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efenjee
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Posted: Tuesday August 2nd, 2005 14:02 |
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My dilemma is this:
At my workplace I do not have one 'mate'. I have only worked here since Jan '05 and never gelled with them. I am used to giving money towards a gift for someone's birthday and did this at other workplaces. If I didn't like the person I would probably sign the card but not go in my purse at all, or just give them 50p or a £1. I am generous with my REAL people so it's not just because I am tight.
My birthday just went and I did not receive JACK from anyone even though I have been donating for every bloody thing from leaving present to birthday to maternity leave from the day I started. Now this has got me thinking why the hell do I keep giving my money to these people who haven't given to me and clearly do not like me? I don't care about them not liking me cos I cannot STAND the white monsters!
One b'day card just came round and on the front was a list of everyone's names with two columns to tick. The choices were to tick 'paid' or 'come back for money'. I signed the card and ticked 'paid' even though I hadn't. I resent the idea that you HAVE to put money in, what if you are going thru some financial hardship and really cannot spare it? Should you deprive yourself of that night's dinner so they can get some vouchers from HMV? I am particularly against giving cos of the fact that my birthday was 'forgotten'. What gives them the right to expect to get any of my money? One of the many bottle blondes have just come over to me and actually had the cheek to doublecheck with me if I had actually 'paid' (dunno if she counted the contents of the envelope before I got it) so I said no, she'd have to come back for the money and I guess I will have to hand over something if she comes back - as I'm sure she will.
The thing is I really don't want to give them anything. Other places I've worked you have the option of putting in whatever change you feel to put in but here (and one other place I worked) I think anything less than £3 is a no-no. That might not seem a lot but you can easily give away £60 in a year to people you DESPISE if you keep this up.
Shall I give and silently fume to myself?
or
Not give, and find some way of explaining why?
I actually do not want to give them anything at all but I cannot think of a way to express this without making things here harder for myself. I would really welcome advice from people on how I can say NOOOOOO without creating friction.
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free
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Posted: Tuesday August 2nd, 2005 14:12 |
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It may seem flippant, but it worked for my friend...
She said that she is a Jehovah's witness and it breaks her relgion to give money for presents... so they leave her alone, and it gets her out of going to the pub as well...
tough situation to be in...
is there no one at all that you get on with, even a lickle at work?
Last edited on Tuesday August 2nd, 2005 14:12 by free
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efenjee
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Posted: Tuesday August 2nd, 2005 15:03 |
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@ Free: Maybe one or two people are okay but I come from a completely different world to these people. I am the only black person that has ever worked here. They are very unfriendly and are not very talkative - unlike me. From the day I came for an interview I knew they were off-key. I smiled at a group of them and they just looked at me like I was an alien. At first when I started here I was just being myself, trying to make convo and find common ground. It didn't work, they made no effort to put me at ease or make me feel comfortable. Some mornings I'd say 'morning' to the four people who sat around me and only one bothered to mumble a reply. I blank them now, pass them in the corridor and don't even look at them - cos that's what they do to me. I ain't gonna beg their friendship and kiss their arses or spend my time acting like a clown so they will like me like some black people in my situation end up doing.
It's as if they are trying to make me leave of my own accord by being so frosty to me. It's so obvious to everyone that I don't fit in. I really do not like the vipers and have no wish to be friendly with them now anyway but I WILL NOT be forced out. I'll leave when I'm good and ready.
What I think I'm gonna say when they come for the money is (with a stony face): "I haven't got money for things like that I'm afraid."
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free
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Posted: Tuesday August 2nd, 2005 15:27 |
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It's a shame when a work environment is like that...
But, good on you for making the effort to attempt to befriend them...
and for remaining strong with all that frostiness...
but, politely declining should not be a problem either... they will have to like it or lump it...
I just hope it doesn't make things feel more uncomfortable for you...
Sheesh, I am so lucky... we just don't do collections... managements petty cash takes care of the birthdays...
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efenjee
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Posted: Tuesday August 2nd, 2005 15:40 |
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You know what Free, I think I will politely decline. I will only feel worse if I give when I don't want to. You have no idea how much I suffer for 8 hrs a day, 5 days a week. I feel like I could blow one day and just come in with a machine gun and spray the whole office, Rambo-style.
(joke!)
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free
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Posted: Tuesday August 2nd, 2005 15:53 |
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LOL
Please don't have a US postal worker moment...
but you'll cope... just stay focused...
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Saida.M
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Posted: Tuesday August 2nd, 2005 16:30 |
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I feel sorry for you efenjee. These people really are stupid aren't they - what else would you call it, if they went through the trouble of hiring you then risk losing you - isn't that wasting time and money?
Anyway efenjee - whilst you are politely declining - inform them as to why exactly you are doing so. That way, they cannot spread any other lie they could do if you declined without any explanation.
And it would leave them in no uncertain terms that thier behaviour is causing upset. Plus, if things do get worse, it'll be on record that this was one of the incidents where you was badly treated.
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efenjee
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Posted: Tuesday August 2nd, 2005 16:40 |
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| Yeah, I do think these people are stupid and would breathe a sigh of relief if I resigned. They probably thought it would be 'cool' to have a black girl working here and I was most likely the best candidate for the role...but now they probably regret the decision because I am not the kind of whitified black girl that they had hoped I would be.
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LadyDay
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Posted: Wednesday August 3rd, 2005 21:56 |
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this lasy at my work place set up a birthday fund where you put in every week. when i noticed two people were left out i stopped. people were picking and choosing who gets. and then where does the money go. it used to be do a collection for someones birthday as and when but that turned to gimme gimme
i only give if i know the person and even then max contribution is £1.
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MarcusGarveyLives
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Posted: Tuesday August 23rd, 2005 14:52 |
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| Give your money to an independent Pan African community organisation instead.
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efenjee
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Posted: Tuesday August 23rd, 2005 15:30 |
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| It's sorted now. They actually had the cheek to come back to me and ask for my contribution long after the person's birthday had gone. A group of them even went out to lunch to celebrate the person's b'day but I was not asked if I wanted to come - not that I would have gone. When they came back to me, which was about a week ago I said, "no, I wouldn't normally mind contributing but I notice that some people's birthday's go by without any collection happening and I don't see that as being fair." Hopefully they will bear my remarks in mind when the next b'day comes up and not come anywhere near my desk with any envelope. It's the bare-faced cheek of these people that really rankles!
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Posted: Tuesday August 23rd, 2005 16:09 |
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Last edited on Saturday March 4th, 2006 22:35 by
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Kibibi
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Posted: Tuesday August 23rd, 2005 16:31 |
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I think people are damn rude to expect! NO ONE not even family (with the exception of mum) should EXPECT a gift on their birthday-least of all poxy people that you work with and barely say hello to.
A guy at my workplace left recently and they sent the card round. A girl beside me was having a real guilt trip because she hadnt brought any money to work with her; I just signed it and passed it on.
He gets a salary, he is going to a new job where he will also get a salary. Besides there was a lot of money in there im sure he wont be missing the £2 contribution I would have made if I wanted to.
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efenjee
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Posted: Tuesday August 23rd, 2005 16:44 |
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That's what I resent most - them going on like I HAVE to give. Why put a list on the front of the card with two columns saying 'paid' and 'not paid.'? That doesn't give people the option of not contributing, because if you tick 'not paid' it just means you haven't got the money on you that day but will need to have it by the next time they come round. Talk about extortion! Make them come round with another card see if I don't sign the card, tick my name off and add a note next to it saying:
NOT MAKING ANY FINANCIAL CONTRIBUTION TODAY OR EVER, MY WAGES IS FOR MY NEEDS AND WANTS, NOT TO BUY GIFTS FOR UNNU.
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MarcusGarveyLives
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Posted: Tuesday August 23rd, 2005 20:54 |
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I suggest that if you have money to give away, you give it to any of the organisations who were involved in organising this:
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Posted: Wednesday August 24th, 2005 20:36 |
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efenjee wrote: That's what I resent most - them going on like I HAVE to give. Why put a list on the front of the card with two columns saying 'paid' and 'not paid.'? That doesn't give people the option of not contributing, because if you tick 'not paid' it just means you haven't got the money on you that day but will need to have it by the next time they come round. Talk about extortion! Make them come round with another card see if I don't sign the card, tick my name off and add a note next to it saying:
NOT MAKING ANY FINANCIAL CONTRIBUTION TODAY OR EVER, MY WAGES IS FOR MY NEEDS AND WANTS, NOT TO BUY GIFTS FOR UNNU.
Boyy, your workplace sounds dread..a list!!....at my place an envelope is in someone's desk & whoever wishes to contribute...so be it...but no-one is watching to see if you contributed..I believe that's nasty behaviour....if someone's leaving & i never dealt with them I don't need to worry myself
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saywone1
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Posted: Friday August 26th, 2005 00:24 |
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BUT WIAT!!! am i the only one ere that thinks this is outrageous?
EFENJEE.......F**K'EM.....what? Why the hell are you gonna fork ot money for them when they dont even wanna say marnin to you??? WHAT??? Tell them to f**K off?
You dont need to beg friend from any one of them its clear you not popular employer for the second time runnin.....so what? You make the effort so why shouldnt they. If they dont show you back the same light - go dark on them - you get me?
Personally if i was in your position i would not even be a smile face friend to them.
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efenjee
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Posted: Friday August 26th, 2005 10:56 |
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saywone1 wrote: BUT WIAT!!! am i the only one ere that thinks this is outrageous?
EFENJEE.......F**K'EM.....what? Why the hell are you gonna fork ot money for them when they dont even wanna say marnin to you??? WHAT??? Tell them to f**K off?
Please stop Saywone1, you're killin' me!
You dont need to beg friend from any one of them its clear you not popular employer for the second time runnin.....so what? You make the effort so why shouldnt they. If they dont show you back the same light - go dark on them - you get me?
Go dark on them he tells me...listen if I go dark on them it ain't gonna be a pleasant scene. Dya think I want my business to end up on London Tonight? I have to keep cool and banish all thoughts of war from my mind because if not it's only likely to end up with me being led away in handcuffs and someone here nursing a split lip. Ya get me?
Personally if i was in your position i would not even be a smile face friend to them.
I know what you're saying and it isn't always easy to skin teet with them but I have to understand that I am not gonna be able to deal with them in the way I would want to. There has been many a time that I have wanted to grab certain people by the throat and squeeeze hard, but I can't do that so I just have to be as civil towards them as I can. They can fake smile and "hiya, how are you sweetie?" and I have had to learn how to do it right back!
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saywone1
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Posted: Friday August 26th, 2005 13:40 |
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| Yeah i know, you gotta be civil and conduct yourself properly in your work place otherwise you got major problems, i just thought your work place seem a bit rude and racist....oh well onwards and upwards you go and keep that pound in your pocket
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efenjee
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Posted: Friday August 26th, 2005 14:19 |
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Saywone1 they are rude and racist and got that 'white superiority' thing going on big time. I think it's cos I got that 'black superiority' thing going on that is making them find me hard to take.
When I stride into the office each day I hold myself tall and proud with my head up high and go to my optimally positioned corner desk, looking immaculate and smelling fragrant. I look neither left nor right as if they are not even worthy of being looked at. I bet some of them look at me and think, "just who does that black b**ch think she is????" 
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Posted: Friday August 26th, 2005 14:59 |
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MarcusGarveyLives wrote: I suggest that if you have money to give away, you give it to any of the organisations who were involved in organising this:
MGL, PLEASE...PLEASE, can we have this adveritised in the community announcement so everyone can see it.....i think this is the kind of things we should be going to and giving our money to......
Efenjee, proud of you that you could have stood up to those bullies....plenty of em everywhere i tell yaa...........stingy hypocrites...never give them a damn of our money.
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