| Author | |
|---|
Michelle33
Villager
| Joined: | Monday August 15th, 2005 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 343 |
| Photo: | |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: |    |
Click here for your Black Profile
Search for Black Sites
|
Posted: Thursday April 6th, 2006 12:59 |
|
P-dot wrote: Lol.... you're funny. No, he aint on steroids he aint that hench jus a lil muscular.... he's got free weights an dumbells he uses at home.
His familys a bit nuts.... one dad....20 kids.....15 mums....
5 years is a long time.... but on certain days of the year its hard for him.... just like on the anniversary of my grandads death its hard for me.... must be worse 4 him cos thats his mummy and he lost her when he was relatavely young.
I aint trying to stick up for him. I've left him. he called me 2day and made some promises. But i'm standing my ground until i hear positive feedback from his sister.
It sounds like you are willing to give him another chance depending on whether his sister tells you something nice about him, is that right?
____________________
Click here for your Black Profile
|
angel-i-
Villager
| Joined: | Thursday September 2nd, 2004 |
| Location: | Manchester |
| Posts: | 80 |
| Photo: | |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
Click here for your Black Profile
Search for Black Sites
|
Posted: Thursday April 6th, 2006 22:55 |
|
@Miss Nelia
To be honest I think he died in a fight or something...I dont really know,,and I dont think I should care. In terms of dealing with it, it sounds mad, but Im so glad I went through it. I would not be the person I am today. Its affected me both postively and negatively. I cross the road when I see a crazy coming, but Im also quite cynical bout relationships, brutally realistic, if that makes sense, sometimes to the detriment of the relationship Im in...Apart from that, life is good and Im blessed!
 Peace
____________________
'...emancipate yourselves from mental slavery, none but ourselves can free our minds...'. Robert Nesta Marley
____________________
www.blacksearch.co.uk - Helping to promote Black African and Caribbean Websites
|
Afroboo
Villager
| Joined: | Friday October 3rd, 2003 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 192 |
| Photo: | |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
Click here for your Black Profile
Search for Black Sites
|
Posted: Friday April 7th, 2006 14:16 |
|
@ p-dot
I have been in a very similar situation , reading your posts is as if i am listening to myself years ago.
You have recieved a lot of good advice
I think its best you get out of it now! because he will not change.. The more you put up with it ,the more he will carry on and assume he can act anyway with you..
I stayed with my ex for 3 years and looking back now, I know I should have left when I had a feeling that "someday this guy is gonna hit me" ...
Everything you have said I have identified with and can understand why it is probably hard for you to just leave ..
Please dont wait for him to get more violent.. He really is not worth it and you deserve much better, In time you will realise this and I hope it is sooner rather than later
The only way abusive/controlling people can change is if they have knowone around to inable their behaviour.
Last edited on Friday April 7th, 2006 16:23 by Afroboo
____________________
Click here for your Black Profile
|
Kunjufu
Villager
Click here for your Black Profile
Search for Black Sites
|
Posted: Sunday April 9th, 2006 20:30 |
|
| bump..
____________________
African heart, African mind
____________________
www.blacksearch.co.uk - Helping to promote Black African and Caribbean Websites
|
Ladi_Swifty
Villager
| Joined: | Wednesday June 30th, 2004 |
| Location: | London, United Kingdom |
| Posts: | 537 |
| Photo: | |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
Click here for your Black Profile
Search for Black Sites
|
Posted: Wednesday April 19th, 2006 15:04 |
|
| It kinda looks like you're stayin with him for the sake of tha good memories you have of him an how things were when times are good (I could be wrong), but if you're in the relationship and you're suffering an don't feel comfortable then you need to find yourself out of it. Cause as long as you're with him, you're suffering an that ain't a good base for a relationship. Stayin with him in tha hope that he'll change..is just waitin in vain cause he doesn't seem to notice anything wrong with himself 2 get the help he needs. Either that or he's usin it as an excuse to treat you the way he does. He needs to help himself an sort himself out before he's fit to be in any relationship cause...the sorta things you described "waving knives, lockin in tha house"...that ain't right an it's kinda disturbin to be honest Last edited on Wednesday April 19th, 2006 15:06 by Ladi_Swifty
____________________
Click here for your Black Profile
|
Incognito
Villager
| Joined: | Sunday August 31st, 2003 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 3479 |
| Photo: | |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
Click here for your Black Profile
Search for Black Sites
|
Posted: Wednesday April 19th, 2006 15:17 |
|
Now I've been accused of domestic violence or more domestic abuse so I'm guessing it must be relative but then it may be seen as all the same under the law so be careful - a bit like showing your children too much affection, next babylon will be accusing you of paedophillia. If I'm dealing with a woman who needs a good beating, I wouldn't give her the privilege, I'll leave that to her new bloke to dish it out to her Last edited on Wednesday April 19th, 2006 15:19 by Incognito
____________________
I live satisfied that my enemies know I am right!
____________________
www.blacksearch.co.uk - Helping to promote Black African and Caribbean Websites
|
kamkam
Villager
Click here for your Black Profile
Search for Black Sites
|
Posted: Wednesday April 19th, 2006 15:27 |
|
Incognito wrote: Now I've been accused of domestic violence or more domestic abuse so I'm guessing it must be relative but then it may be seen as all the same under the law so be careful - a bit like showing your children too much affection, next babylon will be accusing you of paedophillia. If I'm dealing with a woman who needs a good beating, I wouldn't give her the privilege, I'll leave that to her new bloke to dish it out to her
 Do you think thats amusing. You need help if you think that giving too much affection and paedphillia are anywhere close.
When does someone need a good beating, go on explain a circumstance? (kiss teet) Fool!
____________________
EDUCATION IS FREEDOM AND POWER BE PROUD BE PERSISITANT BUT MOST OF ALL BE POSITIVE.
____________________
Click here for your Black Profile
|
Incognito
Villager
| Joined: | Sunday August 31st, 2003 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 3479 |
| Photo: | |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
Click here for your Black Profile
Search for Black Sites
|
Posted: Wednesday April 19th, 2006 15:35 |
|
kamkam - a circumstance, hmm...the one that comes first to mind is when the weaker of the people involved believe they can actually give a beating to the other
When I used to beat people up in secondary school I always used to feel sorry for them aftewards and was riddled with guilt - now even the threat of violence is as good as giving it.
Need help? Even smacking naughty children is now seen as child abuse, that would make my parents child abusers
Last edited on Wednesday April 19th, 2006 16:15 by Incognito
____________________
I live satisfied that my enemies know I am right!
____________________
www.blacksearch.co.uk - Helping to promote Black African and Caribbean Websites
|
kamkam
Villager
Click here for your Black Profile
Search for Black Sites
|
Posted: Wednesday April 19th, 2006 16:28 |
|
Incognito wrote: kamkam - a circumstance, hmm...the one that comes first to mind is when the weaker of the people involved believe they can actually give a beating to the other
When does someone NEED a beating?
When I used to beat people up in secondary school I always used to feel sorry for them aftewards and was riddled with guilt - now even the threat of violence is as good as giving it.
Yes thats corrects is called emtional abuse. And?
Need help? Even smacking naughty children is now seen as child abuse, that would make my parents child abusers
Smacking children is not seen as abuse, doing serious physical harm to your child a seeing it as just smacking is seen as abuse and it is!
If I'm dealing with a woman who needs a good beating, I wouldn't give her the privilege, I'll leave that to her new bloke to dish it out to her
My issue is that you think the above is amusing. All abuse is seen as the same under the law and so it should.
____________________
EDUCATION IS FREEDOM AND POWER BE PROUD BE PERSISITANT BUT MOST OF ALL BE POSITIVE.
____________________
Click here for your Black Profile
|
Incognito
Villager
| Joined: | Sunday August 31st, 2003 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 3479 |
| Photo: | |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
Click here for your Black Profile
Search for Black Sites
|
Posted: Wednesday April 19th, 2006 16:53 |
|
Well I'm more a person of the mind so emotional abuse is probably more my field - you may find yourself living in fear if you are of the superficial kind but I'm quite harmless really. Still, nothing a bit of humility or even humour from the person in fear can't sort out.
People can and do use the law to defend and hide their own inadequacies - nothing worse than being a person of the mind and trying to converse with a plank of wood - it could even bring out the demon in you
Too many people look at violence as premeditated as opposed to reactionary. Both kinds exist.
Last edited on Wednesday April 19th, 2006 16:55 by Incognito
____________________
I live satisfied that my enemies know I am right!
____________________
www.blacksearch.co.uk - Helping to promote Black African and Caribbean Websites
|
Incognito
Villager
| Joined: | Sunday August 31st, 2003 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 3479 |
| Photo: | |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
Click here for your Black Profile
Search for Black Sites
|
Posted: Wednesday April 19th, 2006 16:57 |
|
Need help? Even smacking naughty children is now seen as child abuse, that would make my parents child abusers
Smacking children is not seen as abuse, doing serious physical harm to your child a seeing it as just smacking is seen as abuse and it is!
What planet you been living on? Parents know that, it doesn't mean the law will see it that way. Checkout this paradox, my son, I do not need to smack him now he knows I will if I have to. Smacking for the sake of it no matter how mild is abuse in my books - parents in this category have issues.
Last edited on Wednesday April 19th, 2006 17:13 by Incognito
____________________
I live satisfied that my enemies know I am right!
____________________
Click here for your Black Profile
|
kamkam
Villager
Click here for your Black Profile
Search for Black Sites
|
Posted: Wednesday April 19th, 2006 17:18 |
|
Do you not see what i'm trying to say about your comment?
____________________
EDUCATION IS FREEDOM AND POWER BE PROUD BE PERSISITANT BUT MOST OF ALL BE POSITIVE.
____________________
www.blacksearch.co.uk - Helping to promote Black African and Caribbean Websites
|
CeeCee
Villager
| Joined: | Monday February 2nd, 2004 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 1301 |
| Photo: | |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
Click here for your Black Profile
Search for Black Sites
|
Posted: Wednesday April 19th, 2006 17:28 |
|
P-Dot,
Y-E-S!!!! that is straight up domestic violence! I had an aunt( I speak about her in the section where 2soul2 talks about his dilemna. She lived with my uncle for 25 years.She was with him ever since she was 17. Though my uncle didn't physically abusive to her, his words were and that was what got on my aunt's nerves. two years ago she left him. Mind you that she is healing from the ordeal. She still says that she loves him, but she didn't want to go through that abuse anymore and that she wanted to move on with her life. I think about those days where she did stay with him. She was constanly in and out of hospitals because stress related illnesses. Her daughters being scared of him because of it. Even though she wasn't physiaclly abuses, she was still abused and she had to leave him to save her soul. Mind you, that my aunt is classified as disabled and it's easy for some people say that she's going to need a second pair of hand to help her----NOT!
You are coming out with the classic signs of abuse : His temper tantrums being dispalyed on you, his insensitity to affection, his calling his ex-wife and you b----.and so on. Like I said my aunt lived my uncle for 25 years. As a kid my siblings , I noticed a problem with my uncle when he called her a b----. As years progressed, the problem didn't get better. He was sorry about this and that and days latter he was calling ugly names again. Things only got better when she decided to leave him. That was two years ago. She still has feelings for him but it's not a I-want-to-be-with-you kind of feeling. You can love somebody without living with their abuse. Here is a stern warning to you: If you continue to live/be with abuse, you can expect an early regression of your life. Until you do something about it life for you willnot get any better.
____________________
Click here for your Black Profile
|
Incognito
Villager
| Joined: | Sunday August 31st, 2003 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 3479 |
| Photo: | |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
Click here for your Black Profile
Search for Black Sites
|
Posted: Wednesday April 19th, 2006 18:01 |
|
kamkam wrote: Do you not see what i'm trying to say about your comment?
Yes, that I think it's funny, and I'm saying there's a lot more depth behind a superficial headline.
____________________
I live satisfied that my enemies know I am right!
____________________
www.blacksearch.co.uk - Helping to promote Black African and Caribbean Websites
|
shopaholik
Villager
Click here for your Black Profile
Search for Black Sites
|
Posted: Wednesday April 19th, 2006 18:22 |
|
hi p-dot,
pls re-think this situation, i endured a similar relationship to yours it lasted just over a year. he had these short fuse and was just angry at the world! i used to say that to him all the time!
he never hit me or threatened to hit me, but once we had an argument and he had me by the scruff of my collar, i told him firmly to take his hands off me and he did but when i told him i needed to use the bathroom he thought i was playing games with him and tried to pull me down a flight of stairs.
after that it was a while b4 i saw him again and like you he apologised, i luv u all that bull. but one evening i was so angry with him i took the knife that was on his chest of draws and threatend him with it! that's when i knew he had pushed me over the top, i wouldnt have killed him but that's the extent to which that relationship got me (not good). Relationships like that often become to emotionally draining.
he had problems as a youngster his dad has never been around and he hates him, his step-father was physically abusive towards him and he has been in prison twice. he mum now lives in the US with her new husband and his two half-sisters. he does visit them annually but overall i think with him it is a lack of love. i tried to give him that love and i he didnt appreciate it.
all is not lost, u do move on and meet new people. pm me if u like 
____________________
Never too busy to be beautiful.
____________________
Click here for your Black Profile
|
bubz
Villager
| Joined: | Saturday January 29th, 2005 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 752 |
| Photo: | |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
Click here for your Black Profile
Search for Black Sites
|
Posted: Wednesday April 19th, 2006 19:01 |
|
Incognito wrote: Now I've been accused of domestic violence or more domestic abuse so I'm guessing it must be relative but then it may be seen as all the same under the law so be careful - a bit like showing your children too much affection, next babylon will be accusing you of paedophillia. If I'm dealing with a woman who needs a good beating, I wouldn't give her the privilege, I'll leave that to her new bloke to dish it out to her
if you dont mind me asking, what did you do to be accused of domestic abuse?
kam kam has asked what you mean by a woman who 'needs a good beating' and you mentioned if a weaker person is trying to beat the stronger person. i agree in a sense that no one should start hitting and i would not encourage my brother to put up with being hit by any woman. i would tell him to hit back ANYONE who hit him. i think if a woman is attacking a man she should expect to be hit back and if she does get a 'good beating' then maybe next time she will think twice before putting her hand or foot on people. same if its the man that is beating his woman, if he gets a good beating by the brothers or whoever then GOOD, he may think twice about raising his hand again.
violence really doesnt have a place in a loving relationship between two adults though and no one man or woman should feel they have to put up with it.
____________________
www.blacksearch.co.uk - Helping to promote Black African and Caribbean Websites
|
Incognito
Villager
| Joined: | Sunday August 31st, 2003 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 3479 |
| Photo: | |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
Click here for your Black Profile
Search for Black Sites
|
Posted: Thursday April 20th, 2006 08:22 |
|
bubz - well I had to put a woman outside once to let her know how it feels, and tried to push a woman into a bath to get her clothes wet. On both occassions I was accused of phsical violence - in one case I gave a wardrobe a solid punch and said 'when you get one of these then you can sayyou have been physically violent - that went down as an act of mental abuse - a no win situation.
If you find yourself in relationships like these then the person is not for you - love has nothing to do with it - completely different to someone who thrives and can only survive in relationship like these - move on. You'd be surprised at the accustions that come out of the woodwork when you do move on....I think in many cases it's more about saving face.
A friend of mine moved out of his family home, the woman tried to stop him and she fell down. She started bawling and rang the police saying he pushed her down the stairs. Another came home and the police were waiting for him - told him he's not allowed back in the house there and then - good thing none of these men were married.
____________________
I live satisfied that my enemies know I am right!
____________________
Click here for your Black Profile
|
Incognito
Villager
| Joined: | Sunday August 31st, 2003 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 3479 |
| Photo: | |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
Click here for your Black Profile
Search for Black Sites
|
Posted: Thursday April 20th, 2006 08:50 |
|
bubz - here's another example. A man been grafting all his life to give his children the best only to discover the mother bathes his children in her dirty bath water - now that woman needs a GOOD! beating - accusations of domestic violence are expected here if nothing else to mask the real problems. From the mans point of view you couldn't do him more physical or mental abuse if you tried.
If the relationship turns into a tit for tat thing then all you are admitting is incompatibilty - flash!
Last edited on Thursday April 20th, 2006 09:04 by Incognito
____________________
I live satisfied that my enemies know I am right!
____________________
www.blacksearch.co.uk - Helping to promote Black African and Caribbean Websites
|
Kunjufu
Villager
Click here for your Black Profile
Search for Black Sites
|
Posted: Thursday April 20th, 2006 09:00 |
|
Incognito wrote: bubz - well I had to put a woman outside once to let her know how it feels, and tried to push a woman into a bath to get her clothes wet. On both occassions I was accused of phsical violence - in one case I gave a wardrobe a solid punch and said 'when you get one of these then you can sayyou have been physically violent - that went down as an act of mental abuse - a no win situation.
Incognito: honestly and this is not trying to come off holier than thou...because i've been there myself....the two examples above IS threatening behaviour and by defacto Domestic violence no doubt about it..
A friend of mine moved out of his family home, the woman tried to stop him and she fell down. She started bawling and rang the police saying he pushed her down the stairs. Another came home and the police were waiting for him - told him he's not allowed back in the house there and then - good thing none of these men were married.
The first example however is bullsh*t, and i would agree with you, if the events happened as they did it clearly wasn't domestic violence...however to be fair to the police, if they arrive they are NOT to know that after the fact..secondly I know that the police if they suspect a breach of the peace..are under orders to remove somebody from the house..usually it is the man..because the woman rightly or wrongly are supposed to be nurturing the children... So again I can see why your friend got kicked out.. Not right i grant you but thats how it is...
On the second example however whilst the above would apply..I have to say that i do not believe that your friend gave you the whole story or that the circumstances have been articulated properly... whilst the police can remove someone for fear of preach of the peach...they cannot prevent someone from living in their own home...only the courts can do that....unless it wasn't his home by that I mean he was just living in someone's elses home.... then of course the police can assist, the man or woman to ask that person to leave if they fear violence...
But the police cannot as far as I know evict anyone from thier own house permenantly without a court order...or an order restricting access within a radious of the victim...therefore i suspect there is more to this story that has been revealed...
____________________
African heart, African mind
____________________
Click here for your Black Profile
|
Incognito
Villager
| Joined: | Sunday August 31st, 2003 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 3479 |
| Photo: | |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
Click here for your Black Profile
Search for Black Sites
|
Posted: Thursday April 20th, 2006 09:09 |
|
Kunjufu - in the second example I don't know if the law has changed now but apparently a woman can simply accuse you of upsetting her spirit and the children in the family home with no proof whatsoever he had to leave until further notice or until he proved his case against. If it means dealing with the police many black men will just walk away - been oppressed by them mothers far too long.
____________________
I live satisfied that my enemies know I am right!
____________________
www.blacksearch.co.uk - Helping to promote Black African and Caribbean Websites
|
Incognito
Villager
| Joined: | Sunday August 31st, 2003 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 3479 |
| Photo: | |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
Click here for your Black Profile
Search for Black Sites
|
Posted: Thursday April 20th, 2006 09:14 |
|
Kunjufu - well in the first instance I'd been threatened with not being able to get into my house when I got home that night - now she knows how that actually feels. But this is definitely female territory, in this zone of being protected by the law I heard more come out of the womans mouth than I had in the rest of the entire relationship
The joke is the man could make just as many accusations if he put his trust in babylon. Many men have been there. If I have been in a domestic then I've always let cpeople know as opposed to pretending everything behind closed doors is kriss. Being violent just give many a lazy arse the excuse to hide behind....easier said then done but try not to give them the privilege.
The first experience of living with someone can be traumatic for both members. I guesss there are people mashing up all the while but strangely it only accounts for abuse if you don't make up again afterwards. I think it's called a woman scorned
Last edited on Thursday April 20th, 2006 22:57 by Incognito
____________________
I live satisfied that my enemies know I am right!
____________________
Click here for your Black Profile
|
Incognito
Villager
| Joined: | Sunday August 31st, 2003 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 3479 |
| Photo: | |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
Click here for your Black Profile
Search for Black Sites
|
Posted: Sunday April 23rd, 2006 12:57 |
|
P-dot here's a link tso see if your situation meets the criteria.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/relationships/domestic_violence/index.shtml
____________________
I live satisfied that my enemies know I am right!
____________________
www.blacksearch.co.uk - Helping to promote Black African and Caribbean Websites
|
bubz
Villager
| Joined: | Saturday January 29th, 2005 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 752 |
| Photo: | |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: | |
Click here for your Black Profile
Search for Black Sites
|
Posted: Sunday April 23rd, 2006 13:25 |
|
Incognito wrote: P-dot here's a link tso see if your situation meets the criteria.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/relationships/domestic_violence/index.shtml
incognito would your relationship (the one you were accused of abuse in) have met the criteria do you think? does the criteria even seem correct to you? just out of interest.
____________________
Click here for your Black Profile
|
Kunjufu
Villager
Click here for your Black Profile
Search for Black Sites
|
Posted: Sunday April 23rd, 2006 14:10 |
|
How can I get my partner out of the property?
Davina James-Hanman responds
You may have decided that you want to end the relationship but for a variety of reasons, you want to stay in your own home without your partner.
This may be because you have friends and family living near who can support you or because you don't want to change the children's school. Maybe you're the sole owner or tenant of the house or maybe you're clear that since the violence is his responsibility, you don't feel you should be the one to disrupt your life.
Be safe
Whether or not it's possible for you to remove your partner will depend on your particular circumstances and you should also give careful consideration to your safety.
Even though you're staying in your home, you may still find it useful to read the Crisis plan for information on useful documents to take copies of before your partner leaves the home.
(See also How can I protect myself if I stay without my partner?)
Ways of evicting your partner from the property
- If the home you live in is in your sole name and you’re not married to your partner then you don't need a court order to evict him. You’re only required to give him 'reasonable notice to quit' (which could
|
