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Kazja
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Posted: Thursday July 22nd, 2004 10:34 |
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I have a question for you all, recently a friend came to me and told me that she is falling in love with her cousin- she is confused as she says she really thinks that they have a future together. It is her fathers half sisters son. They love each other dearly but she is not sure whether she can deal with the moral issues (if any) involved and whether they should let their family know.
My advise was follow your heart, if at last you think you found someone whom you believe you can be happ y with who is any one else to judge. I am not sure though whether this is true, let me know what you guys & gals think.?
 Last edited on Thursday July 22nd, 2004 10:35 by Kazja
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The Watcher
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Posted: Thursday July 22nd, 2004 10:50 |
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Definitions of Incest
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Incest
Can cousins marry?
http://www.geocities.com/luvacuzn4/CousinsMarryingCousins.html
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Kazja
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Posted: Thursday July 22nd, 2004 11:26 |
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This site was really helpful and has made me think about the advise that Igave. Well she can look at it herself now and form her own opinion.
You dod not answer yourself though what do you personally think. it owould be interesting to hear your views along with any others.
Last edited on Thursday July 22nd, 2004 19:01 by Kazja
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Fredblack
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Posted: Friday July 23rd, 2004 01:30 |
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@Kazja...Very interesting question. And a very tricky one and funny enough something me and some people were talking about with regards some of the very dangerous impacts of this growing single parent culture with sibblings not knowing each other.
I remember a horrific story in a particular island when a wedding was stopped in the last minutes when the estranged father came from the US and realised who his daughter was going to marry.
In many cultures African, European and Asian marry cousins is acceptable according to the degree which they are removed from the biological root eg first cousins...This is similar to the incest taboo which exists in most cultures and is ancient in origins..
So if that person is sufficiently removed from causing the same types of problems which the incest taboo seeks to prevent in breeding and biological deterioation of the group.
Now things can get complexed in many cultures. For example, in my island we have a different concept of cousin or perhaps we don't and will find out. But cousins extend beyond the traditional sibblings of brothers and sisters. For example my first cousins,daughter will call me cousin, as will her children and so forth and so on.
Now in small communities, almost everybody is related in one way or another. So having a good knowledge of your family tree and who your relatives are I think is extremely important.
FB
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facetygal
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Posted: Friday July 23rd, 2004 05:33 |
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| Doesn't matter if ur first cousins, distant cousins, half cousins, any name that links u and the other person in a family sense is a no go area. I know in some religions and cultures marrying someone from ur family is ok, but I think it is disgusting and even more so if a child is conceived from that relationship. In any other circumstance advising someone to follow their heart is fine, but why are u telling the person to do that when they say they are in love with a member of their family? If that was my friend I would do everything I could to dissuade them.
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The Watcher
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Posted: Friday July 23rd, 2004 05:43 |
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My personal opinion Kazja?? Its wrong! I come from a close family even though its quite big. I had 6 uncles and five aunts. All of them had more than one or two children. I therefore have lots and lots of first cousins. Many of my cousins had children and some are my age, also my parents cousins and their children etc etc There are loads and loads of us but as I said we are tight.
Im was the only, only child in the whole family and my cousins were raised as brothers and sisters to me.... In our culture we call our mothers sisters mum too, not aunt, Everybody is aunty even my friends mothers but I digress. Due to this upbringing I cant see my cousins as anything but family and even to you what would be distant cousins to me are not. Therefore a first cousin relationship to me is detestable but everyones circumstances are different.
Biologically as shown in the links I gave you there isnt much wrong with it, its nowhere near as dangerous as sibling incest and though Ive searched my Bible im sure theres no restriction on it from that perspective so it comes down to what you think is best and could your family handle it? Is it the normal thing for them? What would your mother say?
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es0_puka
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Posted: Friday July 23rd, 2004 18:43 |
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Last edited on Friday August 27th, 2004 11:59 by es0_puka
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CeeCee
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Posted: Saturday August 7th, 2004 21:16 |
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Kazja,
Ewwww! That is just absolutely sick. I don't care if my male relatives looked like Jesus Christ and have the world most dynamic personality, I cannot find myslef being attracted to them whatsoever. They are my flesh and blood. Even if they are related to me by marriage it's not happening. It's not right for two relatives to marry like that. It's in the family, secondly and mostly, if you're from blood the chances of the children feeling thier incestrous relationships are very great. It's not fair to them.There are some ale relatives of mine who look good, but that is it. I wouldn't want to be double/triple kinned to nobody.
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naija
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Posted: Monday August 9th, 2004 10:01 |
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| It is sick to fall in love with a blood relative,but i guess you can't help who you fall in love with.
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Backatya
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Posted: Monday August 9th, 2004 12:08 |
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All the moral and practical issues aside, one thing that should be bourne in mind is the 'medical' dangers of of people marrying (and breeding) who are of the same or have a close blood link. The main medical risk is one of deformity among the offspring resulting from such unions.
Someone mentioned the practice of marrying cousins in the Asian culture. Marrying first cousins is not uncommon with them and it is worth noting that their is a high incident of physical and/or mental deformities in cultures that allow marriage of those with close blood links.
Whilst I can see how it may be possible to fall in love with a cousin, especially if you have grown up in different parts of the world and meet later on in life (this scenario is quite a common one), it is still taboo to me to have more than a relative-to-relative relationship. First, second, third or how many times removed is of no consequence to me, once I know that fine looking woman is my cousin that puts a big NO! NO! on anything too intimate for me.
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Happiness
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Posted: Monday August 9th, 2004 12:40 |
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@ Kazja -- I think DMs post was very good and wonderfully illustrates the meaning of family. I think whether you can accept a marriage between cousins, has alot to do with how close your family is,
In Nigeria, marrying cousins is taboo but I dont know if this is a typically feeling in all/most African countries. Cousins are referred to as brother/sister so it is most definately seen as incest to marry one's cousin.
My personal feeling is: to each his own...but not in my family!
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COLTRANE
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Posted: Tuesday August 10th, 2004 02:21 |
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| yeah but in muslim countries its acceptable to marry a cousin! what a wonderful world...now imagine the divorce scenario!
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SassyJuli02
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Posted: Friday September 3rd, 2004 21:20 |
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I don't know I just can't get with that idea. I come from a very close family and that just seems so wrong to me. I guess you can't help who you fall in love with if you didn't know the person was family but if you already know you shouldn't be able to fall in love with family. If just doesn't seem moral to me.
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VRocket
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Posted: Sunday September 5th, 2004 01:03 |
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I agree with the advice that Kazja gave. I have also been in a situation where my partner's sister told me she is marrying her first cousin in Jamaica. I kept this to myself but as the time drew closer I realise I had to divulge the secret. I now realise this was wrong and it caused so much problems within my relationship. Culturally though, I do think that from a black perspective it was wrong on a moral ground. I do understand that we can not help who we fall in love with but there is a line that you never cross.
Kazja wrote: I have a question for you all, recently a friend came to me and told me that she is falling in love with her cousin- she is confused as she says she really thinks that they have a future together. It is her fathers half sisters son. They love each other dearly but she is not sure whether she can deal with the moral issues (if any) involved and whether they should let their family know.
My advise was follow your heart, if at last you think you found someone whom you believe you can be happy with who is any one else to judge. I am not sure though whether this is true, let me know what you guys & gals think.?
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NoneofusRblack
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Posted: Tuesday December 14th, 2004 10:35 |
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Interesting... what would you then tell the children whose parents are cousins? They, themselves are disgusting, gross.... wrong?
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Geta Life
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Posted: Tuesday December 14th, 2004 14:18 |
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Kazja wrote: I have a question for you all, recently a friend came to me and told me that she is falling in love with her cousin- she is confused as she says she really thinks that they have a future together. It is her fathers half sisters son. They love each other dearly but she is not sure whether she can deal with the moral issues (if any) involved and whether they should let their family know.
My advise was follow your heart, if at last you think you found someone whom you believe you can be happy with who is any one else to judge. I am not sure though whether this is true, let me know what you guys & gals think.?
WHAT!!!!! YOU TOLD HER TO FOLLOW HER HEART?
You kidding me right? A person wants to do a thing with one of their family members and you tell them to 'follow your heart'.
Whatever you do don't become a counsellor for potential suicide victims!
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MissJamaica
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Posted: Friday December 31st, 2004 12:32 |
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its true that u can help who u fall in love wid.....................but please ALLLLLLOOWWW family members..it dont matter how distant they are....from dey in ya family purlease dont go there!!!
So I think you should advice her to TRY and leave him alone...easier sed than done still...
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ERYK
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Posted: Sunday January 2nd, 2005 10:56 |
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YO, DATS COOL AND ALL (IN YOUR OWN SICK WAY) BUT DONT LET THE FAMILY HAVE TO GO THROUGH IT WITH YOU. SOMETIMES YOU GOTTA PUT YOUR HEART ASIDE AND LOOK FACTS IN THE FACE. ALL LOVE AINT GOOD LOVE. SAVE IT FOR TRASH THEM THOUGHTS AND SAY SEE YOU NEXT LIFE TIME. NO HARD FEELINGS. HOLLAAA....Attachment: ERIC 202.jpg (Downloaded 77 times)
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