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| Moderated by: Saida.M, safetyblitz, Raven, Miss Brighter Days, LadyDay, Kunjufu, Kibibi, Happiness, Dillinger, Breadfruit, Backatya |
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steelwill
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| Joined: | Wednesday October 19th, 2005 |
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Posted: Thursday October 20th, 2005 02:37 |
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| What's up ladies? I'm a 23 year old black man in need of some insight into his relationship of 3 years. I dont know how diffrent UK women are from those who are from the US, but im pretty sure your views are the same. Pretty much i have been the bread winner in my relationship. I have had alot of outside influneces telling me beforehand(before we got serious) that what I was doing was stupid. Even so after, that what I had done was very stupid. What my male freinds were refering to was the relatonship with a married woman. Yes, I know that I was wrong for even messing with her from the jump. Dont need to address that because it has been 3 years since I first met her. At the time I was in the ARMY, not making much, but enough to support myself. Now im gonna get straight to the root of the matter because my story is very long, and funny. I get dployed to IRAQ for the second time for an entire year. To make a very long story short, i pretty much lost $20,000 dollars as a result of taking care of my girlfreind. This amount is not exaggerated, iM actually being modest. I even took out a loan for her so that I could buy a brand new car, because her credit was not up to par. Not only did I take the money that was used for the car($800 FOR THE LOAN) ($500 WENT TOWARDS THE DEPOSIT OF A 2005 PONTIAC SUNFIRE) but, I gave her the remainder($300) TO PAY HER HUSBAND BACK. Now here I AM, 6months into my deployment with $39,000 in debt. During my 1 year deployment i had recieved 2 packages, and 2 letters from her. The only time i got any packages wAS WHEN I ASKED FOR THEM. Never did i recieve anything from her un expected. Oh yeah, I sent her $200 dollar 4 times which included flowers, candies, what have you for special occasions and to just show her that i LOVED HER. Now im in the position where I need help because I have BILLS UP THE ASS AS A RESULT OF NEGLECTING THEM, AND NOT FOR SEEING THE FUTURE. Can YOU BELIEVE THAT SHE COULDNT EVEN BUY ME A HAIR CARE PRODUCT THAT ONLY COSTED$10? LADIES AM I BEING USED? SHOULD I GET OUT OF THIS RELATIONSHIP BEFORE THINGS GET WORSER THAN THEY ALREADY ARE? PLS ANSWER
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Madam Butterfly
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Posted: Thursday October 20th, 2005 14:56 |
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No. I think you should stay IN this relationship until you are completly bankrupt. Then you will have a hard time getting credit to buy your own home or even your own car (or to upgrade your car). In the mean time, your married woman and her husband will laugh their asses off at you. (Hey, if i were married to a woman and some other dude was buying her a CAR and handiling all my other business while i was getting the "good" part of the relationship, i would surley be laughing MY ass off at him).
Why are you even asking? What do you expect anyones response to be? Its not even as if you're getting anything out of the so called relationship.
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facetygal
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| Joined: | Monday February 2nd, 2004 |
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Posted: Thursday October 20th, 2005 21:03 |
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| What goes around comes around, thats ur punishment for messing with a married woman. Live and learn bro, live and learn.
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Lucas...
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| Joined: | Thursday October 23rd, 2003 |
| Location: | London, United Kingdom |
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Posted: Thursday October 20th, 2005 21:22 |
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mmmm
...
whats inside of her ****y
gold?
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Mmmmm.....This man inspires me daily
(Carl)
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steelwill
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| Joined: | Wednesday October 19th, 2005 |
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Posted: Thursday October 20th, 2005 21:52 |
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| Basically, everything I DID for her has been out of love. The more I think about what has happened over the course of three years, the more i realize how foolish i have been. I just cant find myself to believe that my efforts have been in vain. Ignore my first post and allow me to give you all further detail into my delima. Before meeting her, I had never had a girlfriend and did not want one. I swore I would never get married because of some bad experiences with females in general. One nite, me and my buddy went out one nite.We hit a few clubs, and alongthe way i got a lil tipsy. Anyways, i got hungry so we went to denny's wich is a family restraunt over here and that is where i met her. She had a friend with her that I was intially wanted to talk to because ol girl had it going on. However it did not turn out that way, cus i learned that they both were taken. Anyways, the married woman(which is my girlfreind now) took my number. She was supposed to hook me up with on of her friends, but we ended up together a few days later. I felt bad about messing with her at first, but i figured it was just gonna be a booty call. A few days turned into a couple months. You're probably wondering where the husband is...........well he was in IRAQ. Now back to the story....................I was totally against messing with this woman believe it or not. I even told her that maybe it was best that we stopped the affair, but she assured me that they were having problems and also that they were going to slip up anyway. So I pretty much got in my head that, she's going to leave him anyway so what im doing is not wrong. I continued to feel bad about hour secretive relationship, until I STARTED TO CATCH FEELING FOR HER. Fast foward>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>it was time for me to get deployed to IRAQ. By this time I wasn't giving her any money whats so ever. Like I said, my buddies knew about us, so I had them telling me that I should be careful. They werent telling me anything that I wasnt aware of myself, but I couldnt help but wonder if this could actuallywork out. Things had gotten really deep, and we began to proclaim our love for each other. She asked me once she left her husband would help her get on her feet. I was not ready for that, but I beleived in this woman and ended up setting an allotment of 250 dollars a month for her a month before i left for IRAQ. I even left her with $700 so that she could be straight for the time being because her husband had stopped supporting her. He had basiclly been taking so much money out of his casual pays(advance payments) that she didnt have any money to feed her self nor her two nieces. Anyways.............................a few months into my deployment she need more money so I uped the amount from 250 a month to 500 dollars a month.Then more problems began to arise. Her car started f**king up supoosedly. Before I left I had gave her my ATM card, with 700 dollars in the savings account. I know what you' thinking, why would i give her that? Well all my money was going to a diffrent account. I didnt switch my direct deposit until she began having problems with her vehicle. She claimed to have been spending hundreds of dollars in repairs, so i asked her about just getting a new car. Big mistake! I get back home and we go to the dealership to find her a car. I had done alot of thinking about co siging for her because of the legal prosblems i could face so once it came time to sign documents i couldnt do it. Once again, I felt that if i loved this woman as much as i thought i did that i would do it. Well, i couldnt co sign for her because she did not make enough money. So i ended up putting the vehilce in soley my name. Well like i said in the first post, i took out an $800 loan. 500 went towards the deposit on the car. 300 which i didnt find out she owed until it was almost time for me to leave was needed to pay her husband back. By this time she had moved out of their home and into an apartment. I didnt want ot give her the money, but she once again manipulated me into giving it to her by saying that he might come and do something crazy. Anyways, i go back to iraq and money is being unaccounted for. She keeps assuring me that the bills are being paid and nothing foul is goign on. I was making about 2 grand a month. She was also working. Things just werent adding up. Like i said before i wasnt getitng jack sh*t in the mail from her really except two small packages and two letters. While i was spending the little monye i had taken out every mont($250) to by hygiene prducts phone cards to talk to her, snacks even gifts(flowers, cany etc) to she her i cared. Still while people in my platoon were getting gifts from here significant others unexpectedly, i couldnt even get anything when i asked for it. Hell, i didnt even recieve a christmas gift. I came back from Iraq in june to have only 1400 doallrs in my bank account. One thing i want whoever that reads this is that when you're in a field such as that job i had in the military(INFANTRY) that you really dont have time to worry about your relationship. You are mostly concerened if you are going to live to see the next die. Beilive when i tell you that i should probably be dead right now,but by fate im still here. I was to concerned with being over sees that i dint have the time to sit down and analize my relationship with her. Not only that, she was the only person i had in my corner and i didnt want to lose her. The way i feel now is indiffrent, because I just cant beielive that she has used me. So, tell me ladies have been used? I mean i want to leave, but i feel as though and she also makes me beileive that there is nothing wrong with our relationship. I mean my buddies say im stupid, she says im stupid for listening to them. Truthfully, i dont want ot be loney so i guess that is why im still around. Any insight would be help full. thanks for reading i know it was very long.
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facetygal
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| Joined: | Monday February 2nd, 2004 |
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Posted: Thursday October 20th, 2005 22:12 |
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| Dude u sound like a decent bloke who picked the wrong gal to mess with. You know deep down what u need to do, without coming on here and asking for our opinions. Now if u told this gal u had no money how long u think she would stick around for? And is she gonna help u pay off this $39,000 debt? I doubt it very much. As soon as u realise what your worth u'll come to ur senses, I just hope for ur sake it won't be too late.
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Madam Butterfly
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Posted: Thursday October 20th, 2005 22:15 |
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You have said you want to clarify, but nothing in your second post has done anything to make me change my mind. YES you have been used. You say you had no time to "analyse" the relationship, yet you had time to send her gifts and such. Yet while you were sending them you were fully aware that you were getting nothing in return. Not even basic toileteries you requested. Dude, this really needs no analysis!!
And whats with sending her money every month? why doesn't she work?
Exactly what is it you get from this relationship that makes you not just scrape her off your shoe? if the situation were reversed and you were in her shoes, would you not just go on taking dude for all he was worth when you really give very little back?
Really, nobody is THAT lonely. You say you swore off relationships due to bad experiences. Well this is another bad experience.
Ever think you are just going for the wrong type of woman? after all, this one was only supposed to be a booty call. And it wasn't even her you were initially attracted to. So evidently when you first met her, she was not the type of woman who you would have considered a long term relationship with. And yet you allowed her to play you like a punk!!
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