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soulunique
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Posted: Wednesday September 27th, 2006 06:52 |
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OK i need some advice/ your thoughts
well theres this guy and he told me some months ago that he liked me and i said sure lets start dating then i would tell him les be friends then id change my mind again. i did this three times- he counted out each occassion to me.
well now my heart and my mind are in unison and i truly do want to build somethig with him but he said that each time i hurt him and that each time he believed me again and that he feels that i will change my mind again which would not be good for his sanity so he said even though he still likes me it thinks its best that we just be friends.
i tried explaining to him how i felt and why i was scarred but his not having it.
now im hurting badly and i really do see the beauty in him and in who he will be.
guys do you agree with his decision and what can a lady do to prove that this time she knows what she wants and its you?
ladies please feel free to add your comment
soul
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Kunjufu
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Posted: Wednesday September 27th, 2006 10:41 |
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Short Answer: is yes I agree with him, I think if anything you are being somewhat selfish in expecting him to suddenly throw away his well founded anxiety about you, and trust you unconditionally.
Personally I think if you really want this man, if your really serious then you now have to PROVE yourself and EARN his trust..the onus i'm affraid is firmly in your court...
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Abissinia
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Posted: Wednesday September 27th, 2006 10:44 |
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Sorry (argh i hate being negative) but emmm sis if he likes you and i mean really, really likes you he will give you one more chance. Especially if you were sincere when you spoke with him. I am being real i just never known a man who will pass up a relationship with a woman he likes just to remain friends. If he was as hurt as he claims i would think he would try and avoid you all together.
Maybe he changed his mind and really just wants to be friends.
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Prince Hakeem
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Posted: Wednesday September 27th, 2006 11:03 |
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 Sorry to be frank, but if I was the guy I'd just cut you loose altogether because that's just some bullsh*t you're on. Life is too short for that kind of foolishness.
"Yes.....I mean, no....I mean, yes....er, no actually...." He's worrying about his sanity but I'm surprised he's not questioning YOURS.
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Kunjufu
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Posted: Wednesday September 27th, 2006 11:10 |
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Moro Naba wrote: Sorry to be frank, but if I was the guy I'd just cut you loose altogether because that's just some bullsh*t you're on. Life is too short for that kind of foolishness.
"Yes.....I mean, no....I mean, yes....er, no actually...." He's worrying about his sanity but I'm surprised he's not questioning YOURS.
Harsh...too harsh..lmao
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Saida.M
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Posted: Wednesday September 27th, 2006 12:11 |
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If I was him you'd be lucky to get second chance! But I'm not so I'll say that IF you really mean it this time then you'd have a lot of convincing to do. Only he can decide whether to have you back but you must understand if doesn't right?
What you should do is sit yourself down in nice quiet corner and reflect on seeing things from his perspective. If you can't see how hurt HE was about your indecisions then I'd advise you NOT to even think about begging him to take you back.
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Incognito
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Posted: Wednesday September 27th, 2006 12:15 |
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| Soulunique - Indecisive?; you're not Libran by any chance?
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Kibibi
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Posted: Wednesday September 27th, 2006 12:30 |
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Would you take you back, if you were him?
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Abissinia
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Posted: Wednesday September 27th, 2006 12:31 |
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I still maintain the dude changed his mind. I would expect to hear "I can't be around you, followed by a skidding sound of car speeding away" from a man who is hurt and definitely not lets just be friends.
Maybe i am the one with the problem and guys do choose to be "friends" with women they like.
Barf!!
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Kibibi
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Posted: Wednesday September 27th, 2006 12:32 |
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Abissinia wrote: I still maintain the dude changed his mind. I would expect to hear "I can't be around you, followed by a skidding sound of car speeding away" from a man who is hurt and definitely not lets just be friends.
Maybe i am the one with the problem and guys do choose to be "friends" with women they like.
Barf!!
LOL. Yes they do.
Maybe he enjoys her company, but doesn't want the hassle she gave him or the expectations she built up.
Last edited on Wednesday September 27th, 2006 12:34 by Kibibi
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Black_Power
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Posted: Wednesday September 27th, 2006 12:47 |
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well have you tainted yourself whil you were away from him? if so why do you think your entitled to be allowed back into his life..
I personally wouldnt take you back...afterall if you dash him again me may kill you.
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Abissinia
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Posted: Wednesday September 27th, 2006 12:50 |
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@BB
Ummm argh i want to say i believe but my stubborn mind refuses  .
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Black_Power
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Posted: Wednesday September 27th, 2006 12:56 |
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| why not just let him bang you without the relationship?
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Kibibi
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Posted: Wednesday September 27th, 2006 13:01 |
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Abissinia wrote: @BB
Ummm argh i want to say i believe but my stubborn mind refuses .
hehe, you're funny 
I don't know, I jut believe it is really rude to mess someone about. Sometimes it doesn't really matter how much you care for or love that person, if they continuously let you down then you have to stop putting yourself in a position which allows that to happen.
I bet if the other person had come on here and explained that he met this girl and she kept saying she wanted to be with him, then changing her mind-and done it 3 times-a lot of us would be saying it's his own fault.
My guess is he doesn't trust her, and if there is no trust then there cannot be any real relationship.
 @BP. You would say that.
Last edited on Wednesday September 27th, 2006 13:02 by Kibibi
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Shemsi en Tehuti
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Posted: Wednesday September 27th, 2006 13:26 |
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Black_Power wrote: why not just let him bang you without the relationship?
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liberiangirl
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Posted: Wednesday September 27th, 2006 17:43 |
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I just have one question, was is it something about him that made you go back in forth so many times, or could your indecisiveness be attibuted to personal issues? Im asking this because if there was something about him(personality flaw, personal issues etc. etc) that made you have serious doubts about being in a relationship, I would say for your own benefit its probably best to be friends. Either that or cut him off completely.
But even if your indecisiveness was due to your own issues, I would say that its probably best to leave him alone anyway. Not only have you hurt him one too many times, but you havent even built a real relationship and you've already broken his trust. Something tells me that a relationship between the two of you wouldnt last long, so I thinks its best to put aside your current feelings and do what best for the both of you, which in this case is a non sexual relationship.
Just my two cents.
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soulunique
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Posted: Wednesday September 27th, 2006 18:21 |
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well thanks for all your input.
BP: reading your post made me laugh, thanks!
Abs: i was thinking that too, that maybe he had changed his mind but after our long discussion i dont think so ( or maybe thats myego trying to keep in tact).
I have spent the whole day thinking about it and i came to the conclusion that if he felt what im feeling and on three occassions then i have no right to expect anything from him. i wouldn't trust me and i wouldnt want him feeling such pain again.
so im going to deal with it- dont know how but im sure ill get there.
oh yeah im not a libra im a leo.
Soul
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TheDogon
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Posted: Wednesday September 27th, 2006 19:09 |
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soulunique wrote: well thanks for all your input.
BP: reading your post made me laugh, thanks!
Abs: i was thinking that too, that maybe he had changed his mind but after our long discussion i dont think so ( or maybe thats myego trying to keep in tact).
I have spent the whole day thinking about it and i came to the conclusion that if he felt what im feeling and on three occassions then i have no right to expect anything from him. i wouldn't trust me and i wouldnt want him feeling such pain again.
so im going to deal with it- dont know how but im sure ill get there.
oh yeah im not a libra im a leo.
Soul
I can't fault you for being indecisive, Soul. You'll figure it out one way or another. If the brotha can wait, he will. If he can't, he's gone.
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facetygal
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Posted: Wednesday September 27th, 2006 19:48 |
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| You should have worked out ur feelings before you said yes the first time, now you the one hurting (all together now ahhhh). How ur feeling now probably ain't nothing compared to what he's been feeling, you can't go round messing with people's emotions as u see fit. If friendship is the only ting he's offering u should tek it and be grateful.
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Aryek
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Posted: Thursday September 28th, 2006 02:02 |
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My, my, my, you have a lot of work cut out for you. What you did was very selfish, I'm not going to lie to you. And my advice to you is that the advice that Saida.M gave you is very good advice:
What you should do is sit yourself down in nice quiet corner and reflect on seeing things from his perspective. If you can't see how hurt HE was about your indecisions then I'd advise you NOT to even think about begging him to take you back.
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soulunique
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Posted: Thursday September 28th, 2006 05:53 |
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^^ I did that and i fully understand where he is coming from and i felt even worse becuase i read some women talking about not finding decent black men and i treated a beautiful soul the way that i did because of my own issues when it comes to relationships.
Well i couldn't sleep and wrote him a letter- yeah i made a fool of myself (some may say) i find it easier to write my feelings and its my main form of communication when i am unable to verbalise the feelings deep within myself although i still dont think it fully shows what i am feeling but i had to try.
Well my main advice is now when you find a more than decent guy before you open your mouth and make a decision take time to think it out clearly and if your scarred let him know from the start.
well this too shall pass.
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Incognito
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Posted: Thursday September 28th, 2006 08:30 |
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If you can't make a decision based on what you want, base it on what you don't want!
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Peacemaker
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Posted: Thursday September 28th, 2006 11:31 |
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soulunique wrote: OK i need some advice/ your thoughts
well theres this guy and he told me some months ago that he liked me and i said sure lets start dating then i would tell him les be friends then id change my mind again. i did this three times- he counted out each occassion to me.
well now my heart and my mind are in unison and i truly do want to build somethig with him but he said that each time i hurt him and that each time he believed me again and that he feels that i will change my mind again which would not be good for his sanity so he said even though he still likes me it thinks its best that we just be friends.
i tried explaining to him how i felt and why i was scarred but his not having it.
now im hurting badly and i really do see the beauty in him and in who he will be.
guys do you agree with his decision and what can a lady do to prove that this time she knows what she wants and its you?
ladies please feel free to add your comment
soul
Stalk him.
It's the original way of saying I love you, then he'll take you back.
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bluehoney
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Posted: Sunday October 8th, 2006 13:40 |
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just be his friend...that may give your friendship a chance to grow...don't force it...once a man is wounded most of the time...he will not forgive...lol but don't expect too much because the wounded heart of a man can sometimes be very vendictive...lol...he might try to get back at you...so take it easy and know that u made this situation..own up to it...just be a good friend to him and maybe eventually he will be able to allow himself to be a good friend or more to you..
good luck...jmho based on my life experiences...
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soulunique
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Posted: Monday October 9th, 2006 13:51 |
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@ bluehoney thats what ive decided to do becuase i really like our friendship and if its meant to be it will be and then at least we would have a solid friendship foundation with the extra loving ontop.
i have owned up to the situation and we're going to the theatre but im not hoping for much just going to have to have to wait and see.
soul
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