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Darren2005
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| Joined: | Monday April 11th, 2005 |
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Posted: Monday April 11th, 2005 10:42 |
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I have been with my girlfriend for 3 years now. and i thought that we were going real strong, we got engaged on valentines day (2005), we have a child of 2yrs and were trying for a second. then a couple of weeks ago we had an argument things got totally out of hand and i have now had a letter from her solicitor saying that i tried to kill her, and that she wants the house. It also says she is 8 weeks pregnant.
This was gutting news and i love this girl so much and for he past 2 weeks have not been eating / sleeping properly. I know that many of the things in her letter are known to be false but but cant help thinking she will come back to me as this is not the first time she has tried to leave me / gain possesion of the house etc. The problem is i havent been able to speak to her since she left because she hasnt answered her phone and i dont know where she is.
I would never hurt this girl and deep down in her heart i believe she knows this too she has always told me how much she loved me and the only thing that has bought all this on is the bloody stupid argument we had.
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Eccentricity
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| Joined: | Thursday December 9th, 2004 |
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Posted: Monday April 11th, 2005 19:36 |
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get a lawyer, write back, saying you want the house, custody of the child and paternity tests on the unborn child. who cares if you are telling the truth?
2 can play any game - but it´s sad sad sad.
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eskay
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Posted: Monday April 25th, 2005 16:09 |
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| Why would somebody who loves you.. and I mean truly loves go to all those lengths to get rid of you or separate herself from you. Love or no love.. this girl obviously got issues that she needs to sort out, and I think alot of them have nothing to do with you ...
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Quiet Lady
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Posted: Monday April 25th, 2005 22:57 |
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Hi Darren2005
I am sorry that you find yourself in such a position, despite your feelings for your 'ex' partner (girlfriend) you need to do what you can to protect yourself.
- consult a solicitor on your situation - seeing as she has instructed a solicitor it is best to communicate through them.
- can they set up a mediation session between both of you (should you both be agreeable)
You mention that she had done this kind of thing before? did you both discuss what went wrong before or did you both just carry on like nothing happened? This relationship is not going to work unless you both actively work at it, also it is not fair on the child(ren) if they are going to be uprooted every time an argument takes place.
I do think that their are deeper issues around why she went and the agurment was used as just a 'cover'. To end my note I think you need to take a long hard look at what you want out of a relationship as this seems to be very one-sided. If this person truly loved you they would not be doing this to you!
I wish you well in your situation.
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Mafdet
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Posted: Monday April 25th, 2005 23:07 |
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Something is not quite right either with the sanity of one of the parties or both of the parties. Or one is lying and the other is telling the truth vice versa or both is lying. All I can say is get a solicitor and roll up your sleeves this is going to be a long hard slog for you.
Word of advice expect the worst and take nothing for granted your may just find out you have been sleeping with the devil in disguse all this time.
Tribal Ancestry I by York
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Blackthought
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| Joined: | Friday December 10th, 2004 |
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Posted: Wednesday May 4th, 2005 15:06 |
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I second that Mafdet.... something aint right... from an argument to solicitor..... it doesn't sound like a normal argument to me....
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Kunjufu
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Posted: Wednesday May 4th, 2005 17:21 |
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DARREN: from the little bit that you've outlined my initial view is that you will be asked to either vacate the family home or sell it for the benefit of your children. Whilst I'm NOT a lawyer.. There is little dought in my mind that there no judge that is going to find in your favour in contrast to a pregnant mother with young child.. Further Your partner would struggle to get social housing because it could be argued that she made herself intentionally homeless. Unless that is she can produce a valid reason why she had to leave the family home..
As for the rest of this story my advice darren is two things, first you need to reflect on your part of this whole mess, because you are at the very least half to blame. I suspect that you have anger management issues, if not issues that are far worse, sir you need to be honest with yourself first and other second and then deal with it..
My second piece of advice is to ask for formal mediation to try and hammer out a deal with your partner regarding the home, financial assistance and access to the children.. Do NOT go to war with the mother of your children as you were previously advised.. First of all YOU will lose and second it just isn't right, bottom line you f**ked up.. now its time to make the best of a bad situation for the sake of the children.. DO NOT I repeat DO NOT put yourself BEFORE your children if you love them..Even if it means you lose out financially.. In the long run you will win!!
Thats my advice for what it is worth...try to make things right for the children accept that its over and move on...
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Darren2005
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Posted: Thursday May 5th, 2005 10:08 |
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Many thanks for all your views on this topic, they have been most helpful. I have recently spoken to this person, all be it 5 weeks since she left me. she has told me that she would neva stop me from seeing my daughter and that she will arrange for me to see her once or twice a week. she has told me even now that she still loves me and maybe when we've gone through all the right channels ( i.e. lawyers and court cases etc.) that we wil one day be able to rebuild what we once had. She has also told me that she lost the baby which she claimed to be having, but i can't help but think that it was a lie in the first place.
The thing is i want to believe what she tells me, but i have asked for 2 court orders, which are due on the 18th of this month. I feel that she will get very upset by what is going to be said at these because my family and i feel that she is incapable of looking after the child and there is a lot of evidence to support this, i just wish there was some way i could persuade her to reconsile before going to court, but everything i suggest she just throws right back at me.
Overall i think she is just out to get whatever she can from me, and like i said earlier about her coming back after all the court cases etc. I feel that this will only be the case if she gets the house and my daughter. Our daughter could even end up in social services care, as told to me by my solicitor, and at the end of the day i don't think that is something either me or my ex would want.
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Vezz.
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Posted: Thursday May 5th, 2005 10:44 |
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Darren2005 wrote: Many thanks for all your views on this topic, they have been most helpful. I have recently spoken to this person, all be it 5 weeks since she left me. she has told me that she would neva stop me from seeing my daughter and that she will arrange for me to see her once or twice a week. she has told me even now that she still loves me and maybe when we've gone through all the right channels ( i.e. lawyers and court cases etc.) that we wil one day be able to rebuild what we once had.
I don't understand the above. If you're fighting in court for access/custody of your daughter, why would she think you'd be reconciled at the end of the court battle?
She has also told me that she lost the baby which she claimed to be having, but i can't help but think that it was a lie in the first place.
The thing is i want to believe what she tells me, but i have asked for 2 court orders, which are due on the 18th of this month. I feel that she will get very upset by what is going to be said at these because my family and i feel that she is incapable of looking after the child and there is a lot of evidence to support this, i just wish there was some way i could persuade her to reconsile before going to court, but everything i suggest she just throws right back at me.
Overall i think she is just out to get whatever she can from me, and like i said earlier about her coming back after all the court cases etc. I feel that this will only be the case if she gets the house and my daughter. Our daughter could even end up in social services care, as told to me by my solicitor, and at the end of the day i don't think that is something either me or my ex would want.
Think very carefully about the court orders. If you truly want her back, this is only going to make the problem worse. How come she was capable of looking after your child when she was with you, but now she isn't? You've been with her for 3 years, during which time this has happened before. Why do you keep going back for punishment?
Also, your family being involved is going to get her back up. Relatives should never get involved in these things as as my Mum says "those who don't live in the house don't know where it's leaking"
All in all, your story is contradictory. You claim to want your ex back, but you're taking her to court. Makes no sense to me
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