|
|
|
|
 |
|
|
| Moderated by: Saida.M, safetyblitz, Raven, Miss Brighter Days, LadyDay, Kunjufu, Kibibi, Happiness, Dillinger, Breadfruit, Backatya |
|
|
| Author | |
|---|
liberiangirl
Villager
| Joined: | Sunday September 19th, 2004 |
| Location: | Atlanta, Georgia USA |
| Posts: | 765 |
| Photo: | |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: |    |
Click here for your Black Profile
Search for Black Sites
|
Posted: Saturday May 6th, 2006 02:27 |
|
I have been seeing this new guy, but some of the things he does REALLY bother me. This guy is an artist and i have known him for a couple of months. I met him on an elevator and he said he liked my facial structure and he wanted me to model for a painting of his. I was like hmmmm, ok so i gave him my number and he gave me his card. Anyway, i meet up with him and it ends up being at date because he really didnt do many scetches of me. Hes kind, hes a gentlemen, and he treats me really well, but there is just a few problems. Even though i have only known this guy for a short time, he acts as if we have been a couple for years. He always wants to hold hands, cuddle all the damn time. For example, we were sitting in the movie theater together and for the ENITIRE three hours of the movie he was constantly fiddling with my hand, laying his head on my shoulder, trying to pull me close to him etc. Almost every phrase that comes out of his mouth is: "awwww baby you're so pretty" , "awww baby you're so special" awww baby you're so sweet". Every time i say something he sort of laughs and says "awwww baby you're so sweet". Baby this baby that, it annoys me to no end!!! Its he like hes treating me like a daughter and a girlfriend at the same time.
I have talked to him and told him that at this time i only want to be friends, but he doesnt listen. He keeps on trying to fondle me, hold my hand, kiss me, and act like we are a couple. One of the things that disturbs me the most is the fact that hes already talking about marriage. We were sitting in the car together and one day he came across an old friend from his country. He put his arms around me and told the guy " this is my wife". (this was only a few weeks after ive known him) Some weeks later in response to something i said he laughs and says " one day i am going to marry you". I asked him how he can be so into me and be barely know me and he responded "so far, so good" I suppose one of the main reasons why I dont want to get into a relationship with him is because this guy is old enough to be my father. Hes in his late thirties and Im not really liking the idea of getting into a relationship with an older man at this point in my life. I have been in a relationship with an older male before(not nearly as old ,as this other guy but a good 7 years older) and it didnt work out.
But like i said before, he is a nice guy so im at loss as to what i should do about him. I dont want to cut him off completely because im afraid that i'll really hurt his feelings as he seems to be infatuated with me, he always says " baby you drive me crazy" and " you're the perfect woman for me". But i have tried to tell him i want to be just friends and he doesnt listen. a way its nice to have a guys that really into to you, but at the same time its a bit creepy that he talking about marriage in only a couple of weeks of knowing him. I have been struggling back and forth with myself about this guy and I really need to vent.
Last edited on Saturday May 6th, 2006 02:39 by liberiangirl
____________________
When the missionaries came to Africa, they had the bible and we had the land. They taught us to pray with our eyes closed. When we opened them, they had bible, and they had the land.
____________________
Click here for your Black Profile
|
The Watcher
Villager
| Joined: | Tuesday May 11th, 2004 |
| Location: | London, United Kingdom |
| Posts: | 11353 |
| Photo: | |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
Click here for your Black Profile
Search for Black Sites
|
Posted: Saturday May 6th, 2006 02:40 |
|
liberiangirl wrote: I have been seeing this new guy, but some of the things he does REALLY bother me. This guy is an artist and i have known him for a couple of months. I met him on an elevator and he said he liked my facial structure and he wanted me to model for a painting of his. I was like hmmmm, ok so i gave him my number and he gave me his card. Anyway, i meet up with him and it ends up being at date because he really didnt do many scetches of me. Hes kind, hes a gentlemen, and he treats me really well, but there is just a few problems. Even though i have only known this guy for a short time, he acts as if we have been a couple for years. He always wants to hold hands, cuddle all the damn time. For example, we were sitting in the movie theater together and for the ENITIRE three hours of the movie he was constantly fiddling with my hand, laying his head on my shoulder, trying to pull me close to him etc. One of the things that disturbs me the most is the fact that hes already talking about marriage. We were sitting in the car together and one day he came across an old friend from his country(Nigeria).
LMAO how did I know that? HAHAHA sorry Nigerians but I saw that a mile off! **dying of laughter**
He put his arms around me and told the guy " this is my wife". (this was only a few weeks after ive known him) Later on, he told me " one day i am going to marry you".
LOL still very Nigerian **on the floor now**
I asked him how he can be so into me and be barely know me and he responded "so far, so good" I have talked to him and told him that at this time i only want to be friends, but he doesnt listen. He keeps on trying to fondle me, hold my hand, kiss me, and act like we are a couple. I suppose one of the main reasons why I dont want to get into a relationship with him is because this guy is old enough to be my father. Hes in his late thirties and Im not really liking the idea of getting into a relationship with an older man at this point in my life. I have been in a relationship with an older male before(not nearly as old ,as this other guy but a good 7 years older) and it didnt work out mainly because i didnt feel respected. I felt he sort of disregarded anything i said and felt that he could manipulate and control me because i was younger than him.
Most perceptive of you. Even if unconsciously, this is why people go out with girls much younger than them. Good of you to realise that and be wary.
I'm a little aprehensive that this new relationship is going down the same path. Almost every phrase that comes out of his mouth is: "awwww baby you're so pretty" , "awww baby you're so special" awww baby you're so sweet". Every time i say something he sort of laughs and says "awwww baby you're so sweet". Baby this baby that, it annoys me to no end!!!
But like i said before, he is a nice guy so im at loss as to what i should do about him. I dont want to cut him off completely because im afraid that i'll really hurt his feelings as he seems to be infatuated with me, he always says " baby you drive me crazy" and " you're the perfect woman for me". But i have tried to tell him i want to be just friends and he doesnt listen. a way its nice to have a guys that really into to you, but at the same time its a bit creepy that he talking about marriage in only a couple of weeks of knowing him. I have been struggling back and forth with myself about this guy and I really need to vent.
If you ain't into him then there is no point keeping him around. You can't MAKE yourself like him just because he is nice. If you don't then you don't and that's that. Other womenfolk here will probably tell you better than I could, how exactly to get rid of those persistent ones, but you can't keep him even as a friend because ultimately he doesn't want to be your friend and will only use that as a respite to dream up some other tactic of being with you. When that fails he will accuse you of stringing him along LOL. Lock it off now and done. You can go about your business and he can better invest his time in a woman who likes all that instant over familiarity and touchy-feelyness.
____________________
Fabulous secret powers were revealed to me the day I...
____________________
www.blacksearch.co.uk - Helping to promote Black African and Caribbean Websites
|
Kunjufu
Villager
Click here for your Black Profile
Search for Black Sites
|
Posted: Saturday May 6th, 2006 08:29 |
|
LMAO @ Dm....I so know what you mean..but to be honest that trait must have crossed the ocean because i know a few Carribean men who do the same thing, especially when dem looking 'stay'..
Libriangirl: You're not going to like my advice sorry ..but here it is for what its worth...
You are as they say trying to be in CHURH & CHAPEL at the same time, ie you're trying to have you're cake and eat it...
Clearly you did not put down clear markers from the outset of your involvement with this man. You then clearly compounded the issue by giving in my view mixed messages, by effectively dating the man more than once. Clearly you're not into him, so god knows why you took up with him in the first place.. Now you're still giving mixed messages by trying to be nice, dropping subtle hint in the hope he will get it and back off...NOT A CHANCE!!!
Sorry Liberian girl but you are totally at fault, did you notice when you took his card that he was somewhat older than you?
But that aside What to do eh?
Ok here's a tip from a mans point of view.... MEN don't get hints, they don't get subtlety and they definately don't get body language.. Sorry but you're going to have to be the BAD guy and TELL HIM.. the saying scrambled eggs & breaking eggs applies here.. Once you have told him, do NOT be his friend, budyy, girl or anything else...cut all ties and go about your business..Better for him and your sanity I suspect..
Do it now..the longer you leave it, play around the subject or pretend..the worse his reaction will be when you eventually do get fed up and kick him to the kerb. So tek yu tings now tell him and then lock it off.. If you don't, don't say you weren't warned ok..
____________________
African heart, African mind
____________________
Click here for your Black Profile
|
ac9311
Villager
| Joined: | Thursday March 25th, 2004 |
| Location: | DFW, Texas USA |
| Posts: | 522 |
| Photo: | |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
Click here for your Black Profile
Search for Black Sites
|
Posted: Saturday May 6th, 2006 09:19 |
|
Kunjufu wrote:
Ok here's a tip from a mans point of view.... MEN don't get hints, they don't get subtlety and they definately don't get body language.. Sorry but you're going to have to be the BAD guy and TELL HIM.. the saying scrambled eggs & breaking eggs applies here.. Once you have told him, do NOT be his friend, budyy, girl or anything else...cut all ties and go about your business..Better for him and your sanity I suspect..
Do it now..the longer you leave it, play around the subject or pretend..the worse his reaction will be when you eventually do get fed up and kick him to the kerb. So tek yu tings now tell him and then lock it off.. If you don't, don't say you weren't warned ok..
I gotta agree with Kunjufu and DM. If you don't cut him short quick he's just gonna think you're just playing hard to get. Here is a good line to use on him. It was used on me once: "Don't go away mad just go away". I couldn't do anything but laugh and leave.
____________________
ac9311
____________________
www.blacksearch.co.uk - Helping to promote Black African and Caribbean Websites
|
Rastawoman
Villager
Click here for your Black Profile
Search for Black Sites
|
Posted: Saturday May 6th, 2006 10:39 |
|
"Don't go away mad just go away".
Thats a good line, thanks for that....I can't wait for the day that I can use that one, lol.
LB, I can't give you any better advice than what men have given you, get rid of him he sounds like a sweet talking faker to me and because he's older than you he's taking your youngness for dumbness lol, get rid and tell him to lose your number, if he's "fallen" for you this quickly he won't have any trouble "falling for someone else, don't feel bad I suspect its all a lotta long talk!!!!
Ras
____________________
Click here for your Black Profile
|
Saida.M
Super Moderator
| Joined: | Tuesday November 11th, 2003 |
| Location: | RACIST UK |
| Posts: | 3963 |
| Photo: | |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
Click here for your Black Profile
Search for Black Sites
|
Posted: Saturday May 6th, 2006 13:00 |
|
Yep I agree fully with DM and Kunjufu, esp. this:
If you ain't into him then there is no point keeping him around
That I think is the crux of it.
____________________
People readily believe lies before they believe the truth
"One of the heads of the beast seemed to have been fatally wounded, but the wound had healed. The whole earth was amazed and followed the beast".
Good News Bible. Rev. Ch.13 V.3
____________________
www.blacksearch.co.uk - Helping to promote Black African and Caribbean Websites
|
Miss Nellia
Villager
| Joined: | Saturday August 13th, 2005 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 1266 |
| Photo: | |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
Click here for your Black Profile
Search for Black Sites
|
Posted: Saturday May 6th, 2006 18:55 |
|
@Liberian girl
When I first started reading your post I thought 'here goes another ungrateful sistah giving a brotha a hard time', because I like men that are not afraid to hold my hand in public and things like that. However as I carried on reading my skin started to crawl as I know the type you are talking about, ('I tink i might have known yu from sumwah befor!!!!) it is funny how we earn the title of 'wifey' very soon after meeting these men. You (speaking generally) then become a show piece and when out on dates he has to make half a dozen stops at all of his friends houses before getting to the restaurant. LOL
It appears to me that this man is coming on too strong too soon which for many women especially me is a bigass turn off. I mean chill the heck out, and as he is so much older than you as well just adds to the perversion and disgust. He is not a good example for some older men who are quite the opposite, he may just be excited to have a 'young' girl, because if memory serves me correctly you are of school age or there about?... so what was the attraction to this old man in the first place?
I would tell this man to take a chill pill and bow out, his infatuation with you maybe purely down to your age and sex.
lmao - you story is funny though, don't stress lil sis, just leave, unless you have some feelings for him?
____________________
Click here for your Black Profile
|
Soulstarr
Villager
| Joined: | Saturday October 16th, 2004 |
| Location: | London, United Kingdom |
| Posts: | 2190 |
| Photo: | |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
Click here for your Black Profile
Search for Black Sites
|
Posted: Sunday May 7th, 2006 16:50 |
|
Why keep seeing him if his age and traits bother you that much? If you feel he is too old for you, why bother even going on subsequent dates with him? And why refer to this situation as a relationship if you don't plan on being more than friends? 
By the sounds of this, you don't really know what you want.
____________________
____________________
www.blacksearch.co.uk - Helping to promote Black African and Caribbean Websites
|
angel-i-
Villager
| Joined: | Thursday September 2nd, 2004 |
| Location: | Manchester |
| Posts: | 80 |
| Photo: | |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
Click here for your Black Profile
Search for Black Sites
|
Posted: Tuesday May 9th, 2006 20:44 |
|
Aaaaahhh! Im kinda in the same situation, xcept the guy is younger and he works for me! Memba the best friend thread?(Check my post) Thats him!
He bugs the hell outta me....yet I genuinly hold great affection for him.
I know...I shouldnt mix buisness with pleasure...but I got caught up and thought it could work...Now Im weary of dropping him as he may react badly and not wanna work for me no more. Plus hes excellent at his job.
____________________
'...emancipate yourselves from mental slavery, none but ourselves can free our minds...'. Robert Nesta Marley
____________________
Click here for your Black Profile
|
RAS BERRY
Excluded
| Joined: | Sunday July 18th, 2004 |
| Location: | Jamaica |
| Posts: | 29 |
| Photo: | |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
Click here for your Black Profile
Search for Black Sites
|
Posted: Monday May 15th, 2006 13:44 |
|
THIS GYAL YA SOUND LIKE EEEDYAT!!!
SHE 'AVE BREDDA WEH LUV SHE RASS BUT SHE NUH USE THIS HAPPATUNITEE FI MEK LOVE 'AN PERPETRATE SHE RACE BY POPPING OUT NUFF LIKKLE AFRICANS!!!!!!
SHE MUSSY LESBIAN TUUUU RAAAASCLAAAAAT!!!!!
____________________
____________________
www.blacksearch.co.uk - Helping to promote Black African and Caribbean Websites
|
Abissinia
Villager
| Joined: | Friday April 30th, 2004 |
| Location: | London, United Kingdom |
| Posts: | 4576 |
| Photo: | |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
Click here for your Black Profile
Search for Black Sites
|
Posted: Monday May 15th, 2006 14:31 |
|
And you must be gay if all you have to contribute is advice about popping out babies by anyone and being a sperm donor to everything. From day dot all you seem to talk about is how many kids you have with numerous women, like that’s something to be proud off………..
Please, I bet you ain’t even got balls; probably been beaten off by some animal while attempting some weird act on it.
____________________
I am powerful and i am loved.
I am powerful and i am loving.
I am powerful and i love it!
____________________
Click here for your Black Profile
|
liberiangirl
Villager
| Joined: | Sunday September 19th, 2004 |
| Location: | Atlanta, Georgia USA |
| Posts: | 765 |
| Photo: | |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
Click here for your Black Profile
Search for Black Sites
|
Posted: Monday May 15th, 2006 20:47 |
|
Kunjufu wrote:
Libriangirl: You're not going to like my advice sorry ..but here it is for what its worth...
You are as they say trying to be in CHURH & CHAPEL at the same time, ie you're trying to have you're cake and eat it...
Clearly you did not put down clear markers from the outset of your involvement with this man. You then clearly compounded the issue by giving in my view mixed messages, by effectively dating the man more than once. Clearly you're not into him, so god knows why you took up with him in the first place.. Now you're still giving mixed messages by trying to be nice, dropping subtle hint in the hope he will get it and back off...NOT A CHANCE!!!
Sorry Liberian girl but you are totally at fault, did you notice when you took his card that he was somewhat older than you?
Honestly Kunjufu there have been mixed messages on both sides of the party, not just me. When he gave me his card he made it seem like the ONLY thing he was interested in was having me model for him.....Then when i met up with him and went back to his studio we talked and he started to get more personal and i was a bit caught off guard because i wasnt aware of his original intentions.. Im not sure if this was coincidence or intentional but i didnt have any original intentions of dating an older man. The reason why i decided to date him was becasue as i said before he seemed like a nice guy. But after he said some pretty annoying things which i stated in my original post, id decided just to be friends.
Last edited on Monday May 15th, 2006 21:02 by liberiangirl
____________________
When the missionaries came to Africa, they had the bible and we had the land. They taught us to pray with our eyes closed. When we opened them, they had bible, and they had the land.
____________________
www.blacksearch.co.uk - Helping to promote Black African and Caribbean Websites
|
liberiangirl
Villager
| Joined: | Sunday September 19th, 2004 |
| Location: | Atlanta, Georgia USA |
| Posts: | 765 |
| Photo: | |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
Click here for your Black Profile
Search for Black Sites
|
Posted: Monday May 15th, 2006 20:59 |
|
Miss Nellia wrote:
It appears to me that this man is coming on too strong too soon which for many women especially me is a bigass turn off. I mean chill the heck out, and as he is so much older than you as well just adds to the perversion and disgust. He is not a good example for some older men who are quite the opposite, he may just be excited to have a 'young' girl, because if memory serves me correctly you are of school age or there about?... so what was the attraction to this old man in the first place?
Well as i told Kunjufu i wasnt really attracted to him at all. You see when we first met there was no talk of dating or anything like that he made it seem like the only thing he from me was to model for him, because all he talked about was his work and that he wanted to paint me for a school assignement.
Well i have had another talk with him and i made it clear again that the only thing i wanted was to be friends with him. After the second time of talking to him, he has backed off somewhat. He told me that he even if he cant be in a relationship with me, that he is content even just being my friend b/c just being around me makes him happy and he is sure that i have better choices than him when it comes to men. Ok so no, I didnt take the advice and cut him off completely as I didnt have the heart and after all that he has done for me, that would be a bit cold. I know he probably still has some feelings for me, but he cant ever say that I lead him on as i have made it apparent repeatedly that i just want to be friends.
Last edited on Monday May 15th, 2006 21:04 by liberiangirl
____________________
When the missionaries came to Africa, they had the bible and we had the land. They taught us to pray with our eyes closed. When we opened them, they had bible, and they had the land.
____________________
Click here for your Black Profile
|
|
|
Current time is 10:56 | |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Join the
Blacknet
mailing list
|
|
