spanish people once in a joke. She grew to dislike them as much as we did. lol Its all good now because I definitly used them as a stepping stone and found a new job and was out. lol
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CistaC
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Posted: Wednesday February 23rd, 2005 13:45 |
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@Chubbchix, feel proud that you have a heart. Its a heart which shows you are alive. Its a heart that shows you are not hardened so much to the wrongs in the world and it pains you deep in your soul at man's inhumanity to man.
To take offence at something that is demeaning, means you are connected to the side of your nature which is caring. Like you say, you would state facts but you wouldn't resort to stereotyping. That video was well out of order, and encourages that kind of thinking amongst its white viewers. Yeah, we can say thats life, these things are said behind closed doors, but that doesn't stop it being hurtful.
We all have different levels of sensitivity, and the world needs us all! When you are sensitive to something it means you think about it and may even be inclined to do something about it (like write to the video producer and demand an explanation and make it public so that they are shamed - ok i KNOW it probably in this case is some seedy back street cowboy operation and will make no difference - but you get my point.
We are all different physically as well as emotionally and your sensitivity I'm sure has been appreciated by people who have needed some understanding sometime.
Hold your head up! Being sensitive rocks!
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african_princess83
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Posted: Wednesday February 23rd, 2005 15:58 |
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@ cistaC
I know what you mean. Sometimes it's hard for me to comprehend why people simply aren't affected or offended by certain things.
It's really irritating whenever someone(usually my father) tells me I'm too sensitive, too emotional etc. Maybe they're too insensitive??
What I do find strange is that I'm usually attracted to men who are hard and cold/distant. I think this has got to do with the fact that I haven't accepted myself as a highly sensitive person yet. Maybe thats why I subconsciously look up to people who are the total opposite of a HSP
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CistaC
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Posted: Wednesday February 23rd, 2005 16:21 |
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@African_princess,
Its only recently I have admitted to myself let alone to others that I am sensitive. I have always felt it was something I had to grow out of, or get rid of. I felt that I had to change myself in order to fit into the world as it is. But I am going to do some research, because I believe that maybe there are or have been societies where this was welcomed or even dare I say it esteemed.
If this is the case maybe its only the fast, western world that necessitates insensitivity and that in fact having a more sensitive nature is just as valid way to be in this world.
Maybe its society that has to change. Maybe its due. After all we all know that if things carry on the way they are environmentally for example we are heading for disaster. Maybe people will soon realise that we also need to develop our sensitivity in line with any changes to limit our impact on this earth.
Maybe sensitivity goes along with responsible thinking and acting from people and institutions nationally and globally. Along with sensitivity to others predicament comes empathy and once people start to feel something in numbers they will not allow inequality to continue.
OK. I'll get off the soapbox, and put it back where I found it in Hyde Park Corner!
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african_princess83
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Posted: Wednesday February 23rd, 2005 17:30 |
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LOL, You made alot of sense to me.
I'm going to start and develop it. And practise in blocking the negative things I pick up.
LOL, this kinda sounds like we're one of the "X-men" or something ^_~
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CistaC
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Posted: Wednesday February 23rd, 2005 18:43 |
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@african_princess. LOL. I always knew it shoulda been me and not Halle Berry!
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Madam Butterfly
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Posted: Wednesday February 23rd, 2005 19:04 |
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african_princess83 wrote: It's really irritating whenever someone(usually my father) tells me I'm too sensitive, too emotional etc. Maybe they're too insensitive??
 except in my case it is my mother and my sisters. My mother in partiular is very insensitive. but at least i can get an honest truthful opinion from her!! (anyone who knows any saggitarians knows exactly what i am talking about!!)
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Posted: Thursday February 24th, 2005 07:51 |
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I was going to say that the personality tests on this link are quite good and link in with the book...
go here http://similarminds.com/articles.html
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african_princess83
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Posted: Thursday February 24th, 2005 14:10 |
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Thanks for the link@Free
As I'm a INFP...this is my description. Although I don't agree with everything, like "hermit", "familiar with the darkside, "pro-weed legalization" and "submissive" Right. 0_o
Also don't agree with one of my "disfavored careers"; lawyer. I'm studying Dutch Law at the moment and I still find it interesting.
INFP
creative, smart, idealist, loner, attracted to sad things, disorganized, avoidant, overwhelmed by unpleasant feelings, quitter, lonely, rule breaker, solitary, daydreams about people to maintain a sense of closeness, focus on fantasies, acts without planning, no self confidence, emotionally moody, feels defective, fails to complete work on time, likes esoteric things, wounded at the core, feels shame, frequently losing things, sad, dreams about a rescuer, disorderly, observer, easily distracted, does not like crowds, acts without thinking, private, uncomfortable around others, familiar with the darkside, hermit, pro-weed legalization, sabotages self, likes the rain, can't control fearful thoughts, cries easily, prone to regret, attracted to the counter culture, submissive, easily discouraged, frequently second guesses self, not punctual, not prepared, feels victimized, easily confused, irresponsible, pessimistic
favored careers:
poet, painter, freelance artist, musician, writer, art therapist, teacher (art, music, drama), songwriter, art historian, library assistant, composer, work in the perfoming arts, art curator, playwrite, bookseller, cartoonist, video editor, photographer, philosopher, record store owner, digital artist, cinematographer, costume designer, film producer, philosophy professor, librarian, music therapist, enviromentalist, movie director, activist, bookstore owner, filmmaker
disfavored careers:
business professional, manager, executive, administrator, business owner, supervisor, office manager, business analyst, financial analyst, public relations manager, ceo, executive assistant, judge, event coordinator, lawyer, office worker
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