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CaramelSagg
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| Joined: | Tuesday March 1st, 2005 |
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Posted: Saturday July 30th, 2005 01:17 |
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 Hi, has anyone ever mentored young people before? i've just started mentoring this young girl of 13 with multiple issues. IE: she bullies, smokes dugs, drinks, doesn't get on with her mother, inflicted self abuse and she has a medical condition. Any advice? Please any and all welcome! Thanx. 
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CaramelSagg
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Posted: Saturday July 30th, 2005 01:20 |
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| By the way sorry about the mistake, she smokes drugs not dugs (Laughing) , oh yeh i forgot to mention she is refusing to go to school too!
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God grant me the serentity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.
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kamkam
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Posted: Saturday July 30th, 2005 08:23 |
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| my husbands a mentor has been doing it for a couple of years now. hes very passionate about his job. the only thing is he hasn't mentored any females. but he always says its easier to identify with the kids if you have had some of the same experinces and to keep it real because the can see through you when your not. by that i mean speak of what you know of and not what you dont. anyway i will let me know that your on here if you want. By the wat where do you work?
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CaramelSagg
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Posted: Saturday July 30th, 2005 11:52 |
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| Thanx. I will keep it real. I do identify with this girl since I used to bunk school, and as a teenager you tend not to get on with your mum, however I never bullied anyone and i never self inflicted abuse towards myself. I work in south london.
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God grant me the serentity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.
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HatHaruhotep
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Posted: Sunday July 31st, 2005 12:03 |
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I mentored a young brother two years ago, but the situation was somewhat different. This was through the Big Brothers program in Cleveland. He was a 9 year old who was growing up without a father and whose mother was a recovering drug addict (who was doing very well, I might add).
There were many things "Patrick" (not going to use his real name. it's a small world) didn't understand about relationships between people. He didn't understand that it was wrong to hit or say horrible things to others. He really didn't get it. But since he was so young, I was able to reach him though play: pretend worlds which we had "conquered" and then were free to rule as we saw fit. I was trying to get him to understand compassion and restrain, and it worked to a good extent. After a few times playing this game (with Pokemon figures), he was a much more benevolent king and his rules and laws were much more humane. And it showed in the way that he treated people and got on with other children at school.
I hope some part of this is useful to you.
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Maat
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| Joined: | Thursday May 13th, 2004 |
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Posted: Monday August 8th, 2005 15:41 |
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Hey CaramelSagg,
The main thing to remember about being a mentor is that you aren't there to solve the persons problems. You are a guide but not the offical person who can fix everything, although the responsibility may make you feel that way.
You will not be able to solve all the things your mentee may need help with. You could, as long as your mentee agrees, seek advice on her behalf though. Remember there are counsellors and health advisers out there who do so for a living. Didn't you get any form of training beforehand? This would have helped you know the boundaries.
A good way to start may be to break down what the issues are for her. It could help to encourage her to talk about why she is doing what she's doing. Relating may help her to open up too. It will let her know that you know where she's coming from.
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"If you have no confidence in self, you are twice defeated in the race of life. With confidence you have won even before you have started."
Marcus Mosiah Garvey
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Life_Voyager
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Posted: Sunday August 28th, 2005 21:41 |
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I totally agree with Maat. Its clear that this young lady has a lot to deal with and its important that you've defined your role clearly and know how much you can realistically take on.
I run a mentoring programme and one of the main things we tell our mentors at training is that you are only ONE of the influences in that persons life and cant be expected to 'solve' all of their problems.
I understand you feel like you want to help as much as you can. Signposting is the best method. If you cant help there is always someone who can. Find out who can help and give her a phone number / website. You cant do everythig for her - remember, she'll need to know how to help herself independently when the mentoring comes to an end.
I admire what you're doing and I hope it works out - 
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east
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Posted: Sunday August 28th, 2005 21:53 |
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| If anyone knows of any organisations that seek mentors for young black people PM me please.
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MarcusGarveyLives
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Posted: Tuesday February 21st, 2006 00:33 |
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| What's this: http://www.100bmol.org.uk/
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Kunjufu
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Posted: Tuesday February 21st, 2006 07:43 |
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CaramelSagg wrote: Thanx. I will keep it real. I do identify with this girl since I used to bunk school, and as a teenager you tend not to get on with your mum, however I never bullied anyone and i never self inflicted abuse towards myself. I work in south london.
Caramelsagg;I think its great that you're trying to be a positive influence in this young persons life...however I need to back up some of the other comments, you need to be very clear about your bounderies and about the limits of your expertise and experience...being the same colour is not enough, being older is not enough, sometime you need expertise..
From the little you have divulged it is clear that this is a much bigger problem than the young girl herself...if she is misusing drugs, indulging in destructiver behaviours and clearly has issues on forming approropriate secure attachments.. In my view she needs consistent theraputic input from a person TRAINED in that field...not you..
This is not meant as a disrespect, this sound advice to protect you and her from what could be a potentially dangerous situation all round... please take the advice and ENCOURAGE her to seek out proffessional help, to work through her difficulties...I suspect that this will also need to include her immediate family, as this i suspect could be the source that is triggering her behaviours..
That aside My personal advice to you is this..
Do not be direct in your advice to her, she won't get it....
Reflect her own thoughts and behaviours back to her, calmly asking her to think about why she did it..and if she is aware of the possible consequences. Get her to reflect on how she might feel if someone had perpretrated her actions on her..
Make suggestions of other ways of coping with stress, and difficult situations..you could even role play how this could work for her in different scenarios....so that she can practice for future events..
Help her to visualise what skills and personal attributes she has that could be utilised in an activity, work with her in a step by step way think, access and then get involved in these areas..do not make ultimatums, do not threaten her emotionally if she refuses..quietly reintroduce the idea on another occassion.
Research appropriate services that gives proffessional advice and support, if she is still at school it might be worth getting her mother explore getting her 'Statemented' .. An educational careplan of her needs that has to be actioned by the local authority.
Help to visualise solutions by working in small steps, ie Its no use telling to STOP taking drugs, as these are often used to mask or dull an emotional pain.. Therefore you have to look at harm reduction techniques....like problem solving stretegies, getting her to visualise who her immediate support network, and then developing strategies to use these in when she is in crisis.. There is a techique called Motivational interviews..that is used to support people off drugs..loo it up this explains in detail what i mean..
Above all else..the final decision to change must rest with her, the consequences of her actions must rest with her...whilst its good to be supportive of her in difficult situations.. please do not fall into the trap of 'rescuing her' If you consistently rescue people from the consequences of their actions..they ultimately learn nothing, their behaviours escalates and you end up being part of her problem...
Good luck..
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African heart, African mind
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