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yogi
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Posted: Saturday May 27th, 2006 06:36 |
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I am in serious need of some advice regarding my dad.
My dad recieves 151 quid every two weeks for benefits and I am thinking this is enough for him to live on becuz he has no repsonsiblities at all.
The thing is that he finished the 150 quid he recieved for his benefits a week ago in a matter of a week and a half.
He does not need to buy clothes or shoes or anything becuz I buy these, he just needs to feed himself with the money.
But yet he struggles to make ends meet. I spoke to him a minute ago and he is asking me for money a second time this month.
I have bills to pay too and I said to him sorry I cannot help him.
In april alone I sent him 70 quid on top of the 151 quid he gets every two weeks and in May this month I sent another 15 quid even though he asked me for 10.
I do feel sad that he does not have any money for the bank holiday weekend but if I am tough with him maybe he will get his act together.
His situation is begining to drain me to be honest i do not know what else to do.
I have sat and talked to him on MANY occassions and asked him other than food what else he spends his money on. And he says he does not know.
How do I handle this please?
Yogi
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Judge Punisher
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Posted: Saturday May 27th, 2006 09:07 |
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Hello yogi, i am sorry to hear about your fathes financial problems.
I was thinking, why don't you go to the benefits office with your father and explain your predicament to a member of staff.
Ask them if it would be possible for them to arrange for your fathers benefit to be payed to him on a weekly basis.
I can't see why this couldn't be arranged.
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Saida.M
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Posted: Saturday May 27th, 2006 12:00 |
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| Better yet, why not sit down with him and show him how to manage money. If you could show him using a spreadsheet, (on a computer), even better. Remember to list EVERYTHING he spends his money on in a fortnight. List his incomings and outgoings, that'll help you and him to see whether he's living within his means. It'll also highlight where he can make changes.
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facetygal
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Posted: Saturday May 27th, 2006 12:11 |
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| Sorry I have to ask why ur dad is on benefits? Is he unable to work due to a disability? If u can provide a bit more info there may be a way that ur dad can obtain more money and you don't even know it. You can pm me if u want if ur not comfortable with disclosing too much on here.
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yogi
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Posted: Saturday May 27th, 2006 16:30 |
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thx facetygal sent you a PM.
He is in manchester and I am in London but this is the way he lives his life he never has any money.
I advised him to stop shopping at tescos and when I went to manchester a few months ago I took him to Aldi and told him shopping at aldi and this will cut down his shopping bill.
He is a smoker and I think most of his money goes towards cigarrets and booze to be honest.
When i ask him what else he spends his money on he no idea.
me trying to save every little penny to put towards a mortgage for my own house makes it even more pressurising on my part.
Yogi
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The Watcher
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Posted: Saturday May 27th, 2006 20:46 |
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| Is it rent and bills taking his money or the bookies and the off license?
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bubz
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Posted: Saturday May 27th, 2006 22:23 |
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£151 for two weeks is £75.50 per week. whether he gets it weekly or fortnightly its still not gonna be enough.
it probably isnt easy to eat and pay bills on such a low income, especially in the winter; plus you say he drinks and smokes so its easy to see why he has no money. i couldnt begrudge him the drink and fags tho, it must be a miserable existence being on the dole at that stage in yr life.
still its a shame you are expected to find the money for his comforts. do what you can and no more.
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yogi
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Posted: Sunday May 28th, 2006 05:58 |
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My dad has rently retired from a job in the NHS in the caribbean he has workd all his life but came to the UK after he retired.
He only has been on benefits for 6 months.
He gets full council tax and rent paid on his property that he lives in. The other bills he pays for are electricity and tv licence. he lives on his own in a one bedroom property so i cannot see how much expense he can have.
So you see it just does not add up at all. I think he should be more than capable of surviving on £151.00 a week.
Yogi
Last edited on Sunday May 28th, 2006 06:02 by yogi
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The Watcher
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Posted: Sunday May 28th, 2006 06:08 |
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You're quite right Yogi
He should.
No way should he be coming up short in those circumstances. You need to ask him outright.
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Michelle33
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Posted: Sunday May 28th, 2006 19:04 |
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What about his pension? Did he not have one? That needs to be asked.
The budgeting is a very good idea. Just for him to see what he spends on what because as you say he has no idea. It will make him think about what he's spending.
Tell him to put the bills money aside straight away - he isn't to touch that at all. Then he has to split what is leftover among his vices, food, travel and entertainment. He will know how much 'actual' money he has for the month and he can even get organised into doing 3-4 food shops per month. It won't take long for him to adapt (as long as he is willing to co-operate) and it will reduce stress for you both.
He has to learn how to budget, if this isn't nipped in the bud it could get worse and debt in this situation must be avoided at all costs!
Saying that, if you offer him a little top up on his income, say £20-50 per month then you can tell him he has to manage with that and not ask you for any on top of that. He has to live within his means.
Good luck, I know it can't be easy.
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Kunjufu
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Posted: Sunday May 28th, 2006 19:26 |
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Yogi: two points...
Firstly I really don't see the point of delving into the man's business, he is a grown man entitled to spend his money wisely or unwisely as he see's fit... So to be honest I wouldn't be asking him nothing at all...
However second point, he also has no right to EXPECT that you will subsidise his feckless behaviour if that is what it is, bottom line is that sometimes as much we would like to, its NOT always a good idea to rescue people from the consequences of their actions..
I would therefore politely but firmly tell him you simply don't have any money and then leave it at that.... He will then have to start making more appropriate choices as to how he spends his money...
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Saida.M
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Posted: Sunday May 28th, 2006 20:49 |
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Some people just can't manage money. Or they are so use to say, a high amount each week/month that if it goes lower, they'd still spend as if it's high.
It's too harsh to use a 'sink or swim' remedy - not unless you have very solid grounds.
You're in better position then us to know what his history with money is like, so use that to make judgements.
Has he always been good/bad with money? If he's changed dramatically for the worse, there may be other reasons.
Is the reason why you guys live so far apart, somehow connected to his money problem?
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People readily believe lies before they believe the truth
"One of the heads of the beast seemed to have been fatally wounded, but the wound had healed. The whole earth was amazed and followed the beast".
Good News Bible. Rev. Ch.13 V.3
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yogi
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Posted: Sunday May 28th, 2006 21:41 |
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Thx for the replies so far. Yes my dad has always been a bit sloppy with money. i think it is part of his nature to spend money now and think later.
I tried to get him to live in london but becuz thre was such a house shortage it was best and easier for him to go to Manchester where there are relatives. This has no bearing on the father/daughter relationship between my dad and I.
I am an only child of my dad so most of this issue falls on my shoulders. I just wish i do not have to deal with this.
I do think that i have a right to interfere if he has to ask me for money like twice in a month as I said i am trying to save for a house and this money dependancy my dad has developed is really begining to fruastrate me.
Yogi
Last edited on Sunday May 28th, 2006 21:46 by yogi
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Saida.M
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Posted: Monday May 29th, 2006 15:54 |
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Have you a partner? What does he say about the situation?
Yes, you do have the right to say something - but what does your father say when you tell him you have bills to pay?
I doubt though that anything would make a difference, because as you say he has a history of mis-handling money.
But it sounds as though he only recently started to ask for cash from you. Why is that?
If there is no good explanation, this is where I'd start following Kunjufu's line.
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People readily believe lies before they believe the truth
"One of the heads of the beast seemed to have been fatally wounded, but the wound had healed. The whole earth was amazed and followed the beast".
Good News Bible. Rev. Ch.13 V.3
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Miss Nellia
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Posted: Monday May 29th, 2006 18:30 |
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Hi Yogi, sorry to read about your dilemma, the first thing that came to my mind when I read your situation was that your dad probabaly MAY spend alot of time in a betting shop, because I worked in one when I was 18 and let me tell you the amount of "retirement" age black men in them was quite staggering. I am not implying that this is your fathers situation but it just reminded be of that.
If I was in your situation I wouldn't know that to do, I love my Dad too much not to help him out, but at the same time I can only imaging your frustration. The best thing to do may be to sit him down and just explain that you are unable to support yourself and him too.
Easier said than done though, you obviously love your dad very much, he's a lucky man to have a daughter like you.
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