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EvE2k5
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Posted: Wednesday August 3rd, 2005 14:30 |
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Well where can I begin... I have known this guy for the past 10 years and we have always had some kinda chemistry between us, however we never actually got it together only to discover 9 years later that this guy has always been attracted to me since college dayz but he was so shy and didn't have the nerve to ask me to date him.
I feel totally gutted hearing this confession as I too am attracted to him but always thought he was out of my league so I never took it there.
NOW in 2005, we recently went to the movies as Friends! We went for a nice summer night stroll and I could feel the same chemistry I feel whenever we are together. I decided that this night I would of take the bulls by the horns and kiss him but there is a twist to this story.... He is expecting his first child with his new girlfriend and I asked him if he loved her and he told me he doesn't Love her but he cares for her. He kept asking me when he announced that he was expecting a baby how do I feel and do I look at him differently I told him yes but I never explained why.
I look at him differently because I would have to be a cold-hearted B***ch to carry on as if this news meant nothing and continue with my plan. I told him last night in a telephone conversation that I looked at him as a no-go area as the more time I spend with him the more my feelings grow. To my amazement he said he felt the same but he couldn't see a problem us still hanging out. I told him I disagree and to give his new family a fair go I would just cool off and let him live his life.. He thinks I'm being melodramatic & as adults we have self-control.
But my argument is that its better no to tempt fate. Help me am I being melodramatic or (as Spike Lee says) am I Doin da Right ThanG?? HELP!!
Last edited on Wednesday August 3rd, 2005 14:52 by EvE2k5
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Kunjufu
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Posted: Wednesday August 3rd, 2005 14:36 |
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| The above looks very pretty but is is virtually unreadable...
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CA95616
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Posted: Wednesday August 3rd, 2005 14:40 |
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He may tell you that he's just 'looking after his girl' but does she know that? Do you know if thats even the truth of the situation?
Furthermore, does she know u went to the cinema 'as friends' ?
I think you know EXACTLY w'sup between you and him and are loving it, after all we as human beings are egotistical creatures.
if you actually believe you have something worthwhile he needs to leave his girl. Otherwise stay away
I hate to judge people but the only person I feel sorry for is his girl.
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EvE2k5
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Posted: Wednesday August 3rd, 2005 14:53 |
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| Sorry Love, hope this is better!!
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EvE2k5
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Posted: Wednesday August 3rd, 2005 14:58 |
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| Actually I HAVE spoken to his Girlfriend and she is quite Ok me and him being friends and going to the cinema because she trusts both of us but now that feelings are once again surfacing I don't wanna be a "home-wrecker" even though without being egotistical know that I am alot hotter than his girl!!
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manners82
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Posted: Wednesday August 3rd, 2005 15:27 |
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you have done the right thing. he has a baby and women. It is best just to lose contact altogether. Why wait untill now to tell each other your feelings. He might even be feeling stressed as he is going to be a father and looking to u for comfort. I would stay well away. But I guess the decision is your own.
Trust me it will be even worse when the baby is born, especially if you lot are young by that I mean under 30. Cos feelings may change over time. His place is with his girlfriend now.
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efenjee
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Posted: Wednesday August 3rd, 2005 15:53 |
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| Run! This boy is looking to get you involved in a situation that could get you badly hurt in the long run. He will no doubt see you telling him to forget it as a 'challenge' but it's just for you to be strong as you will probably be the one who ends up holding the sh*tty end of the stick in the months to come, when you find out that everything is nice and dandy with him and his little family and you were just a distraction cos he felt neglected during the pregnancy. Also, he may feel differently towards his girl once she has had the baby and realise that he does love her. I cannot see this situation ending up good for you.
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manners82
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Posted: Wednesday August 3rd, 2005 16:02 |
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| keep us posted about whats going on please.
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EvE2k5
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Posted: Friday August 5th, 2005 11:05 |
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efenjee wrote: Run! This boy is looking to get you involved in a situation that could get you badly hurt in the long run. He will no doubt see you telling him to forget it as a 'challenge' but it's just for you to be strong as you will probably be the one who ends up holding the sh*tty end of the stick in the months to come, when you find out that everything is nice and dandy with him and his little family and you were just a distraction cos he felt neglected during the pregnancy. Also, he may feel differently towards his girl once she has had the baby and realise that he does love her. I cannot see this situation ending up good for you.
Well first let me say in this guy's defence is that he is not doggish or anything like that, this is not the first time he has spoken to me about the way he feels about me but that was 2 years ago and I was involved at the time so I told him that I appreciated the fact that he told me but I was in a relationship. He respected that and just cooled off, but like I said these feelings have been around for the past 10 years and you are right either way someone is gonna get hurt. I must admit I really fancy the pants of him and really and truley if we were meant to be we would of got it together prior NOW when things were so simple!!
Thanx for the advice I am gonna stick to my guns and just let this situation fade. He is about to start a family if they don't work out it will be down to them and not anything to do with me... Thanx for reassuring me that I am doing tha right thang!!
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EvE2k5
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Posted: Friday August 5th, 2005 11:17 |
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manners82 wrote: you have done the right thing. he has a baby and women. It is best just to lose contact altogether. Why wait untill now to tell each other your feelings. He might even be feeling stressed as he is going to be a father and looking to u for comfort. I would stay well away. But I guess the decision is your own.
Trust me it will be even worse when the baby is born, especially if you lot are young by that I mean under 30. Cos feelings may change over time. His place is with his girlfriend now.
Well thanx Manners82, however in our defence this not the 1st time he has told me about how he feels about me, he told me 3 & half year ago when I was involved with someone else, I told him that I appreciated him telling me but Iwas in a relationship. He said he respected that and he kinda cooled off. Though deep down I kinda felt elated to know this fact because, like I said from college dayz I have fancied that pants of this guy but felt he was too fine for me..
Anyway like you said whatever happens someone is gonna get hurt & if we were meant to get it together we would of by now. His place is with his girlfriend and soon to-born child.
Thanx for reassuring me that I am doin da right thang! EvE2k5
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EvE2k5
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Posted: Friday August 5th, 2005 11:21 |
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Must apologize for the repetition had a slip of the finger. LOL!!
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Backatya
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Posted: Friday August 5th, 2005 12:05 |
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EvE2k5 wrote:
.......I look at him differently because I would have to be a cold-hearted B***ch to carry on as if this news meant nothing and continue with my plan. I told him last night in a telephone conversation that I looked at him as a no-go area as the more time I spend with him the more my feelings grow. To my amazement he said he felt the same but he couldn't see a problem us still hanging out. I told him I disagree and to give his new family a fair go I would just cool off and let him live his life.. He thinks I'm being melodramatic & as adults we have self-control.
But my argument is that its better no to tempt fate.
@EvE2k5
For me the thread could have started and ended with your first post, because your above comments were the perfect answer to the question.
If your feelings are for more than a friendship but a friendship is all you can have (if you are intent on doing the honourable thing that is), then what is there to be gained from continuing along the 'friendship' road?
Unless you are just 'saying the right thing' but intend on 'doing the wrong thing' there is not much more one can say. Just follow your gut feel to leave well alone, because it is probably the best thing for you. The alternative is to continue down that road and further down the line when something happens you end up saying "I knew this was the wrong course, damn why didn't I follow my gut instincts". By then you are locked into a tricky and ultimately unpleasant situation where you want more. He meanwhile will, as likely as not, be saying "I want you to but I can't leave her just yet for the sake of the kid...blah, blah, blah".
But then again, if you really do fancy 'doing a ting' and are looking for a way you can do it without feeling too guilty, I guess you can continue reading the various soundbites of advice you get on here in the hope that someone says something which gives you a way to go for what you want without all the self-incrimination to worry about.
Respect
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Lion
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Posted: Friday August 5th, 2005 13:53 |
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 Errr permission to scrutinise this young ladies post.
You like your friends man ? am I correct in saying this and you've liked him for going on ten years whilst he been with your friend ? in fact in your words, you fancied the pants off him.
this guy made it known to you two years ago he liked you, while he was yet with your friend ? And you never told your so called "friend" this, who you think you are hotter than ?
met many a girl like you, no good !!! you and the guy deserve one another ?
oh, and you flirted with this guy so much so whilst being in a relationship that he came out and told you whilst he himself was in a relationship right, or was this guy not running with your friend then ?.
girl go and find your own man, try it ....
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EvE2k5
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Posted: Friday August 5th, 2005 13:57 |
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Backatya wrote: EvE2k5 wrote:
.......I look at him differently because I would have to be a cold-hearted B***ch to carry on as if this news meant nothing and continue with my plan. I told him last night in a telephone conversation that I looked at him as a no-go area as the more time I spend with him the more my feelings grow. To my amazement he said he felt the same but he couldn't see a problem us still hanging out. I told him I disagree and to give his new family a fair go I would just cool off and let him live his life.. He thinks I'm being melodramatic & as adults we have self-control.
But my argument is that its better no to tempt fate.
@EvE2k5
For me the thread could have started and ended with your first post, because your above comments were the perfect answer to the question.
If your feelings are for more than a friendship but a friendship is all you can have (if you are intent on doing the honourable thing that is), then what is there to be gained from continuing along the 'friendship' road?
Unless you are just 'saying the right thing' but intend on 'doing the wrong thing' there is not much more one can say. Just follow your gut feel to leave well alone, because it is probably the best thing for you. The alternative is to continue down that road and further down the line when something happens you end up saying "I knew this was the wrong course, damn why didn't I follow my gut instincts". By then you are locked into a tricky and ultimately unpleasant situation where you want more. He meanwhile will, as likely as not, be saying "I want you to but I can't leave her just yet for the sake of the kid...blah, blah, blah".
But then again, if you really do fancy 'doing a ting' and are looking for a way you can do it without feeling too guilty, I guess you can continue reading the various soundbites of advice you get on here in the hope that someone says something which gives you a way to go for what you want without all the self-incrimination to worry about.
Respect
Well actually backatya,
I wrote this topic in the first place because I believe I HAVE done tha right thang but from various other friends who have seen this guy, have told me "to do as I wish as we are both consenting adults and the whole blah..blah lil' kim talk,"  and me being honest, if this guy was single as I am now, I wouldn't even have an issue, but his not!
I put this situation out there because you who read this topic is not swooned by this guy's looks or by any friendship you & I may have.. You are giving advice like you would if someone else raised this topic next week and I have already done the honourable thing  because my Mama alwayz told me "wot goes around comes around". So with that I put the brakes on the situation and I just wanted to see if me being a decent indivdual is a minority throughout society... Thanx anyway for the advice..EvE2k5
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EvE2k5
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Posted: Friday August 5th, 2005 14:27 |
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Lion wrote: Errr permission to scrutinise this young ladies post.
You like your friends man ? am I correct in saying this and you've liked him for going on ten years whilst he been with your friend ? in fact in your words, you fancied the pants off him.
this guy made it known to you two years ago he liked you, while he was yet with your friend ? And you never told your so called "friend" this, who you think you are hotter than ?
met many a girl like you, no good !!! you and the guy deserve one another ?
oh, and you flirted with this guy so much so whilst being in a relationship that he came out and told you whilst he himself was in a relationship right, or was this guy not running with your friend then ?.
girl go and find your own man, try it ....
Dear MIX & BLEND Lion ,
I think you have been watching too much Jerry Springer,  let me just put you DEAD straight on a few things...
1. This guy has been my friend since I was 16 and his current girlfriend is not really my friend I have only met her once through him. And yes I do think I am hotter than her due to she wears tracksuits everyday to all occassions. I met her at a friend's wedding and she was wearing a black & yellow tracksuit!!
2. I have fancied him for the past 10 years when we were both single & when we have been in our separate relationships, but I thought he wasn't interested upto 3 and a half years ago
3. 3 and a half years ago when he did tell me he liked me, he was single but I was in a relationship at that time. So it was a no-go.
4. As for flirting with this guy he is first & foremost IS & HAS been my friend for the past decade. He has seen me in my most worst states in my life, i.e when I have been sick in bed & have not combed my hair!, when I was in distress when my brother was in a road accident, when I have just got out of bed (get your mind out of the gutter!). As for when I'm 100% I just don't do flirting it takes to much energy especially with someone I have known for so long...
But I will take your advice & do 1 thing "MIX & BLEND" Lion, find my own man!
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Backatya
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Posted: Friday August 5th, 2005 14:39 |
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@ EvE2k5
I like your style, and your stand on principles
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Lion
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Posted: Friday August 5th, 2005 15:16 |
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I very rarely read whats being said its what's not said that interest's me. Jerry Springer, some of you girls are living lies Ooop's I mean lives that even Jerry Springer contestants wouldn't live and at least they would be true to themselves.
So tell me, in the time that you wasn't with this guy, didn't your ex boy friend never see you at your worst and sick ? During your relationship .
The girl whom you say you met once she developed this trust in you after one meeting at a wedding that she doesn't mind you going out with her man to a cinema ? by yourselves ? because your "friends"  She's very understanding of her man.
So you had one meeting with this girl or more, because your story as holes ? Was she wearing the tracksuit and pregnant in your one meeting with her, or the second meeting when she trusted you enough to go cinema with her man ?
mix and blend - no darlin i don't mix with nothing i try to be as pure as it comes... you mix and blend though if thats your thing.
 don't mind me i'm jus making trouble
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Lion
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Posted: Friday August 5th, 2005 15:30 |
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miss Eve2K,
you said:
NOW in 2005, we recently went to the movies as Friends! We went for a nice summer night stroll and I could feel the same chemistry I feel whenever we are together. I decided that this night I would of take the bulls by the horns and kiss him but there is a twist to this story.... He is expecting his first child with his new girlfriend
I put it to you, Eve2k that you knowingly from the evidence already here was going to kiss a man whom you already knew had a girl friend as you had met her before ?
Honey, be true to yourself !
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CA95616
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Posted: Friday August 5th, 2005 15:39 |
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exactly.
other comments like, 'i know im hotter than his girl' reveal much about the poster's character.
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Backatya
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Posted: Friday August 5th, 2005 16:21 |
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Lion wrote: miss Eve2K,
you said:
NOW in 2005, we recently went to the movies as Friends! We went for a nice summer night stroll and I could feel the same chemistry I feel whenever we are together. I decided that this night I would of take the bulls by the horns and kiss him but there is a twist to this story.... He is expecting his first child with his new girlfriend
I put it to you, Eve2k that you knowingly from the evidence already here was going to kiss a man whom you already knew had a girl friend as you had met her before ?
Honey, be true to yourself !
@ Lion
Hey, well spotted. I missed that one. I was reading it that she didn't know about his situation before that 'nearly' kiss. Damn, I must be slipping.
Now I am here wondering if because she doesn't think much of the girlfriend it means that she wouldn't feel too much of a way about doing the 'dirty' on her.
So tell me EvE2k5 have you cut off communication with this man now, because you are determined to stick to your 'principles' or are you open to you two havin some kind of 'friendship'?
Did you come here to see how many others share your high values or to get advice on whether you should stick with your principles or follow your desires?
Answer me honestly now, because I am trying to figure if you really are a woman of high principles or if you are just talking the talk. Are you truly the woman who I was respecting for her virtuous ways or are you just fronting? 
Respect
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Mafdet
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Posted: Friday August 5th, 2005 16:40 |
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@ EvE2k5
You need to learn what respect means and then practise it. If anyone feels sorry for you after that opening comment they are being mislead. If you can't respect yourself at least respect the women who is pregnant with this mans baby. You may be hotter than this girl that may be argued but no arguement about it you are highly nasty and disrespectful.
I don't doubt that the pregnant girlfriend will eventually find out what her man is all about as he is disrespectful as well but just remember if he can do that to her he can also do it to you.
So fix up and fix up sharp and quick.
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EvE2k5
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Posted: Monday August 8th, 2005 14:17 |
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Mafdet wrote: @ EvE2k5
You need to learn what respect means and then practise it. If anyone feels sorry for you after that opening comment they are being mislead. If you can't respect yourself at least respect the women who is pregnant with this mans baby. You may be hotter than this girl that may be argued but no arguement about it you are highly nasty and disrespectful.
I don't doubt that the pregnant girlfriend will eventually find out what her man is all about as he is disrespectful as well but just remember if he can do that to her he can also do it to you.
So fix up and fix up sharp and quick.
My dear I know what respect is I only found out about the seriousness of the stiuation from the trip to the Cinema where we talked in great detail and there has been no more contact since I suggested to him to put his family first so with that in mind, if I had no respect I would of done what I felt like regardless of anyone else.. EvE2k5
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EvE2k5
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Posted: Monday August 8th, 2005 14:46 |
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Backatya wrote: Lion wrote: miss Eve2K,
you said:
NOW in 2005, we recently went to the movies as Friends! We went for a nice summer night stroll and I could feel the same chemistry I feel whenever we are together. I decided that this night I would of take the bulls by the horns and kiss him but there is a twist to this story.... He is expecting his first child with his new girlfriend
I put it to you, Eve2k that you knowingly from the evidence already here was going to kiss a man whom you already knew had a girl friend as you had met her before ?
Honey, be true to yourself !
@ Lion
Hey, well spotted. I missed that one. I was reading it that she didn't know about his situation before that 'nearly' kiss. Damn, I must be slipping.
Now I am here wondering if because she doesn't think much of the girlfriend it means that she wouldn't feel too much of a way about doing the 'dirty' on her.
So tell me EvE2k5 have you cut off communication with this man now, because you are determined to stick to your 'principles' or are you open to you two havin some kind of 'friendship'?
Did you come here to see how many others share your high values or to get advice on whether you should stick with your principles or follow your desires?
Answer me honestly now, because I am trying to figure if you really are a woman of high principles or if you are just talking the talk. Are you truly the woman who I was respecting for her virtuous ways or are you just fronting?
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