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LadyDay
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Posted: Tuesday July 13th, 2004 20:32 |
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hi guys
i dont mean to always come at my village family with all my problems, but so much has happened in my life that i feel i am at breaking point. i feel that one more thing could send me over the edge. for the past two years i have been dealing with people trying to break up my marriage. its one thing to smile in the face of adversity but damn why must people hate because they aint got ish. its as though i am not meant to be happy.
since my mum passed i have often suffered depression, though i thought i was doing well to hide it. but someone mentioned they noticed i have been down lately. i feel deserted by friends who i thought were true(its like now i ma married they dont want to know me but i must call them -cheek). i want to open up my heart to my family but feel i cant. i am an emotional mess and seem to be on a downward spiral. i try to open up to my husband (bless) but its so hard. i have been used to keeping it all on. i spoke to him about kids and whether he feels dissapointed that we have no kids after being married for 2 yrs. we are mid 20s. i know i have time but ladies should understand. people always say whats wrong how come you nuh breed etc. i always respond by saying when God is says its my turn i will have them, but deep down my lack of baby(s) adds to my depression.
i have not even been to the gym in awhile as it depresses me too
i need help not a shrink
what should i do. there is much more going on in my life its unbelievable, but um i have stop here before i burst into tears yet again.
God bless all those who respond!
signed
sista in need
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Sage
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Posted: Tuesday July 13th, 2004 21:06 |
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@ Ladyday
You obviously sound over-whelmed and depressed. Admitting these things is not embarassing...millions of people suffer through it, so you're not alone. I suggest you step back and take some time and not see things as needing to be happening or taking place at a particular time...i.e. I should be doing this at this stage of my life, etc. And try to get back to some physical exercise because that can naturally take the place of having to take prescribed medication to control your emotions. Now of course all this depends on what stage of depression you're at...mild, etc..because there are times in which only a therapist can be of assistance. And there's no shame in that either.
I have tons of questions by just reading your post. Why are people trying to break up your marriage? and why do you continue to associate with them if this is indeed the case? You say you've been married for only two years...what's the rush for kids? Is it because you and your husband expected them or family and friends expected you to have them by now? You can't live your life on someone else's timetable. It took me a while to get that one. Things will get done when you're good and ready and if someone doesn't like it then that's there problem. Don't make it yours. So take the phone off the hook, don't answer your door, get some me time and if you can't talk with your husband, write it down, put your thoughts in a journal or in a letter to him but by all means allow those emotions to work their way out of your system so you can get back to the happy person you used to be.
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LadyDay
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Posted: Tuesday July 13th, 2004 21:23 |
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Thanks Ashanti
basically the people trying to break us up are people i dont talk to. some of my friends did not want me to get married and i feel as though if this was to ever fail. they would be like well i told you so. When it comes to the issue of kids, two things run through my mind no matter how silly it seems. 1- am i not blessed 2- what wrong with me,maybe two is a female thing, though people often make comments saying this and that. it really does get to me after awhile, my strong shell seems to be weakening with age.
i am going to try to get back to the gym start on say once a week and work my energy levels back up. i dont know....
thanks again ashanti. i may get back and answer more of your response questions
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Think outside of the box...Think in spirit
Act as if it were impossible to fail!!!
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Sage
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Posted: Tuesday July 13th, 2004 21:37 |
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You're welcome and no rush on answering any of my other questions...just take care of you sis.
As for the future, whatever is going to happen will happen and if those friends of yours are real friends not one of them will say I told you so. On the issue of kids...don't sweat that. I know that's easier said than done for some of us but the universe maybe telling you the time is not right. I don't know all the specifics of your situation but it wouldn't be right to bring a little one into the picture until other things are worked out. I used to hear it alot..why you haven't started, you need more than this and that...it just got to the point of me having to go off on some folks and I never heard back again...what normally does it is money, whenever I asked, can I get you to help me open up a college fund for these x amount of babies you want me to have...trust, never heard another word, LOL! 
And I bet you as soon as you get back to the gym...you'll notice some immediate changes, especially with your emotions. Good luck to you.
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Happiness
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Posted: Wednesday July 14th, 2004 04:37 |
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wow Lady Day - sorry to hear you are going through such a difficult time. Its a bit late over here for me but I just wanted to give to you some encouragement before I post properly later on.
Take care and God bless.
____________________
"What is your life worth?
If you think that the only way you can survive is in the misuse of people,
then you haven't even begun to think about what it means to be human" ~ Dr C.T.Vivian
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fazuan
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Posted: Wednesday July 21st, 2004 10:47 |
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Lady day be strong and take courage!!
but can I just say...literally RUN away from people wanting to break up your marriage, RUN like you've never run before especially so called friends...they want what you have that they might never be able to get. they'll be the first to mock and taunt you should anything go wrong...trust me on this one...RUN
about kids, I don't see how this affects you as a woman, some women can have to have kids but choose NOT to, it isn't a duty that is expected from the feminine gender, but I deeply appreciate why you would want to have kids with the man you love. What I have noticed is that if you take your mind off it, it normally happens, remember when you guys were dating, when you made love for fun and tried very hard NOT to get pregnant? go back to those days..just make love, no expectations..have fun, enjoy yourself and you might be surprised.
Also eat a lot of fruits and vegetables, my mum is a nutritionist and I have seen her prepare diets for women who want kids and it's worked . I'll try and email her later today and see if I can get one for you
You'll be fine though!!
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I have a brain and a uterus, it vexes me to use one at the expense of the other
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LadyDay
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Posted: Saturday July 24th, 2004 13:38 |
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tHANKS FAZUAN. Please let me know what info if any you get off your mum
i cant really do much shopping at the mo but i will be doing my best to eat salads instead of baguettes. its funny though when i was younger i would eat all my veg and fruit i loved the stuff,
thanks again
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I am too blessed to be stressed and too anointed to be disappointed!
Think outside of the box...Think in spirit
Act as if it were impossible to fail!!!
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JONHNCROW234
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Posted: Saturday July 24th, 2004 13:45 |
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| @LADYDAY SORRY FOR THE STRESS YOU ARE GOING THROUGH, MAY THIS CUP PASS AND YOUR LIFE BE HAPPY AGAIN.
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Maroon Heart
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Posted: Saturday July 24th, 2004 19:26 |
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@Ladyday
Sister relax, regroup and come forward, once again with a strength inspired.
You can overcome all of your problems, but first realise that you can. I know when "in the heat of the fire" it is hard if, not impossible to find an Extinguisher, but one is always there.
We are all tested through this life. Some of us seem to have easier rides than others, but if you were to question individuals closely, we have all had our trials.
Life is full of woe and problems, so then the most important things then become not what we experience, but how we react or handle that which we go through.
Calm down, analyse and act in your best interests. People who have your best interests at heart will lend support. If they don't, you have to question the nature or purpose of those relationships.
Put not your health, peace and happiness in the hands of people who may be your enemies.
The rainy weather will pass soon sister.
This is the natural order of things.
You are in my prayers
Peace, guidance, power and protection
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LadyDay
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Posted: Saturday July 24th, 2004 19:49 |
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thanks johncrow
thanks maroon heart your words were very inspiring. by the way i love the name
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I am too blessed to be stressed and too anointed to be disappointed!
Think outside of the box...Think in spirit
Act as if it were impossible to fail!!!
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facetygal
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Posted: Sunday July 25th, 2004 07:09 |
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@ LadyDay
When my grandmother passed away christmas just gone, I read what I'm about to post and I took comfort in it. When my aunty was going through her trials and tribulations, she couldn't pick up a bible and read it, she couldn't pray. I read it to her over the phone and she drew strength from it. My aunty is a christian I'm not, but I feel say this is something that everyone can go by. So here it is:
DON'T QUIT
WHEN THINGS GO WRONG AS THEY SOMETIMES WILL
WHEN THE ROAD YOUR TRUDGING SEEMS ALL UPHILL
WHEN FUNDS ARE LOW AND DEBTS ARE HIGH
AND INSTEAD OF A SMILE YOU HAVE A SIGH
WHEN CARE IS PRESSING YOU DOWN A BIT
REST IN GOD'S LOVE AND NEVER QUIT
LIFE CAN BE STRANGE WITH IT'S TWIST AND TURNS
AND MANY A FAILED MAN'S TURNED AWAY
WHEN WITH GOD'S HELP HE'D HAVE WON THE DAY
DON'T GIVE UP THOUGH THE PACE SEEMS SLOW
FOR YOU MAY SUCCEED WITH ANOTHER GO
SUCCESS IS FAILURE TURNED INSIDE OUT
THE SILVER GLINT IN THE CLOUD OF DOUBT
YOU NEVER CAN TELL HOW CLOSE YOU ARE
THE GOAL MAY BE NEAR WHEN IT SEEMS SO FAR
SO TURN TO THE LORD WHEN YOUR HARDEST HIT
PUT YOUR TRUST IN HIM
AND NEVER QUIT
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LadyDay
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Posted: Monday July 26th, 2004 07:22 |
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| thanks very uplifting and inspirational @facetygal
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I am too blessed to be stressed and too anointed to be disappointed!
Think outside of the box...Think in spirit
Act as if it were impossible to fail!!!
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naija
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Posted: Tuesday August 10th, 2004 07:50 |
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| @ladyday i hope you are feeling much better, i wish you the best in your marriage and in life.
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biancadupri
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Posted: Tuesday August 10th, 2004 14:13 |
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hey, LadyDay
Do you want children right now or do you just want to have them to make everyone else happy. I found that I could not get pregnant when the case was pleasing others.
I think it's true that, "it'll happen when you least expect it, when you are not thinking about it." That's what happened for me and my best friend. I think when you let go of the stress, the body is healthy enough and feels "safe" enough to bring a child into this world. God forbid you get pregnant when you are already stressed, baby+stressful pregnancy= headache for you, sadness for the baby.
I am sorry about your mum, I think I'd just "lose it" too, if that happened to me.
Men don't always understand why women are "sooo emotional" even when the reasons are obvious to us, so, I understand your reluctance to talk to hubby.
Never fear though, God is always available, and maybe what you need is some time to talk with Him and have a good cry. Try it. It doesn't have to be formal, in the confession booth or anything. Try talking to him while you are walking about (in your mind naturally, in thought, someone might lock you up if they catch your mouth moving and no one is there, lol.).
Although I am not much into religion, the God I know, no church never make me know, He revealed Himself to me when I was a small child. My parents never went to no church, never said no grace, nothing.
HE has carried me through many things, just be being a good ear sometimes. Ask HIM for answers and HE will deliver them to you, sometime in the most unusual way ( I tried to get pregnant for my man for 10 years. We broke up for 1 year in the sixth year and I got pregnant for someone else ( whom made me feel like a queen, no stress). My man and I got back together a year after my son was born and I got pregnant 4 years later and miscarried. Sometimes, God don't mean for you to have nothing with some people.
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Fredblack
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Posted: Wednesday August 11th, 2004 02:04 |
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@LadyDay...What kind of thing is this
Sis, take a deep breathe............and relax and then reexamine the issues. Plenty good stuff on those posts from plenty good people. So plenty to reflect about.
Don't forget to breathe...puts everything in order and perspective.
Love
FB
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LadyDay
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Posted: Wednesday August 11th, 2004 07:06 |
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Thanks fred
i am still breathing. there is so much more going on in my life which i can bare to discuss here. fingers crossed everything will be ok.
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I am too blessed to be stressed and too anointed to be disappointed!
Think outside of the box...Think in spirit
Act as if it were impossible to fail!!!
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Maat
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Posted: Wednesday September 1st, 2004 14:21 |
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Hey Lady Day,
I know it's been a while since you posted this and hope that you are feeling better now. I am sorry to hear that you have lost your mum recently. My mums gone too so I know exactly what you must go through as the days pass.
I also can relate with the friends against you feeling. I often wonder why that happens and think that sometimes, they may not mean to stay away but I suppose only they can answer that. Another thread perhaps...
I recognise your thoughts on having a child too. Thinking straight, I'm not sure that it is wise at the moment although as I said, I overstand where you're coming from. If you can and I know it isn't easy, try not to watch what others say about how come you don't have children yet. When you are trying to conceive there are a lot of things to be considered rather than simply have sex and have a child as is put out there as common knowledge.
I don't like to hear that you are depressed and know it's not a nice place to be at all. Now, I may sound harsh when I say this next bit, but don't bottle it up sis. You feel down, you come and talk about it. Posting here is a positive step in the right direction The rambling in your head and feeling of lonliness is not something any of us should feel like and go through. You aren't alone, never forget that. You may not have people around you that you trust enough but we are here.
In fact come to think of it sis, we have experienced things very similar so if you ever want to talk more I'm here OK. Please don't ever feel as though you are off loading either. I mean how else are you going to work things out
Solution wise though, how about looking at what you want to focus on in your life at the moment? If you can put your energy into that, perhaps you will start to feel better. Even if only a little bit.
Let us know how you get or are getting on...
____________________
"If you have no confidence in self, you are twice defeated in the race of life. With confidence you have won even before you have started."
Marcus Mosiah Garvey
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LadyDay
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Posted: Wednesday September 1st, 2004 16:22 |
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| i had a nice long talk with one of my friends last night. we opened up to each other so its a ok. feeling better but life is about progression and spiritual growth and thats what i am aiming for
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I am too blessed to be stressed and too anointed to be disappointed!
Think outside of the box...Think in spirit
Act as if it were impossible to fail!!!
____________________
www.blacksearch.co.uk - Helping to promote Black African and Caribbean Websites
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