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noirfille
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Posted: Tuesday September 27th, 2005 11:46 |
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I don't earn a great money and have returned to studies, and have decided after years in a very unhappy relationship to try and strike out on my own by getting my own house. I have my eye on a house but this will entail me borrowing 140k This will probably leave me struggling for some years. Shall I risk it or stay in an deeply unhappy, absolutely no chance of reconciliation relationship? We have one child and have been together 16 years.
What would you do??
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efenjee
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Posted: Tuesday September 27th, 2005 12:12 |
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| If you are that unhappy it is worth doing whatever you can to try to change your situation. Nothing will change if you do nothing.
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Sooofresh
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Posted: Tuesday September 27th, 2005 12:20 |
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buy your property
okay you might struggle for a few years
but it will pay off.
dont wait for no man, or ex.............just do it, you want to finish paying your mortage BEFORE you retire so that you can relax.
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MyThoughts
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Posted: Tuesday September 27th, 2005 12:31 |
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| What about the child?
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Backatya
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Posted: Tuesday September 27th, 2005 12:36 |
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Are those really your only two options, buying a house or staying in an unhappy relationship?
What about where you live now. What is the situation with that property?
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Backatya
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Posted: Tuesday September 27th, 2005 12:42 |
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The nature of the question posed makes this thread more appropriate for the Advice Forum, so I shall move it there ok?
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Madam Butterfly
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Posted: Tuesday September 27th, 2005 13:07 |
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| You mentioned that you are back in education, after which you should get a stable career that alows you to buy your own property with less of a struggle. In the meantime DO NOT i repeat DO NOT stay in a bad relationship, esp. when a child is involved. You can rent a small flat in the meantime or stay with family/a good friend and pay them rent or go halves on their bills or whatever. Also consider buying a small flat in a nice area as this can be cheaper than a house. Like someone else said, buying a house you cannot yet afford or staying in a crappy unhealthy environment are not your only two options. You just want confirmation for what you already want to do, but i think you should consider some of the options i have suggested before you go about a financial commitment you are not in a position for.
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noirfille
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Posted: Tuesday September 27th, 2005 13:55 |
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We are keeping things as amicable as we can. But its one of those situations where certain things that happened throughout our relationship cant be forgotten or forgiven and staying just makes me feel more humiliated.
The situation is we have a house together unfortunately things broke down a long time ago leading me to get my own bank account, because he was not paying his side of the mortgage it regularly fell into arrears so I also now have a bad credit rating and almost repossessed twice. Ive hung on in this relationship for the sake of my son now 14, a tricky age and now even our relationship is breaking down. For my sanity I feel I could walk away from them both. I know, a mother should never feel that way, whereas men do it everyday.
I honestly dont know what I should do for the best. Have any of you (women) purchased property on your own. Everyone that I know who lives in a flat comes back with varying horror stories of noisy neighbours, theft, and worse. I know this can happen anyway don't like the idea of living in such close quarters.
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noirfille
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Posted: Tuesday September 27th, 2005 13:55 |
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We are keeping things as amicable as we can. But its one of those situations where certain things that happened throughout our relationship cant be forgotten or forgiven and staying just makes me feel more humiliated.
The situation is we have a house together unfortunately things broke down a long time ago leading me to get my own bank account, because he was not paying his side of the mortgage it regularly fell into arrears so I also now have a bad credit rating and almost repossessed twice. Ive hung on in this relationship for the sake of my son now 14, a tricky age and now even our relationship is breaking down. For my sanity I feel I could walk away from them both. I know, a mother should never feel that way, whereas men do it everyday.
I honestly dont know what I should do for the best. Have any of you (women) purchased property on your own. Everyone that I know who lives in a flat comes back with varying horror stories of noisy neighbours, theft, and worse. I know this can happen anyway don't like the idea of living in such close quarters.
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noirfille
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Posted: Tuesday September 27th, 2005 13:55 |
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We are keeping things as amicable as we can. But its one of those situations where certain things that happened throughout our relationship cant be forgotten or forgiven and staying just makes me feel more humiliated.
The situation is we have a house together unfortunately things broke down a long time ago leading me to get my own bank account, because he was not paying his side of the mortgage it regularly fell into arrears so I also now have a bad credit rating and almost repossessed twice. Ive hung on in this relationship for the sake of my son now 14, a tricky age and now even our relationship is breaking down. For my sanity I feel I could walk away from them both. I know, a mother should never feel that way, whereas men do it everyday.
I honestly dont know what I should do for the best. Have any of you (women) purchased property on your own. Everyone that I know who lives in a flat comes back with varying horror stories of noisy neighbours, theft, and worse. I know this can happen anyway don't like the idea of living in such close quarters.
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noirfille
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Posted: Tuesday September 27th, 2005 13:57 |
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| sorry about multiple posts! didnt think it was going through. Can you delete??
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efenjee
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Posted: Tuesday September 27th, 2005 14:16 |
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@ Noirfille@ to delete your multiple posts just log in and then edit the post you want to get rid of. I haven't bought property but I know women who have bought houses on their own and haven't experienced any problems. If you'd prefer to buy a house and you can borrow enough money then do that instead of getting a flat.
Just out of interest (I know you probably didn't come here to talk about the relationship) does your son get on well with his dad? How long have things been unbearable in your relationship? How long before this man's financial irresponsibility became apparent? ...if you don't mind answering.
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Madam Butterfly
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Posted: Tuesday September 27th, 2005 14:47 |
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| I'm not suggesting a flat as a permanant solution, just until you are more financially secure (and have a better credit rating!). There are so many new flats being built these days and alot are very nice in areas that are OK. Unless you plan to marry again and start another family a big ol' house just seems an unnessecary hassle. That said, my mum and sister bought our house together, then my sister bought her own house and my mum took over the mortagage single handed. That said, they were both on a stable financial footing, had good credit and in the case of my mother, had lived in the huse since 1978. My sisters house was a new build. A mortgage is a HUGE commitment and you shouldn't get into one iffy situation to run away from another. Please note: I am not talking about or suggesting that you should live in a run down flat in some god forsaken sink estate.
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Vezz.
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Posted: Tuesday September 27th, 2005 15:08 |
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Unfortunately, Noirfille, if you have a bad credit rating you'll be stuck with higher interest payments.
I bought on my own, but it really is a struggle. I suggest at MB says, and try renting, or even part rent/part buy schemes.
If you are going to back to education, and will be a key worker after, consider one of those key worker schemes.
However, my most urgent reply would be to get out of the relationship now, otherwise your self esteem will suffer.
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Backatya
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Posted: Tuesday September 27th, 2005 18:45 |
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@ Noirfille
So you currently have a joint mortgage in both your names right?
You say you have been together for 16 years. I was wondering how long you have had the mortgage. Though it did fall into arrears if it is up to date now, you do have a property with some equity in it (presumably) so you may have more options that you think. Have you been to see a finance or mortgage adviser on this?
You didn't say which country you are in. If you are in the USA the options I am thinking about may not be the same as in the UK. But again even then you should still go see an expert on such things.
Respect
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tbell_1
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Posted: Saturday October 1st, 2005 09:28 |
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| I agree with Mb until you 're financially stable and build your credit up, renting may be a better option oppose to buying right now. Just take your time you gotta learn to crawl before you can walk.
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CeeCee
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Posted: Saturday October 8th, 2005 19:17 |
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Noirfille,
You have you eyes set out on your dream home, but I must ask you the following
1) Have you been saving your money?
2) Is the home is within your financial means?
3) Are you just about completed with school
4) Does you job(s) pay you well enough to obtain this house?
This is not to discourage you, because I'm dreaming of my dream place as well. I ask these questions because the last thing you need to do is get you something that may be a little out of your financial league,Then you'll have two headches at once. I will never say to continue to live in misery( abuse), but in order you to find true happiness, you will have to find peace within yourself. You can get the house, but that will not solve the problem. Unless the relationship is so bad that the cops have to come to your current residence, deal with yourself. Also, Finish your studies and find yourself a great paying and secure job then go out and get the home of your dreams and spread your own joy in your own habitation. Don't get something out of impulse that can ruin your credit and delay you from getting it for many years.
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