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brown*skin
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Posted: Sunday August 8th, 2004 11:32 |
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I have been in this cycle for the past year of dating guys. I have dated like six different guys in the last year alone.
Unfortunately the relationship does not materialize into anything more than just good friends. What am I doing wrong? I think I am good listener. I empathize. I laugh at their stupid jokes. But still they do not commit to a serious relationship.
Can someone please tell me where I am going wrong? I have tried and still trying Internet dating I have not been successful yet. I do try and go out whenever i am invited to functions but that does not happen every weekend.
Any pointers would be helpful and appreciated.
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''I can handle anything that life throws at me. I may not be able to handle it well, or correctly, or gracefully, or with finesse, or expediently - but I will handle it.''
Brownskin 2005
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Kunjufu
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Posted: Sunday August 8th, 2004 12:15 |
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brown*skin wrote: What am I doing wrong? I think I am good listener. I empathize. I laugh at their stupid jokes.
Can someone please tell me where I am going wrong?
Brown skin: Without seeing you in the context of a relationship I really cannot be accurate, however a clue might be the bit above that i just have underlined. It could be that you're not being honest either with yourself or the blokes question, why laugh at a 'stupid' joke if its NOT funny?
Just a thought
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fazuan
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Posted: Sunday August 8th, 2004 13:37 |
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why are you laughing at their stupid jokes if it isn't funny?
GUYS CAN SMELL A FAKE 10 MILES AWAY!!
be yourself, not every one will like the real you but someone will and that someone wIll be the one and the only onewho you should be concerned about.
AND CHILL PLEASE, STOP LOOKING, IT WILL FIND YOU, I KNOW THIS SOUNDS CLICHED BUT IT IS SO TRUE.
GET INVOLVED WITH OTHER THINGS, CHARITY WORK, VOLUNTEER FOR THE LESS PRIVILEDGED, DANCING, TAKE UP CLASSES AND TAKE YOUR MIND OFF LOOKING.
It's not a big deal to be single, it's better to wait than sample and sample and then get worn out from sampling! You'll be glad you waited!!
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I have a brain and a uterus, it vexes me to use one at the expense of the other
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Backatya
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Posted: Sunday August 8th, 2004 13:55 |
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@ Brown*skin
Kunjufu has a good point.
It seems like you are 'doing stuff' to get a guy at all cost, and this comes across as being rather desperate. The fact that you are dating so many guys would suggest that........YOU REALLY WANT A RELATIONSHIP BAD!
I won't be surprised if guys are picking up on this and are finding it a bit of a turn off. A woman that is trying too hard to get into a relationship with him is not a very attractive proposition to a guy. It tends to make him feel that it is not necessarily anything special about him that makes you interested, just the desire for a relationship that is driving you on. Particularly if you are 'laughing at stupid jokes'. You really don't understand men (well the majority at any rate) if you think we can't tell when a woman is fake laughing (other faking no, but laughing yes). For those guys who cant see through it or who are totally oblivious to it, I would say you would be better off not having a relationship with someone so shallow anyway.
Lighten up a bit. Put more emphasis on being who you truly are and let guys see the real you.......you never know that is the thing that could really grab 'em.
Don't make 'getting a man/relationship' your be and end all, just enjoy the interaction with your date and take it a step at a time.
Don't expect the bells of 'happy-every-after-loving-relationship' to start ringing from day one, take it a day at a time.
Be discerning and date people who have more going for them than the fact they are a member of the opposite sex. Date people who you enjoy being with and whose jokes you ACTUALLY like.
Respect
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Sticks and stones may break my bones but names..........will always get YOU a thump in ya dyaamn 'ead.
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Ijexa
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Posted: Sunday August 8th, 2004 20:08 |
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@KunJufu @BackAtYa
Hee! Hee! Hee!
Hey guys... you reckon she should lose the picture...?
...LOL...
...Anyone trying that hard must be extremely desperate... or even well buggerly...
***Shakes head***
S.hit...!!! Could even be one of those transexual thingymajigs...
...LOL...
Geez... the perils of internet dating...
*S*
Don't you just love it... kinda like Return of the Living Dead XIII...
Scary
...Yuck...
Ijexa
Last edited on Sunday August 8th, 2004 20:10 by
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COLTRANE
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Posted: Tuesday August 10th, 2004 01:26 |
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@brown skin...
you were very vague but at a rate of dating 6 men in a yr I think you are too fast and I congratulate on that(its your choice)
maybe if you would give out your vital statistics and more about you it would be much more easier to advice you and what you want or need in a man apart from telling you STUPID JOKES
Hotep
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Ijexa
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Posted: Tuesday August 10th, 2004 22:04 |
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@COLTRANE
...LOL...
True say... you're greedy...
True say... you be internet gigolo numero uno....
True say...
...you ain't getting none in da real live worl'...
*S*
Ijexa
P.S. Have you finished with the magnifying glass and the cotton buds...?
You have...?
Oh goodie...
...Thanks...
Cheers mate...
*S*
Last edited on Tuesday August 10th, 2004 22:05 by
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Ijexa
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Posted: Tuesday August 10th, 2004 22:13 |
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@COLTRANE
Wha...?
How cum ya ah mek arl ah di cotton bud so sticky sticky...?
Cha...
Nasty wretch...
***Shakes head***
...Reused cotton buds...
Cheapskate...!!!
Does ya mamma know...?
Ijexa
Last edited on Tuesday August 10th, 2004 22:15 by
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Abissinia
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Posted: Wednesday August 11th, 2004 14:00 |
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Six in one year, WOW. No disrespect but that’s a lot of people to go through in one year.
After the second or third relationship, you should have stopped and taken time out to understand why it didn’t work out, maybe you are attracting the same type of people but you wouldn’t know that if you were preoccupied with the next man or looking for the next man.
My advice to you is to get comfortable being by your self, read, attend conferences, go to the gym, have a girls night in, better yet have a girls night out.
You have done enough searching, stop for a while. 
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I am powerful and i am loving.
I am powerful and i love it!
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free
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Posted: Thursday August 12th, 2004 10:33 |
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@Abissinia: too true
@Brown skin: Girl, you really need to breathe and stop...for one 6 guys in one year...how much time are you taking out after each break up to think about what happened...or even to get over the situations...
Also define what you mean by dating...are we talking about casual dinner and movie dates...or full on relationships?
All, I know is you need to take some time out...after my last break up I took loads of time out...decided what my priorities were...thought about any lessons that I could learn...and concentrated on moving forward...Because, I think you are moving ahead full throttle without thinking about the lessons you could learn from each situation...
Another point is this...if these guys are good friends...and you are willing to take constructive criticism...ask them why they chose friendship rather than a relationship with you...as there could be some great feedback that you need to hear!
Also, a relationship though rewarding is hard work...loving work but hard all the same...so don't imagine relationships to be a dream like utopia...if you want something solid you need to work on it...
Nothing else to say other than there is a lot of wisdom in the words of all who have posted...use it well : )
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brown*skin
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Posted: Thursday August 12th, 2004 13:35 |
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When I said that I have dated six guys in one year means I have spoken to each of these guys on the assumption that it would materialize into a loving relationship. I have never slept with ANY of them at all at any point in time. I just wanted to clarify this point. The term Dating means different things to different people. I just wanted to clear this point. I see nothing wrong with SPEAKING to six different guys in one year. I hope this clears up the assumption that I have slept with these guys. Last edited on Thursday August 12th, 2004 13:37 by brown*skin
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Brownskin 2005
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free
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Posted: Friday August 13th, 2004 07:14 |
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@Brown skin: Thank you for clarifying what you mean by dating...
My only other question are these one off dates, or have these been long term where you have dated a guy for a few months...please clarify? : )
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Kyla
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Posted: Sunday December 26th, 2004 23:08 |
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| What I've discovered is that when you're looking is when you won't find what you're looking for. So my advice is to stop looking. Try to enjoy being single and being without someone. Trust me when you've learned to appreciate being alone and loving yourself without having a man to validate you (not saying at all that is what you're doing)...a great man will come along.
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but by the moments that take our breath away"
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PrissyAn721
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Posted: Saturday March 19th, 2005 22:11 |
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I'm having a similar problem, but I like to think of it as Divine Intervention. Although a relationship sounds nice, I don't go around looking for one w/ every guy I get to know. I don't like to waste my time with anyone so I don't get into a relationship just to be in one for fear that the right man may pass me by because he saw me with the wrong man.
You have to be patient. I agree with what Kyla and Abissinia said. Make sure you love yourself first. Men love a woman with confidence.
The problem could just be that you don't really know what you want. I used to think that I wanted to be in a relationship. Then I realized that opportunites for a relationship were passing me by. It was because I'm not looking for just a relationship... I was looking for love. Once it hit me, a weight was lifted and I am now excited about being single. Everyone knows that you can't force love with fake laughs and whatever else. It just happens. And it doesn't always happen when you want it to, but if it's meant to happen, it will.
But that's just me. Maybe you do just want a relationship. If this is the case, then maybe you should lower your standards. I'm sure there is someone else in your area willing to be in a meaningless relationship.
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