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navyblue
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Posted: Monday March 13th, 2006 21:08 |
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| I have recently married; husband has moved into my flat & we now have a child; we therefore need a house/ more space. We can afford a smaller house if I choose not to sell or re-mortgage my flat (which I would prefer not to do); but husband wants a nice big house; which would mean me having to re-mortgage my flat & have the stress of responsibilty for 2 large mortgages. Advice please; what would you do? Also general thoughts on women earning more than than their man; how does that affect general decision making in the home ie financial matters....Advice needed for a newly wed please...
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Incognito
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Posted: Monday March 13th, 2006 21:23 |
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NB
Recently married? Under babylons system it sounds like you'd have the more to lose if the marriage collapsed.
A friend of mine once said his girlfriend owed him £1000. I couldn't relate to this as I told him any money exchanged between me and my girl is our money. If she lends me one time it might be me lending her the next - it's all in the family. The reality is my friend would have been broke trying to supply his girls lavish hire purchase, live for now materialistic lifestyle. In my case I've never borrowed real money without giving it back.
Remortgage your flat and when you can buy a bigger house try renting the flat out to pay for itself. Or better still, if you have brothers and sisters who need somewhere to live, rent it out to them or if they do not earn as much as you meet them half way and pay half for them - still less expenditure on your part and a roof over a head.
Don't watch the earnings - just make sure your husband is a reflection of the things you stand for and you a reflection of his. You may find you have differences that only come to a head when raising children - like one being a roots-rock-reggae person and the other being a bacon-head .
Financial decisions? well if you earn more than him yet still only earn 20k a year then that's not going to go far anyway is it
Last edited on Monday March 13th, 2006 22:05 by Incognito
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blackneck
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Posted: Tuesday March 14th, 2006 03:54 |
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navyblue wrote: I have recently married; husband has moved into my flat & we now have a child; we therefore need a house/ more space. We can afford a smaller house if I choose not to sell or re-mortgage my flat (which I would prefer not to do); but husband wants a nice big house; which would mean me having to re-mortgage my flat & have the stress of responsibilty for 2 large mortgages. Advice please; what would you do? Also general thoughts on women earning more than than their man; how does that affect general decision making in the home ie financial matters....Advice needed for a newly wed please... Sounds real deep!!
i,ll pass on this one
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Le Moor
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| Joined: | Friday January 28th, 2005 |
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Posted: Tuesday March 14th, 2006 06:07 |
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navyblue wrote: I have recently married; husband has moved into my flat & we now have a child; we therefore need a house/ more space. We can afford a smaller house if I choose not to sell or re-mortgage my flat (which I would prefer not to do); but husband wants a nice big house; which would mean me having to re-mortgage my flat & have the stress of responsibilty for 2 large mortgages. Advice please; what would you do? Also general thoughts on women earning more than than their man; how does that affect general decision making in the home ie financial matters....Advice needed for a newly wed please...
What would i do?
Talk to my partner, explain that if they insist on wanting a larger property, i will sacrifice my assest but want the new mortgage legally drawn up on an equity shared basis so that if we split up that money remains mine. It would be nice and ideal if this could happen as a verbal agreement, however the reality is that in modern day relationships this may not be such a good idea.
This conversation naturally could cause problems, however if the boot were on the other foot i would personally insist that my partner protects her own money. How could i want a larger house, have less to bring to the table and still expect an eqaul share of equity legally. Doesnt seem right to me. Obviously as time goes on and two peoles lives become more entwinned then maybe the dynamics of this situation may change. That would boil down to personal opinions and circumstances.
Ideally the first option would be to re-mortgage the flat and rent it out with a view to making enough profit per month to help pay for this 'bigger' place. I sense it would not be possible to do this and reap sufficient profit, as you've stated you would be left with 2 large mortgages. If it is possible then here's your solution, if you can handle the responsibility of being a Landlady.
Whether you handle your financial decesions as a couple successfully or not has more of a reflection on the relationship itself rather than the female being the main bread winner.
Last edited on Tuesday March 14th, 2006 07:11 by Le Moor
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Saint
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Posted: Thursday March 16th, 2006 09:18 |
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Whether you handle your financial decisions as a couple successfully or not has more of a reflection on the relationship itself rather than the female being the main bread winner"
I agree with statement above. what I can see that is holding you back is you thinking just in case something happens in the future. Well it is ok, but truly when two people commit to one another, they become one and whatever one partners has, should both be yours. That is the way it should work. If he was the owner of the house , he should not consider holding back and same applies to you really.
Decision making should not be based on who is earning more, but you two should come to agreement on something. Having said that, if he is not contributing much, he should not just be saying we spend this on that, and so on.......... he obvioulsy need to work harder if he want better things which you feel you can't afford at the moment.
However, you need to know what to put first, your marriage or your finance. Then again, you need to be wise about it, because you don't want to lose all your investment. It all depends on trust.
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