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| Moderated by: Saida.M, safetyblitz, Raven, Miss Brighter Days, LadyDay, Kunjufu, Kibibi, Happiness, Dillinger, Breadfruit, Backatya |
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mistyblue
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Posted: Monday August 14th, 2006 14:40 |
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I've known this girl all my life and to say she is more African than me would be an understatement. You can imagine my shock when she returned from a long stay away to tell me she in love with a buefoot. She was married before but it fell apart about two years ago. All the while we we was talikng about how she could meet a nxt man.I'm so shocked its like I haven't said a word to her in over week. When i asked her why she did not tell me sooner she said she knew how i'd react. I said what did she expect and what if it was on the other foot what if i returende with a bluefoot she said she knows that she would react the same way but seh said she did not plan this it it just happended.Now im in a mixture of emaotions. sometimes i feel very angry other times i feel betrayed other times i feel philsophical and feel that maybe she if she is happy that is what counts. But still at the bottom of my heart i feel so let dkown.To the point i wonder if i should rremain her friend. How can we talk llike how we use to? Peeps this is not a IR topic. Its what would you do if a good/close friend of yours suddenly changed all what you belived in them- what made you friends in the first place? That's the dillemma im facing what do you think i should do do you think im overreacting? 
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Kibibi
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Posted: Monday August 14th, 2006 15:03 |
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Although you say this isn't an IR topic, you have gone into great detail about your situation, leaving the door wide open for this thread to go in that direction.
We will leave this thread open, but it will be monitored. Last edited on Monday August 14th, 2006 15:15 by Kibibi
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soulunique
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Posted: Monday August 14th, 2006 15:27 |
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looking at my friends i would say that what brought us together is that we are similar (not alike) we have similar values and morals however i would say that i am the afrocentric one whereas one of my girlfriends (the closest) is not as afrocentric as me but values her blackness and i guess we can discuss certain issues such as IR and have the same feelings.
however, i have another friend (ok maybe not that close) and our views on IR are different but our friendship is able to work becuase i am able to respect her views (though i disagree with alot of them) and i think she is able to respect where i am coming from. I must add that it is hard to fully engage in discussions regarding the black community with her because she isn't black and loves black men.
I would say that with this friend our friendship is not as close as with my other friend so what i woudl say to you is to try and see if you can find something to respect where your friend is coming from and it may be that your friendship may not be as it was because you may not feel that you can discuss certain issues with her particularly when it comes to race etc.
maybe you should discuss your feelings with her becuase im sure she probably feels liek shes betrayed her own stance when it comes to being a proud african.
just because we're afrocentric does not mean that we are immuned from programming its just that we have to be aware.
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RasRuben
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Posted: Monday August 14th, 2006 16:12 |
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I hope you don't mind getting advice from the new guy, or getting advice from a guy full stop but I'll post hoping that you had no preference for which gender gave you advice.
All I can tell you is what I would do and why. I do not claim to be more African than anyone but I have been told that I am a very strong minded African man. I have been going on a quest to rid myself of as much european influence on my mind as possible, as what is european to me is corrupt by default. I try to look at everything from an African perspective which before meeting europeans was as pure as a stream. This has left me with a problem. I had european friends before I learned who I was, before I opened my eyes. I have one left and even I am drifting apart from him. I had many African friends, those numbers have dwindled to very few. I have lost friends for my beliefs. I as an African man would never in my life try going with a european and I would not expect my friends to. I would drop my friend like so much waste if they tried to tell me that they were with a white man and yet were a strong African.
I have always believed that if you are a real believer in Africans and the regeneration of that which europeans still benefit from today, I believe that you would have to be a real believer in the African family unit. The African family is something that I would never give up on and the fact that your friend gave that up so easily means, I believe, that you are right to question her Africaness.
I can see that you have a real respect for this friend but also it seems like you have a reverance for her. I believe that you should look at Malcolm X for a reason why this may hurt so much. He held reverance for a man whom he should not have. He got burned. You should never put so much faith in anyone. Not being pessimistic here just being realistic.
I simply (after all of that) suggest you think about how much you value your friendship and if you seriously think there will be anything worth your while after this incident. I personally would leave her to him because I feel no good could come of it. She will spend her time trying to justify to herself and others that he is a good white man. By the sound of your post I don't think she will convince you.
Anyway, hope I could help, stay blessed.
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The Watcher
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Posted: Monday August 14th, 2006 17:22 |
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Most of the time I'm a live an let live person. I don't judge and I don't expect people to live by my standards and rules. Do what you're doing is how I mainly treat people.
Yet there are a few things that if I found out I would certainly lock somebody off and have nothing to do with them. Things that would disgust me generally, make me sick or so on. In that case it would be hypocritical of me to remain friends. How can I be friends with a person whose nature disgusts me?
You have to decide if your friend is simply doing something you don't like and you don't approve of, something you personally wouldn't do for yourself... or if she is doing something which disgusts you and makes you sick like looking at her turns your stomach. In the first case get over it, stop being a baby and don't impose your rules on your friend. In the second case move on and away from her for your own sake.
Down to you really.
Last edited on Monday August 14th, 2006 17:23 by The Watcher
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Blackthought
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Posted: Tuesday August 15th, 2006 10:25 |
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Obviously your friendship with her won't be as close as it was, becuase you thought both of you have the same philosophy and she has since contracticted what you thought her main philosophy was, so its hardly likely that you are going to take her very serious when she talks on anything been about afrocentrism (even though I don't like the word) in the future if you decide to still have her as your friend.
If it was me I'll still chat to her to see where her head is at, if I have other common interest with her then I would try to build on that, but if she is trying to preach or patronise you me with how innocent her new white boyfriend is blah blah.. then it will be natural that we slowly drift if not, I'll simply cut her off and wish her all the best in future.
Just balance the ying and yang.. then you decide..
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Aryek
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Posted: Sunday August 20th, 2006 22:57 |
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| Two of my white female friends are with black men. We're not that close, but we do hang out from time to time. The funny thing is that they both know that I don't like IR dating, yet still they come to me for relationship advice and I try to help them as I would with any other friend. Life is strange like that. You can't control what your friends do, you can only control your behaviour. If I say that I'm never going to date a white man, then I'm never going to date a white man. Some people don't see things in this way. Their minds will make many shifts, adjustments, and exceptions to allow them to be with someone of a race that they don't really like. If I cannot accept your people, then I can't be with you as eventually this will create a rift in the relationship. Anyway, if you think that two of you can remain friends despite your difference of opinion, then don't let the relationship spoil your friendship.
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Posted: Thursday August 24th, 2006 21:52 |
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| this thread is spam
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