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Danielle1986
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Posted: Sunday May 14th, 2006 01:40 |
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i no you must see this typa thing alot, but i really need help
I'm 20 going on 21 and hes 28 going on 29, the thing is we've been seeing eachother since i was 17.
But when i meet him i told him that i was 2years older then what i was exactly so he thinks im 22 goin on 23.
He the first man ive eva felt this way about ( i am in love with him), and the first ive ever taken so far, evrything is great except this lie i am keepin from him...
Ive tried to beat around the bush and ask him if he wud go out with any1 cuple yrs yunger then me n he sed no tht the age gap is too much, he really dont like liars and this is the one thing but the biggest thing tht cud break us up.
I dont no how tell him i dont wanna hurt him either but i think i alredy have if he fynds out, i dont want to lose him either coz it wud really hurt, but i jus wanna no the best way
I'm pushin on now and cant be seen playing this stupid game of lies...i jus wanna b truthful but wud it ruin it???
P.S.....He says he loves me and ting, and he shws it but i dont no if this wud mek him leave???
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Respect, Peace and Love
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| Joined: | Saturday May 13th, 2006 |
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Posted: Sunday May 14th, 2006 01:53 |
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Personally, I think that the only person who can answer that question is your man. Everybody is different and everybody has different things that they can or cannot live with.
Personally, my biggest pet peeve is dishonesty. I was in a relationship for a few months when I discovered my man had lied about his age. I stayed with him for more than a year after that but I was never able to let it go. To most people it sounds really minor but he knew that honesty was the most important thing to me, and that one little lie was the beginning of the end of our relationship. I think most relationships can survive a lie like that but it depends how strongly he feels about age, and how strongly he feels about dishonesty. Maybe the main advantage for you is that you've been together for quite a long time.
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tantalise
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Posted: Sunday May 14th, 2006 14:27 |
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hello Danielle
Have a look at one of my posts regarding this same topic. You will see that it worked out in the end......
Tantalise
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Kunjufu
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Posted: Sunday May 14th, 2006 14:35 |
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Tantalise: Methinks that this situation is somewhat different, whilst he might, once he gets over the shock accept her...I think he will be deeply shocked(if he is any sort of man), with the potential predicament this girl put him in... Can you imagine what people must of thought about him when they saw them together?
Nine years is a big difference at that age to one of five or six...
My view is that Danielle needs to fess up and do it quick..because unless she intends to hide him away from all her friends and family, this lie can't work...
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Madam Butterfly
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Posted: Sunday May 14th, 2006 19:43 |
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Danielle, i assume that if you have been with your man for three years, he knows when your birthday is?
I also assume that you are planning a party of some sort for your next birthday to which friends/family will be invited?
May i suggest you tell him the truth as soon as possible? Whatever the consequences, it is better coming from you than hearing a bunch of people shout "Happy 21st Dannielle!!"
I know it seems like i am "playing" but many a true word said in jest.
Or are you planning on asking your friends/family to completly ignor your 21st?
This is one of those lies where, the longer you leave it, the worse and harder it gets. In the end the matter of the age gap will seem small compared to the legnth of time you kept up the deception. Its not what you lied about, its the lie itself.
Some people take the matter of age gaps seriously. I know i do (no more than 2 years younger or five years older). If i found out someone lied to me about their age, i would be angry, but i would have to look at our relationship as a whole and decide if it was worth continuing. However i would rather hear the truth as soon as poss, rather than have the person wait until they felt like they had no choice but to come clean.
If you leave it too long, your boyfriend will think you came clean because you HAD to, as opposed to because it was the right thing to do. Then he will wonder what else you are keeping from him...
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YankeeJamaRican
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Posted: Sunday May 14th, 2006 20:28 |
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I second the above, it the deception of it that will hurt him more, I think. If he has been with you for awhile, the age gap may be something he can live with... but do not let lies go long or you will lose his trust altogether.
Better to tell him than let it come out otherwise, especially if things go deeper...
The ball will definitely be in his court, so be strong.
Good luck.
Last edited on Sunday May 14th, 2006 20:29 by YankeeJamaRican
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Saida.M
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Posted: Sunday May 14th, 2006 21:55 |
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Didn't he ever suspect while you were together? 
How had you managed to decieve him so far?
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"One of the heads of the beast seemed to have been fatally wounded, but the wound had healed. The whole earth was amazed and followed the beast".
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facetygal
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Posted: Tuesday May 16th, 2006 12:19 |
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Hmm
Thats the thing with little girls trying to act all grown up and taking on things they can't handle in the long run. Fess up and suffer the consequences, learn from your mistake and move on.
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Madam Butterfly
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Posted: Tuesday May 16th, 2006 13:00 |
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athaba wrote: Didn't he ever suspect while you were together?
How had you managed to decieve him so far?
She could be a "mature" 20 and he could be an "immature" 28 (i know I'M an immature 27 lol) plus he thinks she is 23, so the age gap might not have shown in terms of attitudes and/or behaviour. I would have thought the problem came when celebrating birthdays. She would always have to remember how old she CLAIMED to be.
My sis had a similar problem when she met her husband. He assumed she was younger than she was and lied about his age and said he was older. In his mind, that brought them close to the same age. In reality there was a seven year gap between them!! That said, my sis is immature for her age and he is relativly mature for his...
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