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nigerianprincesss
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Posted: Sunday June 11th, 2006 00:53 |
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Last edited on Tuesday June 27th, 2006 03:25 by nigerianprincesss
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The Watcher
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Posted: Sunday June 11th, 2006 01:09 |
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She trying to take him away... still has her ambitions on him, no doubt about it.
Either he is too dumb enough to know that which is frankly inconcievable or he enjoys the attention and feeling like you are both vying for him... or he wants her too!
Either way, it aint innocent. Either she goes or you go. Else you're silly
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nigerianprincesss
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Posted: Sunday June 11th, 2006 01:23 |
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| But i dont want it to look like i'm making him choose between me and his friend...
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The Watcher
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Posted: Sunday June 11th, 2006 01:36 |
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| Then get played... she ain't a friend
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liberiangirl
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Posted: Sunday June 11th, 2006 03:07 |
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I think you need to have a serious talk with him about this......frankly if hes a real man then he has no business accepting presents from that girl especially money for rent. Unless you have proof that he is cheating( if he was cheating with the girl then i doubt he would be so open about it) then dont go off accusing him of anything.....but approach him in a non threatening manner so you dont come off as a jealous girfriend... Because you have only been in this relationship for a month I wouldnt give him an ultimatum just yet, but I would let him know he needs to redefine his friendship with this girl or otherwise there are going to be problems...... From what you have been saying I have a vague suspicion that he may not be cheating, but that he simply likes the attention he gets from the other woman...otherwise if he wanted her then why would he be with you? There has to be some reason as to why he choose you to be his woman and not her. But either way all the presents, long talks, and phone calls are still not cool. By allowing her to shower him with this extra affection he is disrespecting you, he obviously knows this girl still has feelings for him and his trying to get with him and he doesn't seem to care enough about your feelings to let her know this needs to stop.... so..... Tell him to let the girl know she needs to keep her distance otherwise if it continues then leave. Last edited on Sunday June 11th, 2006 03:49 by liberiangirl
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Backatya
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Posted: Sunday June 11th, 2006 07:41 |
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@ nigerianprincess
I would say that your main concern should be about his behaviour/attitude, rather than hers. At the end of the day, if she wants him (which seems to be the case), she is not going to be bothered about your feelings or about respecting your position as his girlfriend......that's how it goes in the game of love sometimes.
However, there is absolutely no excuse for him failing to show proper respect and concern for you (the one he is supposed to be with) by letting her carry on this way and not pulling her up and setting her straight on a few things.
Look, she could not do all the things she is doing without his conscent (expressed or implied).....and if he is allowing her to do it, he is disrespecting you big time. Man, I have female friends who may call me up from time to time (not ex 'sex-buddies' I should add), but if they called as I was about to be settling down all lovey dovey with my woman, it would be a case of 'Look I'll have to get back to you later, as I am tied up right now, ok. Nice to hear from you, catch you later'. As far as I am concerned my woman has the right in a situation like that to expect me to put her first. I certainly would expect her to do the same if it were her receiving a call at that moment. Unless its a case of life or death, anything the friend wants to talk about could wait.
Nah! your man is out of line here as his actions (or lack of action) is encouraging the situation. And don't tell me he can't see that there is a situation. If he is that oblivious to what's going on and to your feelings (afterall this woman is someone he used to do a 'ting with and he knows you know that) towards the matter, then you got yourself a crock here.
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Kunjufu
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Posted: Sunday June 11th, 2006 08:34 |
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| Nigerianprincess My advice following Backatya's very good post is this lef di b**ch Last edited on Sunday June 11th, 2006 08:36 by Kunjufu
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Soulstarr
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Posted: Sunday June 11th, 2006 08:34 |
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Backatya wrote: @ nigerianprincess
I would say that your main concern should be about his behaviour/attitude, rather than hers.
co-sign.
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nigerianprincesss
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Posted: Sunday June 11th, 2006 11:10 |
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| Hmm... I really dont know wot to say. I'm glad to see some people see it my way... it's just that he doesnt. I try to explain it to him and he comes across as being naive... he says she would take it badly if he told her he'd call her back and stuff like that. He makes her out to be some kind of needy, clingy person.... Sometimes i feel like hettin out of the situation, but i really like him and apart from her situation, everything is great with us.
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Kunjufu
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Posted: Sunday June 11th, 2006 11:14 |
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| Nigerian Princess: To be very honest you got what I think is very good advice...if you now wish to stay in that foolishness...don't moan and groan about it..just suck it up tek yu tings ok!!
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nigerianprincesss
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Posted: Sunday June 11th, 2006 11:15 |
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Soulstarr
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Posted: Sunday June 11th, 2006 11:17 |
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...and the Jufu has spoken! 
anyway, welcome to the board @nigerian princess.
my only advice to you would be: know your self worth.
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bubz
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Posted: Sunday June 11th, 2006 11:28 |
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Nigerian Princess:
looks to me like you and this 'friend' are both his women. the only diff. between u two is that you have the title 'girlfriend' and she doesnt.
since you and he have been together its possible they havent had sex, but its only been a month since you been together so i reckon if the other areas of their relationship continue along as nicely as they appear to have been doing - sex will also soon be back on the agenda.
a month isnt a long time and i reckon its better for you if you try to get out now, before you get in too deep and end up getting hurt.
when him and his so called ex have a decent amount of distance between them then maybe you could try having a relationship with him again.
p.s. if u get rid of him, he might have a hard time finding a girlfriend (with sense) who is prepared to put up with that scenario.
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liberiangirl
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Posted: Sunday June 11th, 2006 11:40 |
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nigerianprincesss wrote: Hmm... I really dont know wot to say. I'm glad to see some people see it my way... it's just that he doesnt. I try to explain it to him and he comes across as being naive... he says she would take it badly if he told her he'd call her back and stuff like that. He makes her out to be some kind of needy, clingy person.... Sometimes i feel like hettin out of the situation, but i really like him and apart from her situation, everything is great with us.
So what if she would take it badly, he should be more worried about making you feel comfortable than her. From what you are saying he seems likes hes making her feelings a priority while putting yours on the back burner. Leave him.
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bubz
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Posted: Sunday June 11th, 2006 12:14 |
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liberiangirl wrote: nigerianprincesss wrote: Hmm... I really dont know wot to say. I'm glad to see some people see it my way... it's just that he doesnt. I try to explain it to him and he comes across as being naive... he says she would take it badly if he told her he'd call her back and stuff like that. He makes her out to be some kind of needy, clingy person.... Sometimes i feel like hettin out of the situation, but i really like him and apart from her situation, everything is great with us.
So what if she would take it badly, he should be more worried about making you feel comfortable than her. From what you are saying he seems likes hes making her feelings a priority while putting yours on the back burner. Leave him.
they are still in a relationship of a kind, may not be sexual at the moment but there is still a relationship. there is no other explanation for the above which liberiangirl highlighted. u can either happily be part of the love triangle or get out of it. your choice.
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nigerianprincesss
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Posted: Sunday June 11th, 2006 14:26 |
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WEll theres been developments... he called.... I told him a few home truths and explained that i aint lookin 2 be in no love triangle... and that he needs to prioritise. I explained that he needs to cut the apron strings and put distance between them 4 her sake if anything cos she could develop some psychotic tendancies if he keeps dangling her on a string... i said i cant deal wit it... he said he's gonna sort it out. So i'm just gonna watch this space.
Thank everyone for the advice, i understand what everyone is saying cos thats exactly how i feel... I'm just gonna see how this week goes and see if it works out... i'll keep you posted.
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Abissinia
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Posted: Sunday June 11th, 2006 17:06 |
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I worry about his bad manners but it’s still only been a month, “I� definitely wouldn’t demand he gives up a long friendship over a one month relationship. I admit I don’t like nor trust this friends with benefits ish… way I see it you either friends or you are F buddies in the latter instance you should not be that close friends to a point you care about each other…. When you do you are actually dating each other and the only thing missing is the title of boyfriend/girlfriend.
Anyways in your situation I’d dump him because he lacks manners and definitely seems not be able to put her on hold for the time you two are together.
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nigerianprincesss
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Posted: Sunday June 11th, 2006 19:59 |
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| He's only really been friends with the girl since November.... before that it was a "hi....bye" thing... and their fling lasted 1/8th of their friendship i.e one month. he reckons it will seem unappreciative if he doesnt answer her calls blah blah blah I'm jus gonna see if he fix up if not i'll hav to simply lock it.
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Prince Hakeem
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Posted: Monday June 12th, 2006 22:30 |
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nigerianprincesss wrote: He's only really been friends with the girl since November.... before that it was a "hi....bye" thing... and their fling lasted 1/8th of their friendship i.e one month. he reckons it will seem unappreciative if he doesnt answer her calls blah blah blah I'm jus gonna see if he fix up if not i'll hav to simply lock it.
Sorry but you're naive as hell. Why the hell you haven't dropped the brute like a bad habit I don't know. You've spoken to him about this "friend" and he's still talking around the houses and putting her feelings before yours. The dude is just using you and relishing the attention. He's not responsible for her in any shape, form or fashion. If she needs help with her issues, that's something she needs to deal with herself.
You don't need to wait and "see" nothing!!! If you continue to put up with this behaviour, then sorry to say but you DESERVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Don't let people mek yu fool any more than they have done!!!!! Drop di bwoy, silly billy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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EF MAX
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Posted: Monday June 12th, 2006 23:09 |
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No you are not: I have read all the replies and will not alter what has been said BUT.
Without being to hard, where is your self respect for yourself? People live by the examples they lead by. He may well have a friendship in his Ex,, but that’s it, she is his Ex.
Even from day one, you deserve greater respect than has been shown to you and as such, do you really need this kind of relationship in your life. No matter how cute he is.
There is often some overlap when new relationships start but I have a golden rule of not dating ANYONE who has not been single [that’s in the bedroom and in their heart] for at least 12 weeks. It cuts out all the cr@p you are going through.
One month is no big deal,, if you leave now, what do you lose,, face maybe, but what will you gain,, self respect, dignity, self appreciation, and the knowledge that you are worth more than you current b’friend is aware of.
Wait your week, accept zero tolerance in the bull$hit department. Make his actions speak louder than his words. If he is cool, let him know that friendships are fine,, but drop your trousers or your word and he is history faster than Linford can do 100mts.
WOMEN if you are worth $1000, do not accept $999.. demand your $1, its yours, spend it on you, do not just give it away cos what is a dollar today is ten tomorrow..
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Abissinia
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Posted: Tuesday June 13th, 2006 18:38 |
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EF MAX wrote:
WOMEN if you are worth $1000, do not accept $999.. demand your $1, its yours, spend it on you, do not just give it away cos what is a dollar today is ten tomorrow..
Yeh what he said....... but lets just make it £'s instead of $'s......... As $'s seem to depreciate much quicker than £'s, leaving you no choice but to accept less $'s or no $'s  .
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nigerianprincesss
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Posted: Tuesday June 27th, 2006 03:26 |
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| Well... its over. feeling rather nonchalant about it. wasnt meant to be. oh well, c'est la vie.
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Kunjufu
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Posted: Tuesday June 27th, 2006 04:49 |
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nigerianprincesss wrote: Well... its over. feeling rather nonchalant about it. wasnt meant to be. oh well, c'est la vie.
Really sorry to hear that it didn't work out....however even though I suspect it hurts like hell now.. If what I suspect happened, then my guess will be that you may come to view this as a very lucky escape in the months and years to come..
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Backatya
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Posted: Tuesday June 27th, 2006 05:08 |
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@ Nigerianprincess
As a matter of interest, why did you edit out your original post? Of course that is your right so to do, but for anyone coming across the thread for the first time, the responses that follow wouldn't make as much sense.
Of course, we hope the sharing of personal experience like this is a help to others who may find themself in a similar situation at some time.
Respect
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nigerianprincesss
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Posted: Tuesday June 27th, 2006 11:05 |
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I deleted it because some of his friends use this site and it will be blatant to them its about him and erm.... cut a long story short... i dont want no fone calls askin questions.
@Kunjunfu, what do u think happened? if u get it right you are officially psychic...
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liberiangirl
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Posted: Tuesday June 27th, 2006 11:36 |
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| Found out he was cheating with the other chick, didnt you??
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