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Madam Butterfly
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Posted: Thursday November 16th, 2006 21:49 |
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WARNING: LONG TINGS ALERT!! OK quick catch up.
As some of you may know/remember i qualified as a teacher in 2005 (primary). But didn;t get a teaching job. Got another job education related that was part time and decided to also do supply teaching. But no agencies would take me as part time supply as not alot of schools hire you for half a day. Anyway decided to try TA (teachinassistant) and got a job within a week of starting to apply.
I just started my job on monday as a year 5 teaching assistant.
Class is challenging (have run off several supplies and a class teacher!) but i personally love it and am growing quite attached to them. I was put with another class today and really missed them, "bad" as they are!!
Anyway on my first day i was with a supply teacher (my post is part time and i am only there until the end of lunch) anyway head cornered me at lunch and said she had had good reports about me. It was only my first day and only the supply (who was new to the school herself) had seen me "in action". Anyway in the course of the conversation i mentioned i had a PGCE (she was asking about my other degree in relation to me doing an after school club). Anyway she asked why i was not applying for teaching jobs and i said i preffered one to one and group work. She said it was a "waste" and she would keep my PGCE in mind...
So today (my fourth day) she asked if i could do a half hour extra. I said OK. figured the regular class teacher must have requested it, though he said nothing to me.
BTW this class has two reular teachers, one of whom has been off sick for a month, so mondays and fridays they have supply. May be the reason they are so disruptive.
Anyway today i was scanning the job pages for my borough council (not sure why, already have two jobs!!) when i saw full time teaching vacancy for year 5. I thought "oh, i am TA for year 5". When i scrolled down a little bit more i saw that the vacancy was for my school, henceforth my very class!! The job is to start in january which means currant teacher (who is there tues-thurs) is only there another month. I will be working with a new teacher in january.
Quandry (if you want to call it that) is this: Family reckon i should apply for post. Kids do ok with me (so far, has been less than a week!) and head is already impressed with me, plus i am qualified, they wouldn;t need to interview, run checks blah blah.
Problem is head and class teacher have not mentioned the vacancy to me (though i have not checked my pigeon hole) and besides i am not sure i am confident enough to take over actual teaching of the class (though i see so many places i would make improvments).
So what would you do? Apply for the post and hope confidence comes (am very confident as TA) or not apply and wait until next year and see if another vacancy arises?
I have to say, i have always had huge issues with my confidence, which was severly undermined on my teaching course on first placement and kind of put me off. Truth be told that is the only thing holding me back from applying.
Plus, before i knew about the vacancy i told the head i was more comfortable one to one and with groups. Would it look strange (and presumtious after less than a week) if i suddenly expressed interest in being class teacher?
What if i asked about it, applied and got it then totally flaked and turned out to be a crap teacher!?!? that is what scares me the most. That i won't live up to my "hype", though to be fair to me it is others who are doing the "hyping". I am constantly saying i don't feel confident or good enough.
I know it is not fair to the children who have already had so much disruption if i were to become their teacher and then not do the job competently. It may seem a very small reason not to apply for the job, but the education of these children is important and i don't want to mess them up anymore because of my lack of confidence.
What would anyone else in my position do?
My sister has even bet me a tenner that i will be their teacher in January!! I said if she were that confident she should make it 50 quid!!
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Kunjufu
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Posted: Thursday November 16th, 2006 22:12 |
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Madam Butterfly: ok I only know you from our convo on BNV.... however these are my views ..
1..Apply for the job, i have no doubt that you'd get it as I think you're probably better than you THINK you are....once you have the job then you can decide whether the conditions suit your life or not... You cannot IMO make the decision if you've not given yourself that opportunity..so APPLY!!
2. It is NOT IMO up to the head or the Teacher to invite you to apply, It has been advertise therefore YOU have the RIGHT to apply....end of!!
3..The most important bit....(sorry if this sounds a touch patronising not meant to be ok)...As a man do you know what frustrates me about BLACK women? If i had a penny for the number of times i've heard a black woman talk about 'confidence' I would be a billionaire.....
Madam Butterfly...If i may..Confidence is NOT a gene, ie you are not born with it, Confidence comes from experience, from the willingness to learn and dare I say it the willingness to fail and learn from mistakes... No one and I mean no one is BORN with Absolute confidence... It comes from doing your best and learning along the way... The thing that gets me sometimes is that people try soo hard to be PERFECT that they end up stiffling themselves to the point of incapacity...DON'T DO IT!!!
Madam Butterfly...Trust the skills that got you to your Teaching qualifications, Trust the person who was consistent in doing the work, believe that you passed on merit and then go out apply the theory and put it into practice just like you KNOW you can...stop trying to be perfect [you're not] and Stop questioning your RIGHT to teach, because you EARNED that the moment you qualified!!!
Ps...Stop comparing yourself to others...compare your achievements only against your self and most of all give yourself time for Self reflection...because if you're half the teacher I KNOW YOU ARE...you will automatically know when you did well and when you were poor..and you will like all GOOD teachers Adjust..
good luck and STOP overthinking..and just do it!!!!
Last edited on Thursday November 16th, 2006 22:32 by Kunjufu
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Soulstarr
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Posted: Thursday November 16th, 2006 22:39 |
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Apply Apply APPLY!
I started a teaching assistant job on monday and i was sh*t scared. I don't struggle with my confidence now but when I was in school/college I really did. very much so. so i was worried about going back into a classroom situation. B4 I start rambling, my point is that if you try to forget about your confidence issue (easier said than done, believe me I know), and you go into the situation focusing on nothing but the task in hand, you will be absolutely fine.
With regard to the fact that you've not been spoken to about the post by the teacher/head teacher, I can say only this. WHO CARES!!!! You gotta make things happen yourself. you said yourself, you have mentioned that you prefer to stay one on one. maybe they are considering your feelings and avoiding putting pressure on you?
Plus the fact that you are already thinking of improvements, and disruption to the kids shows how much you care.
AND the kids will more than likely give you confidence as you go along. draw on all your experiences and everything you've been taught and take the risk!!
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Kunjufu
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Posted: Thursday November 16th, 2006 22:40 |
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| Thats 2, zip.. so far on the APPLY front!!! Last edited on Thursday November 16th, 2006 22:42 by Kunjufu
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Le Moor
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Posted: Thursday November 16th, 2006 23:42 |
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If your doubts are due to you thinking you're too inexperienced then you need to think carefully before applying as you could be right. Hate to confuse things more here but there are situations when one does try and run before walking and they do sometimes come unstuck because of this.
However if the doubt is because of a confidence issue then you must get over this somtime else you never will. This could be your chance to do so. By saying that you know what changes you'll make, you sound like you do have the ability already. I'd imagine your teaching qualifications have given you the technical knowledge you need. So the rest could be achieved via how you now apply yourself. Only you would know whether you have all the skills to do the job, but dont let a confidence issue hold you back, else it will ALWAYS hold you back.
Dont be afraid to admit that you're not ready, thats cool and only you would know this, but do be afraid to not take on what you know you'e capable of because your fears have got the better of you.
Everyone has the same fears, they're only natural. Dont let them hold you back.
Sit down, visualise yourself in the role from a mon-friday, then see if you can see yourself coping with all the tasks needed. Have you the skills and knowledge to get through the week. What problems might you face and how would you handle them. Could you handle every given senerio. This is where you will gain your confidence from by mentally preparing and engaging in the role. Because you know the role better than me you can expand on this to give this preparation more depth. The fear is just energy which needs to be channelled. This is where to channel it, by getting busy with relevant task related activity. Preparation is key and is directly related to your confidence, together with you thinking postively.
Last edited on Thursday November 16th, 2006 23:45 by Le Moor
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Vezz.
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Posted: Friday November 17th, 2006 07:10 |
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I agree with everyone else - apply, apply, apply.
The more you challenge yourself and gain your goals the more your confidence will grow.
You've become attached to the class, and no doubt they to you. Besides, what have you got to lose?
Apply, apply, apply......
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Black_Power
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Posted: Friday November 17th, 2006 07:49 |
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sup maa
you gotta apply ya dig??... no need to think about what "what if" cos then you just gonna get scurred and make yourself flake.
im sure you will be a fine teacher.....afterall that what you studied to be right? so whassup.
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Saida.M
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Posted: Friday November 17th, 2006 09:14 |
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..Apply for the job, i have no doubt that you'd get it as I think you're probably better than you THINK you are....once you have the job then you can decide whether the conditions suit your life or not... You cannot IMO make the decision if you've not given yourself that opportunity..so APPLY!!
However if the doubt is because of a confidence issue then you must get over this somtime else you never will. This could be your chance to do so.
 There it is!
Furthermore ask yourself why you studied all that time, if it's not to become a 'proper' teacher.
Don't let it go to waste.
There will always be people who's life's job is to undermine you - so you really need to work on your confidence - why not try assertiveness classes?
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"One of the heads of the beast seemed to have been fatally wounded, but the wound had healed. The whole earth was amazed and followed the beast".
Good News Bible. Rev. Ch.13 V.3
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LadyDay
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Posted: Friday November 17th, 2006 16:57 |
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no harm in applying
sometimes fear is good
would you rather not apply and think when the new teach comes that could of been me
better to apply
apply internal transfers are more successful usually but hey
just go for it
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Madam Butterfly
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Posted: Friday November 17th, 2006 19:22 |
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thanks for all the positive advice guys!! And what you all say is true: the only way to break through the whole fear/lack of confidence thing is to just do it. Like the title of that book says "Feel the fear and do it anyway"!!
So i got all geared up to talk to the head today (even asked my 4 year old nephew for advice before leaving the house. He said "You can do it!!" then "will you get me a present"!) Anyway when i got in, head wasn;t there. Plus its INSET on monday and i don;t know if she will be in because teachers are going on a course and only TA's will be in school. So will have to bite my tongue until Tuesday. Closing date for applications is december 4th so i have a lil time.
And class won the cup for lining up for the second time this week!! (OK, I know that means nothing to you folks lol) But still, thats not bad for "the worst class in the school"!! Had to give them a roasting during numeracy though.
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facetygal
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Posted: Friday November 17th, 2006 19:24 |
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If ur happy to be a teacher's assistant all ur life, following someone else like a lap dog, getting less pay, seeing the kids go through the pain of getting to know someone new then stay as u are. In fact forget u even read there was a vacancy, as u said before the teacher and the head ain't said nothing to you, hmm maybe they never told you cos they don't want a black teacher. Nah don't apply u just sit back and let someone else come and steal ur dreams, come and run the show and tell u what to do. Nice one 
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facetygal
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Posted: Friday November 17th, 2006 19:27 |
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| ahh well done, u got ur post in before me. Don't leave it till the last minute to talk to the head, make sure u approach him/her first thing on tuesday.
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Madam Butterfly
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Posted: Friday November 17th, 2006 20:31 |
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facetygal wrote: hmm maybe they never told you cos they don't want a black teacher.
I know you were being facetious but the school is predominantly Black!! like about 95%. The head is Black, half the staff are Black and my whole class is Black!! but thanks for the "reverse psychology" encouragment! You sound like my sister!!
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facetygal
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Posted: Saturday November 18th, 2006 06:10 |
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| Even more of a reason why u should apply. Not being funny but my bishop was talking about more black people are needed to be in places of authority so you can help to affect change from the inside out. Work your way up the system, be the best you can be so when it comes time to speak out you've got a stronger voice because u are in a better position. I believe this is even more important because you are working with black children, and lord knows we need change there. Good luck anyway, let us know how u get on.
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lilthuggy
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Posted: Saturday November 18th, 2006 12:58 |
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I know this has been said by others but what the hell....APPLY!!!!!!!!
I know what it feels like to have confidence issues, I have them myself, I sometimes wonder if I am 'good' enough, but what I am slowly learning is that no-one else apart from ME has the right to judge whether I am good enough, smart enough, pretty enough etc.
A wise woman once said to me 'you create your own reality', and it is most definitely true, only you can make the changes to become more confident, and what better way than to put yourself in the deep end? Life is a challenge, and the only one's who succeed in this journey called life are those that are willing to take risks. So once again-APPLY.
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Madam Butterfly
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Posted: Saturday November 18th, 2006 14:44 |
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Thanks Facety and Thuggy  I have spent the day doing preperation (behaviour managment, classroom organisation etc) as i have seen SOOO many changes i would make to that class!! I ended up with five pages of notes!! Now i am trying to catch up my subject knowledge of year 5 and on Monday as it is inset and children and teachers won't be in i will go through their books to see what they have done and where they are "at". So glad monday is inset, so i should be able to "snoop" in peace! (as well as carry out my TA duties of course!)
If i get offered an interview i will be so damned prepared!!! (Of course still need to let the head know i am interested and apply!! will do on Tuesday)
I would also have an advantage over other applicants in that i know the kids and what they have already done and what evel they are at. So IF i were offered the job, i could hit the ground running as opposed to someone else who would need maybe a month to catch up on what i already know.
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facetygal
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Posted: Saturday November 18th, 2006 17:59 |
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| Listen we had a temp in my dept, she was doing the role for a good while, then a permanent vacancy came up and she was interviewed along with outsiders. Guess what happen? They gave the temp the job because she was already doing it, just protocol why she had to go through an interview. Now dis gal was cocky as hell for a temp, she already had her pics put up round her desk, chatting "big man" talk with the rest of us etc etc. I see ur more humble but it's all about believing in yourself truss.
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Madam Butterfly
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Posted: Saturday November 18th, 2006 21:16 |
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i just spent the whole day downloading schemes of work for all 12 subjects. My eyes are square!! weirdly enough i heard from one of my mates today who i was on the PGCE course with. She had to drop out of her second placement due to illness so she is completing the course now. She was saying that in her interim period she worked as a TA. She got to know one of the supply teachers who became a permanant teacher there. He told her he had got the job because of the rapport he already had with the kids. She told me i should also be prepared to teach something, as most teacher interviews involve some kind of activity with the children.
Isn't it weird how you can go for a long time with nothing happening then all of a sudden one event will trigger a whole bunch of other stuff that is just too weird to be coincidental?
And to think i only got this currant TA job because i managed to fill in and return the application on THE DAY of the closing date with just an hour to spare!! (having only been aware of the vacancy at 10.30 the previous evening!!)
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facetygal
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Posted: Saturday November 18th, 2006 21:35 |
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| Nothing is coincidental, everything happens for a reason. Cos of my religion I believe God has a plan for everyone and this is part of ur plan. Seems like this is ur time now so make the most of it.
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lilthuggy
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Posted: Sunday November 19th, 2006 08:52 |
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I agree with Facety, and before I read her post I was just going to say- it is not a coincidence, it is God working his magic!
It sounds like this job was made for you Butterfly, and the commitment and passion you are showing on here will show in the interview process. Go get your job girl!
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Madam Butterfly
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Posted: Sunday November 19th, 2006 17:45 |
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| Thanks for all the encouragment guys will feel really stupid if i apply and don;t get it now lol will let you know mid december (which is when i should know by. What a great gift that would be!)
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Adeola
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Posted: Sunday November 19th, 2006 19:16 |
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Very well said Facety!!!!
That is something I'm always saying. God has his notebooks with our names on them and has already written his plan inside it.
I remember how Madame Butterfly gave me advice about the PCGE course. Your advice was great, so there's no doubt you'd make a good teacher.
Make sure you let us know how it goes... and I will be coming to you for more advice. LOL
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Madam Butterfly
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Posted: Sunday November 19th, 2006 20:41 |
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| Thanks Adeola!! feel free to ask my advice about PGCE but you should be warned: that same friend i mentioned earlier is completing her course now and she occasionaly calls me to ask me adivce as she has been "out of the PGCE loop" for a while. But i finished the course 18 months ago and my memories of it get more vague by the day!! But I will help where i can.
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Posted: Sunday November 19th, 2006 21:08 |
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