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Lady96
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Posted: Friday July 23rd, 2004 08:18 |
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i have a friend and shes been with her boyfirend for three years. the other day he came to my house (we were talkin' outside) which i thought was fine cuz i havent seen him in ages and we used to go school. so we were talkin' and he tried to talk about me and him doing a ting and of course i stopped him right there. I'm not sure whether i should tell her what he said. i asked one of my close friends what to do and she said im a b**ch if you dont tell her. shes been under quite alot of stress cuz they have been arguing and shes also pregnant.
What should i do??????????????
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fazuan
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Posted: Friday July 23rd, 2004 14:19 |
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I think it's sheer wickedness telling her such a thing when she is pregnant, does she really need to know now?
I applaud your strength of character for not going along, many desperados would have, you're a wise girl, for all we know the b**tard could have been looking for temporary release from you seeing as his girl is pregnant and at the end of the day, you might have lost a friend and she would have hated you especially if the guy manages to convince her that you seduced him...yes some girls are that stupid!
that said, i think you owe it to her to tell her AFTER the birth about this incident. he might suffer from a guilty conscience and try and weaken your friendship before you get to her, STAY AWAY from the loser, remember it takes two to tango and once you do it, you're in, plus he WILL definately do it to you if you get together, no doubts about that one. Just avoid the SOB and be there for your friend. Dont tell her now, she might even realise it sooner.
Makes you sad doesn't it? *shakes head*
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Lady96
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Posted: Friday July 23rd, 2004 14:44 |
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thanx for the advice. i didnt really want to tell but since my close friend said it was wrong to keep it from her i thought id see what otha ppl think. i dont want to get involved with any mix up i thought i left that kind of drama at school.
i just told him dont eva talk like that again me and you could neva be. he then brought up the past, as we were involed but it was a long time ago and i have no feelings for him. i think its because he knowz i have split weve my boyfirend of 3yrz. But puhleze iam no way dat desperate and i would neva stab a friend in the back like that.
what a dog!! *shakes head* i should be the last person he should be askin'........i mean were best friends. im thinkin' if he can ask me he can ask any girl. he coulda been doing sh*t already i did say she was too good for him and he has just proven my point.
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Lady96
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Posted: Wednesday August 11th, 2004 12:34 |
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i told her and now she aint talkin 2 me what am i gonna do. . he called me up askin' me why i told her. he accused me of putting her and the baby under stress. Making me feel bad. I wish i kept my mouth shut.
I hate MEN!!!!!!!!!!!!! Aghhhhhhhhh!!!
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Happiness
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Posted: Wednesday August 11th, 2004 13:43 |
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@ Lady96 - what did you actually expect to gain from telling her? specially since she is expecting the guy's child. Was she supposed to walk away??
I wish I had added my advise to you in time - because I would have told you to absolutely not tell her. (but I doubt you would have listened)
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Kunjufu
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Posted: Wednesday August 11th, 2004 17:22 |
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Lady96 wrote: i told her and now she aint talkin 2 me what am i gonna do. . he called me up askin' me why i told her. he accused me of putting her and the baby under stress. Making me feel bad. I wish i kept my mouth shut.
I hate MEN!!!!!!!!!!!!! Aghhhhhhhhh!!!
I really really hate Stuuuupid people, Lady96, you were advised NOT to get involved and NOT to tell your friend about what happened, so why in gods name did you? Especially after you appeared to agree that this was not a good idea, sorry but you are a grade a, class a Plonker...
Last edited on Wednesday August 11th, 2004 17:24 by Kunjufu
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Saida.M
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Posted: Wednesday August 11th, 2004 20:42 |
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Hang on a minute, - maybe she was following the advice and the baby was born since lady96's second post. 
 Anyway lady96, all you can do now is wait to see if anyone would come around. If not, all you can do then is move on.
I happen to think you should had kept your mouth shut full stop, pre baby and post baby, because as you can see, I doubt you would have won either way!
Last edited on Wednesday August 11th, 2004 20:44 by Saida.M
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Kunjufu
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Posted: Wednesday August 11th, 2004 22:06 |
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| Athaba: In my view i see little point in going through the trouble of requesting advice and then doing the opposite to that advice especiially when that advice is consistent.. But really gets on my goat is that having messed up you then come back and blame everyone else but yourself.. How does this make sense?
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Backatya
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Posted: Thursday August 12th, 2004 08:59 |
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@ All
Is it possible that Missy Lady96 is having a little fun with us? Something about this whole thread of hers has my spider senses twitching.............. Bulls**t alarm!!!!!
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Kunjufu
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Posted: Thursday August 12th, 2004 09:03 |
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| Backatya: to be honest that is my view too....time will tell..
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Peaceful
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Posted: Saturday August 14th, 2004 09:39 |
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@ all - Hang on a flipping minute - How come Lady96 is getting so much flack? It was the dyam man who was totally out of order - bout him a try a ting wid his ooman's bess fren!!! Come on people!!! If the shi.te can do then, then he's a low-life and any fren would wanna protect you from that or at the very least give you a hedz up. I aint saying the timing was right (coz we don't know that for sure), but regardless, I do think she had a duty to tell her fren or make her aware of his behaviour in some way... and yeah, she didn't necessarily follow the advice given here, but she also consulted one of her good frens who basically told her to spill the beans and I'm guessing she went with the advise of someone who actually knew her and maybe the others involved too... and there are many other option available to the fren than leaving the man/git... cuss him backside nuff and loud and keep a betta eye pon im fi one... he needs to know dat dat don't work, she aint having it...
@ Lady96 - I went through a similar thing a few years ago with my best fren and her bf, I told my fren first chance I could, knowing she'd be hurt but feeling she had a right to know - I couldn't look her in the face knowing her bloke was a sod, it felt like to not tell her was keeping his sordid secret and me no inna dat... I told her... she didn't like it, but she made sure he didn't like it even more... It took a little while for things between me and my fren to get back on track but we were tight before, and we not prepared to let no man break up our frenship. She stayed with him (as I knew she would), and they worked through things to their satisfaction so it all ended well... best of all he knows not to ever pull shi.te like that in my company again, though I suspect he still does it given half a chance... He's also done a fab job of rubbishing me to anyone who'd hear, but I don't watch that... its all he can do... he tried to put a wedge between me and my fren but neither of us is having it... I was here before him, and no doubt I'll still be around when she finally decides to leave his miserable arse... Keep your chin up, you did what you thought was right and in your frens best interests. If you are good frens, try and stay close to her (even if they both make this difficult for you), she'll need you at some point, especially when the jerk screws around again, and chances are he will... good luck and take care
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Kunjufu
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Posted: Saturday August 14th, 2004 10:15 |
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Peaceful wrote: @ all - Hang on a flipping minute - How come Lady96 is getting so much flack? It was the dyam man who was totally out of order - bout him a try a ting wid his ooman's bess fren!!! Come on people!!! If the shi.te can do then, then he's a low-life and any fren would wanna protect you from that or at the very least give you a hedz up. I aint saying the timing was right (coz we don't know that for sure), but regardless, I do think she had a duty to tell her fren or make her aware of his behaviour in some way... and yeah, she didn't necessarily follow the advice given here, but she also consulted one of her good frens who basically told her to spill the beans and I'm guessing she went with the advise of someone who actually knew her and maybe the others involved too... and there are many other option available to the fren than leaving the man/git... cuss him backside nuff and loud and keep a betta eye pon im fi one... he needs to know dat dat don't work, she aint having it...
Sorry peaceful:disagree THAT aint up in here asking questions then doing the exact opposite..Lady96 for my money likes the drama too much..
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Peaceful
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Posted: Saturday August 14th, 2004 10:26 |
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Kunjufu wrote:
Sorry peaceful:disagree THAT aint up in here asking questions then doing the exact opposite..
Respectfully, I'm not entirely sure what you mean by this, a typo?
Lady96 for my money likes the drama too much..
Fair do's, we'll agree to see it differently... until she maybe comes back with something more...
Last edited on Saturday August 14th, 2004 10:27 by Peaceful
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Kunjufu
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Posted: Saturday August 14th, 2004 10:35 |
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| Peaceful: Sorry yes it was a typo, I meant to say that that leachrous man aint here asking the questions, Lady96 is.. Now having asked and sought help. Then agreeing with with the advice given.. She then goes back on what she said and the advice given.. then she has the bareface cheek to come back looking more sympathy, sorry but not only do NOT believe her story, I don't believe her and if what she said was by chance true she is an idiot of the worse kind and her friend is well rid of her..
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Backatya
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Posted: Saturday August 14th, 2004 11:14 |
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@ Kunjufu
Couldn't agree with you more.
There have been a few threads like this where (in my opinion) the poster is posting for dramatic effect or to cheer up an otherwise dull evening, and the scenario they come with stretches the imagination somewhat. I have seen some with so many holes in them and which belie all logic. Not saying that this means for sure they are not true, but that they are suspect enough to at least warrant further questioning before one jumps in feet first. When the topic is about some aspect of the 'negative side' of the male character, even less is asked and it is not unusual to find female posters, especially, wading in to take up arms.
I think the 'subject matter' of this thread makes for some good debate, because we know this stuff goes on for real, it is just something about the way Lady96 came with it that made me wonder about her 'story'.
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Saida.M
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Posted: Saturday August 14th, 2004 12:45 |
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I don't think people are reading the thread properly. The advice was to keep her mouth shut UNTIL the child is born. THEN tell her best friend. It could be that that is EXACTLY what lady96 did! Between her second post, (23rd July), and her third post, (11th August), THE BABY COULD HAD BEEN BORN!!! WE DO NOT KNOW HOW FAR GONE, THE PREGNANT LADY WAS!!!
Peaceful is right, we should wait for more.
But also Peaceful, I say you were lucky you came out of it alright with your dilemma, because my advice for people in this situation still stands - its best to say nothing at all, until approached by them.
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Peaceful
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Posted: Saturday August 14th, 2004 13:32 |
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@ Kunjufu - thanks for making youself clearer - I hear what you are saying, but still disagree until I hear more from her (or anyone else in the know!) - Yes, she could well be an attention seeker (but I don't really see how that makes her different from the many of other posters, self-included  ) - or - she could just as easily be genuine and a bit young/niave/impulsive/desperate - add your own or take your pick... ....
@ backatya - I'm curious as to what was it about the post that triggered off your spider senses? Also, do you think that you are equally suspicious (for want of a better term) of male and female posters? I ask this not to be confrontational in the least, I am aware that for me (I am woman!), I am more likely to trust women more readily than men in many situations, without real cause. I accept this unfair and biased, but I know I do it so I'm just being honest. I do try to keep it in check, but I find happens more often than I'd like...
@ athaba - I hear what you are saying, and you're most likely right, its probably best in many/most situations to back out of 'married people bizniz', in my case though, this fren is like my sister, the closest thing to a blood sister I got, and days after the incident occurred this dry foot man was kinnin teet at me like say eveyting was cool, he had no fear that I would upset my fren - he misjudged me badly - I didn't ask for him to involve me in his foolishness, and by telling my fren/sis about it, I was taking myself out of their 'married ppl bizniz'. I didn't see it as particularly risky, like I said, I didn't think my fren would leave him, and I knew she wouldn't leave me, I wanted a quick and final resolution and got it. Probably best not to advocate such a course of action 'willy-nilly' though which I think is the point you're making which I do accept.
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Backatya
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Posted: Saturday August 14th, 2004 14:08 |
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Peaceful wrote:
@ backatya - I'm curious as to what was it about the post that triggered off your spider senses? Also, do you think that you are equally suspicious (for want of a better term) of male and female posters? I ask this not to be confrontational in the least, I am aware that for me (I am woman!), I am more likely to trust women more readily than men in many situations, without real cause. I accept this unfair and biased, but I know I do it so I'm just being honest. I do try to keep it in check, but I find happens more often than I'd like...
@ Peaceful
I certainly admire and respect your honest 'self-observation' there. There are many who would try to package up their bais with some confuluted quasi-rational explanation, but you told it like it was. Can't fault you for that.
As for my 'spider senses'? Well put it down to male intuition 
Actually, maybe another day I would be more inclined to breakdown the elements of Lady96's post that got me wondering, but what would be the good of that at the end of the day? I am not looking for people to agree with my 'gut feelings' or to convince anyone of how astute and insightful I am. It was simply an opinion I have about this thread and some others I have come across.
Please accept that there is no disrespect intended in my refusal to give you a more thorough answer, I just don't feel in that frame of mind right now
Mind you it would be interesting to hear what other woman would do in the case of their best friend's boyfriend coming on to them, or where they found out he was having an affair. This could make for some interesting discussion....over and above discussions about the genuiness of Lady96 post.
Respect
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Lady96
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Posted: Saturday August 14th, 2004 16:07 |
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Ive been trying 2 reply for ages but the page wasnt coming up. Before i explain myself im NOT attention seeking it is a REAL subject. it would be quite sad to just make up somethin' like this.
Ne ways just to let you all know the baby isnt born yet. I told her because i took my friends advice who knows both of us. She had a baby a month ago so i thought her advice would be best. The advice wasnt consistent not to tell her i only had one reply. As my bestfriend it is hard for me to let him try and make a fool out of her and let him get away with it.
She is upset with me because i didnt tell her straight away. so i couldnt win anyways. i dont care what he thinks i think its a absoulute cheek of him to try and put the blame on me.
Iam a good friend to her and i always try and be there for her when she needs me im jus gonna give her some time. if i was a bad friend i coulda gone along with it behind her back. so which is worse.........................
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Kunjufu
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Posted: Saturday August 14th, 2004 16:12 |
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Lady96: i have a question do you think your friend DID NOT know her man was untrustworthy? i'm curious...
Plus i'm curious having told your friend what happen the question I want to know is did she leave him?
Last edited on Saturday August 14th, 2004 16:15 by Kunjufu
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Lady96
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Posted: Saturday August 14th, 2004 16:21 |
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@ Kunjufu. No she didnt know and as her friend i had to let her know.
i dont know the situation between them as i havent heard from her since. Like i said before iam going to give her time.
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Kunjufu
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Posted: Saturday August 14th, 2004 16:40 |
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Lady96 wrote: @ Kunjufu. No she didnt know and as her friend i had to let her know.
i dont know the situation between them as i havent heard from her since. Like i said before iam going to give her time.
Lady96; I'm willing to bet that if she didn't know outright, she already had an inkling, but what will be even more interesting to learn is whether she has left him.. I will tell you now I suspect not.
Now here is why I think you were stupid to have told her, first of all I really don't believe that she didn't know her man was the unfaithful.. I would admit she maynot have know about him hitting on you, but I suspect she already knew and your telling her not onlt means she cannot pretend any longer it also means her business is out in the open..
Secondly your friend gave you 'bad' advice, think about this for a moment, you just told a woman who by your account was dating a man for THREE years, who is pregnant for his first perhaps second child and probably living with the fool as man and wife.. that he is a dog..
What did you expect she was going to do, thank you for leaving her in a no win situation?
1. if she stays with the arsehole, she loses all self respect and the respect of her friends and family and this fool knows he has her just where he wants her.
2.if she leave him, she has to admit she was a fool for getting pregnant for him, for even thinking they had a chance, To start again with child in tow and unless she gets dark, still have to see his ugly face( for life) when wants to see his child on a weekly perhaps daily basis..
Your friend aint mad at you because of the timing, she mad because you told her what she already suspected if this story is true that is.
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Lady96
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Posted: Sunday August 15th, 2004 00:25 |
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Now here is why I think you were stupid to have told her, first of all I really don't believe that she didn't know her man was the unfaithful.. I would admit she maynot have know about him hitting on you, but I suspect she already knew and your telling her not onlt means she cannot pretend any longer it also means her business is out in the open.. hes a dog and she woulda have 2 find out sooner or later. whether it be from me or somebody esle. she knew he wasnt perfect but never suspected he would be unfaithful.
Secondly your friend gave you 'bad' advice, think about this for a moment, you just told a woman who by your account was dating a man for THREE years, who is pregnant for his first perhaps second child and probably living with the fool as man and wife.. that he is a dog.. Its her first and they dont live together.
Your friend aint mad at you because of the timing, she mad because you told her what she already suspected if this story is true that is. her words excatly were "thanx for tellin' me but you shoulda told me sooner".
i thought we got over that fact that the story is true. explain to me why this story sounds so fake.
Well i dont know what is going to come of this. i didnt tell her to spite her.i truly thought i was being a good friend by tellin' her. if he had just left it and never bothered me again i might of just kept my mouth shut but he continued 2 phone me so i felt after hearing my friends advice i had no choice. He has come between us in the past and i promised myself that i would never let a man do that again. everybody makes mistakes im only human.................
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Kunjufu
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Posted: Sunday August 15th, 2004 19:02 |
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Lady96 wrote:
hes a dog and she woulda
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