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EF MAX
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Posted: Tuesday June 12th, 2007 07:11 |
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If you are not interested in marriage, and you say so, albeit because:
a) You are just not interested
b) You are too young/old
c) You are not ready
d) You have another reason
Should you still be dating?
What I am asking is this; dating can be fun, but I date because I love the company of the opposite sex when I am doing fun things,, and of course the intimate side is cool to; and I do not view every date partner as a future marriage partner.. I see them as companionship that could turn into a very loving friendship or relationship..
If marriage is not on my agenda on day one, should I not date [even when my date is just looking for a date today but maybe a partner tomorrow]
... Especially when so many women seem to say that on those first few dates, they are scanning me, checking me out as mate material, suitable parent/provider material,, when all I want to do TODAY, is enjoy your company and have some fun..
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Sooofresh
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Posted: Tuesday June 12th, 2007 13:44 |
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| EF MAX, your terminology is wrong, what you are describing is a f**k buddy, a date is to see if you have the connection which can lead to something serious....or else why bother......if you want a friend, that you get on well with, but occasionally shag then again it is called a f**k buddy....a date is a different spectra.
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shopaholik
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Posted: Tuesday June 12th, 2007 16:02 |
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EF MAX wrote: If you are not interested in marriage, and you say so, albeit because:
a) You are just not interested
b) You are too young/old
c) You are not ready
d) You have another reason
Should you still be dating?
What I am asking is this; dating can be fun, but I date because I love the company of the opposite sex when I am doing fun things,, and of course the intimate side is cool to; and I do not view every date partner as a future marriage partner.. I see them as companionship that could turn into a very loving friendship or relationship..
dating someone to me is when you go out with a member of the opposite sex and you both like each other, you have an understanding of what you both want and are working towards having a relationship.
if you are just meeting up with the person to do 'fun things' but neither of you have expressed an interest in each other as far as a relationship is concerned then it's not a date it's just two friends going out having fun. you said it yourself 'I see them as companionship'.
If marriage is not on my agenda on day one, should I not date [even when my date is just looking for a date today but maybe a partner tomorrow]
... Especially when so many women seem to say that on those first few dates, they are scanning me, checking me out as mate material, suitable parent/provider material,, when all I want to do TODAY, is enjoy your company and have some fun..
i think the word dating is used to loosely these days what most people nowadays call a 'date' really means a 'fling'. what you should do is be honest to that person about what you want and not string them along at your convienience.
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EF MAX
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Posted: Tuesday June 12th, 2007 16:28 |
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Easy guys,, are you not reading too much into my words and did you miss this
I see them as companionship that could turn into a very loving friendship or relationship..
If I want/wanted sex only then I would say so even though these days I meet more women who are upfront about this and make it CLEAR they aint looking for no man/relationship, that they just want fun.. what I was asking was why (from day one) should I see every woman as a future wife or them me as a future husband.. why can not we just get to know each other (honestly) and see where it goes without people trying to second guess my whole life in 2 secs from a first date..
I am attracted to wide range of people but marriage is NEVER EVER, EVER on my mind at any stage of the game until I have known and lived with a woman for at least 2-3 years.. because even with my experience and education, this time limit is needed to see EVERYTHING and even then you can get surprised. I am way too smart to believe in Love At First Sight because there is no such thing in the real world..Love = honesty, kindness and communication and that is not achieveable in a few dates; so I prefer to spend my time with a woman, enjoy her company and getting to know her.
I for one will often make good a friendship that has no relationship potential because people are important to me and so are their feelings... but maybe my choice of word/s (dating) is not fully descriptive enough for the question I posed.
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comfortandjoy
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Posted: Tuesday June 12th, 2007 16:42 |
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EF MAX wrote:
What I am asking is this; dating can be fun, but I date because I love the company of the opposite sex when I am doing fun things,, and of course the intimate side is cool to; and I do not view every date partner as a future marriage partner.. I see them as companionship that could turn into a very loving friendship or relationship..
If marriage is not on my agenda on day one, should I not date [even when my date is just looking for a date today but maybe a partner tomorrow]
... Especially when so many women seem to say that on those first few dates, they are scanning me, checking me out as mate material, suitable parent/provider material,, when all I want to do TODAY, is enjoy your company and have some fun..
what I was asking was why (from day one) should I see every woman as a future wife or them me as a future husband.. why can not we just get to know each other (honestly) and see where it goes without people trying to second guess my whole life in 2 secs from a first date..
Love = honesty, kindness and communication and that is not achieveable in a few dates; so I prefer to spend my time with a woman, enjoy her company and getting to know her.
I for one will often make good a friendship that has no relationship potential because people are important to me and so are their feelings...
I see exactly what you are saying and agree strongly, especially with the parts in red. I think if you express yourself honestly on dates, then there should be no misunderstandings about what you hope to get from the date. If you meet a nice person, it's always pleasant to spend time with them, whether or not you eventually get into a relationship.
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Bredder Tukoma
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Posted: Tuesday June 12th, 2007 16:47 |
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EF MAX wrote: Easy guys,, are you not reading too much into my words and did you miss this
I see them as companionship that could turn into a very loving friendship or relationship..
If I want/wanted sex only then I would say so even though these days I meet more women who are upfront about this and make it CLEAR they aint looking for no man/relationship, that they just want fun.. what I was asking was why (from day one) should I see every woman as a future wife or them me as a future husband.. why can not we just get to know each other (honestly) and see where it goes without people trying to second guess my whole life in 2 secs from a first date..
I am attracted to wide range of people but marriage is NEVER EVER, EVER on my mind at any stage of the game until I have known and lived with a woman for at least 2-3 years.. because even with my experience and education, this time limit is needed to see EVERYTHING and even then you can get surprised. I am way too smart to believe in Love At First Sight because there is no such thing in the real world..Love = honesty, kindness and communication and that is not achieveable in a few dates; so I prefer to spend my time with a woman, enjoy her company and getting to know her.
I for one will often make good a friendship that has no relationship potential because people are important to me and so are their feelings... but maybe my choice of word/s (dating) is not fully descriptive enough for the question I posed.
Date /girlfiend/ f**k buddy whatever. The only contradictionn you have to deal with is if she wants to marry you and has expressed the notion. Because you sure will damn well know if you want a marry a woman after a short time dating. Or know whether you think there's potential. But all this talk about keeping her as friend.. if she wants more but you dont/ to not hurt her feelings cant work. Either be comfortable with the fact your stringing them on/ or let them know tings can only go so far. ( like to the bedroom and back).
Whether your're looking marriage or not. It dont take 2-3 years to establish that there is potential. That can be established within months.
Last edited on Tuesday June 12th, 2007 16:51 by Bredder Tukoma
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shopaholik
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Posted: Tuesday June 12th, 2007 16:47 |
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EF MAX wrote: Easy guys,, are you not reading too much into my words and did you miss this
I see them as companionship that could turn into a very loving friendship or relationship..
these days it is difficult to meet someone (and it depends where you meet them) who will be willing to just 'get to know someone'. it's long for most people, they want things to happen now, now, now.
what I was asking was why (from day one) should I see every woman as a future wife or them me as a future husband.. why can not we just get to know each other (honestly) and see where it goes without people trying to second guess my whole life in 2 secs from a first date..
i dont know who told the above unless that's what you want.
I am attracted to wide range of people but marriage is NEVER EVER, EVER on my mind at any stage of the game until I have known and lived with a woman for at least 2-3 years.. because even with my experience and education, this time limit is needed to see EVERYTHING and even then you can get surprised. I am way too smart to believe in Love At First Sight because there is no such thing in the real world..Love = honesty, kindness and communication and that is not achieveable in a few dates; so I prefer to spend my time with a woman, enjoy her company and getting to know her.
well i think that means you are just not ready to settle down so you need not concern yourself with getting married.
I for one will often make good a friendship that has no relationship potential because people are important to me and so are their feelings... but maybe my choice of word/s (dating) is not fully descriptive enough for the question I posed.
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comfortandjoy
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Posted: Tuesday June 12th, 2007 16:59 |
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shopaholik wrote: EF MAX wrote: Easy guys,, are you not reading too much into my words and did you miss this
I see them as companionship that could turn into a very loving friendship or relationship.. these days it is difficult to meet someone (and it depends where you meet them) who will be willing to just 'get to know someone'. it's long for most people, they want things to happen now, now, now.
How can it be 'long' to want to get to know someone for a while, before committing yourself to them?
You have to get past the 'honeymoon' phase of a relationship before you really get to know what someone is like. In the first two years or so, things are still fairly fresh and new, the passion is still there - so not that hard to keep the fire burning. You probably won't start noticing any flaws until after that phase dies down which it usually does for most people; and then it will take a while before you work out whether the flaws they have can be overlooked/overcome or not, and whether you want to wait around and see or not.
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EF MAX
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Posted: Wednesday June 13th, 2007 23:50 |
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Date /girlfiend/ f**k buddy whatever. The only contradictionn you have to deal with is if she wants to marry you and has expressed the notion.
Not sure I would be comfortable with a woman who was that needy that quickly..
Because you sure will damn well know if you want a marry a woman after a short time dating. Or know whether you think there's potential.
I just do not think like that,, there is more to good long term relationship than fancy honeymoon sex.. getting to know any human being is hard work.. unless you are that flakey in the personality observation department to just blindly accept what is sitting at the front door and totally ignore its history or the effects of that history.
But all this talk about keeping her as friend.. if she wants more but you dont/ to not hurt her feelings cant work.
Are we not talking about things at the beggining of the dating agame.. I have managed to stay friends for over 40yrs with my very first girlfriend and have some strong 20yr friendships with women that I have loved but the connection was not right at that time..
Either be comfortable with the fact your stringing them on/ or let them know tings can only go so far. ( like to the bedroom and back).
I would never string a woman along, especially if she was to ask me how I felt about things.. but any woman who asked me about maariage and I had only know her a short while would make me weary of her motives cost a long term relationship needs SOLID friendship foundations.. and they are not built overnight.
Whether your're looking marriage or not. It dont take 2-3 years to establish that there is potential. That can be established within months.
Sorry but I disagree.. maybe this is why every 18mins in the UK, somebody, somewhere is getting divorced.. yes you see potential but my personal experiences is that you never know enough about somebody in such a short space of time and I was brought up by my grand-parents who dated for 17yrs and were married till death did they part for 35 years..
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Bredder Tukoma
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Posted: Thursday June 14th, 2007 17:46 |
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EF MAX wrote:
Date /girlfiend/ f**k buddy whatever. The only contradictionn you have to deal with is if she wants to marry you and has expressed the notion.
Not sure I would be comfortable with a woman who was that needy that quickly..
Because you sure will damn well know if you want a marry a woman after a short time dating. Or know whether you think there's potential.
I just do not think like that,, there is more to good long term relationship than fancy honeymoon sex.. getting to know any human being is hard work.. unless you are that flakey in the personality observation department to just blindly accept what is sitting at the front door and totally ignore its history or the effects of that history.
I wasnt even thinking of sex. To use your analogy..once you got an idea of who build the yard/ who she grow with in there/ and the relationships in that house then you will have a good idea of who is at the front door. How long do you need for that?
But all this talk about keeping her as friend.. if she wants more but you dont/ to not hurt her feelings cant work.
Are we not talking about things at the beggining of the dating agame.. I have managed to stay friends for over 40yrs with my very first girlfriend and have some strong 20yr friendships with women that I have loved but the connection was not right at that time..
I would never string a woman along, especially if she was to ask me how I felt about things.. but any woman who asked me about maariage and I had only know her a short while would make me weary of her motives cost a long term relationship needs SOLID friendship foundations.. and they are not built overnight.
Well of course.
Whether your're looking marriage or not. It dont take 2-3 years to establish that there is potential. That can be established within months.
Sorry but I disagree.. maybe this is why every 18mins in the UK, somebody, somewhere is getting divorced.. yes you see potential but my personal experiences is that you never know enough about somebody in such a short space of time and I was brought up by my grand-parents who dated for 17yrs and were married till death did they part for 35 years..
Yes and 17 years is an extreme. With respect to your grand-parents/ why the hell would you wait 17 years to know someone. Unless dating from childhood/ (which is a contradiction in terms anyway) its not practical.
Note the operative word is potential wifey. If it takes you longer than 2-3 years to establish that there is potential then truly bro-- you're on a long ting imo.
To me getting married always carries an element of risk/ people change/ their prorities become different for different reasons. A young bro has time on his side to establish the facts/ and since at that age you chnage more anyway it makes more sense.
How long would you say you need to date a woman before you marry her? Me I would say 4 years max. But Ill know in a matter of months whether I would even take it that far.
Last edited on Thursday June 14th, 2007 17:47 by Bredder Tukoma
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EF MAX
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Posted: Thursday June 14th, 2007 18:02 |
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My grand-parents were an extreme case as my grand-mothers's father would not let her marry my grand father and they had to wait until her dad passed on.
4yrs is plenty of time, especially if you have spent at least 2yrs of that time living together..
My last partner we lived together almost from week one and I asked her in our 26th month together... Then I got an education and a half.. but that is all about the risk factor that you were talking about..
For me marriage will probably NEVER happen because I ain't interested in divorce.. and I do not meet women who even meet me half way on the relationship front let alone potential marriage front.. but I guess I have just been looking (not that I do) in all the wrong places and have the wrong ideas about communication and commitment..
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