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michsm2
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Posted: Tuesday October 17th, 2006 04:45 |
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Was it wrong of me to leave him?
So, I told my best friend of more than 3 years that I needed to distance myself away from him for a while on the phone. I like him more than a friend but he is engaged to his girlfriend. We are both 21. I also told him I have no idea when I will ever contact him. I am depressed and hurt because I rather not ruin his relationship than tell him I really like him. I want him to forget about me.
He called me, but I refused to pick it up. He left a message on the answering machine to please call him and that he loves me like a sister and if he does not hear from me in a week he will try to see me and may have his people search for me! He just kept calling and calling.
I just can't do it anymore people. He is so attached to me, but I am not his girlfriend. Sometimes, I wish I had never met him despite wonderful emotional memories with him. We have very similar tastes and can read each other minds, but I am the one who is always alone. I am the one who is always depressed.
Therefore, I decided to leave him. I cannot continue to cry every night.
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RasRuben
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Posted: Tuesday October 17th, 2006 10:56 |
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michsm2 wrote: Was it wrong of me to leave him?
So, I told my best friend of more than 3 years that I needed to distance myself away from him for a while on the phone. I like him more than a friend but he is engaged to his girlfriend. We are both 21. I also told him I have no idea when I will ever contact him. I am depressed and hurt because I rather not ruin his relationship than tell him I really like him. I want him to forget about me.
He called me, but I refused to pick it up. He left a message on the answering machine to please call him and that he loves me like a sister and if he does not hear from me in a week he will try to see me and may have his people search for me! He just kept calling and calling.
I just can't do it anymore people. He is so attached to me, but I am not his girlfriend. Sometimes, I wish I had never met him despite wonderful emotional memories with him. We have very similar tastes and can read each other minds, but I am the one who is always alone. I am the one who is always depressed.
Therefore, I decided to leave him. I cannot continue to cry every night.
Greetings Sistren
I see why you would be feeling like you are but I don't know why you have chosen the action you have. I do not want to seem cold but sis you must have more in life to look forward to than your friend. If he is such a good friend I do not understand why you would throw that away. Focus on the rest of your life, focus on bettering yourself and be patient with time. I once wanted to be with a friend of mine but she was with someone so I left it at that, her friendship was more important to me than having her as my girlfriend. It took a while but I did eventually end up with her after about a year or so. I was just patient. I focused on making myself a better person and enjoying all of the plentiful gifts that the most high gives me everyday.
I understand you are feeling pain sis but you will find your way into his arms if you are meant to. however I fear having him as a friend may now be out of the question because if you try to talk to him again he will ask why you gave him air in the first place and you will have to tell him.
PS another reason why this may not be such a good idea is if there was ever any chance of you getting together in later life that may fade because he may not forgive you for this if you leave it too long. Think it over but don't get too weighed down by it. You have many plentiful things to give thanks for. worry about that instead.
I hope all goes well for you sistren, and by the grace, beauty and strength of the most high's love i'm sure it will.
Give thanks
Hotep.
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michsm2
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Posted: Tuesday October 17th, 2006 18:12 |
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Thanks for the reply, but there is no point. He IS marrying his girlfriend (it's official). That's why I said "engaged." I need to focus on my life, that's why I need to distance myself from him.
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Sistren
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Posted: Tuesday October 17th, 2006 21:50 |
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If
If I could find the words to tell you
Just how you make me feel…….
If I could show you by my actions
Would You really know the deal
If I could muster the courage
To take your hand in mine
And step with you on a journey
to another place In time.
If I could say the words
“baby, I want you as more than my friend�
would you open your arms and embrace me?
Or would this friendship end?
If I told you that when you smile
I just wanna to draw you close
And feel each groove of your body
plant kisses on your nose.
Would you believe me if I told you
Dreams of you fill my sleep?
Visions so perfect
That during my waking hours I keep.
Would you understand me if I told you
That I feel your every pain
Watched you move from woman to woman
And never…… to your gain
And If I’ve been before you so long
Why have you never noticed me?
Your sister, your friend, your confidant
Is there nothing else you see?
I need to be more than the friend you turn to
When things don’t go your way
I wanna be by your side at night
And in your thoughts by day
So if I tell you……..I’m a woman first,
Maybe the one carved from your rib
If you look at me, with fresh eyes
Maybe we could just adlib
Move this friendship to a different level,
let nature take it’s course
If you and me were together
There would be no remorse.
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Sistren
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Posted: Tuesday October 17th, 2006 21:57 |
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not a easy position to be in sis.
If your friend has a woman - you, as his friend need to respect that. If stepping away is the only way YOU can do that then you have done the right thing.
My ma (in her widom) always tells us "What is fi you can not be un fi you"
Your paths have crossed and onl time will tell if it is for a reason, a season or a life time.
Try to get on with your life , not trying t patronise you, you have your whole life ahead of you, focus on developing yourself and being and acheiving all that you can
peace
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Kunjufu
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Posted: Tuesday October 17th, 2006 22:14 |
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Sistren: good advice..however I really feel for the Author, she sounds like she is in real pain... However if there is a learning point, it should be that we should step up and take a chance instead of living with regrets....
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Peacemaker
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Posted: Tuesday October 17th, 2006 23:00 |
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michsm2 wrote: Was it wrong of me to leave him?
So, I told my best friend of more than 3 years that I needed to distance myself away from him for a while on the phone. I like him more than a friend but he is engaged to his girlfriend. We are both 21. I also told him I have no idea when I will ever contact him. I am depressed and hurt because I rather not ruin his relationship than tell him I really like him. I want him to forget about me.
He called me, but I refused to pick it up. He left a message on the answering machine to please call him and that he loves me like a sister and if he does not hear from me in a week he will try to see me and may have his people search for me! He just kept calling and calling.
I just can't do it anymore people. He is so attached to me, but I am not his girlfriend. Sometimes, I wish I had never met him despite wonderful emotional memories with him. We have very similar tastes and can read each other minds, but I am the one who is always alone. I am the one who is always depressed.
Therefore, I decided to leave him. I cannot continue to cry every night.
Oh dear. You refuse to see and talk to someone you like, but probably would spend many hours arguing with someone you dislike. Sad thing is that your emotional pain is caused by you not being honest with your friend regardless of the results of confession or the current situation.
Have you done the right thing?
Probably not! your emotions are telling you that, that is what they are there for. Don't punish him because you can't control or change your own, sorry to be harsh but that is the simple truth of it.
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michsm2
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Posted: Wednesday October 18th, 2006 19:18 |
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Peacemaker, what is the point? He is engaged. He will get married soon. I cannot like him, and he cannot like me. Yes, based on what I heard from others, he was very depressed over my actions like someone killed his pet or something. But over time he will realize that he cannot get too close to me. It's only fair. His fiancee will be able to give him the happiness that I could not give him both emotionally and sexually. She is smart, intelligent and very beautiful. I wish those two happiness forever.
Last edited on Wednesday October 18th, 2006 20:21 by michsm2
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Peacemaker
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Posted: Thursday October 19th, 2006 00:11 |
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michsm2 wrote: Peacemaker, what is the point? He is engaged. He will get married soon. I cannot like him, and he cannot like me. Yes, based on what I heard from others, he was very depressed over my actions like someone killed his pet or something. But over time he will realize that he cannot get too close to me. It's only fair. His fiancee will be able to give him the happiness that I could not give him both emotionally and sexually. She is smart, intelligent and very beautiful. I wish those two happiness forever.
Running away isn't going to solve anything for any of you...besides you'll always be tempted to get in contact again, day after day, year after year especially if you like each other so much. It's going to be torture...unless you REALLY don't want to talk to each other again.
From what I've heard, you sound like you need each other's friendship no matter what you feel for each other. Don't deny yourself that or him either, regardless, it might turn out to be a more important factor in your lives in the long term.
If he was dying from cancer you wouldn't try and escape from his life, so why do it for something that isn't as serious as you think it is right now.
We're not around for too long in one life, so don't waste it....only to live it with regret and sorrow.
And it is much easier to be just friends with somone you love than not to have them in your life at all. In each case you're going to have to deal with the hurt anyway, so why not deal with the one that you will lose less from in the end.
Right now you're taking the hard way when you don't need to.
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Kunjufu
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Posted: Thursday October 19th, 2006 00:17 |
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Peacemaker wrote: Running away isn't going to solve anything for any of you...besides you'll always be tempted to get in contact again, day after day, year after year especially if you like each other so much. It's going to be torture...unless you REALLY don't want to talk to each other again.
From what I've heard, you sound like you need each other's friendship no matter what you feel for each other. Don't deny yourself that or him either, regardless, it might turn out to be a more important factor in your lives in the long term.
If he was dying from cancer you wouldn't try and escape from his life, so why do it for something that isn't as serious as you think it is right now.
We're not around for too long in one life, so don't waste it....only to live it with regret and sorrow.
And it is much easier to be just friends with somone you love than not to have them in your life at all. In each case you're going to have to deal with the hurt anyway, so why not deal with the one that you will lose less from in the end.
Right now you're taking the hard way when you don't need to.
DAMN who knew eh...Peacemaker turn Agony uncle....good points peace really good points!!!
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michsm2
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Posted: Thursday October 19th, 2006 01:29 |
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| So what should I tell him? I don't plan to see him for some time. I want to clear my thoughts.
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michsm2
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Posted: Thursday October 19th, 2006 02:16 |
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| So what do you want me to do? Call him and tell him my feelings? Wait another week?
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Peacemaker
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Posted: Thursday October 19th, 2006 06:34 |
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michsm2 wrote: So what should I tell him? I don't plan to see him for some time. I want to clear my thoughts.
michsm2 wrote: So what do you want me to do? Call him and tell him my feelings? Wait another week?
These two things I can't help you with at, it's upto you what you actually do and say. It's not me who has to give the response back is it?
At least stay friends for now, that's all I'd say.
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M@LaiKa
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Posted: Thursday October 19th, 2006 15:01 |
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what a position!!
can i ask why it is you didnt say anything to him before he got engaged? surely you must have realised that you were developing feelings for him??
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bluehoney
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Posted: Thursday October 19th, 2006 17:58 |
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watch the movie love and basketball...
i can not tell u what to do...but i can say this...when you have done all that you could do...and you have been completely honest...you will have no regrets in the future...but if you have not done everything that you could have done and have been dishonest or if you run from the truth..then your future will be filled with what if's and regrets...
best wishes...bhLast edited on Thursday October 19th, 2006 18:09 by bluehoney
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eskay
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Posted: Friday October 20th, 2006 01:00 |
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Honesty (Real truth).. is what is needed for YOUR FRIEND!! Let the chips fall where they may!! Ever heard that saying what won't kill you, can only make you stronger!
Without Honesty which in turn leads to Trust. ..your friendships has no foundation!
Give your friend a CHOICE. (Stop being selfish) If he is getting married to someone else , YOU NEED TO ACCEPT THAT..and bless him/wish him the best. You can't control him and his life choices, just as he can't control yours.
If you don't tell your friend, you''ll never know what kind of friendship your could have had. It seems certain that all you'll be left with are 'what if's.. and like someone else said.. you won't know whether his purpose in times to come was for a season or lifetime... think the reason is quite obvious .. TO CHALLENGE YOU TO GROW..FEEL WHAT YOU FEEL.. AND KEEP IT MOVING ANYWAY!!
Sis.. if he is for you in that manner.. the universe will conspire to bring you two together when it deems fit..but in TRUTH not DiSHONESTY. Not when you feel like it or when your with holding vital information..
You are blessed Sis.. Now..Act like it!
P.S If it sounds like I'm judging you that is not my INTENTION. I held on to a man I loved for all the wrong reasons for a long time, yet he wasn't mine to hold to ransom or to control just because I had 'feelings'. In the end, I decided to hold the love in my heart and let this man go. ( It turned out he wasn't what I wanted anyway.) Now...We are not attached in that needy way ie can't live with him/can't live with him. He is with someone else, I am happily single, dating others, and I continue to wish him all the best. Our friendship is tighter than it's ever been!
We wouldn't have that unshakeable bond until I chose myself & my own sense of peace first.
I'll say it again.. Let him go (wish him the best and try and mean it) . If he's meant to be your soul partner... Nothing and no-one will stop that happening. BUT ..IT WILL NOT HAPPEN IN YOUR TIME. If he is meant to be just your friend ..then treasure that and enjoy levels of growth that comes with having such a wonderful person in your life.
P.P.S Someone raised a thread about 'special women friends that men have. Women that know a man at a level not even their intimate partners know him. Find it and Read it!! That was YOU.
Last edited on Friday October 20th, 2006 01:06 by eskay
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HatHaruhotep
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Posted: Friday October 20th, 2006 14:45 |
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| I think that was probably a wise move. You are losing the friendship but also ending what seems to be a great deal of heartache. This is why all my friends are men. No chance of crushes developing there!
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michsm2
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Posted: Saturday October 21st, 2006 23:39 |
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Update: I decided to see my best friend again and explain everything. When his girlfriend told him I was around, he looked happy and ran to search for me. I found out he switched from P/T to F/T at his job because he missed me so much and felt like he had an empty feeling inside. If he could keep himself busy, he wouldn't have to think about me. He was supposed to go on a not-so-important road trip with his male friends today, but decided not to go because he wanted to spend time with me. He likes talking to me, he said. Since I'm around now, he's gonna quit his job and look for someting else. He said he loves me like a sister, and was very worried and feared for my safety. He's happy I'm back. I never told him I loved him but I could sense in his behavior that he really missed me. He sees me as part of his family.
I was barely gone two weeks, folks.
Is it weird for my best friend to have such strong feelings for me? Since I'm female and he's male?
Last edited on Saturday October 21st, 2006 23:40 by michsm2
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eskay
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Posted: Sunday October 22nd, 2006 00:54 |
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No Mich .. it's not weird! Real friends do CARE an enormous amount for each other!!
Enjoy what you both have, without assuming it means more..
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