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Kunjufu
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Posted: Friday January 6th, 2006 14:59 |
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Girl Friday... you know what hear when you right..denial, denial denial...everytime you're confronted with the truth of YOUR words you dive for another excuse to counter the obvious....again my qwuestion is why?
You say: Why is it we younger generation are so quick to throw in the towel? Yes my 'way' maybe enchanted waters but at least I'm trying to find a way to help my relationship.
True... very true one should work at relationships..HOWEVER here is the key point
IT TAKES TWO PEOPLE.... and unless i missed something I don't see your man here asking for help to make it work or did i miss something?
Listen SPEAKING as someone older than you...I know endings are difficult, no one wants to let go of a relationship or accept that it aint working anymore.because it looks and feels like failure... How do i face my friends, my family or my work colleagues... However I also know that by putting off the obvious that this in the long run can be far more damaging all round... Girl Friday only you know the truth and only you can act....
My advice is to reread what you wrote and then THINK about it... TRY to TALK to your man, fight for me..but if there isn't two of you in this FIGHT..then you have to LET GO!!!
Good luck...
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The Watcher
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Posted: Friday January 6th, 2006 15:03 |
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Woah Kunjufu...
she is talking about her childs' father who she lives with and says she wants to stay with. In that light I certainly don't agree with people telling her to leave and pack it up. There are consequences. I think she wants to make it work but is just confused and has the completly wrong solution and weird ideas. Would be better for us to talk to her about how to fix it rather than tell her to leave and get out.
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Madam Butterfly
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Posted: Friday January 6th, 2006 15:14 |
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GF i have said before and i will say again. If you want your relationship to work then the last thing you shoud be doing is finding another man to give you what is lacking. it would seem to me that this is the preceise route to ENDING your relationship.
Does your boyfriend know they extent to which you are concerned about your relationship? Or does he feel that your only problem is that you are bored and want to go out more?
With men you need to be specific about what is wrong and what can realistically be changed and that goes for BOTH of you. Do not make out he is the bad guy and you are the victim somehow. It will make him shut down You say you have tried talking, but if your man knew the extent of your feeling i would think that he would try harder. Either that, or he doesn't care enough.
Once a couple have a home and a child and are both working it can be very easy to take life for granted. There seems to be nothing to "work" for. It seems to me you have both all but given up on the relationship. He won't talk and says what you want to hear, you want to look outside the relationship for what is lacking.
Maybe your boyfriend is depressed about something? stressed at work> maybe he is aware of your differeing prsonalities (he a homebody and you who likes to socialize) and feels threatened by this.
Again, you need to talk to HIM and him alone and be specific. Let him know how serious it is.
If neither one of you cares about the relationshi enough to at least do that, then yes you should walk away, otherwise you are just flatmates living in a kind of limbo. Tension and resentment will build and the child will pick up on it.
Just because you may end the relationship, does not mean you cannot love him as the father of your child.
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Kunjufu
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Posted: Friday January 6th, 2006 15:21 |
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DrunkMonkey wrote: Woah Kunjufu...
she is talking about her childs' father who she lives with and says she wants to stay with. In that light I certainly don't agree with people telling her to leave and pack it up. There are consequences. I think she wants to make it work but is just confused and has the completly wrong solution and weird ideas. Would be better for us to talk to her about how to fix it rather than tell her to leave and get out.
DM; I couldn't disgree with you more......first i didn't say she should leave,....I said she should READ her own thoughts, that to me suggests this.. second Girl Friday has said clearly and consistently that her man isn't COMMUNICATING... it is pretty difficult to WORK things out if that is the case...
If you read my entire thoughts you will see that i sai that this a problem that needs to be seen in context of the interaction between themselves.. However it is clear that someone coming onto a forum looking for a 'friend' is pretty drastic and speak volumes..
But the bottom line is this hindsight I can say it is MORE damaging to raise children in an unhappy household than to separate... However at the end of the day its up to Girl Friday to decide...FOR HERSELF...
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safetyblitz
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Posted: Friday January 6th, 2006 15:27 |
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girl friday wrote: WHY ARE YOU ALL SO JUDGEMENTAL?!!
Firstly, I get chatted up all day long! At work, at the gym, when I go shopping....everywhere! So if all I wanted was a so called 'booty call', I would select one of my many admirers. But as I am looking for a purely PLATONIC friendship, it would not make sense to nuture a friendship with a man who I already know fancies me. COMPRENDE'?
GEEEEZ!! Why all the haters?
Why is it so dificult to understand? There must be a guy out there, in a relationship, or not looking for another woman but would appreciate meeting a new female friend.
I don't want to loose my man. Of course not. We have a beautiful home and a fairly happy life together. I would just like to understand the way men think more. So if not this way.....what would you suggest I do.....read a book?
There are no haters, you just don't want to hear the truth. The only person that you could hang out with like that is a friend that you have known for a long time or a relative. If not you are going to catch feelings for him or vice verse. Then what?
If you want to see how your man thinks, why not TALK to him? Make him know that you are not happy and you feel taken for granted. Trust me, if he knows you feel like this he will make more of an effort, but he won't if you do not TALK to him. Did I mention talking to him?
You can find a platonic friend but he cannot tell you what your man is thinking because the two will be different.
Want your man to go out with you buy tickets to something. If he won't go get dressed REAL sexy and go out and with a GIRL friend. Then go out to have something to eat afterward. Trust me he wil lbe up later than that wondering where the hell you are.
I bet the next time he is invited to go out with you, he will go LOL Use your womanly powers on him WOMAN.....How do you think you got him in the first place?
Ladies you are all slipping..........instruct this young woman on how to keep her disinterested man INTERESTED LOL
Adding another set of balls to this situation is only going to wreck your household and his too if he is married because I am sure his woman is not going to want you hanging out with her man......
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The Watcher
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Posted: Friday January 6th, 2006 15:45 |
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Kunjufu
DM; I couldn't disgree with you more......first i didn't say she should leave,....I said she should READ her own thoughts, that to me suggests this.. second Girl Friday has said clearly and consistently that her man isn't COMMUNICATING... it is pretty difficult to WORK things out if that is the case...
He is going to sleep early to run away from her IMO. Or he has to work early
If you read my entire thoughts you will see that i sai that this a problem that needs to be seen in context of the interaction between themselves...
I agree with that.
However it is clear that someone coming onto a forum looking for a 'friend' is pretty drastic and speak volumes...
I think it's her confusion, naivety and plain sillyness really based on what she has said rather than her wanting to end it. As safety said, she hasn't realised that another set of balls (LOL) will only make things worse.
She has reached out for a solution and built that up in her head as the thing that can save her relationship... because we are pointing out the defects of that plan while offering no alternatives she hasn't already tried, she reacts as if we are taking away her hope. On some level the sister has to realise that reaching for the plutonic dude is a bad idea and knows it. But without other suggestions it's all she has.
But the bottom line is this hindsight I can say it is MORE damaging to raise children in an unhappy household than to separate... However at the end of the day its up to Girl Friday to decide...FOR HERSELF...
Gosh it's a BORING relationship not an abusive one. I don't think they should be breaking up because she is BORED.
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Backatya
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Posted: Friday January 6th, 2006 16:02 |
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Girl Friday
My you are a card.....LOL
I hope this thread has help to bring some spice into that hum drum existence you complain of. Afterall were you not hoping you topic would stir things up and provide you with hours of endless online fun? 
You did it well though, just look at the amount of responses. You're good, real good.....lol
Let me sit back and watch the fun. 
Weh de pop corn deh?
Respect
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Posted: Friday January 6th, 2006 16:07 |
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lol I sussed she was a script writer from time.....
however the responces are interesting
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safetyblitz
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Posted: Friday January 6th, 2006 16:19 |
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Girl friday above is the perfect man for you. Our number one excitement cure for women in bored relationships.....see his past post ROFL
Black Power
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Posted: Friday January 6th, 2006 18:13 |
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| plus I just had a pole fitted into the corner of my bedroom just for you girl friday...
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Kunjufu
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Posted: Friday January 6th, 2006 18:21 |
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BP; will you be dancing on that pole with your speedo's on and rubbing hot oils all over your bod.... can i suggest Webcam so the women can have a peek...lol
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Posted: Friday January 6th, 2006 18:28 |
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damm that conjoured a horrible picture in my mind....and you was talking about ME!!
lol
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safetyblitz
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Posted: Friday January 6th, 2006 18:35 |
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Kunjufu wrote: BP; will you be dancing on that pole with your speedo's on and rubbing hot oils all over your bod.... can i suggest Webcam so the women can have a peek...lol
Black Power will do his snake dance of friendship, Platonic of course just for you. girlfriday ROFL
I should not tease you, but I am sorry this funny LOL
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facetygal
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Posted: Friday January 6th, 2006 21:14 |
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There is only one way ur relationship will survive and that is to talk to ur boyfriend, having communication and maintaining it is paramount if u really want it to work. I don't care what u have said on previous posts, you actively looking for a male 'friend' is not going to work. If this 'friend' starts developing feelings for you and u unknowingly keep confiding in him, he could actually turn u against ur boyfriend without u realising it. And what if u spend too much time talking and linking this 'friend' will ur boyfriend not start thinking ur cheating on him? Would he not feel like sh*t when he finds out his woman can't confide in him?
Now if your relationship really is that dead and boring why are u not trying to do new things to keep it alive? Why are u letting ur man go bed at 9pm, does he work shifts/have to get up early in the morning? Whatever free time u both have should be spent together not with ur 'friend'. Amyway it's up to u, just don't start another thread sayin how ur man has left u because of what u did.
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ZACK
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Posted: Friday January 6th, 2006 22:48 |
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lol isn't if funny how somtimes people say things but when you look closly to what they said you know they meant somthing else.
In other words there is a hidden agenda behind this post and it's basicly girl friday is looking to line herself up with another partner.
Since when did it matter how tall your friends were lol this is what I call real desperation posting somthing like that up on here. My advice to the sista concerned is you need to sort your own issues out before you go and wreck another mans head or his relationship. and maybe you need to have a long talk with yourself weather or not you are being honest with yourself and your intentions
I hate to do the black women bashing thing but I will justify my next comment by saying to all you wounderful black women out there who are genuinly good women I love you yeah I love all of you. However I have noticed that there are some black women who seem to get off talking their business and whats going on in their relationship to every tom dick and harry then they turn around and wonder why their relationships never last.
So to those sistas I would like to say that if you are having problems in your relationship you are not going to find the answers by taking your business to a friend lol. You should be looking to yourself and the person whom you are having the relationship with. and if you cannot come up with the answers there then maybe you need to be thinking about weather or not it's worth you being together because no relationship is going to be plain sailing but it's how you deal with your problems together as a couple that will get you through.
I speak from my own personal experience now and I also speak as a man who has been married to the same fine loving wounderful black woman for 30 years. and have six kids by that same black Queen.
So work on your own relationship and don't rely on others to make right what you and your partner should be making right
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LLoydy64
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Posted: Saturday January 7th, 2006 01:24 |
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@BP and Kun!!!
YOU GUYS ARE TOOOOOOO FUNNY!!!!!!!!!
 
LMAO!!!!!!!
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Peacemaker
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Posted: Saturday January 7th, 2006 21:28 |
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girl friday wrote: I know this sounds crazy....but I'd really like to meet a normal, tall 6ft+ professional black man, who's not looking for a relationship.......for friendship. Maybe you're in a relationship yourself and who like another woman's opinion from time to time. who knows, we may even get on and become great friends........
I'm already in a relationship so I'm definately not looking for another.....but I would like to hang out with another guy sometimes....just as friends.
Interested?
Nope.
However,
I'd be really interested if your were a 4ft 8inch female Bricklayer.
But so few of these around.
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The Last African
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Posted: Saturday January 7th, 2006 22:18 |
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Funny thread, really though.
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slick rick
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Posted: Friday January 20th, 2006 03:35 |
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| hi im your manÂ
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Double N
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Posted: Friday January 20th, 2006 12:18 |
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Madam Butterfly wrote: lol i can see you are only interested in MEN, but as a female i WILL give you this piece of advice: If you are having problems in your relationship the last thing you need to be doing is getting friendly with another man, let alone actually seeking out another man, whether or not your only motive is friendship.
And the LAST thing you should be doing is talking to another man about your relationship problems unless they are your father, brother or cousin.
And if all you want is a male perspective, why not just post your problems right here? we got plenty of opinionated men who would be happy to oblige!! And nobody knows you, so embaressment is minimal.
But hey,its your relationship at stake so...
and sorry to disappoint you, DM, but i am a lil too grown for catfighting, especially on the 'net but i'll have some o' that popcorn though...!!
WOW is all i can say to this. [url=javascript:emoticon(' ', 'images/emoticons/blkaboveheadclap.gif')] [/url] I couldnt even finishe reading the rest of thread before responding to the thread. very well handled coz I know that there is no way I would have been able to hold back and still try and be contructive as you have. You are an inspiration MB.
Clearly this chick got defensive because you hit the nail on the head, why are you looking for a friend that is 6ft and a professional? eeediot! Who does she think she's fooling?
anyway just wanted to say well handled MB, i'm out before I have to unleash some serious wrath at the stupidity of this situation
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Double N
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Posted: Friday January 20th, 2006 12:33 |
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Kunjufu wrote: girl friday wrote: Kunjufu wrote: The problem here is that you are simply not listening to yourself, and you are refusing to accept and act on the obvious the question for is WHY? only you can answer this honestly...
What do you mean......I'm not listening to myself?
I mean that you have consistently highlighted quite a few significant issues in your relations, like you can't talk, like you're unhappy, like you're bored, like you're taken for granted etc etc.. you have now gone so far as act out your feelings...(in the wrong way IMO).
These are clear indicators that you have offered without being asked, willingly.. Yet it appears you are ignoring your feeling and continuing along a path that clearly contradicts how you obviously feel...
So the question here is when are you going to START listening to yourself...when are you going to accept that you're unhappy and do what is RIGHT for YOU!!!!
You know the what you need to do, but it appears that either you are affraid, or you do not feel able to take the next step..ask youself the obvious question....why?
Kunjufu, You have the patience of a Saint........an admirable quality. well done for trying
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Michelle33
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Posted: Friday January 20th, 2006 20:50 |
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 Never mind Girl Friday, be thankful for what you've got maybe?
So many jokes from this thread though!
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COLTRANE
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Posted: Saturday January 21st, 2006 10:53 |
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girl friday wrote: I know this sounds crazy....but I'd really like to meet a normal, tall 6ft+ professional black man, who's not looking for a relationship.......for friendship. Maybe you're in a relationship yourself and who like another woman's opinion from time to time. who knows, we may even get on and become great friends........
I'm already in a relationship so I'm definately not looking for another.....but I would like to hang out with another guy sometimes....just as friends.
Interested?
You have a long shopping list
why dont you head straight in epals page on BN?
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The Watcher
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Posted: Saturday January 21st, 2006 23:08 |
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BTW
This gal ain't said a damn thing for nearly a month now, she had one night of fun online. Who are people responding to?
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