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gold
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Posted: Thursday September 21st, 2006 22:15 |
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Hi, everyone, this is my first post although i'm in here all the time.
i decided to ask for advice since this is really getting me down so i hope you
will be gentle with me.
I am a black female in my twenties and i feel like i am totally alone in this
world. basically i had a very messed up childhood alot of violence,very
brutal ruthless opressive authouritarian mother who literally put me through
hell, got kicked out by her and boyfriend have been on my own since and generally have had a time of it which caused me depression.
anyways i don't speak to her anymore or the rest of the family who are basically
wotless , generally i have given much to others but they seem to just take ,take,
take and let me down.
i am a very ambitiousand very political and have done alot of personal development, i am very
loving,GSOH,i have a lot to say for myself etc . i have alot going for me.
i want to be going to poetry sessions and events, galleris,having fun nights
in, travelling, cultural ,literary,clubbing occasionally etc and alot of these things i do ,do but always alone.
i am so lonely, i live alone and i find that i am shopping and eating way to much
as this is like my only pleasures. it'sridiculous .
sometimes it just feels as if the world is against me, bad enough having the
b.s of family then everyday i have to deal with racism and sexism and i being
the black people loving sister that i am i want us to build together and help
eachother so as a whole we are stronger which is why it really hurts when
we can't show eachother love.i got mr i will kill you for my white woman and
mrs god help you if your black self catches eye contact with me and seem to
be a whole lot of mysogony * thrown at my door, been attacked by a brother
for being darkskinned( this is a whole topic in itself) and just the general
unecessary rudeness of people /horribleness of people and life in london just
sometimes gets on me and i just think whats the point of continuing/ what am i living
for? i just want someconcious intelligent caring black friends who i can laugh /cry with who get it and know where i'm comming from/ have similar experiences.
share my feelings/thoughts who i can talk to, connect with and share life.
i just can't seem to find any, the people i meet are so shallow,foolish and generally
seem to be comitted to self distructive with weed, raving and sleeping around etc.i despair.
what can i do to find real friends and get the connection and support that i
need and crave .wondering if any one knows of any organisations / groups
or even if there is any one here who feels this way to.please pm me.
i'm sorry if this is not coherant and or the trail of thought seems confused
i hope you get the general feel of what i'm saying and can help
thanks in anticipation.
peace and love
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Black_Power
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Posted: Thursday September 21st, 2006 22:21 |
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| check webpals...
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gold
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Posted: Thursday September 21st, 2006 22:29 |
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hi, you know i did that but have had only no responses.
ever since the site shut down last year it has'nt been the same.
no one seems to really use it anymore.
or it's just paticullarly difficult for me on the afrocentric thing.
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jett Black
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Posted: Thursday September 21st, 2006 22:31 |
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Hi Gold,welcome to the forum
Parts of your post really touched me,sorry that you have gone through so much fiyah.....anyway glad you are not just lurking anymore and have chosen to post.....please continue to do so,eventually i'm sure you will hook up with some like-minded people here or at least get some leads.
Again....welcome
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DSP
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Posted: Thursday September 21st, 2006 22:39 |
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Looks like you posted a blog.
There's a saying that when you feel lonely you havn't found a sense of direction. It's part of growing.
Being alone is good, but you probably won't realize the value of being alone until you get too many people taking up your time.
Try not to take life too seriously and don't be afraid to be yourself. Sounds like you just came out of drama...enjoy the lonliness alot of it is attached to peace of mind.
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jett Black
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Posted: Thursday September 21st, 2006 22:57 |
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DSP I object to the angle of your signature picture....dont try to bring porn here by stealth.
If I wanted to be confronted with a frowzy bit of white minge there are other sites I can go to for that.
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yuntty
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Posted: Thursday September 21st, 2006 23:03 |
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That pic has put me right off my yoghurt.....erhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!
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TheDogon
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Posted: Thursday September 21st, 2006 23:23 |
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| Gold, please don't despair. This may not be the best place for such a post. I would suggest trying out Destee. Some folks here are the kindest people.
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http://www.covenantwithblackamerica.com
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Peacemaker
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Posted: Thursday September 21st, 2006 23:35 |
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gold wrote: Hi, everyone, this is my first post although i'm in here all the time.
i decided to ask for advice since this is really getting me down so i hope you
will be gentle with me.
I am a black female in my twenties and i feel like i am totally alone in this
world.
basically i had a very messed up childhood alot of violence,very
brutal ruthless opressive authouritarian mother who literally put me through
hell, got kicked out by her and boyfriend have been on my own since and generally have had a time of it which caused me depression.
anyways i don't speak to her anymore or the rest of the family who are basically
wotless , generally i have given much to others but they seem to just take ,take,
take and let me down.
i am a very ambitiousand very political and have done alot of personal development, i am very
loving,GSOH,i have a lot to say for myself etc . i have alot going for me.
i want to be going to poetry sessions and events, galleris,having fun nights
in, travelling, cultural ,literary,clubbing occasionally etc and alot of these things i do ,do but always alone.
i am so lonely, i live alone and i find that i am shopping and eating way to much.
as this is like my only pleasures. it'sridiculous .
sometimes it just feels as if the world is against me, bad enough having the
b.s of family then everyday i have to deal with racism and sexism and i being
the black people loving sister that i am i want us to build together and help
eachother so as a whole we are stronger which is why it really hurts when
we can't show eachother love.i got mr i will kill you for my white woman and
mrs god help you if your black self catches eye contact with me and seem to
be a whole lot of mysogony * thrown at my door, been attacked by a brother
for being darkskinned( this is a whole topic in itself) and just the general
unecessary rudeness of people /horribleness of people and life in london just
sometimes gets on me and i just think whats the point of continuing/ what am i living
for? i just want someconcious intelligent caring black friends who i can laugh /cry with who get it and know where i'm comming from/ have similar experiences.
share my feelings/thoughts who i can talk to, connect with and share life.
i just can't seem to find any, the people i meet are so shallow,foolish and generally
seem to be comitted to self distructive with weed, raving and sleeping around etc.i despair.
what can i do to find real friends and get the connection and support that i
need and crave .wondering if any one knows of any organisations / groups
or even if there is any one here who feels this way to.please pm me.
i'm sorry if this is not coherant and or the trail of thought seems confused
i hope you get the general feel of what i'm saying and can help
thanks in anticipation.
peace and love
You're being way too hard on yourself.
Also seriously in my experience and from what I've viewed in life, and people's lives around me, is that when they focus more on a lack of something more than a desire of something then they will 100% of the time attract more of what they think they lack in life. You're in a cycle, a bad one by the sounds of it, and to change your circumstances you will need to change that negative mindset of yours.
Adapt to being alone, because perhaps you're not a complete f**kwit, and feel isolated because the people you meet normally are. Congradualtions, you've escaped stupidity.
Stop looking around at all those people around you, and judging them and looking down on them. Avoid them yes, but don't let what they do influence how you think and behave.....especially in a negative fashion.
The positive thing is that you already know what sort of people you want to be around, so you're halfway there.
Stop trying to fit in somewhere and instead try to create the circumstances where people might fit into your life.
At best adopt a more cheerful attitude towards life. .
One more thing, it's not for you to decide what intelligent and conscious is. And also don't be too quick to decide that you want to meet people who have had similar experiences. They will keep you in the same place.
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RasRuben
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Posted: Thursday September 21st, 2006 23:40 |
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Sis there is an event organised by AJAMU on the 23rd Sept from 6-9pm and it's about education. The guest speaker is professor Gus John.
It's @ Chestnuts C.Centre, St Ann's Rd, Tottenham, N15
There are always a younger lot there and I am one of them although I am younger than you (not by much). I always enjoy meeting younger Africentric people. It's never easy for the younger lot but it's something you get used to.
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Mossi Myth that turned out to be Mossi Prophesy
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gold
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Posted: Friday September 22nd, 2006 09:18 |
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@jeet black thanks for the wellcome,so kind.
@ others, i think you may be getting the wrong idea about me.
I have already got myself out of that place, i have really achieved quite a bit in terms
of where i've taken myself from.
i now live alone in a lovely flat etc, i have been creating a beautiful environment
for myself and am working on my ambitions etc, hardest of all i got rid of the
negetive people in my life including family .
the point i was making is that i am rearing to go now but i am literally alone
no one comes to see me, phones me,on my birthday no calls, no gifts absolutley
alone.it has been this way forever and whilst i am very independant as i 've
had no choice but to be.there is only so much i can be alone.
we all need eachother.and sometimes it just starts really geting me down.
unless you have been alone as a young person and have literally had to do
all lifes steps alone you can never really appreciate what thats like.
but anyway. i want to meet similar aspiring people who know where i'm
comming from or can just relate. like i said i have a lot going for me in life,
i am a very spirited and blackcentric woman which i think is why it's so hard
to find friends. believe me if i had a different mentality i would not be alone
there are no shortage of young black people who want to rave only and play
computer games/ smoke etc. but when your like me it is a damm lonely
ride especially at this age.
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gold
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Posted: Friday September 22nd, 2006 09:21 |
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@ dogon. thanks, can you please tell me what destee is and where
to find. thanks
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YankeeJamaRican
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Posted: Friday September 22nd, 2006 09:42 |
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Welcome to BNV, Gold. You sound so very sad for someone so young.
I've read some insightful advice in the last few posts, so with all that being said... remember that the first steps to your destiny involve forgiving yourself, protecting yourself, nurturing yourself and loving yourself.
Too many people are afraid of the "I". In order to give to others, you must give to self. Being alone isn't bad, it takes "alone" time to reflect and understand where you are psychologically.
Take time and care to let others in rather than subject yourself to more external influences before you feel strong enough and protected enough. Many of us have been there... it's the path to growth.
There are some genuinely good and thoughtful people here to talk to, but remember that the internet is at the hands people who arent what they seem. Go out and meet people face to face, find Africentric orgs like reading groups, social groups, womens groups etc. Ligali is also a good place to chat. If you meet people online... please be careful!
Big hugs to you, (***Little Sis***)
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shopaholik
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Posted: Friday September 22nd, 2006 14:32 |
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@ gold
sorry to hear you've been feeling like this. i'm sure you will find some friends on here?...
i think you should put all your matters in prayer to god and he will show you the way out. whatever you do pray and keep on praying you are not alone god is with you and he will never leave you.
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blackbutterfly182
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Posted: Friday September 22nd, 2006 15:39 |
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Hi Gold, I hope your life starts to seem better. I feel you on what you are saying. I feel lonely from time to time. But you have to make the most of life ie pick yourself up and try to make friends with people. Trust me not all young people are just interested in sex, smoking and raving. Do you work or go to college/uni?? These are place to meet people and make friends.
I know you feel like there is no one that understands your way of thinking I think maybe a lot of people feel that way hence why they come on blacknet to vent their opinions/anger etc as they dont think the people in their lives are ready or willing to listen. As for the Mr I will kill you for my white woman! (love that line!) This epidemic seems to be spreading everywhere, surround yourself with men who do appreciate you and your blackness (there are still a few out there!!) Out of interest how old are you?? Also people who tend to have been thru a lot in life are very independent, and generally dont like to rely on others or like to let people get close to them. Could this be your problem that you dont like to let people close as you think whats the point as you are just going to let me down, not be around for long etc. So you try not to get attached?
Hope this helps, there are afrocentric peeps out there we like gold you just have to look harder
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Your inner thoughts can cause you to be rich or poor, loved or unloved, happy or unhappy, attractive or unattractive, powerful or weak.
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Apedemak
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Posted: Friday September 22nd, 2006 16:04 |
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I just want someconcious intelligent caring black friends who i can laugh /cry with who get it and know where i'm comming from/ have similar experiences. Share my feelings/thoughts who i can talk to, connect with and share life.
I just can't seem to find any, the people i meet are so shallow,foolish and generally
seem to be comitted to self distructive with weed, raving and sleeping around etc.i despair.
What can i do to find real friends and get the connection and support that i need and crave.
Welcome to BNV.
Can relate to what you're saying. Almost totally. Was put through a lot growing up myself. Being alone can be a painful thing, good to get it off your chest and talk.
To be honest I'd reccomend joining any group/s, not just African ones. Check out events etc etc. Just keep going out and meeting people in general.
Plenty of people on here to talk to and debate with as well.
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DSP
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Posted: Friday September 22nd, 2006 18:25 |
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jett black wrote: DSP I object to the angle of your signature picture....dont try to bring porn here by stealth.
If I wanted to be confronted with a frowzy bit of white minge there are other sites I can go to for that.
It's all in your YOUR mind. Stop hating on lightskinned people.
Last edited on Friday September 22nd, 2006 18:26 by DSP
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jett Black
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Posted: Friday September 22nd, 2006 21:47 |
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DSP wrote: jett black wrote: DSP I object to the angle of your signature picture....dont try to bring porn here by stealth.
If I wanted to be confronted with a frowzy bit of white minge there are other sites I can go to for that.
It's all in your YOUR mind. Stop hating on lightskinned people.
I'm not hating on light-skinned people.
I'm hating on White eyes configured to look like maggoty White vadges!!!!!
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Apedemak
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Posted: Saturday September 23rd, 2006 04:41 |
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Should be thankful it dosen't have a yeast infection... unless you think about it encrusted in yogurt... That'd be nasty. Probably smell bad too. You know, the eye, with yogurt crust in it... especially if its bitty.
I'd complain then.
Last edited on Saturday September 23rd, 2006 16:04 by Apedemak
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Posted: Saturday September 23rd, 2006 10:44 |
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shopaholik wrote: @ gold
sorry to hear you've been feeling like this. i'm sure you will find some friends on here?...
i think you should put all your matters in prayer to god and he will show you the way out. whatever you do pray and keep on praying you are not alone god is with you and he will never leave you.
Co-sign
I'm all down for meeting new people especially if they seem to be on my wave length. How I meet people is honing in on my own hobbies/interests. When I was training to do mentoring I met a great group of people but I let them go cos I never took anyone's phone number. When I did my sign language course in church I met another set of like minded people and this time we did exchange numbers. I'll be enrolling in college to continue my sign language so again I will come across people. If you work it from that angle it won't seem so daunting. Also I find when I smile or have a happy expression when I'm walking on road I attract more people, as opposed to having a straight face or what some people would construe as a "screw face". I'd also like to add I've made some goooood friends right here on bnv, so don't worry so much for real, things will fall into place in it's own time.
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TheDogon
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Posted: Tuesday September 26th, 2006 15:30 |
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gold wrote: @ dogon. thanks, can you please tell me what destee is and where
to find. thanks
By no means am I recommending leaving the village. It's just that Destee is probably better suited for this conversation. The Village isn't all that nice a place, but it has the international flavor that Destee lacks. Here you can meet "Black" folks from around the globe. That's a good thing.
http://www.destee.com
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