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DP
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Posted: Monday October 6th, 2003 20:19 |
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I'm in a relationship with the girl of my dreams. we get on well, we r connected on so many different levels. im so in love with her n i know she loves me. BUT she's not attracted 2 me. can this relationship survive?
im thinking that its just a matter of time b4 she finds sum1 that she is attracted to n leaves me. im not the most secure person at the best of times. mayb im jus bein stupid but this is really getting 2 me.
any help would b greatly appreciated.
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Dada1st
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Posted: Monday October 6th, 2003 21:25 |
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You cannot be in love romanticly with somebody you do not find attractive. It need not be purely physical attraction, love of the persons character, humour, personality, behaviour charisma. But without attraction you cannot be in love.
The main question is What does this Woman do for You to demonstrate that she loves you - excluding Sex - ?
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DP
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Posted: Monday October 6th, 2003 21:38 |
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She says she's in love with everything about my personality, but she's just not physically attracted 2 me.
as i said, we r connected on almost every level. shes there 4 me when i need her, shes affectionate. she gives me everything that i have ever wanted.
i have no doubt in my mind that this is the woman i want 2 b with 4 the rest of my life.
its more a case of me doubting myself and my ability 2 keep her happy than me doubting her feelings 4 me. when we kiss, sumtimes i think that shes wishing it was sum1 else. i know that shes not
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Dada
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Posted: Tuesday October 7th, 2003 01:17 |
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Okay DP
So you are confident that she loves you. That's Great.
Now the important part. Dont' let your lack of self confidence turn your fears into a self fulfilling prohecy (spelling). Women love Confident men and you have shown that confidence which is one of the reasons why she is with you.
You mention that She loves your personality, you need to focus on that rather than your physical looks. Looks are really subjective. For example when I was younger I used to always seek validation from my peers whether or not my girlfriends were good looking. Although I found them good looking I wanted to hear what their opinion was.
What a waste of time.
Having listened to my Mates I realised long ago. That the only opinion that counts is Your Own. Since it's you who will be acting on it. 
Your girlfriend has peers. Your Girlfriend has her own opinion. She has decided that she loves you and has demonstrated as such. In front of you. Her Peers. Your Peers. Girls will not stay with a man for the sake of it. Which means that you obviously have something going for you.
Now you need to take a step back and work through what you may think is the source of your low self esteem. frenchconnectionuking Hell even stephan Hawkins that cripple has a blonde bombshell on his arm. It was his nurse whilst he was in hosptial ---- this is a man in a wheelchair, who speaks through a microphone as he do'esnt have his own voice. Yet a Woman found him attractive.
Work out the source of your low self esteem. Realise it's your own demon -- since it seems your Girl friend cannot see it. Then start focusing on the positive parts of you life and what you do well. In fact only think about how good you are - to balance up the negativity.
Don't bother discussing with her about whether or not she likes you physically. If you have Sha*gged her more than three times that's more than enough phyiscal attraction. Be confident about who you are and what you are about.
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Spice
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Posted: Monday October 20th, 2003 01:46 |
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She can care for you like a friend but that is about all if she is not physically attracted to her. You can to do either 2 things, keep it on a friendly level and put all hopes about being her boyfriend to rest or cut your losses and move on. I think the latter is best because that way you will insure yourself of not getting hurt by hanging around and seeing her find a guy who she is attracted to.
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Kunjufu
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Posted: Monday October 20th, 2003 07:16 |
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| Can a relationship survive without an element of physical attraction?.....Oh hell no, I really don't care what politically correct crap people come out with..Someone who stays with another person they claim not to be 'attracted' to is merely waiting for the next best thing period.. So if DP is still around MOVE ON!!!
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TANYA16
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Posted: Tuesday September 7th, 2004 00:48 |
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Yes move on love and do not let people take you for a ride, you are not a vehicle you are a human being 
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Attractive model
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Posted: Thursday September 30th, 2004 12:01 |
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 Last edited on Thursday September 30th, 2004 14:08 by Attractive model
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Backatya
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Posted: Thursday September 30th, 2004 12:54 |
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Errr...sorry Attractive Model, but you're going to have to run that one by me again. You lost me.
He is not attracted to females (but he is not gay) he just doesn't see the point. Then what does he want with you?
You say he 'became unattracted to females'.......so does this mean he was once attracted to them?
You say he said he does not believe in sex? Well tell him unlike UFOs, sex does exist.......otherwise he wouldn't be here. Or maybe he doesn't believe he exists, who knows.
Whatever, your story sounds like something from the twilight zone and that guy sounds real creepy to me. Does his dart from side to side and he twitches constantly as he talks?
Confused? I am!
Respect
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Attractive model
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Posted: Thursday September 30th, 2004 13:36 |
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Last edited on Thursday September 30th, 2004 14:08 by Attractive model
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Ceazar
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Posted: Friday October 1st, 2004 17:24 |
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Dp,
My man! I would say that if the lady isn't attracted to you it most likely isn't going to work out. Having said that I've found that women tend to be a lot more flexible when it comes to their mate's physical appearance. To begin with a lot of women are actually more concerned with a man's wealth than his looks. Yes, many of them are majorly materialistic minded. Other women are attracted to guys that stimulate them in other areas. For example men with a good sense of humor etc..
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Attractive model
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Posted: Friday October 1st, 2004 19:10 |
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My guy philosophy king  of course he was refering to something totally different then the average person would think. Not that he is not attracted to me.. Because he is. But that he did not just like me for my body. When he gets into it, he was refering that the mind is more powerful and takes place of weither or not you are attracted to someone. Blinded by personality?
Thanks for the response though! 
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Lucas...
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Posted: Saturday October 2nd, 2004 09:56 |
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mmmmm
can a relationship survive.without complete attraction on both sides....
yes it can...
until the person sees someone they are completely atracted to...
u need to leave this girl alone...
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CeeCee
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Posted: Monday October 4th, 2004 16:54 |
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DP,
I hate to be the one to give you the bad news, but a truly good relatonship CANNOT suvive for long without a mutual love for each other and if it is, there is certainly no happiness in it, at least on one side of the coin. I think about a girl that I grew up with. She goes around telling me " look at me! I have a nice home, a good job , a degree and a husband! now tell me what is missing in the whole equation? It's fine to have all of these things only if you include the number one thing that makes relationships last: mutual love, understanding , work and patience. None of that is worth anything if you don't have it. Yes, she has it "all", but let me tell you about her. She's does everything that somebody else does and/or society tell her to do it. Yes, she's a school teacher, but she really wanted to me a cosmetologist, she has a 200,000 dollar plus home, that is because her husband bought it, she married, but she only did it because her mom threatened to throw her out of the house if she didn't do anything in the house( what is a better way to gain dependence than to marry somebody? Notice that I said dependence, not independence.). the guy isn't really her type. She has 2 kids, but she's not the world greatest caregiver to them.A lot of these things this girl did because her folks told her to do it, otherwise she wouldn't be. When she hear about Joey doing something, she's going to do it as well. That is how she is.
If you're positive that this girl is not attracted to you, I think that you two should call it quits. I'm a believer that it will not be a great relationship because it's based on pretense. You want to be happy , she most likely wants to be happy. You cannot be happy in a relationtionship if there is not a mutual love for each other. Look out in the world, you two may be missing out on your significant others because of it. Just think, there are people who have been married to each other for years, but are not happy with each other because, they do not have mutuality in their relationships. I thnk about that girl I've mentioned. Seemingly, her god is based on material things and lies. I want to be happy! I want my man to be happy! I want us to be happy with each other. Relatonships should be based on mutuality of what truly good relationships are supposed to be based on. You two can smile in somebody's face and express all the happiness in the world but sooner or later, it will take a toll on you both in some way or another. Do want to be happy? do you want your relationships to be right? If you want all of these, you need to boost your esteem( oh! and that is another thing.Sometimes insecure people can be vulneralble to many things such as the one you mention about relationships), relinquish the relationship and try to find the real meaning of what good relationships are, then maybe, just maybe you'll find the right woman.
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obal85
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Posted: Wednesday October 6th, 2004 20:36 |
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Can a relationship survive without complete attraction on both sides?
_____________________________________________________________________
Yes it can on the basis that the couple involved hate each other excessively. I think some people will agree with me that H-A-T-E is a kind of relationship 2.
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sadams
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Posted: Wednesday October 27th, 2004 17:50 |
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Last edited on Monday November 1st, 2004 17:58 by sadams
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LLoydy64
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Posted: Thursday October 28th, 2004 08:54 |
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Will have to concur with majority vote here, @forum et al
Let me add another angle to this...
What happens in a situation where the attraction is mutual but you hate your partner’s personality?
I'll answer my own question by stating that because that particular relationship equation is also unbalanced, it's highly unlikely that it will work either.
Basically attraction doesn't necessarily sustain a relationship and neither does personality.
I personally believe it's all about a relatively equal balance of the two...
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Now I may have faith, to make mountains fall;
But If I lack love, then I am nothing at all...
I can give away everything I possess;
But if I'm without love
Then I have no happiness...
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JigglyPuff
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Posted: Thursday October 28th, 2004 23:30 |
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Just wanted to say thanks for making me think. I've known a guy for about 6 years and he tells everyone that he has a crush on me. We're both recently divorced. He has a lot of great qualities that I really like. He's a terrific single father to his children, he has what I'd like to think of as an important job (helping others), he is selfless, he rides motorcycles and travels quite a bit (for work and play), and I just love adventure. He is always eager to listen and trys to help when anyone is in need. In fact I'm there for him as well, but of course there is a problem. When I look at him I see absolutely nothing that is attractive to me.
Now don't get me wrong I'm no Janet Jackson, or whomever you think is attractive, but he seems to think so. Every time we are together I just keep looking for something, anything, that I like about him physically. We go out dance, dine, and converse but there is never any physical contact. I feel bad that I just can't find it within myself to just accept that fact that he isn't L L Cool J, or whomever you think is a cute male, and just go with the flow.
Feeling like a complete sap.
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Madam Butterfly
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Posted: Saturday November 6th, 2004 07:31 |
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| DP I would be intersted to know: Did this girl actually SAY she doesn't find you physically attractive or are you superimposing your own insecurities onto her. If she DID say it, I'm assuming she knows you sufficiently well enough to know that you have issues with self esteem and insecurity. If thats the case, maybe she is just a first class b**ch and you are clinging on because you think you can't find someone else. I'm not about to tell you you can and will because I don't beliee that people NEED to be in relationships. You could be perfectly happy being single. And as much as I would like to say its whats on the inside that counts, I have to say in the real world thats a crock of crap!! Its looks first, looks second and looks last!! (and i'm speaking as someone who is no oil painting!) People will be in relationsips with the nastiest people because they look good on their arm (you know who you are!). And to Jigglypuff, i can relate, am in an extremely similar situation. Just looking for a way to let the guy down easy without being a complete b**ch about it. Just because you do not find someone attractive does not mean you have to walk all over their feelings. In short DP, dump her before she dumps you, it will be sooo good for your self esteem!! Who knows, in the essence of "Don't know what you've got til its gone" she may realize just how much she appreciates you.
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JigglyPuff
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Posted: Saturday November 6th, 2004 22:38 |
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I agree. If you are being told to your face that your looks just aren't up to par then it's time to roll before you really get hurt. It's amazing how some are saying that there are no "good" men/women out here yet they pick apart each person they meet. Almost like they're looking for a reason not to be happy. I was once one of those people, but now I've forgotten that my "friend" doesn't look like Denzel because he is very loving, caring, smart, and treats me the way I've wanted to be treated since I started dating. In case there is any doubt, I do not feel like I'm doing him a favor (because I'm not the ladies seem to gravitate towards him - at least those that see what I see), he's great and has many fantastic qualities!
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sista girl
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Posted: Sunday November 7th, 2004 17:01 |
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I know some will say looks are not important and you do see relationships that have developed from friendship. As people can become attractive to you over time.
Do not settle for a great girl/guy who you are not physically attracted to, it will not work. When things start to fizzle out the veil/rose tinted glasses wont be there. Be better off as friends.
Once you see someone who you are attracted to any emotional attatchment you have for your "not attracted to physically" partner will disappear as the strong physical attraction takes over.
Kunjufu said it all
move on, it will probably affect your self esteem otherwise.
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ERYK
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Posted: Sunday January 2nd, 2005 13:47 |
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YO HOMEBOY, STOP DONT WASTE TIME LIKE THAT. JUST BACK OFF MAYBE BE A FRIEND OR SOMETHING. MAYBE SHE NEEDS ROOM YOU COULD BE TOO MUCH IN HER FACE. SO WHAT DID SHE LIKE ABOUT YOU? GIRLS HATE CRY BABIES THAT WILL BLOW THE SCENE FOR SURE? I SHOULD KNOW A FEW OF MY LADIES COME OVER TO MY PAD TELLING ME ABOUT A CRYING BOYFRIEND. IF THE BOYFRIENDS COULD HEAR THEIR GIRLFRIENDS TALKING ABOUT THEM. THEN THINGS WOULD LOOK LIKE THIS.
IM SURE THATS NOT YOUR CASE. BUT IF SO REREAD. BUT ON THE REAL, I THINK SHE BEEN GONE . YOU JUST HAVE TO FINISH THE REST. I BET YOU 2 LIVE TOGETHER. RIGHT?
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