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BeanaBerry
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Posted: Thursday December 18th, 2003 02:23 |
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| As Vivian Green correctly puts it in one of her tunes, im on an "emotional rollercoaster." I broke up with my man of two and a half yrs around 7 months, and im still not over him! However, after 7 months of not speaking or seeing him, we've recently begun communicating again. Im not going to lie to y'all i still have strong feelings for him as he was the person i thought i would end up with for the rest of my life and i know he still has strong feelings for me, but now he has a new girlfriend and is getting on with things. He has stated very recently that he always had the idea of us getting back together but now he feels its time to move.....This i can just about except but I would like to try and build a friendship with him as...as sad as it may sound, i can't see him not being apart of my life.Is this a good idea? Or im a trying too hard to hold on?
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Eternity
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Posted: Thursday December 18th, 2003 03:00 |
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| Hello Beenaberry I was in a relationship that lasted 19yrs and 2 children he was my first boyfriend and I loved him to bits. now we both are in different relationships even though it took me 5yrs we are know still friends and when ever we talk it is about are children and guess what I still love him. But hey I won't tell him that at the end of the day we broke up for a reason.Obviously know that Iam in a relation for 2yrs know I have got to consider this person's feelings he make me happy but on the other hand Iam glad that I can be friends with the kids Dad it is better than hateing Last edited on Thursday December 18th, 2003 03:39 by Kunjufu
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Hazel
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Posted: Thursday December 18th, 2003 03:35 |
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I have to say that I can identify with what you are going through. I was in a relationhip with a guy for 5 years and we were gonna get married and all that. We split up nearly 2 yrs ago and not a day goes by when i don't think about him.
I wanted to be friends and he said he did too but instead stopped communicating with me as soon as he got into a new relationship.
Like me, I think you are trying to hold on and it's time you too moved on and got on with your life. We as women somehow find it harder because good men are almost impossible to find. Trust me, I'm still single. You start to question why you ever let go in the first place.
It gets better over time, but men find it easier to get a new partner because their reqirements are different to ours.
It's hard, I know cos Ive been there (still am), you just have to find the strength from somewhere and let go.
Good luck 
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BeanaBerry
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Posted: Thursday December 18th, 2003 03:49 |
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Thanks@ hazel, but to be truly honest with you, finding any form of strength to get over him is very hard for me. When it comes to him, im emotionally weak, and my friends have seen me always back down to him, always defending him...i dunno even though he's hurt me, im trying to be the bigger person by putting it aside and trying to build a friendship...men are so long! lol
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Kunjufu
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Posted: Thursday December 18th, 2003 04:07 |
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Beanaberry; Speaking as a man, I would say it is possible to be friends with an ex partner.. I was similarly deeply involved with someone, we split up and years later we are still friends..good friends at that.. However in your case I don't think it will work and if I'm honest if I were your friend I'd council against you striking up a friendship with your ex.. for your own sanity..
I think given what you've written it is obvious that the physical relationship has ended (whether this is permenant or temporary is up for debate.) However I seriously doubt that either of you have properly ended the emotional attachment between the two of you.. I think there is a real danger that the two of you will restart a physical relationship and end up hurting others and yourselves.. I would seriously question why you would want to form a 'friendship' with you ex, it sounds to me as if your not letting go and also it appears to me that you are keeping an 'interest' in your ex life with possiblity that if his new relationship fails you and he can then start up again......Sorry but in my view this is not a good idea and it is a scenario where you are going to be the loser big time..sorry but its time to let go of him and what once was..completely.
Think about it..
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Talent
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Posted: Thursday December 25th, 2003 00:01 |
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if it so happens that you have split up with a partner and there is no ties then both parties should leave amiccably and not be involved at any stage because you will never move on all of us have bridges to burn new things to learn how then can we put it down to experience if we never take time to put it down hanging on to pain is not good have sojme hope that you will find some one who is right ! if you thing what you had in the past was right and you want to remain friends why are you not with him/her
it may seem harsh but hardly a new relationship can flourish if both your hands are full of bags first you need to put down the bag (lol) not an intentional joke) then move on in your mind or else your life will not be worth living it would be like you are dead and only revive when that person comes back. VALUE yourself and believe that God has more in store for you than a past that is irrepairable. Agony Uncle (ps which woman said it was easy or harder for men) it all depends on your mind set as an individual. not all men have no feeling if some one causes his child pain wont he react. just remember that each time you think that men are all hard concrete slabs.
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black sista
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Posted: Friday December 26th, 2003 13:23 |
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GREETINGS...black sista here
well this isn't a hard topic it all depends on the way the relationship has ended that alone will predict what type of mutual friendship two lovers will have remaining and how much of an effort they are willing to put in to make a friendship work as there was a reason for the current / past break up which caused the relationship to end so be sure to not let that become a problem within the friendship !!!!
bless
black sista
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JONHNCROW234
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Posted: Friday June 25th, 2004 01:09 |
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| NO BECAUSE OF WEN REMINISING START OUNO MAY END UP START GRINDING AGAIN AN DEN IF OUNA INA RELATIONSHIP PEOPLE DO NOT LIKE GET BUN PERIOD
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mizslimting
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Posted: Monday June 28th, 2004 09:03 |
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| YES OLD FLAMES CAN BECOME FRIENDS.BUT IT CAN TAKE TIME FOR THAT TO HAPPEN "WATER UNDER THE BRIDGE AND ALL"
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shae
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Posted: Thursday November 18th, 2004 15:07 |
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| from my experience a resounding YES - but probably because i don't have those feelings for him - i'm single and he has his lady and we're cool - when you still have that emotional attachment it is quite hard.
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sanam
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Posted: Saturday February 19th, 2005 23:52 |
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| na i dnt fink u can eva be friends wiv ur ex it dnt feel right
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questforchange
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Posted: Sunday February 20th, 2005 09:51 |
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I would have said the same as Kungufu.
Just move on...............
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ADLayD
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Posted: Sunday February 20th, 2005 19:48 |
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| the only way you can become friends with his is if you don't have no more feelings like that about him
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Blue-eyed Boy
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Posted: Monday February 21st, 2005 13:50 |
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| HELL NO
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ERYK
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Posted: Tuesday February 22nd, 2005 09:50 |
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| YUP, I KNOW I CAN. NO PROB. IM VERY GOOD FRIENDS WITH A FEW LADIES IVE SHARED THE SHEETS WITH. JUST FRIENDS THATS ALL AND NOTHING MORE WE DONT THINK BACK ON THE PAST. WE JUST ENJOY LIFES PATH. Attachment: ERIC 202.jpg (Downloaded 96 times)
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ChubbiChix
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Posted: Tuesday February 22nd, 2005 10:03 |
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| Yes, definitly, past lovers can be just friends but boundaries must be set and inforced because you maybe tempted to boink once last time during a vulnerable moment. One of my best friends in the whole world is an ex lover and we have been best friends for years. Totally plutonic and sex between us will never happen again in this lifetime even if I am crazy drunk. Only 2 problems, one is new boyfriends may be uncomfortable with you having male friends let alone a male friend that use to be a lover. Sometimes I feel the need to lie about our pass relationship because new boyfriends, I don't care what they say, they will not understand nor accept it. The other problem is even though I know male and females can be just friends and me and mines are definitly plutonic, I would not even be trying to understand my man hanging all the time with so-called female friends. I wouldn't be understanding that sh*t either especially not an ex lover, hell no, its either them or me. I know it sounds hypocritical but hey, thats life.
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ChubbiChix
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Posted: Tuesday February 22nd, 2005 10:19 |
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BeanaBerry wrote: As Vivian Green correctly puts it in one of her tunes, im on an "emotional rollercoaster." I broke up with my man of two and a half yrs around 7 months, and im still not over him! However, after 7 months of not speaking or seeing him, we've recently begun communicating again. Im not going to lie to y'all i still have strong feelings for him as he was the person i thought i would end up with for the rest of my life and i know he still has strong feelings for me, but now he has a new girlfriend and is getting on with things. He has stated very recently that he always had the idea of us getting back together but now he feels its time to move.....This i can just about except but I would like to try and build a friendship with him as...as sad as it may sound, i can't see him not being apart of my life.Is this a good idea? Or im a trying too hard to hold on?
I'm sorry, I responed before I fully read your post. Me and my ex were able to be friends after the relationship because it was for a while but not that long and it wasent as deep as yours. By the end of our relationship, there was some anger and sadness, but our relationship and all the feelings had been died. You are still in love with your ex and you want him back but are scared to openly admit since he has moved on and got a new girlfriend. Forget about being friends with him, you will only get more hurt in the end, trust somebody who knows that road well and has travelled it before you. If you stay friends with him, you will still have those feelings, they wont go away and they will be lingering beneath the surface. This now puts you in a very vulnerable position because say he wants to step outside his current relationship for a old time quickie with you, you will still be in love with him and 9 times out of 10 you fall for it. Having him as a friend with all those intense feeling can also prevent you from finding a new man because you will still be thinking and secretly waiting for him. Don't think you different or he's different then anyone eles, the same thing will happen to you, I promise you. I'm not saying never talk to him again, you can talk from time to time to make sure you both are still alive but thats it!!! No long talks on the phone, no hanging out, no dinners, no visits, no emails and no favors!!!!
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