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Mochahontas1908
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Posted: Wednesday December 22nd, 2004 09:25 |
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I have been in a 2 year relationship with a guy I truly love and have no doubts that he loves me. He has told me time and time again how I am "the one" and we will get married one day. There are however 2 problems, he said that engagement is nowhere in the near future (claiming that it doesnt feel right just yet but it will one day) and he does not believe in ex, touching, kissing, etc... before we are married. So I know he just isnt stringing me along for sex b/c that is not something that is going on in our relationship. I am all for the no sex part but the no touching/kissing makes me feel undesirable, unsexy, etc.. He constantly assures me verbally of how sexy/beautiful I am but it just is not the same as "showing it" (for lack of better terminology). This, coupled w/the no engagement ring in the near future, just adds to the stress. Are my feelings valid? I feel like I am at the end of my rope but I hold on b/c I love him and he is the best boyfriend I ever had. Also, is there cause for concern?
Any feedback will be greatly appreciated
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Knowledgeable Sista
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Posted: Wednesday December 22nd, 2004 13:40 |
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I'm gonna try not to be too blunt, but it does seem as if he is just stringing you along.
If he is saying that he wants to get married but no where in the future.........he does not believe in sex or any thing else before marriage.........
its either 1 of 2 things....he's simply not ready to settle down but doesn't know how to tell you....or......he wants to get married but not with you...(sorry)
either way he's not making himself too clear...............
Ditch his ASS your wasting your time.
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dimoke
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Posted: Wednesday December 22nd, 2004 15:42 |
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Moncha...Are you sure there is no more to this than what you are letting out
Because if not, then HOW did it work for 2 years, without even touching?
Are you sure he is even a MAN?
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seeking...
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Posted: Wednesday December 22nd, 2004 16:22 |
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Mochahontas1908 wrote:
I have been in a 2 year relationship with a guy I truly love and have no doubts that he loves me. He has told me time and time again how I am "the one" and we will get married one day. There are however 2 problems, he said that engagement is nowhere in the near future (claiming that it doesnt feel right just yet but it will one day) and he does not believe in ex, touching, kissing, etc... before we are married. So I know he just isnt stringing me along for sex b/c that is not something that is going on in our relationship. I am all for the no sex part but the no touching/kissing makes me feel undesirable, unsexy, etc.. He constantly assures me verbally of how sexy/beautiful I am but it just is not the same as "showing it" (for lack of better terminology). This, coupled w/the no engagement ring in the near future, just adds to the stress. Are my feelings valid? I feel like I am at the end of my rope but I hold on b/c I love him and he is the best boyfriend I ever had. Also, is there cause for concern?
Any feedback will be greatly appreciated
Have you just tried the good ol' fashion way and just talking, ask him what's up with all of this - why doesn't he even touch you, why doesn't things feel right after 2 years. I have to agree with what dimoke says - why doesn't he even touch you etc. not everything needs to lead to sex , i don't want to be blunt or hurtful either but if he ain't touching you at all after 2 years and doesn't even want to get engaged ...is there someone else? as dimoke says Are you sure he is even a MAN? Forget that - cos' women are the same really. But after all is said and done it is really hard to let go when you love someone so much, but you don't want to be in this situation forever ... everyone needs to feel wanted in their relationship ... needs to feel sexy etc. even just by a kiss. If all else fails girl, seduce him give him a lil' booty shake girl
  
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Mochahontas1908
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Posted: Wednesday December 22nd, 2004 20:44 |
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| Ok, here is the rest of the story. Yes there has been sex, touching, etc in the past but that all changed when he changed for religious reasons. He cut out smoking, sex, everything. So we have had sex before. His "clean living" resulted after about 4 months after we were together. I at that time also gave up sex. But saw no reason to give up everything else (the touching, kissing, etc) So I guess that would alter some of the responses. I didnt want to write down too much in my initial quiry but wanted to wait until some questions were asked. I am 100% sure there is no one else (cause I am literally w/him 24/7, know his email password, phone password, everything, I am quite the hacker, lol) I just feel as if he has control of my future. Like my plans to start a family and buy a house are on pause and I am at his mercy, and I hate not having conrol over the major things in my life. Lemme know if you all have anymore questions.
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Cims
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| Joined: | Friday October 24th, 2003 |
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Posted: Wednesday December 22nd, 2004 22:06 |
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Some questions from lil' ol' me:
would you be happy if you were havin sex, intimate relations etc, but still there was no sure sign of commitment?
is the fact that you wana have sex driving you to wana get married?
you say you are quite the hacker, which to me it means there is an element of mistrust there.... does he hold the same, shall we call privledges that you do.... ie email passwords?
have you fully commited to his chosen faith? Not saying you should, but perhaps this is behind his reservations?
How old are you both, by the way? mayb its his age that is stopping him from wanting to get married?
was his attitide to the relationship other than the sex part, ie not sure if he was ready for marriage etc, the same before he gave up sex?
Have you strayed? (eva, but especially since da no sex rule came into play) Does he kno about it?
this are questions which in my humble opinion may contribute to his atitude. You may feel that you giving up sex, is commitment enough, but it sounds to me, like it was a natural life choice, so just because you share it doesnt mean you should be 2gether. Not to be flippant but its like saying 2 vegetarians shold be together cos the both dont eat meat! theres more to a relationship than sharing one factor....
Last edited on Wednesday December 22nd, 2004 22:17 by Cims
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dimoke
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Posted: Wednesday December 22nd, 2004 22:15 |
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Mochahontas1908 wrote: Ok, here is the rest of the story. Yes there has been sex, touching, etc in the past but that all changed when he changed for religious reasons. He cut out smoking, sex, everything. So we have had sex before. His "clean living" resulted after about 4 months after we were together. I at that time also gave up sex. But saw no reason to give up everything else (the touching, kissing, etc) So I guess that would alter some of the responses. I didnt want to write down too much in my initial quiry but wanted to wait until some questions were asked. I am 100% sure there is no one else (cause I am literally w/him 24/7, know his email password, phone password, everything, I am quite the hacker, lol) I just feel as if he has control of my future. Like my plans to start a family and buy a house are on pause and I am at his mercy, and I hate not having conrol over the major things in my life. Lemme know if you all have anymore questions.
Ok dear, me think you are giving this man too much power. and to start with you should not be "literally spendind 24/7 together, its just not helping you is it?
Since you two were sexually intimate before, spending too much time with him is just ..............you can't compete with one's religious convictions. I hate to tell you this but you are holding on to a lost cause. I think the reason you feel so hopeless is because you invested too much into this relationship.
Well maybe this is the oportunity for you to start evaluating where your priority is and start working on YOURSELF.
I know i could be gentle and bush around but been there done that and believe me religious beliefs, especialy to knew believers you might as well be talking to a stone.
Take care of yourself and move on, however painfull. Time is the greatest healer.
Stay blessed dear.
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Kyla
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Posted: Friday December 24th, 2004 18:06 |
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| If it's for religious reasons, you should respect that. If you love him, you should be supportive of his religious decisions and stand by him. It sounds to me like you have insecurities about it, and it's not him. If you can't deal with no physical affection, then leave him. However, if you truly love him then understand his religion and respect it.
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ERYK
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| Joined: | Sunday January 2nd, 2005 |
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Posted: Sunday January 2nd, 2005 14:25 |
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TWO YEARS AND NO   . THATS SOME TUFF LOVE? HAS HE HAD SEX WITH OTHER WOMEN IN THE PAST. HAVE YOU SEEN HIS ? YOU DONT EVEN TOUCH? WOW. SOUNDS LIKE A COMPLETE STRANGER. TWO YEARS INTO THE RELATIONSHIP, MAYBE IT DONT WORK (THE MEAT.) POOR GUY. WELL I GUESS IF YOU WANT HIM AND NO MEAT FOR THE NEXT TWO YEARS THEN GO FOR IT. I HOPE HE IS THE ONE FOR YOU. YOU WAITED FOR TWO YEARS, NOT EVEN A KISS. GOOD LUCK. Attachment: ERIC 202.jpg (Downloaded 61 times)
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